| Latest articles: How to avoid being used financially
This question has 13 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 October 2010: I have tried to keep my relationship problems away from this site as I do not want my advice to be assosiated to my own questions. However I have now learned an important lesson that I want to share with the rest of you, in the hopes that you will ...
What I've learned from my family.
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 June 2010: In order for aunts and question askers to see who they are getting advice from, I will continue to write some more about me, and where I come from. The things that I draw on when giving advice, what type of experience I have in life. This arti...
How one person changed my life
This question has 12 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
8 June 2010: I've been an aunt on this site now for quite a while, at first I started as an anonymous, until I finally took the step to make an account and dare to be identified somewhat. As I've gotten to know a few people on here, albeit still strangers ...
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URGENT adivce: is this too weird or should I just leave it?
Q. So the story, I need your honest opinion- I know its long, but you need to understand the context if it all. We're in our mid 20s and have been studying together for the last year and a half. We're not friends but we're friendly- we have done gro...
A. 21 September 2013: You have to be direct, sorry. Guys can be REALLY dense when it comes to this. But there are several ways around it, the best way would be to make it seem like it was all his idea.
"Hey -insert name-, it was great seeing you -insert day you last... (read in full...)
Need more money making options after maternity leave.
Q. I have had a wonderful 9 month's off work with my beautiful baby and in 8 weeks my maternity leave ends and I have to go back to work. Before my daughter came along I enjoyed work but now I feel so depressed about it that every time I think about it ...
A. 21 September 2013: Wow, so in your country fostering brings in just as much money as the 12 hour shifts you said you had to take? Or how many kids would you need to foster to get enough money? How many "in and out" siblings will you give your daughter in HER best ... (read in full...)
URGENT adivce: is this too weird or should I just leave it?
Q. So the story, I need your honest opinion- I know its long, but you need to understand the context if it all. We're in our mid 20s and have been studying together for the last year and a half. We're not friends but we're friendly- we have done gro...
A. 21 September 2013: You arent putting anyything "out there" unless you stop hinting and say it directly. Only players can read a hint, normal guys need girls to be more direct. Ask him if he would like to meet you and suggest a time. And since hes not big on fb, ask ... (read in full...)
Dating a wonderful guy who makes me happy. Why am I pulling away?
Q. I am in a relationship with a wonderful guy for 5 months.. Suffice to say he keeps me happy but that's not enough..I'm attracted to him, we can make out for hours but I don't think he's the most good looking or I find what he wears appealin...
A. 20 September 2013: What Cindy said. You're just not into this guy, but you're clinging to him because you think you should like him. But hey, you can't force what isn't there! You can't make your heart feel what it doesn't feel, like the song goes.
By trying t... (read in full...)
This guy seems to know too much about me -- could he be tracking my online activity?
Q. Hi. I was wondering if there is anyone on here who knows enough about computers to tell me something. How easy is it for a person to track your IP address? I ask because I suspect someone of doing it to me. He doesn't know me very well yet se...
A. 20 September 2013: Btw I once got really scared about someone online knowing everything about me, and it wasn't funny at all. But as it turned out it was my little brother and his friend who were trying to be funny, and started telling me they knew everything about me ... (read in full...)
This guy seems to know too much about me -- could he be tracking my online activity?
Q. Hi. I was wondering if there is anyone on here who knows enough about computers to tell me something. How easy is it for a person to track your IP address? I ask because I suspect someone of doing it to me. He doesn't know me very well yet se...
A. 20 September 2013: Google your own name and add clue words such as location/university etc if you have a common name. See what results you get. You can find out a lot about people that way, especially if you don't have high security settings on your facebook profile. ... (read in full...)
In a Long term relationship but tempted by others. How do I cope with my curiosity over this temptation?
Q. Dear aunts/uncles I have just started college in a different city and I moved from my rented apartment which I share with my bf of six years. I love him dearly and taking on my new course was a challenge, as I had to leave everthing I knew...
A. 18 September 2013: Not to start an argument, but it seems to me this isn't really about having sex with other people because it's somehow more fulfilling to have sex with various partners.
To me, this about two things. One is that she's not happy in this relation... (read in full...)
Is it ok to be jealous when his ex-lovers call?
Q. I know this sounds ridiculously stupid and the answer is obviously "YES!" But, how do you guys feel about it? And what can I do to stop it. My boyfriend's ex-sex partners keep texting him. These girls are from, like, last year, and he keeps saying h...
