| Latest articles: How to avoid being used financially
This question has 13 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 October 2010: I have tried to keep my relationship problems away from this site as I do not want my advice to be assosiated to my own questions. However I have now learned an important lesson that I want to share with the rest of you, in the hopes that you will ...
What I've learned from my family.
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 June 2010: In order for aunts and question askers to see who they are getting advice from, I will continue to write some more about me, and where I come from. The things that I draw on when giving advice, what type of experience I have in life. This arti...
How one person changed my life
This question has 12 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
8 June 2010: I've been an aunt on this site now for quite a while, at first I started as an anonymous, until I finally took the step to make an account and dare to be identified somewhat. As I've gotten to know a few people on here, albeit still strangers ...
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Do I choose my husband or my boyfriend?
Q. I need advice very badly. I'm in a predicament I never thought I would find myself in though I have seen it on the site before. I am having to choose between two men. Each have their strengths and weaknesses. One is my husband, not what you think or ...
A. 11 July 2014: I am glad to hear you are happier now! Good luck to you!... (read in full...)
Am I wrong to be curious about what sex is like with other men?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for a year. It's my first serious relationship. He's 40. I'm 23. We get along well. Sex is good most of the time. He makes me laugh, he's kind, listens and really cares about me. The thing is lately I've been thinki...
A. 25 January 2014: He doesn't have to be a bad guy for you to end the relationship. Ending a relationship isn't something we do to punish our partners if they behave bad. Although Hollywood movies would have us think otherwise. But people who just aren't that great of ... (read in full...)
How to friendzone a hookup?
Q. I met this guy at a party last semester and we really hit it off!!! we hung out a few times and ended up having sex twice... unfortunatly the sex was terrible and his pen15 was ridiculously small... it makes me really sad to say but it kinda ruined ...
A. 25 January 2014: It's not that hard for you to be a friend of his. You're fine with that, and you probably would have made greats friends. Now that the sex is done and out of the picture. However, to him the sex is NOT done with and out of the picture. And, I am ... (read in full...)
My husband told me he doesn't find my body attractive! What now?
Q. *Sorry if it is lengthy** I am in desperate need of advice. To be blunt to start out with, my husband reluctantly told me that he doesn’t find my body to be attractive. I am 24 years old, about to turn 25 next month. My husband is 28 going to...
A. 23 January 2014: "he hesitantly told me it’s because he doesn’t necessarily find my body type attractive. I knew I wasn’t his type at all"
ONLY take into account what HE has told you. Not the things you speculate in, guess at, or assume. You assume to know his... (read in full...)
Do I choose my husband or my boyfriend?
Q. I need advice very badly. I'm in a predicament I never thought I would find myself in though I have seen it on the site before. I am having to choose between two men. Each have their strengths and weaknesses. One is my husband, not what you think or ...
A. 23 January 2014: Neither. Don't settle for either of them, neither are good enough. You appear to think you must have a man, any man, and that being alone isn't possible.
Just my piece of advice, as hard as it will be to follow: If you get back with your husband,... (read in full...)
Boyfriend likes natural beauty and doesn't want me wearing makeup
Q. My new boyfriend doesn't want me to wear makeup. We are very close and have been friends a while before this. I don't wear heavy makeup. Usually eyeliner, mascara, and a neutral eyeshadow as I am kind of pale. My makeup doesn't look tacky, and it ...
A. 23 January 2014: I know most women don't like beard, for example. Or a 3-day beard even. Or mustaches. If he values his facial hair, the equivalent of you not wearing makeup could be for him to shave the face. Just to give you some perspective on this. ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend likes natural beauty and doesn't want me wearing makeup
Q. My new boyfriend doesn't want me to wear makeup. We are very close and have been friends a while before this. I don't wear heavy makeup. Usually eyeliner, mascara, and a neutral eyeshadow as I am kind of pale. My makeup doesn't look tacky, and it ...
A. 22 January 2014:
If a) you wore makeup to please men, then you can stop wearing makeup. As clearly it has no further point.
But if b) you wore makeup because you liked it and you feel pretty with makeup on, then CONTINUE to wear it. It makes you feel pretty,... (read in full...)
Do girls do this if they are interested?
Q. why do girls do this? I went on a date with a girl last night and she was on her phone for the momst of the time and talking about other guys that are interested in her, talking about previous love interests, and acting cold. she even invited ...
A. 22 January 2014: "Girls" are not universally all the same. Geez, we're individuals, just like boys. Who knows what is on this woman's mind, and who cares? All YOU have to decide is if this is how you like to be treated or not. If not, don't bother trying to analyze ... (read in full...)
