A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I had a year long affair with a married man. I am his tennant in the house that he rents out. He left his wife just before Christmas and came to live with me and my kids in the house. During our affair we had a secret bank accounts, and phone numbers that we would text each other on throughout the night and it was really very passionate. He said he left her and them because I gave him some attention, and his wife and kids just ignored him. Then just after he had moved in with me days after Christmas he had this idea out of nowhere to go off to another city with his two grown-up kids. He told me he was going to Manchester (but now I've found out from his adult children that he went to Liverpool) and his wife went with him and they had sex. They had even booked a posh hotel online behind my back. I texted him calling him "a b^^^ard", and didn't hear anything from him. He basically dumped me without saying anything and I didn't hear from him for three whole months. He apparently left me because I am 'd^^ty', 'a scumbag', 'a level up from gypsies' -- is what he has told his friends. We started our affair up through text two weeks before he came back to me. The only reason he came back was because his wife discovered texts on his phone via his online phone account and he came back. All his friends and family had disowned him (and don't want anything to do with him). He only has me and my family now. But I think that will all change in the years to come. I think he will start to resent me and my family - he also apparently called my son "ugly" to his wife and kids. I feel he is just with me for convenience and when another better person comes along he will dump me, which I am terrified of. I also think he is a Narcissist (with Full-Blown Narcissistic Personality Disorder); he is very selfish, everything has to be about him, he 'adores' to be the center of attention. His wife says she thinks that this isn't his first affair (as she and his kids thinks he has had an affair with a 17 year old barmaid that worked behind the bar at their local pub) - which he denies, but I can't believe him though. They also said that he was texting another number at the same time that 'we' were having our affair (which they think is my own sister).Is he a Narcissist? - Is our relationship doomed to fail!?
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female
reader, adelel  +, writes (25 October 2016):
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2016): You're never gonna trust him. As his afair you know what he is capable of. He's hardly someone to be proud of being with. He's cruel, cold and selfish. Who cares if he's a narcissist. He's pretty unattractive full stop.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (19 October 2016):
 Did your sister post this same question? , please stop dating this guy, if I remember right your son has moved out to be with his dad because off this man? I really think you need to get this man out of your life, see that he is using you and come to your sense's.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2016): I don't think he's any more narcissistic than anyone else who cheats on their spouse or indeed the lover in these scenarios. On DC we hear a lot from the devastated wife who's had her life torn apart when the man she thought she knew has an affair and goes off with a younger woman. Except in this case it's the mistress. This man has behaved no differently. He gave you the "my wife and I live separate lives" BS, left, and now he's slagging off each of you to the other, ping ponging between you and dismaying his friends and extended family with his behaviour to the point where they distance themselves. It happens all the time.Affairs are about attention, fantasy and excitement not real life. Once people leave you get to see who they actually are on a day to day basis and the honeymoon period is over. Now he's with you his wife becomes the exciting one, enjoying a weekend break in a posh hotel and lots of sex. Something he once did with you no doubt.I wonder did he initially leave because his wife found out about you? Either way it sounds like he's trying to keep his options open. He wouldn't say bad things about you and your child if he was 100 percent committed. It's not a good start.Now you are looking to the future, but what does it hold? It doesn't sound like his wife will let him go easily and his kids and friends won't have any time for you. You can't trust him because your relationship is built on rocky foundations.There must be a large age gap so how much do you have in common and what can you share - besides sex? Also why stay with someone that referred to you as "dirty" and your child as "ugly"? If I were you I'd get out while you can as there's nothing for you in the longer term.