A. 18 September 2013: Look, if your dating a sleazeball who likes to have fuck buddies lined up in a row for him and then blames YOU for it (saying you never let him talk to women), then you kinda get what you ask for. If he's being a douche-bag then end the relation... (read in full...)
In a Long term relationship but tempted by others. How do I cope with my curiosity over this temptation?
Q. Dear aunts/uncles I have just started college in a different city and I moved from my rented apartment which I share with my bf of six years. I love him dearly and taking on my new course was a challenge, as I had to leave everthing I knew...
A. 18 September 2013: You're not a bad person, but you need to be honest with yourself. The world will not go under if you break up with your boyfriend. You clearly don't want to be in a relationship with him, but you are denying yourself the opportunity to be single and ... (read in full...)
Is this where I draw the line, are there 'rules' for when you are told to F yourself?
Q. My boyfriend has said "fuck you" to me at increasing frequency. I remember the first time being offended, he said it with anger towards me in an argument. The next time it made an impression, I remember thinking I was numb to hearing it, and ...
A. 17 September 2013: It is serious no matter the occasion. And it is a deal breaker. Name calling is serious business, and I'd end a relationship over it. I've been in relationships where there was name calling, you see, and I finally drew the line. It is unhealthy, is ... (read in full...)
I am giving him a second chance although he lies and cheats.
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for just over three years now, and it's my first long term relationship. We've had our ups and downs just like anyone. Recently we had a heart to heart, he went out to lunch with a girl who he had been deleting messages ...
A. 17 September 2013: Yeah I have to add in with the same, lying and cheating (going behind your back, it is what he did) isn't "ups and downs like everyone else". It's a deal breaker.
No, he probably doesn't deserve a THIRD chance. Remember, you already forgave ... (read in full...)
How Long Do You Pay For EVERYTHING When Dating?
Q. At what point do you start to split the bills, if you will, when dating? I'm 3 weeks or so into it with this girl, and I'm starting to really feel the burn on my wallet. I know she's not a "gold digger" and I'm almost more than certain she'd be fine ...
A. 17 September 2013: I guess you'll have to speak to some American friends of yours, because I've never had a man treat me to things on a date until I met my current boyfriend. But he treats his friends and family and even random strangers too, so it's not like his ... (read in full...)
I'm in love with my friend, who's in an unhappy marriage. Should I tell her my feelings?
Q. Hello, I have a female friend who seems to be in an unhappy marriage. Her husband constantly loses his temper for no reason whatsoever, causing her to cry. He's never hit her, just shouted at her. The other night, she phoned me in tears after he'd...
A. 16 September 2013: "Nothing would make me happier than to whisk her away from her unhappy marriage and love her and treat her like a princess for the rest of our lives."
That is a dream, not reality. It will NEVER happen. You need to get that under your skin and... (read in full...)
I love him so much but the possibility of never marrying is devastating to me.
Q. I have been in a relationship with my partner for 3 years and we have a 10 week old daughter together. Since I gave birth to my daughter I have been yearning to engaged/married we have a generally brilliant relationship and I love him dearly. The ...
A. 16 September 2013: It is impossible for us to read his mind, but based on what you are telling us it doesn't seem like he's that sure about you being part of his future. One thing is he begged you to have an abortion because he didn't think YOU would be a good mother? ... (read in full...)
How do I keep this rude and obnoxious man away from my wedding, yet still have my close friend attend?
Q. Dear All, I am getting married next year and I'm really happy about it. We are planning a very small, intimate wedding of about 25 people. My problem is that a couple of years ago, one of my closest friends left her husband, and started li...
A. 16 September 2013: Obviously you have unspoken business with your friend. What sort of friend is she is she lets her boyfriend sexually harass her so called "best friend"? She knew you were engaged to be married, and she ought to have known her boyfriend was hitting ... (read in full...)
Why is she so quiet and boring?
Q. I recently met a beautiful girl that's 10 years younger. Physically, she's perfect but she is extremely quiet on dates. It's very awkward as we never engage in conversations. We can go 2-3 hours without saying much to eachother. I try to sometimes ...
A. 16 September 2013: Call it off, shes just not offering much other than looks and sex and it sounds boring indeed. Id call it off too if I was you. There isnt anything you can do to change her, you know. She is who she is. And the chemistry just isnt there..... (read in full...)
Is it normal after first time sex to hurt when you urinate?
Q. Last night I lost my virginity to my Boyfriend. I'm not in love but I felt ready and it felt right we didn't plan for it to happen, it just did. The thing is it didn't hurt as much and I didn't bleed and it lasted for an hour until he came. We then ...
