A
female
age
36-40,
*ustme2013
writes:My child's father and I have been really going through the drama.His new girlfriend is the cause of it.She does things to influence our arguing I'm honestly tired out of fighting and I'm tired of her causing problems I talked to him about but he seems to not get the fact that she is doing things on purpose I love my child's dad and wish one day we could work it out but for now I just want us to get along and be cool.How do I flip all of this negative threatening situation into a positive one ?????? With out begging or looking weak?How do I work on getting him back?I'm not concerned about his girl, she is with him for his money and the title(trust me I know)
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (23 February 2013):
 "Sounds" to me like "Baby Daddy" used you and is now on to the NEXT girl he is going to use.... and - ultimately - both you and this next girl will be able to collaborate on the NEXT submittal, on here, when the THIRD girl comes in to the picture.....
This guy isn't worth your time/effort or energy. Just send him on his way and spend all your time making the best life you can for your child.....
Good luck....
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2013): Sounds like someone is a little jealous and doesn't want him to move on. Which isn't fair at all to him. What was the cause of the breakup in the first place. And you shouldn't be fighting in from of the child remember that.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (23 February 2013):
 I think his new gf probably senses that you want him back. So for her it becomes about marking territory. The more you try to get close to your ex, the further she wants to push you away.
As it happens, the way to "win him back" is also the way to stop the arguing. You argue because to you, so much is at stake. You're so close to your ex in heart and mind that everything becomes so painful, even small things like a bad comment can spur an argument. You can blame the new gf all you want, but she's not the one arguing, you and him are. If there's nothing inflammable then a few sparks from her wouldn't cause a fire.
The solution? Like others have said, stop thinking of him as a potential partner. Don't go around hoping and dreaming of having him back. Cut the cord, cut the fantasy out of your head. If you and him every get back together, it will be years from now, and probably in a very calm and not so romantic manner. It wont be through serenades and you on a balcony under the full moon and huge love declarations. No, if you want your man back, then you will have to drop the dreams. The way you and him can be back together is years from now, when he isn't with another girlfriend, and when you have grown and no longer desperately seek his attention.
When you back off and don't try to steal her man away, the gf will also calm down and not try to meddle. But you have to stop trying to change the course of things. If you and your man are meant to be together you will find your way back together. But now is not the time. The harder you try, the further away you push him. If you want him back you need to let him come to you, out of his own free will and on his own two feet. Not through you pulling and dragging.
So let go. If he is yours, he'll come back to you. If he doesn't come back he was never yours.
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (23 February 2013):
 Hi
You need to think of him as your childs Dad,not a potential partner. He has a girlriend and you are single.
The child does not need to be in the middle of all this bad feeling and all it will achieve is alienating your Ex,who may decide it's not worth the arguing and stop seeing the child.
Be strong,be good a parent, not a bitter Ex who wants the childs father back.You need to let him go and move on yourself.I know its hard when an Ex begins dating others but he is free to do so now.So are you.
If he sees you as happy, a great mum, then he is seeing you in a better light than a person causing problems.His girlfriend sees you as a threat,but thats her problem.Don't drive him away from being a Dad,you two,no matter what,will be the parents so its better to be on good terms than bad for the next decade or so.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2013): "How do I flip all of this negative threatening situation into a positive one ??????"By devoting all your energies to giving YOUR CHILD (whom you haven't bothered to mention in this or previous recent posts) the best possible start in life by putting his or her best interests ahead of your self-indulgent juvenile fantasyland obsessions about a guy who has moved on from you. "How do I work on getting him back?"You don't. He doesn't want you back. The more you alienate your ex's new girlfriend, the more you push away your child's father. No matter how you phrase the same question over several posts, you are not going to get the answer you so desperately want to hear. You can't wave a magic wand to make baby daddy want you back or new girlfriend to disappear; you can only do what's best for your child and stop treating him or her like an afterthought.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (23 February 2013):
 I am sorry. Totally misread the post.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (23 February 2013):
It takes two people to fight. The baby mama can't make your boyfriend go back to her, but she can take away a lot of his time from you, like frequently calling him for trivial things to help out. Your boyfriend would comply in order to avoid fights, also to lessen the guilt of not being around his child much. He might not have enough feelings to go back to her in a relationship, but he has some to maintain as a civil father figure to the family. I think that's the title you mean. She doesn't want him, but she doesn't want him to be happy with another woman either. She gets the satisfaction that he can't really be a full time boyfriend to you, because of her. I am assuming you don't have a baby yourself. It sounds like they haven't been broken up for a long time. He needs to get used to being a single father and assert his rights to his private time. You also decide how much you can tolerate not being priority.
You asked how you could get him back, implying that you have just broken up?
I think he is stressed by this tug of war by two women, like he can't satisfy both and needs a time out. He needs to learn that a relationship needs effort. If he can't afford time and energy to date, AND be a father too, then he shouldn't be in a relationship. If you still want to be with him, you have to accept his limitations and be realistic about what he can offer you. That's if he still wants to be with you again.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (23 February 2013):
 This is not about your baby. You want him back and she's an obstacle. She wants him and you are her obstacle. This one's not hard at all.
You have to respect your ex's choice in women. Be classy. He's with someone else, so make all contact about being parents. You are the mother of his child. Don't use the baby to gain leverage or push the new girlfriend out.
It's time to realize...you're a mom first and foremost. You set the environment for your child above all. Your child is your first love, with all priorities, including silly games with his new GF fighting over him.
You need to move on. There are more guys out there.
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