The 'little black dress' he bought me is too skimpy for my tastes and comfort!
Q. My boyfriend bought me a "little black dress" for a christmas present. It redefines the word "little". It is a nice gift but it is very skimpy. It has spaghetti straps and is very,very short! He asked me to wear it for a new years party, and to a ...
A. 20 January 2014: Hurt his feelings? Since when did men become so delicate and fragile you couldn't tell them that you are an individual, a grown individual for that matter, and that since you are both grown, and an individual, not only do you have a taste of your ... (read in full...)
Venting to my friends leaves trouble behind
Q. I've recently noticed that I tend to cause unnecessary drama in my relationships and I don't know how to fix it. When I'm in a relationship and we argue or bicker about simple mundane things I tend to go around and tell my friends what happens. By ...
A. 19 January 2014: This is a typical problem. If you had a friend who always came to you complaining about her boyfriend and crying on your shoulder, you'd dislike that boyfriend too.
But, perhaps the solution isn't to stop venting to your friends, but rather S... (read in full...)
Why would my Facebook friend make this comment?
Q. I am in my 40s and the question I want to ask is not actually a love question but I am querying a comment someone put to me on facebook. A friend posted about cheap travel on facebook and I replied about how cheaply I had travelled as wel...
A. 19 January 2014: I see it as a comment related to traveling. I don't think it's worth trying to read too much into, people don't always have secret meanings behind what they write, and sure sometimes things don't sound like they fit into the conversation, but we ... (read in full...)
After 4 years our relationship is not progressing and I'm not sure its worth it!
Q. Hi cupids! I'm looking for some advice please. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years now and we've been having a few issues with the fact we barely see each other. It's a maximum of twice a week and only ever for an hour or two at a ...
A. 19 January 2014: I don't think you are rambling. You describe a very specific problem and you describe it well, after having been in this situation all too many times. Your post, in my eyes, shows a woman who is fed up, determined, and who knows exactly what is ... (read in full...)
I want to marry a female and have children but I am a gay male.
Q. I want to marry a female and have children but I am a gay male. Please help. ...
A. 19 January 2014: Have you ever had a boyfriend or a girlfriend? How do you know that you want to marry a woman and have children with her, if you haven't had a girlfriend and aren't attracted to women?
If you could choose, to do exactly what you want, what wou... (read in full...)
I lent my online bf money for the trip to meet me...am I being used?
Q. I've been in an on-line relationship for 2 months. My bf and I decided to meet, so we went ahead and made plans. But a few days before he realised he doesn't have enough money for the trip. I have agreed to lend him but I keep wondering if I am ...
A. 18 January 2014: You are being used. He could have borrowed money from his parents or friends. The fact that he needs to borrow in the first place shows that he doesnt know how to manage money. It is strange that he didnt "realize" he couldnt afford it just a few ... (read in full...)
I can't deal with the poop streaks he leaves on the bed!
Q. This is a gross question but I really need advice. Sorry to be graphic. Basically Ive been seeing this guy for 3 months and on 3 occasions when he has stayed over at mine he has left poop streaks in my bed. He did it lastnight and I felt sick. He is ...
A. 18 January 2014: I'd tell him this when you break up with him, actually. As a favour to him. Sure it might sting a bit to hear it, but he really needs to know that is actually IS the reason why you (and probably women in the past) are ending it, and why women in the ... (read in full...)
Self esteem in women:is it biological, is it cultural, is it our upbringing, ,... is it a jinx ?!
Q. DC community, please help me out in figuring this : why is it that lack of self esteem , at least in relationships, is such a pervasive FEMALE problem ? I mean, just look at the posts on DC and a huuuge quantity of them basically says ...
A. 17 January 2014: Oh, Cindy, didn't even realize this was your question before I saw you updated. Before I read on.. and even before I read your entire question (call me presumptuous if you want), I'm going to give you my answer:
It's the upbringing. Women are told... (read in full...)
I can't deal with the poop streaks he leaves on the bed!
Q. This is a gross question but I really need advice. Sorry to be graphic. Basically Ive been seeing this guy for 3 months and on 3 occasions when he has stayed over at mine he has left poop streaks in my bed. He did it lastnight and I felt sick. He is ...
A. 17 January 2014: Keep toilet paper at your house!!!
If you can't keep toilet paper there for your guests then I seriously wonder what you can expect from guests. To hold it in? Wipe with their hands?