A. 15 September 2013: You are sore, because of the friction. Having sex for one hour is veeery long, usually intercourse lasts 3-6 minutes, and most women don't like it any longer than 20 minutes top. So to go at it for an hour, I think every woman would be sore and ... (read in full...)
My mother thinks I should use birth control but I disagree
Q. Well my mom saw my bf just yesterday but she has frequently heard about him and i that we dating. Today on the radio they were talking about how parents should oversee how their children behave. she brought the issue of taking birth control pills. ...
A. 15 September 2013: Get on birth control pills, or you're stupid. Just because you haven't gotten pregnant yet doesn't mean you wont be. And what's worse? Having to take a pill, or having a baby at 16?
Snap out of the gullible illusion, sex leads to pregnanc... (read in full...)
Hard from seeing a naked woman?
Q. I have a question about erections.... My last two boyfriends could only get half boners from seeing me naked, one was heavily into porn. Is that because I look bad compared to the porn? Is it because they aren't really that interested in se...
A. 15 September 2013: That varies a lot from person to person. It depends on your relationship also, the dynamic between you, the sexual chemistry etc.
If I take my top off and show my boobs my boyfriend wont automatically get a hard on. But if I look at him with a "... (read in full...)
I just moved in with my girlfriend and there is already conflict!
Q. Hi, Me and my gf, we moved in together 3 weeks ago. I got a new, very time-consuming job a week ago and her classes (she's a student) started at the same time. So we both come home tired, and I have to go to bed at 10 P.M. to wake up for work. ...
A. 14 September 2013: Don't be one of those people who think if it's "meant to be" it will somehow magically be perfect.. Uh, that's in La La Land. Not reality. In reality there are bumps and ant hills and sometimes mountains. And you get through them by communication ... (read in full...)
Male classmate from high school will be travelling to see me. Should I pay for food, metro fares, etc.?
Q. Who pays? A guy I knew in High School (about 15 years ago) is flying into town to visit me in a couple of months. We were never involved romantically, and I'd say we were only acquaintances back then. We've been flirting a little online, and th...
A. 14 September 2013: He lives at your place for free. And eats cheap at your home. Id say you treat him to food at your house. If he offers to pay for groceries, then accept the offer. Anything outside of the house though he buys for himself. When I have visited people ... (read in full...)
How can I stop the leaking after sex?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now, but there is this thing thats been annoying me for some time now… Whenever my boyfriend cums in me after sex, it never like stays in me? whenever I stand up I can feel it leak out, especial...
A. 12 September 2013: You haven't had sex much without a condom, have you?
Yes, it leaks out. That's what it does. Your body doesn't suck it up. Take some tissues and keep them by the bed, then as he pulls out make sure you cover yourself up with the tissue or else you... (read in full...)
Last resort with distant boyfriend. Please help!! Need *all* the advice I can get!!
Q. Hey everyone! Let me start off by apologizing for this long post and giving many thanks to everyone who reads it. xx I really need some helpful advice to pull my boyfriend back to me. I'm 31 and my boyfriend's 35. We've been together for 3 y...
A. 12 September 2013: You need to give him MORE TIME to come back. It takes time! You need to be patient. It can take as much as a year, you can expect changes in just a few months. First he needs to cool down and stop pulling away. That happens when you stop the ... (read in full...)
I don’t understand myself anymore
Q. Dear all, I will start with a small introduction; I am 28 and had only one single romantic relationship in life. After the breakup, I started a hellish dry spell that still lasts to this day (more or less 3 years now). After doing a lot to improve...
A. 10 September 2013: "Many of the new girls I have met are cute and interesting, but I only slightly feel attracted to them. I cannot really call this love"
As you should know, love takes time to grow. It'd not the from day one. Not even in Disney-movies.
" It mi... (read in full...)
Last resort with distant boyfriend. Please help!! Need *all* the advice I can get!!
Q. Hey everyone! Let me start off by apologizing for this long post and giving many thanks to everyone who reads it. xx I really need some helpful advice to pull my boyfriend back to me. I'm 31 and my boyfriend's 35. We've been together for 3 y...
A. 10 September 2013: I have ONE answer for you. And if you do as I tell you, then you should stand a good chance (or at least the best chance you can get) at getting him back. Because right now, he's out the door, he just hasn't made it official yet. But he's left you, ... (read in full...)
