A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Recent events have upset me and dare say ruined my wedding ...Please read...My aunt (my dad’s sister) has always been a bit controlling. I remember when I was a child she'd always have tantrums and cause arguments if things didn't go her way. Anyway when I was 16 she got married in America. I was in the middle of my GCSE year and she hit the roof when she found out that I had my English exam 2 days before her wedding as she wanted us all out there a week before and suggested I either miss my exam or take it early. Fortunately my mum stepped in and it was decided everyone would fly over a week before and me and mum would fly out 2 days before. Anyways my aunt wouldn't stop bitching about it as I had inconvenienced her!Fast forward time and she went to live in American and the rest of us got on with our lives. I kind of kept in touch with her but mainly on birthdays Christmas. I'm now getting married. However instead of enjoying bring a bride to be I'm actually very upset and angry at what's happened... My aunt has kicked off as the day I'm getting married is when she and her husband and kids are on holiday in Florida- she has asked me to move my wedding date to accommodate them and then proceeded to get angry with me as I should have known they would be on vacation! How on earth could I have known as we barely talk and my grandparents knew she was going interstate but she never told them when!I apologised to her but made it clear I couldn't change my wedding date as we had paid the deposit and if we cancelled we'd have to wait another 8 months to get a slot in the same place!She made an excuse to get off the phone and I thought no more about it until I bumped in to a family friend and she alerted me that my aunt had been slagging me off on Facebook! I don't have an account but she showed me on hers and theses comments were written :"Well they say blood is thicker than water, but not in my case... I'm ashamed to be related to such a selfish person""It's not a nice feeling being alienated by your niece who has to put herself 1stand to hell with everyone us! Thanks for deliberately upsetting us all!"I can't believe she has put this online and I can't even defend myself.. I feel so sick as she has made it seem I've done it on purpose which I haven't!My mum tried to speak to her about it but was hung up on and she refused to speak to me and my dad refuses to get involved saying "it's woman stuff."Now to add insult on injury my aunt has told my grandparents that if they come to my wedding they won’t be welcome to go to America to spend Christmas with them this year as they had planned.She is being absolutely ridiculous about it all and I just want to cancel the entire wedding and just elope with my fiancé!e
View related questions:
christmas, facebook, miss my ex, my ex, on holiday, wedding Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (23 April 2013):
I didnt read past the first sentence.
YOUR wedding. End of story.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 April 2013):
 Your aunt is behaving like a spoiled rotten child.
DO not move the wedding date, do not let her bad behavior upset you, IN fact, use this as a way to excise her from your life fully.
She's not local. she's selfish, she's childish and she is obviously used to getting her way.
It's YOUR wedding and if she does not like the date... oh well. I had a wedding where my dad would not attend due to the weather being too cold for him. I offered to move the wedding as it was not set in stone yet and he was like "NO...go enjoy" who attends does not make the marriage just the party... and who needs a child like your aunt at the wedding.
I hope your grandparents tell her that they will happily spend Christmas with you and not with her in the states to get her to shut up (and I'm sure she will back down on that threat once she's called on it).
How do your parents feel about her?
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (22 April 2013):
 Your wedding date is far more important than her holiday. Go ahead with your plans for your big day and if she cannot make it... well then too bad she misses out.
And if she gets so upset about it you might never have to see or hear from her again!
...............................
A
female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (21 April 2013):
 Personally, i would send her a box full of toys with a note saying "now don't go throwing these out of your pram, but I would rather you be in Florida on my wedding day"
Some people are so narrow minded it amazes me! There are plenty of people in this world that desperately need a reality check. I say you go ahead and enjoy your special day without her there, if she wants to throw a bitch-fit and put stuff on facebook then let her! Just proves that she is ungrateful and selfish for not respecting your choices.
As for your grandparents, they can do as they wish, they can go and visit their great grand children and if she doesn't like it, then she can do her own thing whilst the family spend time together.
Change of tactics is needed here. You've tried to be reasonable with her, tried to talk things through and it's done diddly squat! So, time to play her at her own game. Be unreasonable, like she is. Give her grief over the smallest things.
Other aunts and uncles make think that this is just as immature as her behaviour, basically i have no time for people who consistently stamp their feet and scream until they get what they want. This is basic toddler logic, if i kick up enough fuss, they will give in and i will get what i'm kicking and screaming for.
Enough is enough, take a stand and show her that you will not put up with her bitch-fits any longer! You deserve an amazing wedding, don't let her ruin that for you.
Good luck!!
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (21 April 2013):
 Sorry, you even have to deal with a drama-llama like that.
Have you sat your dad down and talk to him? I know you mentioned that he thinks it's woman's stuff, but that to me is a cop out.
Secondly, I would go ahead and have the wedding on the planned date and have a great day with THOSE who DO "dare" to show up.
I can't see why HER vacation is more important that YOUR wedding, SHE could bloody move the vacation, IF she wanted to.
Let her say whatever she wants - it DOESN'T make her right.
I'm guessing she is at least in her 40's? So she ought to stop throwing fits like a 5 year old.
Have a great wedding and be happy she can't make it, that is one day that there shouldn't BE any drama.
F her.
...............................
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (21 April 2013):
 I'm shocked and appalled at your aunts behavior. I suspect that she is still somewhat stung by your late arrival to her wedding. If she had a lick of sense she would have appreciated your coming late as an extra teen underfoot during her wedding preparations would just have been a distraction. Her current protest is even weaker based on her last experience. Certainly if she expected the rest of the family to move their schedules for the brides convenience when she was the bride, then she should move her schedule when you are the bride.
