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I enjoy having sex with my male cousin. Should I be so scared about others finding out?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Cheating, Family, Gay relationships, Health, Long distance, Sex, Three is a crowd, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 August 2011) 6 Answers - (Newest, 12 September 2011)
A male Canada age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Hi everybody, this is me confessing something I would never tell anyone. While I wish I can write more in details about it, I'm making it short. This is also a gay thing, so if you are not comfortable about it don't read further.

I am not very connected with the family on my father's side, so I have this extremely good looking 2nd cousin that I saw him only 2 times in my whole life once when I was 4 and once when I was 8. At 10 my parents left and went to Canada

Long story short, I visited my home in Europe and I went to visit my aunt who I haven't seen in 8 yrs. and planned to stay there for 1 week.

My 2nd cousin just finished University and he also joined us there is a 5 yrs difference. I started to get along with him really well, the 4th night there was a party, which led me and him doing things together.

He first kissed me while I was sitting alone on the couch wasted from the alcohol, telling me how attractive and sexy I am. Later on that same night he came into the guest room while I had been sleeping under the alcohol influence and kissed me, touched me, which lead me and him having sex.

He was engaged at the time with his girlfriend and he is now married . We never spoke about it again, until I visited Europe again 2 yrs and half later.

He started to text me and ask me why I did not give a sign that I came in Europe (I was already there for 2 months) and of course he knew why.

He then brought back the memories, and wanted to do it again with me at all cost.he actually came where I was staying at my grandmother and was very insistent. He really is extremely good looking and I couldn't say no .

We had sex two or three times a week for the next 2 months of July and August, definitely one of the best sex rampages of my life, because we use to do it in this old abandoned house at night in summer,or in the corn field and we were so into each other.

It was just one of those moments when you feel young and so alive the kind of moment it only happens once in a life-time.

I am about to go in Europe this winter and we can't wait to do it again.

I have been in a relationship for 3 yrs with a girl and he is married, but still this doesn't seem to stop us wanting us to have sex with each other.

Last year he wanted to visit Canada for 2 weeks and I invited him and of course we had sex. He once wrote me in an e-mail that if I ever stop this, he will be F#$#ed.

I am just afraid this whole thing could lead to some bad things, someone could find out.

I feel that this should stop but I can't stop it. The worst part is that I feel no regret whatsoever, and it's not normal to me. I need advices, this is a thing I never told anybody even thought my gf is aware of my bisexuality and few close friends.. this to me is the most personal thing, and it will die with me !

View related questions: cousin, engaged, grandmother, text, university

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2011):

I think this is the most interesting story I have read. It is incestuous and I know you know it. Probably what makes this an interesting case is the fact that it is taboo. Honestly when I was reading this, I think many people when they read this, one can easily get turn on. It is the whole taboo thing and what this could lead up to that makes it interesting and such a turn on. You reminded me of a film called from beginning to end, it is a gay film about brothers who fall in love with each other.

Now for the advise, I think you will need to really make a tough one. Even if he was not your cousin, the fact that he is married, makes it difficult for your to pursue this relationship. No matter how okay some people, or even you might be about the whole thing, the world pretty much is against you. Like you against the world, can you win? Someone will eventually find out, it happens. So you need to come to terms with that.

I would have suggested for you to call it quits cause this will be too difficult for you. When he starts having kids, it gets even harder and complicated. You also have a girlfriend. There is an element of infidelity which is never good. Cause you are hurting those you love or who loves you.

Let it be a memory. Probably a sweet one. But dont taint it with being discovered and outcasted.

You can do it no matter how tempting it is to go on.

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A male reader, Boonridge McPhalify United Kingdom +, writes (1 September 2011):

Boonridge McPhalify agony auntif you get away with it once a year then so be it, but you are on shaky ground. if anyone found out then it would cause big issues but also, how is your sex life with your girl friend?

if its only once a year then keep it hidden.

it could all blow up in your face, its your choice to make though

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A female reader, jonas Singapore +, writes (29 August 2011):

jonas agony auntI think you have to ask yourself what is it that you really want. Yes no doubt that you are bisexual and it is a no strings attached thing with your married cousin while you yourself were attached, I think you gotta be fair to your girlfriend since you had chosen her. If you find that you can't let go of bisexuality and had to explore further or that would be an alternative option ie. you are gonna try it with your cousin when you could, it would sooner or later become a full blown thing and you would not be able to keep it under wraps and wanna live a bisexual life. Then you should come clean with your girlfriend and tell her what she's in for. Why do I say that?

Sooner or later, she's hoping that your relationship with her is going to be stabilized and is planning for something long term. Especially if she's the type of girl who is hopelessly faithful with you and plan to have a future with you, please for your own sake and for her sake, afterall she did no harm to you, let her know and let her go if you find that you want to be a bisexual and she is not in favour of it.

I think the worse thing is to know that a girl who has been with her boyfriend long enough would never dream that he is bi and one day she has to vie with gays or bisexual.

I only felt that your cousin is looking at you as a lust object to satisfy his bisexual cravings or fetishes of having sex with another male. If he is genuinely interested in you, he wouldn't have married his wife. It wouldn't be like, oh you're here so let's catch up and have sex. Then bye and gone. Sorry if you would be offended but don't you think he was just making use of you? Sad to say he treats you nothing than a no strings attached sex object. Good looking so what. There are so many good looking guys down the street. Does that mean you're gonna have sex with all of them? Do you know of the dangers you are opening yourself to? STDs? You never know cos you don't see him often and he is so far away.

Spare some thought for his wife please. Both of you are taken but somewhat didn't want to let go of the past and still wants to catch up when you could. Then might as well don't get married or attached.

Sooner or later, it's gonna be open and no longer a secret.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2011):

I have some questions for you. How is your sex life with your girlfriend? Do you consider yourself gay, straight or bi? Just because your cousin is married and you have a girlfriend doesn't mean you and your cousin are not gay. There are many gay men that try to fit in because of homophopia, and get married and have girlfiends. My answer is be true to yourself and if you are gay, tell your girlfiend and let her go on with her life.

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A male reader, Royboy83 United States +, writes (28 August 2011):

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, you know the old saying "opinions are like a**holes, we all have one and some are worse than others". It is time for you to get a non-hateful perspective, LOL! Is it worth potentially ruining your GF and his wife over telling them? Once you tell them, you can't untell them, the damage is done. Secondly, what's wrong with just the two of you dating and screwing? It is 2011 after all ;) I say that if you get these amazing feelings and he does too, than why not pursue them, but don't bring others on for the ride, because in the end, you are just doing more damage to these women. So just politely end the male/female relationships, if you TRULY feel that you two can make it happen, and then go about your own business and less damage would be done :)

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2011):

It won't die with you. Someone WILL find out eventually, someone always doesDo you honestly think you can cheat on someone without consequenceYou don't love your partner, and he doesn't love his wife. If either of you did, you would NEVER, EVER give in

But you do.

Neither of you deserves the relationships you have. His wife should find out and kick his disgusting arse to the kerb and your girlfriend should do otherwise You want to have the slightest chance of redemption here? Get rid of this guy from you life, and then tell your partner the truth and let her decide if she can forgive you. This is the only way out, elsewise your relationship is based on the illusion of fidelity and a fools trust.

Come clean, for once in your cheating life.

Flynn 24

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