| Latest articles: How to avoid being used financially
This question has 13 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 October 2010: I have tried to keep my relationship problems away from this site as I do not want my advice to be assosiated to my own questions. However I have now learned an important lesson that I want to share with the rest of you, in the hopes that you will ...
What I've learned from my family.
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 June 2010: In order for aunts and question askers to see who they are getting advice from, I will continue to write some more about me, and where I come from. The things that I draw on when giving advice, what type of experience I have in life. This arti...
How one person changed my life
This question has 12 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
8 June 2010: I've been an aunt on this site now for quite a while, at first I started as an anonymous, until I finally took the step to make an account and dare to be identified somewhat. As I've gotten to know a few people on here, albeit still strangers ...
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Rooming situation is destroying me
Q. Help! I am stuck in a roommate situation with a former best friend, but living with her has made literally everything she does annoying. We bonded at first about being high strung people back in high school. But she is diagnosed OCD and thus say...
A. 16 November 2013: Stay in your private room. Demand your own shelf in the fridge and own space for food in the kitchen where she is not allowed to store her crap. If she needs it, she can buy her own fridge for her molded food. Set some house rules. If food is molded ... (read in full...)
Don't want drama. Have not talked to FWB since condom broke. So how do I tell him I'm pregnant?
Q. Soo I feel really stupid here but I don't know what to do.... I was in this FWB things for a couple months we used condoms but had an incident when one broke and 9 weeks later here I am pregnant. Problem is I haven't talked to him since the condom b...
A. 16 November 2013: You have the right to an opinion in this as well. He said he didnt want kids, but having sex means you are willing to take the risk. In either case, he said this before he got anyone pregnant. I think he ought to know the situation has changed, ... (read in full...)
Should I be more laid back no matter how immature his friends are?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for over a year. He is the sweetest guy and puts me first in his life in so many ways. I know he is the one for me. The only problem is We are 29 years old. Most of my friends have moved on in significant ways--married, ...
A. 15 November 2013: "I am tired by the end of the week and my priority would be to spend time with my boyfriend relaxing, watching a movie, dinner--not going to a bar where I wake up with a hangover the next day and then back to work for a week."
But you're not requ... (read in full...)
How do I get my boyfriend to listen to me when I need to talk to him seriously?
Q. I am so unhappy with my long distance boyfriend of 3 years but every time I try to initiate a talk he starts shouting or tells me I'm a nag or puts the phone down on me. I can't even tell him I want to break up with him because if I manage to say ...
A. 15 November 2013: "I am so unhappy with my long distance boyfriend of 3 years but every time I try to initiate a talk he starts shouting or tells me I'm a nag or puts the phone down on me."
Then end it.
"I can't even tell him I want to break up with him because... (read in full...)
My partner is very good looking but I have no sexual attraction to him
Q. My partner is the male version of me. Before I met him, I was fully convinced there was no one else like me out there, and that I was doomed to spend my life alone. I'm "different", always have been. I'm extremely introverted, to the point where ...
A. 15 November 2013: Ooh, another thing is to do things you think of as forbidden. Dont break the law, but for example have sex in your parents car. Or outdoors. Or just in a position you think is unheard of. Tempt yourself with these thoughts at least. Or do role play. ... (read in full...)
My partner is very good looking but I have no sexual attraction to him
Q. My partner is the male version of me. Before I met him, I was fully convinced there was no one else like me out there, and that I was doomed to spend my life alone. I'm "different", always have been. I'm extremely introverted, to the point where ...
A. 15 November 2013: You are turned on by what you cant have. Thats my take on it. You said yourself these two are not as attractive as your partner. So what do they have? They are unavailable. Your partner is available. You are attracted to the unavailable, its that ... (read in full...)
How do I improve my chances of finding love?
Q. Hello Dearcupid, I'm a guy at the age of 24, still single, still obviously a virgin and needed some help on how to improve my one chances of finding love. I should maybe tell a bit about my past so that you get a bit of better information about me...
A. 15 November 2013: Learn to socialize and make friends. Eye contact. Opening up. Letting people get to know you. You first have to mangage that. Next you will need to work on your social antennas and learn how to flirt. Smile. Eye contact, open up. Take the risk of ... (read in full...)
