A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone. Back in September, I moved into a shared house with three other people. Two of them I didn't know before, but there had always been chemistry between me and this other person. This other person and I have been close ever since we met. I can say that I've known him for about 6 months now, and seen him every day of those six months. He wanted a relationship with me at the start. We went on lots of dates and we were pretty much a couple but one night we got into a drunken fight which changed everything. I went on holiday and when I came back he didn't want to know. We have been 'friends' since then, we've spent every night together, and cuddled and slept together, as he lives in the room just next to mine.Just over a month ago I told him my true feelings. I said that I could'nt hold them back any more and that the reason I hadnt made room for anyone else was becuase no one compared to him and that I wanted to be with him, bascially.I was drunk and crying when I sent the text...and read the reply from him saying that he could'nt give me what I wanted and that he didn't know what else to say. I apologized instantly and said i hoped i had made things too awkward between us.When I got back after Christmas, it wasn't awkward at all. We continued to spend time together, and sleep together, and I could sense that he was starting to be himself around me. We did new things together. He'd text me all the time, and I genuinely felt (call me sad) that he'd realised how much he liked me, and that if we kept spending more time together, or that if i played slightly hard to get, he would want to be with me again. The last few days, he has been ignoring me, and I've over-heard him talking (quite loudly too) about a girl that he's been on several dates with and that he met for a coffee. He is also meeting her tonight for another date.When I heard this, I felt like I couldn't breathe. I have been crying all night and I can't seem to think about anything else! I literally do not know what to do. I'm so upset that he's chosen her over me, and if things progress between them, I literally do not know what I will do. All i want is for him to be happy, and i'm sure that she is lovely, but I can't help thinking that it should be me and him. He has become my best friend, my closest companion, but there is nothing that I can do. I can only watch as he gets closer to her.I see him every day, I hear him in the room next to me, everything is a constant reminder of when we were together...and it hurts so much.I don't think I can be friends with him when he's seeing other girls, yet we live in the same house. I've begun acting completely unlike myself for the last few months, its as if all of my actions have revolved around him, and I'm concerned for myself. I don't think talking to him would help as he already knows how I feel about him. The only other thing that I can think of would be to move out. But surely that's just running away from the situation? I just feel so confused right now, and any advice would be appreciated
View related questions:
best friend, christmas, drunk, moved in, on holiday, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, straight to the truth +, writes (9 January 2013):
He told you he couldn't give you what you want and he didn't want you as a girlfriend and it sounds like you turned yourself into his Friend with benefits in the hope he would develop feelings for you. Unfortunately more often than not this never works, he has moved on found a potential new girlfriend and you have lost your FWB. I personally would move out because I would find it to hard being around him in that situation. It shouldn't matter that you are running away it is more about doing what is right for you. The last thing you are going to want is to be in the bedroom next door listening to him and his new girlfriend.I would not recommend talking to him again about your feelings because he is already aware of them and he hasn't chosen you. you simply have to deal with that because otherwise you will put the out there again and instantly regret it.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (9 January 2013):
 I totally agree with the previous answers. You need to find a new place and get a fresh start. You and he will never be in the kind relationship you so desire. If you stay in that house you will have 2 more roomates living with you, pain and suffering.
...............................
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (9 January 2013):
 I dont think moving out would be running away, it would be simply removing yourself from a painful situation.
It seems that you were in a relationship at first, then broke up, and then what happened next was the problem - you thought you were spending time together with the view to getting back together, whereas he saw it as a FWB situation.
When you become a FWB you can never be boyfriend/girlfriend again, he made it very clear all along once you came back from the holiday that he couldnt give you what you wanted, yet you still gave him what he wanted (sex) in the hope that sleeping with him would make him want you again. This is the biggest mistake in the book - when a girl becomes 'easy' the guy no longer wants her. You were there every day, the easy option when he wanted a bit of female company or sex. There was no challenge in getting you to like him, he knew he didnt need to take you out on dates or anything because you already had feelings for him.
It was a bit harsh of him to start dating again without telling you, but then again he did start ignoring you so that should have been a bit pretty big sign to you that he has ended your FWB situation and doesnt want to know anymore. When you are in a FWB though you can still see other people, and on his part there were no feelings for you so to him he could do what he wants when he wants without having to inform you.
The only option I can see for you is to move out, he is dating someone new and that is going to hurt a lot when she starts coming over to the house and you see them together. You werent friends with this guy before, he was someone you had chemistry with so you havent lost a friend here, you have just lost a guy who you wanted to be your boyfriend, but he didnt want you. There is no reason to stick around in this house with 3 people who are not friends, you would just be staying to punish yourself by seeing him with someone new.
Best to move on, put this down as a bad experience and if you ever have a house share again - dont get involved with anyone you live with!!
...............................
A
female
reader, R1 +, writes (9 January 2013):
 That's tough. The only solution is to cut contact and if it is possible to move out I would recommend it. Don't put yourself through the mental torture of watching him date her or any other girl. He wasn't the one, but there are many other men out there who will treat you right an love you for who you are.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (9 January 2013):
 What's wrong with running away from THIS situation ? save your courage for more important,challenging occasions when you'll really need it ( hopefully never ! ) and ,if you can do it without too much trouble and too many expenses , move out, which will help you put also some psychological distance between you and this situation and start afresh in other directions.
It started as quasi relationship.. it fizzled, hey it happens, that's what dating for, to see if it works for both, or not. It turned into a sort of FWB. The guy told you , basically, that he won't give you anything more, and he is moving on. Not much you can do , other than stiffing upper lip, and hearing him making love to his new conquests in the room next to yours. Or, moving out .
...............................
|