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2016): I am in your situation although he hasn't and never will leave hi wife. They NEVER do.In your case, congratulations, you just inherited a cheater.And sadly, this is going to haunt you for the rest of your days together. Your days are numbered.You know that deep inside.Will he cheat on you?Probably and you know it. And this fact will always stop you from trusting him. This fact will cause you to go crazy with suspicion and paranoia and worry every waking hour of every day. It will eat you up from the inside out. You will be a nervous wreck. You will be anxious, suffer from panic attacks, cry all the time, not be able to breathe due to hyperventilating. You will not be able to carry on with everyday life. This situation WILL PARALYZE you. Until you can actually break the addiction and move on with your life and find a man who is worthy of you. A cheating narcissist is not the one. He is no good. To anyone he comes across. You. His wife. You are both victims. And any other woman who comes along will suffer the same fate. He will leave a trail of broken heart behind him and believe you me, he will never look back. Because the entire time, he has never had emotions. He was never invested. He knows how to build walls. It can be a conscious choice in order to maintain distance while cheating or due to a personality disorder he may have.He is never going to love you. He is never going to return the depth of your emotions. He will be cold and emotionless. Even when you cry, and plead and beg him to love you. He will look at you like a snake with cold, dead eyes. He will not hold you, comfort you. He will just stare at you like you are some out of control, emotionally distraught freak. When, in fact, YOU are the one who IS HUMAN. He is just incapable of feeling. He does not have a heart. He is broken. He is defective. He is void of human emotion. Empty. Trying to get this kind of a man to love you back will only destroy your own sanity. Because you can't do it. No matter how hard you try. You will forever be begging him. Trying to convince him. You will never do that. He is just not capable. So it is best to accept this and get away from him.I wish he could love me. I am loveable. I am everything a man could ever want. But he does not see this. He never will. Why punish yourself over and over? Why set yourself up for a life of misery? What drives you to this sort of punishment and self hate? If you really loved yourself, you would not take this treatment from anyone.Is it fear of being alone? Of never finding anyone again? How can a few moments of sex and euphoria from a few stolen moments truly sustain you in the long run? It will always be an up and down ride. Euphoria one minute and then down in the depths of hell the rest of the time. Till it's time for another sexual escape. You are like a drug addict. Getting high from the fix. Feeling like crap in between till the next fix. Over and over. What a vicious, self destructive cycle. He is your drug dealer. He has kept you hooked on the drug of choice. Yours. His. Which is sex. Only that you give sex to receive LOVE from him. And he gives LOVE to receive sex from you. But he does not love you. He has been using you. For sex. That is why he turns on the charm. To get what he wants. And make no mistake, he will turn that charm up again. On his next, unsuspecting victim once the shine wears off you. And IT WILL. Maybe it already has. Watch your back. This is a high stakes game. I suggest if you cannot handle it. If you cannot handle the possibility of being destroyed, you owe it to yourself and your own sanity to give him the boot and don't look back. He is GOING TO HURT YOU. WHY give him that satisfaction? You be the one in CONTROL. You be the one to call the shots. YOU BE THE ONE TO WALK AWAY. Don't give him all your power. It is never too late to reclaim it. I hope you do what is right. You can do better. Let him destroy himself, and not take you down with him.
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A
female
reader, singinbluebird +, writes (19 October 2016):
 Before you go around accusing other people of narcissism, please also examine your own actions. Why are you cheating with this man? He is married, even if there is no significant other in your life, you are dating a man who has vowed to be with his wife til death do them part.
Narcissistic behavior usually entails people who cheat, see themselves only as their main priority and have very little empathy for others. You slept with a married man, he went back to his wife and you blamed her for cheating when you were the other woman, you violated tenant/landlord relationship, you brought a man into your home without consent/approval of your children, I think you should take a closer look at who the narcissist is.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (19 October 2016):
 Does it really matter WHAT he "is"?
He is a married guy who HAPPILY cheats on his wife. And you are a YOUNG person who HAPPILY cheated with a married guy AS LONG as the affair suited you, benefitted you.
You don't have a relationship, you have an affair. He isn't GOING to leave his wife. The Posh hotel and the sex was his way of ensuring she isn't going to stay mad at him. And since SHE hasn't left him either, and she KNOWS about the affair, she seems OK with it. She may not like it, but she isn't looking to divorce him either.
YOU are wasting your time on a man that isn't yours and who doesn't WANT to be your full time man either.
What example are you setting for you kids with this shitty drama?
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