He treats me like I'm a prisoner
Q. I need some advice. I've been with my fiancé for 3 years and he has two kids. His youngest just got into pre school so I got a job for the past 3 years he didn't want me to work just to take of the kids and the house and I was fine with that. But ...
A. 15 November 2013: Hope you can read through the typoes, its not easy to write on my phone. I normally dont, but it was important to answer your question. ... (read in full...)
He treats me like I'm a prisoner
Q. I need some advice. I've been with my fiancé for 3 years and he has two kids. His youngest just got into pre school so I got a job for the past 3 years he didn't want me to work just to take of the kids and the house and I was fine with that. But ...
A. 15 November 2013: You are ruining you future. Use your head! You are not married, so none of his money is yours. Had you been married, and left him, hed have to sipport you since you dont work. Also, you hsave wasted years not getting work experience, not being able ... (read in full...)
His track record of one-night-stands really showed when we finally got intimate
Q. Hi aunts, Some advice would be great! Around 8 months ago I walked away from my 4 year relationship after not being happy for a long time. It was the right decision for myself and the relationship I feel. Around 5 months ago I met anoth...
A. 14 November 2013: I would not make a debate out of it, but I would mention it. WITHOUT going into the "you act like this is a one night stand and it clearly shows you've never had a relationship"-speech. Guys have feelings to. Obviously you're someone he's trying to ... (read in full...)
I don't understand why I have no sexual desire for him at the moment
Q. hello, me and my current boyfriend have been together 4 years, last year we lived apart for the year but still met up and saw each other when we could. (we lived apart for this time because he needed some space and time to see if he wanted to b...
A. 14 November 2013: Did you start any new contraceptive? The birth control pill , and especially the depo shot, is known to kill the sex drive. Chance birth control pills, if that is the case. Take out the hormone stick if that's what you've got, and don't take another ... (read in full...)
New to oral and looking for some tips
Q. Hi guys, need some advice…I feel a bit of a soppy fish at the moment….I have recently started dating this woman, we have slept together a few times and shes more experienced than me but I find it difficult to 'go down on her'. I'm not really sure ...
A. 13 November 2013: Do you know what the clitoris is and where you find it? Google search it!
Giving oral to a woman isn't as difficult as you might think, not when you actually want to do it. If you find it unpleasant, I can imagine it will be difficult. But if s... (read in full...)
A beauty you fancy turned out to have had major plastic surgery done. Would it bother you?
Q. Right so this is a toughie. I'm hoping you guys can help me...cause I really need it!! I met a girl several weeks ago at a club. A real stunner. Beautiful green eyes, blonde hair, lovely figure, very high cheekbones, full lips. She was chatting...
A. 13 November 2013:
This could be what you need to hear in order to have a real relationship: don't discuss your lady with your friends as if you were discussing a video game. It's a person, not a game. Treat a lady with respect both to her face and behind her back... (read in full...)
Boyfriend joining coast guard?!
Q. So me and my boyfriend have known each other for 6 years(he was my male best friend) and been together for 2 years now and recently he has decided to join the coast guard and I am now officially worried. I know this would be a great opportunity for ...
A. 13 November 2013: You need to start working on your trust issues. You are not a victim "suffering" with issues. You are a person who has issues, and the only one suffering because of them would be your boyfriend. You, however, are in charge of how you feel and how ... (read in full...)
Should I tell a new boyfriend about my fake teeth?
Q. Ok here goes, when I was younger I got best by my bf at the time and he messed my teeth up really bad. It was to the point where they couldn't be fixed so I had to get dentures. Don't get me wrong I love my dentures and ppl that doesn't know me ...
A. 12 November 2013: No, there's no need to tell you have fake teeth. Everyone has dental work done, it's not necessary to bring it up. It's very normal. Of course, if the theme comes up, feel free to share. By all means, it' snot something you need to keep hidden. But ... (read in full...)
Is this penis envy?
Q. I am not sure where to start. I guess I should be straightforward. I have been feeling real envious more so lately of the male anatomy, well, the penis. Yes penis envy probably. Anyway, whenever I masturbate I have to think of my partner getting ...
A. 11 November 2013: Do you have a massage shower?
Your envy of the quick release will be "washed" away quickly.. Sounds like you just need a good old fashioned hard and heavy orgasm to get it out of your system. Watch something sexy that drives you wild, maybe ev... (read in full...)
