A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I need some objective clarity. So here goes. When we were teens, say 16 years ago, he had a major crush on me and we went out a few times. I never reciprocated because I guess there weren't any feelings there, and I distanced myself from him. He ended up moving across country shortly after and we lost contact. Then came the age of Facebook, and he added me as a friend (2009). We superficially talked once or twice but coming out of a long-term relationship shortly after, I removed him as a friend (2010). He'd asked me about why I'd broken up with my ex and I just didn't want to get into it. I suspended my account after that. I'm sure he tried adding me again at some point but I declined the request.About 6 months ago, he added me again on Facebook. I'm in a committed relationship with two children now. He's single. The same day I accepted his friend request, he messages me almost immediately. We didn't really tex t that much until about a month ago. We started to discuss more personal things, like past relationships and I've been giving him advice on dating. We've been talking almost everyday recently and have even met up on several occasions. My partner knows about it, so there's no secrecy. At this point I will add that he's told me I'm attractive during our texts and that one of my exes was crazy to let me go.So that brings me to Monday. We were meant to meet up the following weekend but my partner said he prefers to meet the guy first, because he's starting to get suspicious and doubtful of his long-term intentions. I respected my partners view and told him that we will meet up all together. Until now, my partner was a non-issue (he never asked about how he felt, but was never opposed to meeting him and my two girls) and I'd go as far to say that we even flirted during those times we have met (positive body language, playful touching, eye contact, getting close, him going out of his way to see me). I even noticed that his personal care progressively improved when we met. So back to Monday, when I told him what my partner prefers suddenly he's concerned with how my partner feels about it all. I told him I like seeing him and find him engaging to be around, and then he comes out and asks me if I have any feelings for him because if so, he will cut contact with me! He doesn't want to be viewed as a home wrecker and tells me his intention was never to be more than friends anyway.I told him that I only like him as a platonic friend, however I don't want our friendship to wane because of how my partner feels. He agreed with me and admitted he was embarrassed about even suggesting I had feelings for him. He said he based his assumption on something I said a few weeks ago which made him assume I may have had some feelings for him. As it happens, what I said to him came out the wrong way.I'm so confused. What's going on? Does he have feelings for me? I just want to know why my partner only became an issue when I mentioned it to him.
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (1 July 2017):
 Your partner should be an issue. You've been flirting with someone who isn't your partner - did you tell him that much? "By the way, I've been flirting with that friend, is that okay?"
The guy expected more to come of it. You didn't set enough boundaries.
It's up to you what you do now, but how your partner feels is very important, if you want to keep your family together.
A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (30 June 2017):
 With Hubby coming along to the meeting I reckon it's burst his bubble. He starts to feel the heat. Can't face the man you’re committed to; knowing there have been playfully touches, flirting and getting close to you.
This now becomes a challenge in how to behave in front of hubby. Man to man let’s see if his intentions were not leading towards home wrecking?
Would have be an interesting meeting with these two cocks fighting it out... But I guess someone is pulling out and turned chicken?
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A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (29 June 2017):
 He's never forgotten you over the years and despite having been declined more than once, he still seeks you out. He steers the discussion to very personal topics, flirts with you, tells you you're attractive and puts in more effort to make himself more attractive, and goes out of his way to see you.
It obvious to me that he still has rather strong feelings for you.
And there is nothing innocent about this friendship on his end. In addition to the above, he claimed to be fine with meeting your family until it became very likely to happen. He tries to suss out your feelings, and only AFTER you tell him you're not interested does he tell you the same. He claims he doesn't want to be the cause of a break up and would delete you if he thought you fancied him, but that's only so that on paper, he appears innocent. If your husband intercepts your correspondence or if you leave your husband he has deniability. YOU'LL be the bad guy.
I've had a few male friends in my life over the years as well. One of them I've known since we were six years old. NONE of our conversations have been as personal as yours and when they call they'll spend a couple of hours talking to my husband instead of me if he happens to be the one to answer the phone.
I share your husband's misgivings about this guy and your friendship with him.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (29 June 2017):
 It's all well and good saying he doesn't want to be a home wrecker, but I would have the same reaction as your BF. Fair enough you have male friends but I think this guy may be starting to take the piss a bit and I'd also start getting slightly concerned if he's around all the time and want to meet him to see what he's up to.
I disagree with the others and do think he has feelings for you. On what planet would someone who sees another person as a friend only, repeatedly try to friend request someone that declines them? After the first decline surely he would accept you're not interested? Not continue to send them until you Accept. It's obvious when someone has rejected your request as you become able to send another one. I think he's trying to cause trouble personally.
Why don't you confide things in your partner rather than this guy?
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (29 June 2017):
 Can I ask, do you get attention from your partner? Are you bored in your relationship and looking for excitement outside of it?
Your partner sounds like a very reasonable man but even reasonable people have their limits. Be careful you do not push your partner past his.
Although you are not having a physical affair, you are virtually having an emotional one. Your constant contact with this "platonic friend" must surely be taking energy away from your relationship with your partner and children. Whether he has feelings for you or not is irrelevant if you are happy with your partner. Are you?
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (29 June 2017):
 No, he doesn't have feelings for you. I think he sees you as someone running after him and he enjoys the attention. He may lead you on for the ego boost because at one point of time it was the other way around but he's not interested in you. Your partner became an issue because he doesn't want any trouble and he doesn't want to get involved in anything that's complicated.
What I don't understand is, why are you communicating with him? What good can possibly come from it? You're in a committed relationship with two children and no matter how you look at it, you're playing with fire. You've admitted to flirting with him. Does that put you in a good light? He has nothing to lose, he's single; but what about you? Ever stop to think that you're accountable to your partner? What kind of a committed relationship is this?
I think you're looking to stir things up with him. You know he had a huge crush on you and you're thinking that maybe he still does. Your want him to. Why else would you be this close to someone like him, who you have a bit of a history with? I don't know what it is, maybe you're bored or just the fact that he finds you attractive and that makes you think you still have it. Or maybe you're thinking what if?
Well it's blown up in your face and I think you should exit with dignity. He has rejected you in a very blunt way and put you in your place. As I said before, he has nothing to lose, he's single. You stand to lose everything.
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