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Is it worth breaking up over this situation?

Tagged as: Cheating, Dating, Flirting, Social Media, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (17 April 2017) 8 Answers - (Newest, 19 April 2017)
A female United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Alright so this is kind of a confusing situation for me and I'm really in need of opinions/advice.

I've been with my fiance for a little over 3 years. A couple months ago, I found out that he was talking to another woman basically the same way he talks to me (about sex, loving her, getting married) he had only known her a couple months when I found out and they only talked through text and phone calls, they never met in person.

He told me it was all b^^^^it and he was scamming her because she sent him money.

So I asked him to stop talking to her, or at least stop talking to her in ways he should only be talking to me.

A couple weeks later, I find out he's still doing it. Again, I asked him to stop, and about another couple weeks later, he was STILL doing it.

I had to stop it myself by finding out the woman's email address and talked to her about how he says he's "scamming" her.

Then after I did that, he got mad at me for being insecure. In fact he still gets mad at me when I bring it up and tries to somehow make it my fault because I didn't help him with money and I'm "too insecure".

So he told me he kept doing it because he thought I would eventually see that it was all b^^^^it and not care because he couldn't ever want anyone other than me.

So here I am a couple months after this, I'm still with him, but can't get over it. He didn't physically cheat, but I still feel somehow cheated on or betrayed. I just never thought he would do anything like that, and now my feelings for him have changed and I can't trust him, but I can't get myself to break up with him because I don't know if I'm just being overly sensitive.

It's just hard for me to let go of him after so long and all the promises we made. Any advice helps, thank you!

View related questions: fiance, insecure, money, text

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (19 April 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntI don't think it is a fact that he has never treated you like this in the past, my guess is that he just didn't get caught.

Honestly he speaks to you like you are a doormat. He makes such pathetic excuses and what scares me is it seems you are insecure enough to believe him when he says he continued to show you he doesn't care.

Honestly you will never trust him, because he will keep doing this, the reason being he thinks he can walk all over you and treat you like muck, then he has the cheek to say it is you being at fault.

Honestly sweetie it sounds to me like you have some major confidence issues and you don't think you should be treated better. Please end things and see him for what he is, a low life who has no respect or love for women. A thug who talks his way around women to get what he wants, and that is you included.

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A female reader, mad stacey United Kingdom +, writes (17 April 2017):

As hard as it is to walk away why would you want to be with a man how would scam someone??? And why does he need money?? Did you see evidence Tha he received money ?? Why would you want to be with a guy like this ... You really want a life with him .... maybe he's using you??? How would you feel if a family member got scammed like this did he "meet her" on a chat site?? Being with a serial scamer or cheater is not what you dreamed of growing up , is it??? Find the strength to leave.. I guarantee he's not trustworthy and he will cheat how far will he go to get money ??

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2017):

Wow you need to wake up and smell the cow fields. It worries me very much that you didnt seem to critically analyze this situation at all. I agree with the others, how could you be ok with the fact that your boyfriend steals and scams naive women? You sound like another one of his naive victims.Where are your morals, what he is doing is despicable.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2017):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you for your answers. I see that it's been brought up how it seems I didn't care about him scamming. I am upset about that fact too, which is part of why I felt I had to contact the woman to let her know. I feel I was in disbelief of the whole situation, and because I have spent so much time with him, and he's never treated me this way, it was hard for me to look at him badly.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway + , writes (17 April 2017):

chigirl agony auntI find it astonishing that what you're worried about is him cheating (and yes, this is cheating) when in fact the worse and more alarming thing is what he openly admitted: scamming. So he fesses up to being a low life criminal who uses others and has no morals and wants to use other women for money because you don't give him money, rather than have a back bone and earn his own money.

Why aren't you reacting to this? Your "fiance" is a criminal who wants to use you for money, and when you don't give it to him he has no moral to stop him from scamming others, just in order to get money!!!

Are you seriously planning a life with a scammer and a cheater? What's next, he wants to steal a car because you don't buy him a new one?

Scamming is stealing! Scamming is lying! There is no excuse for this, it reveals his clear lack of morals or willingness and desire to make an earnest living. Im absolutely repulsed. He will not think twice before stealing other things, I can promise you that. Im sure by now you've already found several items around the house that he has stolen or "borrowed" from others. Scamming is just one of the MANY things thieves do to get their hands on other peoples money. In 5 years he will still be there, scamming others or worse, and he might even have had the police visit him once or twice. What can of life can he possibly give you?

Yes, this is worth breaking up over. You decide what kind of man you want to spend the rest of your life with, and you need to decide if this is really the kind of person you want to be associated with.

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia + , writes (17 April 2017):

Aunty BimBim agony auntOh, excuse me, did you not notice your fiancé is a liar, a scammer, thief and a cheat?

How come the fact he is lying to another woman to scam (steal) money from her slipped your notice, or are you okay with that?

How would he think you would not care about that?

The guy is not a good person, do you really want to spend the rest of your life with somebody who behaves as he does?

He has already proven he cant be trusted so think about what you really want for your future. (PS if you stay with him and get married ... have children ... do you want them growing up to be just like their dad, liars, thieves, scamming, untrustworthy cheats?)

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (17 April 2017):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntInteresting that it didn't actually bother you that your fiance would scam women, just that he was sharing intimate texts with this woman. So if he had been scamming her but not sending her the intimate texts, you would have been ok with marrying a low-life who makes money by preying on vulnerable and naive women? You have a different moral compass to me, that's for sure.

As your fiance has lied already, time and time again, you have no proof that he didn't actually meet up with this woman, nor that he was truly "just" scamming her (like that makes it ok).

You have a gut instinct for a good reason: to warn you when something is not right. You are FEELING things are not right, yet you are hanging in there. Why? Because he has convinced you that YOU are the problem, not him? Lady, you need to wake up, remove those rose coloured spectacles and acknowledge what a creepy lowlife you are engaged to. Do you really not think you are worth better?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2017):

Honestly I don't know where to start!

How about with the fact that he's scamming someone for money? He's the sort of low life that people are taught to be wary of and to avoid. He's perfectly happy lying his way to some stranger's money. Lying to get to her money through her vulnerability and loneliness. What a star! How on earth do you not see what kind of scum you have ended up with?

Plus the fact that he makes you the one at fault when you ask him about it?

He couldn't care less about you and your feelings and he couldn't care less about cheating strangers out of their money. do you not see what kind of a scumbag he is?

Is it worth breaking up over?

If you don't know the answer to this, then I cannot imagine what this man has to do to make you realise he is worthless!!!

Not only dump him as fast as you can (his promises mean ZERO)but report him for fraud.

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