Are you allowed to have guy friends if you have a boyfriend?
Q. I've become friends with a guy I know, and he's invited me out for coffee to trade some movies we own. I have a boyfriend, but the guy friend isnt aware of this because Im not sure how to bring it up. Just blurting it out makes things really ...
A. 10 September 2013: He sounds like he wants to date you. But it isn't dangerous..! Even if you were single you would be free to so no thanks. You can go meet him, and if he asks to see you again you can say you aren't sure if that would be a date, and maybe best not ... (read in full...)
Do I keep a good man even though he's terrible at sex?
Q. Hi:) I need some advice on what I should about my boyfriend because I'm really on the fence... I'm in my mid thirties, divorced( i was with my ex for 13 years)and no children and really want to find the one and settle down and have a family et...
A. 10 September 2013: If he's bad in bed.. then no. Don't stay with him.
But look, is he really BAD in bed, or is it just the intercourse that is crap? I've had boyfriends who didn't satisfy me particularly much though intercourse (I don't reach an orgasm that way... (read in full...)
2 guys don't know which one to date and one doesn't seem too interested anymore
Q. So here's my situation. In april, I went home with one of my friend's roommate's (who I was friends with) and we slept together. He's kind of a ladies man, so he'll have the occasional girl over. But anyway, that happened a few times. I didn't ...
A. 10 September 2013: "This other kid who actually moved into kid #1's room in his old apartment has this huge crush on me. We've gotten to be pretty close friends"
You're NOT friends, he's just trying to get with you. The only reason you hang out so much is because ... (read in full...)
I feel sort of pressured into having sex. Should I do it?
Q. So, I've been with my boyfriend for a few months now, and we've arranged to have sex, but I'm not too sure we should just yet since I am still a virgin, I've told him that I don't think I'm ready and he's fine with that, but I sorta feel pressured ...
A. 9 September 2013: Try to look into why you feel pressured. What is causing this pressure you feel? A need to be like everyone else? What difference do you think having sex will make on your life? Will your life be better because of it? Will you feel better about ... (read in full...)
Body dysmorphic disorder
Q. So my problem is I am ugly....I have spent lots of money on therapy for BDD (Body dysmorphic disorder), but it just seems that a duck is a duck. I am ugly and that's that, but I feel like I'm gorgeous. So I'm a duck that thinks its a swan...any ...
A. 9 September 2013: I think I have to echo SoVeryConfused. We're not used to this situation, like your therapist said.. It must be rare. Can you enlighten us and tell us more about how this works for you and what you need advice on?
In my view it sounds ideal, b... (read in full...)
Who takes off the condom after sex?
Q. Dear Aunts and Uncles, I've been sleeping with my boyfriend for a few months now, and we always use a condom. Thing is, it kind of gets awkward when it's time to remove the condom. After the act, I always remove the condom for him and wipe the mes...
A. 9 September 2013: You're right in this being submissive. And as you can guess, not all people are submissive... At least not in that way.
I guess women take the condom off and wipe their boyfriends clean just as often as men will wipe their girlfriends clean af... (read in full...)
Can I trust a marriage counsellor to keep my confidentiality or will s/he tell my wife everything I say?
Q. My wife and I have been going through a rough patch lately. I think we need to see a therapist, counselor, or psychologist. I am not sure if the rules regarding confidentiality are different for each, but I am wondering if what I say will ultimately ...
A. 8 September 2013: You should ask your therapist about this so you are sure everyone has agreed to the same thing. But I'd think they wouldn't tell your "secrets" without your consent. The therapist isn't there to gossip, or drive a wedge between you. The therapist is ... (read in full...)
If a crush lasts for several years, does that mean it's actually love?
Q. I have heard that a crush would slow down and finally disappear, but I wonder how long it lasts. If a crush lasts for 2.5 years and you see the person on a daily basis, is it still a crush? I have read that crush is infatuation or lust so it can't ...
A. 8 September 2013: "I have read that crush is infatuation or lust so it can't be long"
Infatuation and lust/ crushes can last for years, if you maintain the feeling and stimulate it.
Same with love. But in order to love someone (and not just the idea of them, wh... (read in full...)
My vagina is so wet I'm starting to dislike sex. Advice please!!
Q. I'm 31 and have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. We have sex on the regular but I get so wet, that it's turning me off and making me NOT want to have sex with him. I'm wet, all the time, even when I'm not horny and just walking through Walmart. ...
