A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hello good people. this is my situation. ive been dating a guy for 8 months now. he's in the army and got deployed a month after we started dating. Our relationship had such strong chemistry that i decided to wait on him till h comes bak in june. We've kept in touch, he sends me money to help out with my bills not every month but every other month,we talked about getting married when he gets back. OKay so at the begining of this month he took his 15 day leave(r and r). he spent the majority of the time w/me and my 9 yr old son. we took professional family pictures and everything. the rest of his leave he spent in tx w/his relatives.i live i tn by the way. he's been bac i kuwait for 2 weeks now. fas foward to yesterday-he tells me he hasnt been honest in our relationship and he's gotta get this off his chest. He told me he's llegaly married but seperated(since 09) with adopted kids. he told me in the beggining that he's never been married and is childless. this woman moved to Ga and he's been apologizing nonstop and tellin me that he's been goig thru divorce procedure and that he wants me to go with him to the attorneys office in tx when he signs the final paperwork in june. i feel like our whole relationship was based off a lie. ive been divorced from my sons father for 7 yrs now and i told him frm the get go. Should i try to wrk things out or should i move on?
View related questions:
divorce, money, move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 January 2012):
 I think I would consider giving him a second chance... maybe he felt you would not be interested in him if he had baggage of an ex wife and adopted kids...
A
male
reader, Honest Answer +, writes (29 January 2012):
 From what I have read, I think you should give him another chance. (BTW, I am a Soldier currently in Afghanistan). Although he lied to you in the begining, he seems like he wants to clear the waters so that you two could possibly move forward in your relationship.
R&R is a big deal to a Soldier. After 6 months in the war zone, you want to spend quality time with someone you truely love. And remember, of all the people in the world to visit, he chose you and your son. And to top it off, he took you to see his family. (That tells me that the other marriage is truely over).
I really do wish you the best of luck!
Jeff
P.S. Go Vols!
...............................
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (29 January 2012):
 He sounds utterly contrite and he wants you to witness the divorce. It is sad if he is not seeing his adopted children very often.
I think you are special to him, and he wants to marry you and do the right thing by you.
But he should have been upfront from the outset. Perhaps he thought he would lose you if he was upfront? And he did not want to lose you?
Usually I am disappointed to hear a separated guy describe himself as single when he is not. I know many guys THINK of themselves as single the moment they walk out the door.
But in this instance I think he wants to do the right thing.
Thus there is some talking to do. Since he adopted the children and then fell out with their mother, I would want him to still try to do the right thing by the children he adopted.
And perhaps discuss with him what sort of father role he envisages for himself with your child? Since he may still be paying for the adopted children you and he need to work on a viable budget that will allow you to live OK despite his past commitments.
It goes against what I might usually say, but in this instance if he is truly genuine I would consider giving him a chance, as long as he will treat you right.
He should also explore WHY his marriage broke up. If we cannot identify why something happened, the we risk making the same mistake over and over again.
I think he can see himself as your partner in life.
But he still has work to do to convince you.
And it truly is YOUR decision and he has to convince YOU.
Best Wishes for the future
Abella
...............................
|
