A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone,I didnt know who else to bring this up with so thought i'd see what other people on here think...Basically my partner and I are in a very loving relationship. We both want children and plan to start trying in a year. I'm being a typical woman though and the clock is ticking so i wouldnt care if it was sooner. I respect my partners decision though.So the issue is...when it comes to love making, all is going fine. I know we need to use a condom so not fuss there. But sometimes during the act my partner has made comments about pre-cum and not being too close to my bits, and also double checking the condom. I end up feeling so turned off i am dry and in turn the whole experience just hurts...I am telling him its hormonal dryness but i just get put off by him seeming like its so awful to even risk impregnating me! we end up using lubricant but it doesnt help my interest levels...I can respect his fear COMPLETELY! but I just get so turned off when he does it.is this normal??
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condom, lubricant, want children Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Curiouser  +, writes (30 January 2012):
It might not be as simple as this, but... if you've talked about starting a family with your partner at length and you are confident that he really does WANT to start trying in a year; could you try to concentrate on him caring so much about your future children that not for a minute would he consider leaving them ill-prepared for, and hence wants to save up and be able to provide well for them from day one?Exaggerate this to your heart's content of generous landowner Mr Darcy and the impressive life of luxury ahead of you! Assume that he wants to be able to treat the whole family as you deserve in the future- and that includes you! Imagine him coming home from work to you and the children with pretty parcels for the children and flowers for you, and then offering to whisk you away for the weekend once the children are older.Associate his care with how much he adores you and wants to start a family once he is confidently able to give your children the best start in life and when he can still afford to treat you as his princess as the same time!
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (29 January 2012):
 Obviously he isn't ready for kids, hence the double checking. Personally, I would talk to him and be honest about it.
However, if he isn't ready for kids, he isn't ready and you really need to respect that. I have to say I like the idea of a guy who is able to focus on the condom instead of knocking someone up or having an Oppps baby.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (29 January 2012):
 Unless he has an STD, his pre-cum isn't dangerous and is highly unlikely to get you pregnant. Pre-cum cannot contain sperm on its own, it can only contain sperm that was already in the urethra. As long as he hadn't ejaculated recently and had urinated since, there won't be any sperm there to pick up. So if he's really nervous, you can tell him that if he refrains from masturbating on days you'll have sex, he can stop worrying about it.As for double checking the condom, for the same reason as above, can't he wait until he's starting to get close to just reach down and check on it?Also have you thought about other forms of birth control, such as the pill so you don't have to worry about it?It's probably also worth talking to him about having a baby. Sounds like there's a deeper issue there if he's this paranoid despite wanting one in the next year.
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A
male
reader, Honest Answer +, writes (29 January 2012):
 Have you all ever giving thought to other types of birth control (B/C)? Since you two are in a monogamous relationship and plan on starting a family in the future, why not try other realible B/C that might not be such mood killers.You have to respect him for not taking the possibility of having a child before both of you are ready.Good Luck!Jeff
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (29 January 2012):
 Talk to him! Tell him it is putting you off. Its great that he is being careful, but theres a limit, and it is a turn off to see him being picky. He needs to take a chill pill or else your sex life will go down the drain. Maybe you could use birth control pills instead to ease things up and get rid of the condoms?
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (29 January 2012):
 Hi
Well the one good thing about this situation is that his not going to be the type of guy to get you pregnant and leave you, his just being extra safe because he wouldn't want to bring a life into this world when his clearly not ready to. On the down side I see your frustrations, once maybe or even twice, but to constantly keep checking is enough to put anyone off. I agree with xlaurenx , honesty IS the best policy. When you have a quiet moment tell him how this is effecting your sex drive. I wouldn't mention however about wanting a baby anytime is fine with you, because his likely to go off sex completely, if his not ready to be a father yet. When the time is right for BOTH of you is when the time is right for a baby.
I hope this helps
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2012): I think honesty is the best policy here. Next time it happens just say his anxiety about checking the condom has made you lose the spark, he couldn't carry on if he lost his erection or something so why should you carry on? Or even before it happens just say you are tiring of his obsessiveness over the condom and ask if he really does want children in a year or so? If so why this hassle, if you did happen to get pregnant it would almost be a year before the child arrived so what's the panic?
Perhaps by bringing it up he will calm down, he might not even realise how often he does it. Good luck xxx
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (29 January 2012):
 This man is a card carrying over-fussy passion-killer devotee.
You are completely normal to be turned off by this over-anxiousness on his part.
Perhaps he is really special to you so you can tolerate a little over-anxiousness on his part.
But if it were me I think he would be shown the door. What he is doing is so .... B o r i n g.... And I would underline it if DC allowed that as well.
Does he need some counselling on some ailment that makes him so miserably anxious?
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