On to the other thing: tell him. I had an ex who did this.... (read in full...)
He never wanted us to travel there, but now he's going to a conference??
Q. Hello everyone, my boyfriend´s told me he applied for one work conference that´s held in New York and I really got mad at him. Why? Because my all-time dream is going to NYC and everytime I asked him if we´d go there, all he ever said was "hell no, ...
A. 16 January 2014: I don't think you're over-reacting at all. Really, he knew that was your big dream, yet he always told you "no" to it. Then again, you should have just gone without him. But you don't want to travel alone, you're the type that wants to travel WITH ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has a problem with me tanning
Q. Recently I arranged a tanning session at the pool with a few friends. But my boyfriend doesn't like it when I tan because he says that other guys would be staring at me. While I get where he's coming from and his unhappiness. I can't help but feel ...
A. 16 January 2014: Dont reason with him. He has no argument. It is your body, you do with it as you wish. If he doesnt accept you and the things you do (including everything else in life that you do) then he is free to leave the relationship. Being in a relationship ... (read in full...)
Why on earth do women agree to an FWB situation?
Q. After reading so many posts here and seeing what girls and women do around me, I have a question, why on Earth women agree to FWB situation?? I understand if casual sex just happens once, in a heat of a moment, once very rarely and it's not a no...
A. 14 January 2014: "because we as species have a tendency to develop attachment to a man who we have sex with. I think it's imprinted inour genes. Men are the opposite, the more the merrier"
Men and women are a lot more similar than you think. It's just social s... (read in full...)
Ladies -- what terms do you use?
Q. Curious question for the women: how many of you call your vagina a "pussy"? What do you think of the word "cunt"? I like the word pussy...I think it's sexy but the other word seems harsh and derogatory to me. Yet, I've heard that word used by ...
A. 14 January 2014: I don't often debate my lady parts with others, so to be honest I don't have a particular name I use. I think I lean more to using the actual names, as far as I know them. Vagina, lips, vulva, clitoris etc. "Pussy" is just a nickname for the entire ... (read in full...)
Rejected Too Many Times
Q. Hi. Lately it just feels like I'm a reject. Nobody wants me. I'm not too bad looking either. I have light brown/ blonde-ish shoulder length hair and I'm sort of skinny. It feels like I'm just completely undesirable and worthless. Why has every guy ...
A. 13 January 2014: You add too much meaning into things. Being rejected is not the sane as a guy not being interested. Some of these guys would hace been your friend. So, they did not reject YOU. They just didnt want a relationship with you. And you cant get offended ... (read in full...)
He's been extremely annoying with his continual requests for anal sex!
Q. Hey everyone, I have a fantastic boyfriend who I love very much. BUT (isn't there always a but?) he keeps pressuring me to have anal sex with him. I'm happy to do it once a week or so, but every day is too much and it hurts. Also, he doesn't like ...
A. 12 January 2014: I am glad to hear this! Good for you and wish you all the best!... (read in full...)
I don't wish to lose my wife nor my friend!
Q. Hey everyone, I know this is going to sound bad but I really need some help. I have been married for 4 years with two lovely children, and although I love my wife and kids to bits I can't stop thinking about a friend of mine. We get on really well ...
A. 10 January 2014: Like stated before.. You've already lost your "friend". She used to be your friend, now she's a woman you are in love with. The choice is very easy. Crushes fade. You made a promise to your wife and God. Eeeeeasy choice, veeery easy.
Cut the othe... (read in full...)
Sex hurts too much! Is it possible to just be sexually incompatible with someone?
Q. So I have what feels to me like a pretty awkward question. I've tried researching online but can't find anything useful. I've been with my boyfriend on and off for two years now. He took my virginity and we've always been great together. Apart ...
A. 5 January 2014: Yes. There is such a thing as being sexually incompatible. More likely though, your on and off boyfriend and you just don't have the right chemistry. Hence why you are on and off. The sex reflects your chemistry, that's my thought. He could be ... (read in full...)
Why are women so judgemental about guys who want to or have experimented with other guys?
Q. Why is it seen as such a HUGE deal BY WOMEN if a guy wants to experiment with another guy? Girls can already agree that that most, if not many guys LIE and CHEAT, is it so hard to believe that they can fuse those two together and TRY, just TRY an...
A. 1 January 2014: I think you're judgmental yourself, if you go around thinking all girls experiment with other girls. This is what bisexuals do, for most part, not heterosexuals. However, some heterosexual girls are encouraged to kiss another girl just because a guy ... (read in full...)