Really the day is all about you and everyone should acknowledge that. Your grandfather is the person to take the lead in talking to the aunt. He is the patriarch and responsible for improving his child's behavior.
FA
...............................
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (21 April 2013):
 Hi
I can totally understand you wanting to elope. However getting things into perspective
Your aunt is in another country and is only one guest (plus husband) - the rest of your guests can make your wedding and will be only to pleased to be there.
SO either your auntie cut's short her holiday or,as she so desperately wants to be at the wedding uses the time to holiday in the UK instead.
As for all her rantings on FB, she is only making herself look bad. Nobody will think any less of you, in fact they will sympathise.She is being very unreasonable and also using emotional blackmail.
So, suggest she holidays in the UK or doesn't come to the wedding, end of. It's your special day so you have the last say.
...............................
A
male
reader, droberts7357 +, writes (21 April 2013):
I suggest you look upon this challenge as an opportunity to get a cancerous drain upon your happiness out of your life.
Don't move the wedding, and with any luck you'll never have to deal with this aunt again.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2013): You are not alone, I too have experienced pre-wedding fall outs and to be honest it did affect me just as it has you. But then I started thinking and felt that actually I, like you, have done nothing wrong and so if there choice is to act up, cause further arguments and create a drama then don't let them come. When they're not there its them who looks bad, not you.I also wanted to go to another country and not have a wedding for family at all, but why miss an opportunity for everyone else to be excited and share your special day with you? If you did that then you have allowed someone else's actions to determine your choices and I think that's wrong.My own grandfather will not be attending my wedding for how he has behaved. If your aunt cannot grow up then I would simply stop trying with her and leave her in the bitter world she's created for herself. Once she stops getting attention she'll sit back and realise what she's done - or you would hope so. If she's someone who would still blame you then you're better off without her in your life. It's your wedding so have there whoever YOU and yout fiancé want there. Not who your mum thinks you should have or your fiancé's mum thinks you should have etc... It's the one day you are fully entitled to do what you wish so be strong. My experience with my wedding has taught me to think of myself more, I refuse to bend over backwards to keep people happy as long as I have around me friends and family who love and support me the wedding day will be a happy one; regardless of who is or isn't there.Best of luck x
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2013): I wouldn't write and I wouldn't call your aunt anymore. . You and your mum have done everything you can to ease this situation, which I must say is of her making.. If you must write a letter send it to her husband explain your writing to him as your aunt won't listen it isn't about your wedding as that date is fixed and you cannot move it, you had no idea about their holiday and if they want they can cancel their holiday and come to your wedding..You are mostly writing to make sure that this does not explode into something it isn't.. You will miss them at the wedding but you understand they can't cancel their holiday as they will lose money, as they need to understand you can't cancel your day as you will lose money.. That's the simple facts .. However even though you will miss them. You understand as should they you . That said this is nothing to do with your mum or your grand parents and you would hope he will be the voice of reason to see this.. There needs to be a truce!! And I would wish them a happy holiday .. And that would be it ..
...............................
A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (21 April 2013):
 I think your Aunt is being unreasonable and immature. She must be disappointed, but she's not reacting normally. Her postings on Facebook are passive aggressive swipes and you must try to rise above it. She's only making herself look stupid on FB, by the way.
Rather than trying to communicate by phone - since she won't let you - why not write her a letter explaining everything as you have here. Apologise for having neglected to check whether she was available when you chose your wedding date (because that was a bit lapse) but be polite and firm when you tell her it's not possible to change the wedding date at this stage.
I think you can only hope to smoothe things over; doesn't sound like she'll be at your wedding and perhaps you'll be more relaxed that way?
As for your father, the grandparents and your mum - well, they shouldn't even be involved, especially since it's not helping. You're an adult and I think you have to deal with it. Perhaps you could include in a letter to your aunt something like: "I'd hate to think that this misunderstanding between you and me will cause any upset to other family members. I know my grandparents are really looking forward to coming to the USA at Christmas time".
You have to try to rise above her and just remember that most of us have a family member we don't like ... you have to work out how to deal with her in the future, or whether you actually want to deal with her at all.
Enjoy your wedding day!
...............................
A
female
reader, cute angel  +, writes (21 April 2013):
 Dear OP,Your aunt is being unreasonable!its your wedding and you have every right to pick a date that you and your fiancee decide..I can't believe your aunt can stoop down to such a low level and act so juvenile aand make such nasty comments on facebook!!Actually I can relate to you a little I had an aunt,(I use the word had because I have completely cut her off) She wouldd do everything she possibly can to ruin my family,she often complained about my family to everyone and her kids followed her footsteps!ever since we cut her off,life has been soo much better without all the negativity!OP I don't understand why you should run off?You hvent done anything wrong..if you elope you'll look like the guilty one!!Continue the wedding preparations,stick to your date,please don't break your head over a so called aunt who doesn't even care about you,rather than helping you with your wedding she's bickering about it!why do you even need such people at your wedding OP,shouldn't it be celebrated with people who you love and care!DON'T change your date OP,don't give importance to such people..if she come's around then good for her,if she doesn't then too bad she wouldn't be part of your wedding!And its awful she would go to an extent of blackmailing her grandparents into not attending your wedding,that just shows she's pretty shady and has a 'sick mind'..I hope your grandparents don't fall for her trap and not attend the wedding, which they should attend!Don't worry about things like this OP,you don't need aunts like this in the long run..focus on your wedding,pamper yourself and have a beautiful wedding..good luck to you:)
...............................
|