Defining Friends With Benefits?
Q. I always thought I knew what Friends With Benefits (FWB) meant. As I'm reading more of these questions/answers, I'm beginning to see how wrong I was and how it affected my relationships. I still have some ideas of what I think those things are but ...
A. 11 November 2013: You already have two experiences which have taught you what FWB actually means. Which is why I never usef that term, because there is no friendship. Just sex. Start calling it hook-ups or lovers (if it happens more times). There also are no rules ... (read in full...)
Is it ok if I want to know everything about my girlfriend? Before proposing?
Q. Im planning to propose to my girlfriend soon, is it ok in wanting to know everything about her and her past? she is the one i want to spend yhe rest if my life. however i suspect theres something shady she doesnt want to talk about and im afraid if ...
A. 10 November 2013: Don't we have a bunch of these questions lately?
I think it's fine to want to know the essentials and important things about the person you want to marry. But that is what dating is for. You don't figure these things out by conducting a cross ex... (read in full...)
Is 6 guys alot for a girl to sleep with?
Q. I need some advise, please be honest and tell me what you think and what you would do in this situation. I recently found out my fiancé of almost 6 years had been with 6 guys before me( she was my first- she's 3 years older than me I was 22 when we ...
A. 10 November 2013: I don't think you're weird to have waited with sex until you were 22, but I think what people feel defensive about it that you come off as angry at your girlfriend for NOT having led the same life style as you.
It's not her fault either that you... (read in full...)
Been off the pill 5 months ago but still can't get pregnant.
Q. I was just wondering if people could share their experiences to help me see what's "normal'. my husband and I are trying for a baby. I came off the pill 5 months ago and we have been trying since then but no luck. How long did it take your or ...
A. 10 November 2013: If you were on the pill for 6 years then the effect could still be in your body for quite some time. The longer you've used a hormonal contraceptive, the longer it takes before it leaves the body completely.
However, you should try for a year. If... (read in full...)
Ignored me on 3 year anniversary. Need advice please.
Q. I really need some encouraging words right now. I'm hurting so bad. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years (today). Yes, my anniversary is today, which just adds to the pain I'm going through right now. Over the last several months w...
A. 10 November 2013: So what if he gets angry and doesn't like it? If you want to walk away then walk away! You need to rake responsibility for your own life and the situation you are in. You can't keep blaming him for being miserable while in the relationship, and at ... (read in full...)
Ignored me on 3 year anniversary. Need advice please.
Q. I really need some encouraging words right now. I'm hurting so bad. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years (today). Yes, my anniversary is today, which just adds to the pain I'm going through right now. Over the last several months w...
A. 10 November 2013: When reading this I feel exhausted. You play so many games, both of you. So much drama, so much that is unnecessary, so much guilt tripping, so much blame. So much of everything that is negative, and you purposefully bring it up to justify feeling ... (read in full...)
Is 6 guys alot for a girl to sleep with?
Q. I need some advise, please be honest and tell me what you think and what you would do in this situation. I recently found out my fiancé of almost 6 years had been with 6 guys before me( she was my first- she's 3 years older than me I was 22 when we ...
A. 10 November 2013: I think you know too much, thats all. She was dumb to tell you, but at least you know she trusts you a whole lot to tell you all of this. But no one likes to hear all about their partners past. Itd be just as bad if you told her all the women you ... (read in full...)
Her reasons seem a bit odd to me -- anyone else every decide a guy was just too good?
Q. Has anyone had to make a decision like this? I was dating someone a while ago, but it ended after two months. Since then we stay in touch as friends as she said I was important to her. In the meantime we both date other people although the per...
A. 10 November 2013: It is a lot easier to go for someone who is "below" you. That way you get the upper hand in a relationship and get to call the shots. Maybe this just shows you than she is a needy woman who needs 100% of your attenion or else she gets ... (read in full...)
Is my friend toxic?
Q. How do you know if a friend is toxic? whenever I spend time with a male friend of mine i come home feeling down and stripped of confidence. He lies a lot so I never really know what is real/not, and he always makes jokes at my expense - he says ...
A. 9 November 2013: You already know this isn't a good friendship. He puts you down, makes you feel bad about yourself. Time to make other friends. This guy sounds like an enemy, more than anything. Like he just uses you to make himself feel good. It's called being a ... (read in full...)