Why do men think that lasting forever is better?
Q. This is a question mainly for the men out there. Why do you think that lasting hours while having sex is what women want? I've noticed this with all 5 men I've been with - they seem to think that lasting for ages makes them some sort of love God or ...
A. 30 December 2013: Porn. That's where they get it from.... (read in full...)
How can I be myself when I have no confidence?
Q. I am a 36 year old man. I Have no confidence when it comes to chatting to ladies. People always tell me to just be myself but that seems to me like i am not good enough. Any advice would be very appreciated. ...
A. 30 December 2013: Don't you just hate that phrase "be yourself"? It makes absolutely no sense at all. You can be yourself around close friends and family. But perfect strangers? Oh no, this is where people skills and social antennas come into play, and they have ... (read in full...)
Why do I always have to pay? She never offers!
Q. Help! I'm dating this girl I really like for a few months. Problem is I end up paying every time we're out and she never, ever offers to pay. I've talked to her about this but she says I'm the first guy she's dated who complained. I really like her ...
A. 30 December 2013: I agree, you can stop asking her out. What about her do you like so much that you want to be her sugar-daddy?
You talked to her about it, she didn't want to compromise or pay her own way. Then what's left to do other than stop seeing her, or ... (read in full...)
I'm feeling insecure because my boyfriend used to date a stripper
Q. I've been seeing my boyfriend for a couple months already. He's great, he's very loving and I really trust him. He's very open about his past, though. That's great, because he's honest and it builds trust, and usually it doesn't bother me. But ...
A. 30 December 2013: "and they embody the male fantasy... most women feel insecure when their guys go to a strip club"
Says you, who can read the minds of men..?
Lets face it, women are insecure not because guys go to strip clubs, but because society teaches ... (read in full...)
Should I buy my boyfriend of 4 months the new Playstation 4?
Q. Hi Dear Cupid, I am in a LDR with a guy I met 4 months ago. We decided to make it official October of this year. Instead of exchanging gifts during Christmas time, it was a mutual decision for us to surprise each other with them in January when ...
A. 29 December 2013: No, if he can't give you a list of appropriate gift wishes then you give him what you want to give him, and not what is on the list. A wishing list isn't a shopping list, you don't HAVE to get him what he says he wants. Besides, he could be just ... (read in full...)
I'm feeling insecure because my boyfriend used to date a stripper
Q. I've been seeing my boyfriend for a couple months already. He's great, he's very loving and I really trust him. He's very open about his past, though. That's great, because he's honest and it builds trust, and usually it doesn't bother me. But ...
A. 29 December 2013: I think you have a very negative view on women in general, not just yourself. Just because a woman worked as a stripper you assume that she must have had no personality, and that she was just a hot body. You don't even know what she looked like, you ... (read in full...)
No one's asked to be exclusive, so ...
Q. This question is for people who are okay with premarital sex: I am single and in college. I am sort of seeing two guys. I have had sex with both of them and have gone on lunch dates and have even stayed over at their houses as well as just "hanging ...
A. 25 December 2013: Sex with one person at a time has always been a rule of mine. Just makes things easier. What if you get pregnant.. You wouldnt know who the dad is. What if you catch an std, you wouldnt know from whom. You should always get tested between each new ... (read in full...)
Would you say it is rude to ask visitors to take their shoes off before entering your home?
Q. Would you say it is rude to ask visitors to take their shoes off before entering your home? I have a small wooden sign hanging up in my hallway saying "Please remove your shoes," and am wondering if this may appear rude. I wouldn't throw a tantrum ...
A. 19 December 2013: Reading all the other answers, of course it depends on culture. In Norway you always remove your shoes. At big parties too, with no matter how many guests, there will be a huge pile of shoes in the hallway and you just have to dive in and look for ... (read in full...)
Would you say it is rude to ask visitors to take their shoes off before entering your home?
Q. Would you say it is rude to ask visitors to take their shoes off before entering your home? I have a small wooden sign hanging up in my hallway saying "Please remove your shoes," and am wondering if this may appear rude. I wouldn't throw a tantrum ...
A. 19 December 2013: I think it is extremely rude if people walk into the house with shoes on. I was brought up to never do that. No one I know would enter a house with shoes on. We always remove them, and if we wear shoes indoors it is shoes to only be worn indoors ... (read in full...)
I'm disappointed my boyfriend's thoughtless Christmas gift to me!
