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Boyfriend doesn't post us on social media

Tagged as: Dating, Friends, Social Media<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 January 2017) 13 Answers - (Newest, 18 January 2017)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend and I have been official for about 90 days. I have very few complaints about him- I'm extremely happy. We go out regularly and spend lots of quality time together and go on fun dates. But he has nothing about us posted on social media. I've met all of his friends and coworkers. we hang out with them regularly, so I know I'm not being hidden from the important people in his life. His family lives 6 hours away, so we haven't met yet.

He hasn't posted anything on Facebook since 2014. Even his previous girlfriends posted pictures and tagged him, but he never posted anything about them. I know it's a stupid complaint, but I want people to see we're together. Yes, it's very superficial. We've discussed it before and he said "yes we'll take lots of pictures! Sorry, I'm just not a social media guy."

Feel free to give me some tough love if I'm being silly about this!

I have a picture of us as my profile picture, but did not tag him.

View related questions: co-worker, facebook

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (18 January 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntHonestly be happy that he does not want to post everything on Social Media. My fiance is the same, and believe me I am glad I see people posting the worst things ever up and then hugely regretting it. If he is being a good boyfriend and is not hiding you in the REAL WORLD then it sounds like things are going well. It is true that a lot more girls than guys need to have everything on social media.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2017):

So he already gave you a very good explanation and told you that he hasn't posted since long before you guys were together...hence you know it has nothing to do with you.

Ask him if he is ok with you tagging him in that photo you put up? My bet is that he is going to be good with that! Then go ahead and post and tag him in all the photos you want.

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A female reader, maverick494 United States +, writes (18 January 2017):

I'm like your boyfriend. My friends nagged me into opening up a facebook account, but after 5 years I still don't have a profile picture and the only pictures that show up are made by others, with me tagged in them. I sometimes use it to congratulate people on their newborn babies and their birthdays, but it's usually only when I don't have a better means to reach them, which isn't often.

The main reason I'm not active is not borne out of laziness though, but because social media exhaust me. I'm an introverted person and though I am very social most of the time, it's because I know that #1 I have to be, in order to be somewhat successful professionally, #2 because my friends appreciate it and #3, staying cooped up in my apartment on my own isn't healthy in the long run. But where extroverts gain energy from social outings and staying on top of Facebook et al, it COSTS me energy. Your boyfriend may be the same way. Updating his Facebook for the first time in 3 years means that other people will expect him to keep up, which he won't want to do.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2017):

really. don't worry, there is nothing wrong! Especially considering he hasn't posted anything since 2014!

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A female reader, AskCatherine  +, writes (17 January 2017):

I am guessing maybe you dont feel as if you are classed as official if he hasnt posted anything on social media, or that maybe he feels embarrassed of you.

However, i highly doubt thats what he thinks, maybe he is just the kind of person who doesnt like his life being uploaded onto social media for others to see. Prefers to keep his life private.

That doesnt mean to say there is anything wrong within your relationship.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (17 January 2017):

So_Very_Confused agony auntMy husband does not have any social media presence. It does not make him love me less or make him less committed to me all it makes him is less able to be contacted or bothered via Social Media. Our mutual friends will send me messages for him.

IF he's not all over social media and just excluding you from it then LET IT GO... there was a time when we did not have social media or cell phones or email and we still managed to date and find spouses.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2017):

He is just the type of guy who wants to keep his life in private. He doesn't want to be public and that's fine. You know his friend and he is not hiding you so don't worry. My advice would be... stop being silly about this situation. If I was you I did the same he did. People just messed up my last relationship, not directly but it's better if you keep the best moments for yourselves.

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A male reader, Garbo United States +, writes (17 January 2017):

Garbo agony auntThere is a large group of people, me included, who don't post on Facebook, never go on Facebook, despise Facebook and want nothing to do with Facebook. Given that your guy hasn't posted anything on Facebook in 2+ years, he maybe one of these types.

Apart from that, posting pics on Facebook contributes nothing to your relationship. What matters is that he is into you and not that other people, on Facebook, are into you. I would just let this go and forget about the social media when it comes to private life.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom +, writes (17 January 2017):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntFirst of all, you're new. What if you didn't last much longer and you've both got social media posts up about each other.... awkward!

Secondly, you know he's not into it because he never posts anything.

Lastly, I used to post about us occasionally, whereas my boyfriend never posts anything (just shares videos and stuff), but now I only want to post about us occasionally/rarely and he does too (if he feels like it - I don't ask).

I keep an anonymous blog to journal our time together, instead of posting it for our acquaintances/family/friends.

Sharing a lot tends to spoil it. Pictures can be nice, but spamming your social media with them seems vain and similar to showing off, unless you're specifically sending them to family who don't see you often, but even then you can send way too many.

I'd seriously let this issue go.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (17 January 2017):

N91 agony auntYes you are being silly. Your boyfriend is being smart not plastering your relationship all over Facebook. The amount of times I've heard the unravelling of relationships because of Facebook and other social media outlooks is ridiculous.

He's treating you right and you're complaining you're not on his Facebook when he's not posted anything at all in 2 years is very petty. If he want to post about it then leave him to it, I'm the exact same as your boyfriend and I would never post things about my relationship on Facebook as there's no reason to.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2017):

Some guys are just not into posting on social media. Yet most girls feel its so sweet when her man posts something and tags her.

I had this same issue with my boyfriend. Basically all I did was say "Babe, I

I want you to post something about us. Something sweet and lovey dovey!" Then I gave him my most charming smile! He chuckled and said OK. But ended up posting something really stupid saying I took his social media virginity LOL. Often, when we have special moments we want to share we'll say something like "Its your turn to post" and we take turns posting. He's gotten quite used to posting and sharing now that if we hadn't shared something in a few months he'll complain and request we share a moment on social media LOL

Good Luck! Key is to just ask in the most charming seductive way you can ^_^

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (17 January 2017):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntSo he is not into social media. I like him already. He is not a sheep.

He has not kept you secret from anyone. He is simply not into posting his life for all to see. And thank goodness there are still some people like him left.

Sweetheart, if this is the only "fault" you can find with him, he is a keeper!

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A female reader, froofroo22 United States +, writes (17 January 2017):

I feel like the fact that he hasnt posted anything on FB since 2014 definitely tells you that he's not cray cray about posting pretty much anything on social media. Also, I personally wouldn't want to show everyone my BF on social media as it is something very special and sacred to me. There's people on social media whom i only added as a friend out of obligation bc they requested me like certain relatives and friends, so posting stuff in general already goes through filtration on my end, let alone posts of my love. I've never had a bf, so I don't really know how I would act, but I would keep posts to an absolute minimum if I did have one. I'm kind of like your BF, I don't really post much on social media. Maybe he's like that...

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