How do you feel about the woman proposing to the man?
Q. This question is for everyone: How do you feel about the woman proposing to the man?...
A. 9 November 2013: I think it's fine. But I would check with the guy first, as it is to him it matters, not everyone else. If the guy you are with is open to the idea then I think it's a great thing to do if the woman wants to propose. It gives the woman an equal ... (read in full...)
Due to my past experience with acne, I am worried that my boyfriend is trying to tell me something. What do you all think?
Q. I am someone who went through a severe bout of acne when I was younger. I have been left with scars (no acne now) and have been seeing a dermatologist regularly to get filler and laser to deal with it. Its better, but I do still have scars. Anyh...
A. 9 November 2013: " he was saying that men are shallow "
I'm not accusing him of being shallow, he said it himself. I'm just taking his word for it. ... (read in full...)
Straight Girl Secretly In Love With Bisexual Girl Bestfriend
Q. I'm a girl. I've always classed myself as straight, it wasn't until recently that this was challenged. I met this girl 2 years ago at a party, we got on straight away and continued to meet up as friends, just hanging out. 2 years on, me and this...
A. 9 November 2013: Tell her how you feel. You will regret it bd wonder "what if" if you dont. Tell her now, she is single and you are single. Who knows how many years you will have to wait if she ends up in a relationship with someone else. So tell her how you feel! ... (read in full...)
Due to my past experience with acne, I am worried that my boyfriend is trying to tell me something. What do you all think?
Q. I am someone who went through a severe bout of acne when I was younger. I have been left with scars (no acne now) and have been seeing a dermatologist regularly to get filler and laser to deal with it. Its better, but I do still have scars. Anyh...
A. 9 November 2013: He is telling you that he is shallow. Not all men are, trust me. He just says all men are to cover up for him being shallow. So, it is time for you to decide now. Do you want to be with a shallow man? What if you have a child who gets acne (likely ... (read in full...)
I said a terrible thing, and now it's over. What can I do to get him back?
Q. I said a terrible thing but I think the reaction of my long time boyfriend is way too much. We live together for 7 years and have 1 child together, our daughter is 6.5. We are young professionals, love each other or so I thought, and we are overa...
A. 8 November 2013: I also sense you have a bit too much pride, which is what is holding you back from apologizing sincerely. You're worried that if you take full blame, and open up to being in the wrong, being at fault.. you worry that he will use that against you.
... (read in full...)
I said a terrible thing, and now it's over. What can I do to get him back?
Q. I said a terrible thing but I think the reaction of my long time boyfriend is way too much. We live together for 7 years and have 1 child together, our daughter is 6.5. We are young professionals, love each other or so I thought, and we are overa...
A. 8 November 2013: "I just don't think it was THAT terrible to the point that he left his family based on it. "
Right there, is your denial of being wrong. Maybe you admit it a little bit, but you are unwilling to accept the full blame of the pain your words ca... (read in full...)
In a new country and not sure how to make friends...
Q. Hi all! I moved in another country and been living here for few yrs now, but I have difficulty to make new friends.. most of the time Im very lonely and getting depressed. I have partner but most of the day he is working and I miss my girl friends ...
A. 8 November 2013: Be pushy. Staying in your comfort zone clearly hasn't helped, so move out of the comfort zone and do things you normally wouldn't. It is going to eat at your relationship if you depend only on him for a social life.
Does your boyfriend not have... (read in full...)
Should I have sex with my cousin?
Q. should i have sex with my cousin hes 4 years older than me im 17 hes 21 nearly 22.Me and my cousin have been having a special connection for years a couple of years back we kissed and i touched his penis we both remember that night till this ...
A. 8 November 2013: I wouldn't recommend it.
Also, do not send him any pictures of you. They can and will be used against you. Maybe he wont send them to anyone right now, but if you and him have a fight he might show others to get back at you. Or, a friend of his m... (read in full...)
Which man do I choose? Passion or security?
Q. Hello! I have to make the biggest decision of my life and I need some advice! I love two very different guys that have different things to offer and I don’t know who to choose. With Guy # 1 I will be able to stay home with my future kids and be the ...
A. 8 November 2013: Wait, did I fall down a time-hole and land in 1836? Oh, must be so, because the woman is dependent on a man to make her way, and who she marries is the biggest decision in her life. Surely, it must be 1836. Or maybe even 1923. Let me see the outfits ... (read in full...)