Q. I accidentally stumbled across the Christmas gift my boyfriend got me (it was addressed to me). It was a very wide, hot pink watch with a heart-shaped face, from a mid-range brand. I'm a little confused, because we have been together for 1 year and ...
A. 19 December 2013: I don't think it was for you. Why would he send you a gift for Christmas now already, and not wrapped up? Doesn't make sense, and it's not your style. My guess is, it's not for you but for someone else. Wait until you hear from him before you assume ... (read in full...)
Why do men send photos of their genitals to women they barely know?
Q. Okay, inquiring minds must know. This appears to be a relatively new phenomenon, but in all seriousness, why do men send pics of their penises to women? I'm not talking about if you're in a committed relationship or if the girl ASKS for it. I'm...
A. 17 December 2013: I've gotten so many penis pictures I can't even count them. The moment you log on any chat room there is going to be some dude with his penis as his profile picture. And if you enter a video chat, you are bound to be presented with a penis there ... (read in full...)
How do I diplomatically bring up the issue of her lying?
Q. hello. can anyone give me advice on how to deal with my lying girlfriend? we've been together for over a year now and she's never been the lying type, but i've got some proof that recently, she's been lying to me about something (not too major)....
A. 17 December 2013: First, what do you hope to accomplish by getting a confession or "admittance" of lying? To make her look a fool? To make yourself look better? To get the upper hand in the relationship?
There is NO point in making her own up to it. None what so ... (read in full...)
Why do men send photos of their genitals to women they barely know?
Q. Okay, inquiring minds must know. This appears to be a relatively new phenomenon, but in all seriousness, why do men send pics of their penises to women? I'm not talking about if you're in a committed relationship or if the girl ASKS for it. I'm...
A. 17 December 2013: Believe it or not, they think it is a turn on for us. ... (read in full...)
At a crossroads, getting divorced, not a US citizen, with no friends or family in Europe
Q. I am in a process of a divorce and I am leaving to Europe. I was marriaged for 15 years to an american and now we decided to split up. I dont have anyone in the USA,only my husband´s friends and family which are not that much of my friends and ...
A. 13 December 2013: Let me guess... all the posters who say you should stay in USA and who claims everyone wants to live in USA.. They are Americans, probably. They think life is harder in Europe, and that's not true. The financial crisis hit USA harder than Europe.
... (read in full...)
Am I no longer a virgin?
Q. Hi I am in a new relationship. Yesterday my boyfriend and I had sex, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. I didn't bleed and neither did my first time hurt. My question is my boyfriend inserted half of his cock inside me, does this mean I am n...
A. 13 December 2013: You are no longer a virgin. The definition of virgin as such is one who hasn't had a penis in her vagina. You have had a penis in your vagina, hence you are not a virgin. The definition does not include details of how far in anything has to go. ... (read in full...)
Long term relationship and no engagement!
Q. I need advice on what I should do with my dating situation. I have been dating my boyfriend for about 7 1/2 years, He is 40 years old now and i am 26, he was married before and has two boys one's 18 years old and the other 16. I tell my boyfriend ...
A. 13 December 2013: He sounds like a dead end if it is marriage you want.. At his age, and after 7 years.. You kinda do know. I think you need to propose to him to finally get an answer. Are you prepared to leave if the answer is no?... (read in full...)
At a crossroads, getting divorced, not a US citizen, with no friends or family in Europe
Q. I am in a process of a divorce and I am leaving to Europe. I was marriaged for 15 years to an american and now we decided to split up. I dont have anyone in the USA,only my husband´s friends and family which are not that much of my friends and ...
A. 12 December 2013: Its going to be a short reply from me, because I don't think there is much else to say but this: Going to Europe sounds like a good idea. That is where you have most connections now. That is where you will feel more at home, because that is where ... (read in full...)
He's been extremely annoying with his continual requests for anal sex!
Q. Hey everyone, I have a fantastic boyfriend who I love very much. BUT (isn't there always a but?) he keeps pressuring me to have anal sex with him. I'm happy to do it once a week or so, but every day is too much and it hurts. Also, he doesn't like ...
A. 3 November 2011: Tell him exactly what you've told us. It's ruining your sex life. You don't like it, and it hurts. If he's so eager to have anal sex then you can buy a dildo to use on HIM. Then he can get a feel for what it's like.
If he breaks up with you beca... (read in full...)
| *higirl's friends
These are mutual friends, so *higirl has
added them and they have added *higirl!
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![kitty-cat=] agony aunt](/avatars/4e276644-588c-43d2-bf37-fe35b92660b5.png){kind=small}