A. 8 September 2013: See your doctor. This is becoming a problem for you, and there is no reason why you shouldn't try out your options here. See your doctor/gynecologist and explain the situation, hear what can be done to make your problem easier/go away.... (read in full...)
I need my personal space but my fiancé wants to come with me when I go out. How can I get the space I need?
Q. I live in the city with my fiancé, in a cramped apartment with other people. There's not much personal space. Sometimes I just want space to myself. If I go out my fiancé usually wants to come too. What to do? I'm a bit of an introvert and the ...
A. 8 September 2013: Tell him. That's all. ... (read in full...)
I've fallen for my best friend's boyfriend. She treats him horribly and he wants to leave her for me.
Q. My best friend got her first boyfriend 5 weeks ago. And, unfortunately in that d weeks I've fallen for him.... Not on purpose though! We've been best friend for 10 years but she always made me feel worthless, she treat me like a slave and talked ...
A. 8 September 2013: ... You're being taken for a ride. If he wanted you, he'd leave your friend and be with you. Really. Kissing you while STILL in a relationship is a clear sign that he doesn't respect you. Let alone "love" you. He barely knows you. He barely knows ... (read in full...)
Why would you women wear a ring on your wedding ring finger if you aren't married?
Q. Totally confused over here right about now......... I like a woman who I thought was married because she wore what looked like a wedding ring on her wedding ring finger. At first I thought it wasn't, it looked too plain not a band type ring then I...
A. 8 September 2013: I wonder why you are scared now that you find out the woman you like is single? Shouldn't you be happy?
And what's up with asking "us, women" why "we" do this or that, we're not a collected mind you know. If you want to know why she wears that rin... (read in full...)
He goes to strip clubs and told me I'm not as sexually attractive to him as I was 14 years and 2 of our children ago!
Q. I don’t know what to do anymore. I have been married for 10 years to my husband, we dated for about 2 years before that and we have two children together ( almost 8 and 4 years old) (he also has two from a previous marriage). I just recently found ...
A. 8 September 2013: Great to hear from you again and that you and him had a chance to talk it out and decide on the first few steps to take towards getting back the intimacy.
He laid himself pretty flat for you, and while this could be good (a sign he wants to work ... (read in full...)
He goes to strip clubs and told me I'm not as sexually attractive to him as I was 14 years and 2 of our children ago!
Q. I don’t know what to do anymore. I have been married for 10 years to my husband, we dated for about 2 years before that and we have two children together ( almost 8 and 4 years old) (he also has two from a previous marriage). I just recently found ...
A. 7 September 2013: There is something important to keep in mind, that most who have commented have forgotten about. And that is you can not force yourself to be attracted to someone you're not attracted to. Even if a wife supports her husband, that doesn't mean he ... (read in full...)
He goes to strip clubs and told me I'm not as sexually attractive to him as I was 14 years and 2 of our children ago!
Q. I don’t know what to do anymore. I have been married for 10 years to my husband, we dated for about 2 years before that and we have two children together ( almost 8 and 4 years old) (he also has two from a previous marriage). I just recently found ...
A. 7 September 2013: The way you worded it made it sound like you gained weight from the pregnancies and didn't lose it. If you are the same size as you were when you got married then the situation is a different one.
You have a very hostile attitude, and you are ... (read in full...)
He goes to strip clubs and told me I'm not as sexually attractive to him as I was 14 years and 2 of our children ago!
Q. I don’t know what to do anymore. I have been married for 10 years to my husband, we dated for about 2 years before that and we have two children together ( almost 8 and 4 years old) (he also has two from a previous marriage). I just recently found ...
A. 6 September 2013: " I’ve told him I don’t like it. But what the hell do I say? I’m not his mom. "
His mom? You think his mom would get to have a say in it? You're his wife, you have a lot more to say about this than his mom. If you don't like it you're within y... (read in full...)
Why do I make women bleed?
Q. Hello, the past 2 girls I have had sex with have bled after the intercourse was over while they weren't on their period. It didnt happen everytime we had sex but it did happen the 2nd or 3rd time. This has also happened a few times in the past and ...
A. 6 September 2013: You're too rough. Tons of women are scared to say what they really want in bed, and goes along with whatever the guy does. You'd be surprised to know just how many women NEVER tell the truth about what they want in bed.
You make them bleed! I... (read in full...)
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These are mutual friends, so *higirl has
added them and they have added *higirl!
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![kitty-cat=] agony aunt](/avatars/4e276644-588c-43d2-bf37-fe35b92660b5.png){kind=small}