I said a terrible thing, and now it's over. What can I do to get him back?
Q. I said a terrible thing but I think the reaction of my long time boyfriend is way too much. We live together for 7 years and have 1 child together, our daughter is 6.5. We are young professionals, love each other or so I thought, and we are overa...
A. 8 November 2013: "no, we could not save him anymore as he was old and dying, but you just don't wait till morning if someone is suffering, you get help. "
If you had only left out the ", but..." then you might have saved it all.
My feeling is that you are a p... (read in full...)
I'm not sure whether to go to my friend's birthday night out?
Q. I'm not sure whether to go to my friend's birthday night out? I know this isn't much of a problem, but i'd like some advice. My friend has invited me to her birthday night out next week. The place we are going to is a restaurant and a nightclub....
A. 8 November 2013: I have to say that since it is her birthday you should go along with what she wants, rather than ask her to do something you want. You can do what you want on your own birthday! If shes actually a friend then go. I would actually find it rude to ask ... (read in full...)
His story put me off -- am I just naive?
Q. So I met this guy and I'm trying to decide if he's dodgy. He said he went on holiday to a 5 star hotel which was practically empty because it was a front for money laundering, so they have fake guests staying in suites for 2000 a night, staying for ...
A. 8 November 2013: I would be uneasy about this too. Im not naive at all, but I think this guy is naive! And full of bs. A serious white collar criminal would never brag about his crimes, at best this guy thinks the association makes him cool. Which just shows you ... (read in full...)
Disastrous haircut! How do I deal with it?
Q. I know this may seem the silliest of issues and I feel very stupid asking for help over such trivial matter. So, I've had my hair cut super super super short yesterday. I thought I'd look good but... I don't!!! I look awful!!! Even my colleagues and ...
A. 6 November 2013: Speaking of hair disasters, if it will make you feel better. My friend was going to bleach blond stripes on me at home once. She did a terrible job, bleached the top of my hair so it was basically in two colours, Barbie blond on top and natural ... (read in full...)
Disastrous haircut! How do I deal with it?
Q. I know this may seem the silliest of issues and I feel very stupid asking for help over such trivial matter. So, I've had my hair cut super super super short yesterday. I thought I'd look good but... I don't!!! I look awful!!! Even my colleagues and ...
A. 6 November 2013: Head off to youtube this instant. Search up hair tutorials for super short hair and see as many videos as you can find to get a sense of just what you can do with your head. Try out the styles, buy the hair accessories needed, and fix it up. ... (read in full...)
Advise on friends with benefits, please. I have no one to talk to about this.
Q. So if you read my previous post some months ago a guy I am very interested in gave me his number, I texted him went out a few times and within a week of going out we became physical. But now am totally heart broken because after our first time tog...
A. 6 November 2013: You're worth more. The moment you stop throwing yourself at guys for free you will get a lot more respect from those around you. And you will get more respect for yourself. With that respect will come peoples admiration for you, and with that comes ... (read in full...)
Why does society think that asexuals are either gay or have "broken" DNA?
Q. Good evening everyone. As a young woman, I am intelligent enough to understand that there are different people in this world who do not feel the same as the majority. Some people have no desire for intimacy or romantic relationships. It seems ...
A. 5 November 2013: Just to inform you that I went to a psychologist that "diagnosed" me as having been schizoid as a child/teenager. So I know quite lot about how they think and act, and I recognize that in you, hence why I went ahead and said it. Not to make you feel ... (read in full...)
Why does society think that asexuals are either gay or have "broken" DNA?
Q. Good evening everyone. As a young woman, I am intelligent enough to understand that there are different people in this world who do not feel the same as the majority. Some people have no desire for intimacy or romantic relationships. It seems ...
A. 5 November 2013: You do sound more like you have schizoid personality disorder, in my opinion. I recognize how you say you "tolerate" people. Thats what I did too, when I was younger. I didnt like or dislike people, I merely tolerated their existence. Schizoids are ... (read in full...)
| *higirl's friends
These are mutual friends, so *higirl has
added them and they have added *higirl!
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![kitty-cat=] agony aunt](/avatars/4e276644-588c-43d2-bf37-fe35b92660b5.png){kind=small}
