A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Im a 15 year old female, and my cousin is a 14 year old male. We've always messed around, like flirted. We have like dry humped, had oral sex, basically everything but real sex. We have a cottage, and we're always at each others houses. We went on vacation together, and it was so romantic, we slept in the same bed and almost had sex when our parents were at the bar. We always touch each other, and we both love each other. We want to have sex and become a couple but we're afraid our family will find out and hate us.We love eachother so much, and can't live with out each other. Is it wrong to have these feelings? And should we have sex?
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (18 August 2012):
 Cousins are allowed to marry in Norway, as far as I am aware. In Denmark I believe half siblings are allowed to marry. It varies a lot, some places it is illegal, others it's not. It's got to do with the likelihood of your children having genetic defetcs. The likelihood of it happening is higher when you share more DNA, which families do. The closer your family relationship is between two parents, the higher the chance of children being born with birth defects.
However you may also have perfectly healthy children. But it is an extra risk that you should be made aware of. If the time comes for you two start planning a family you should ask your doctor about it. But as for now you're not planning to have children, so use protection if you have sex.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2012): Of course it's not bad to have feelings. It's what you do about them that counts. I agree with Chigirl.
It's said all the time, "That's prejudice and it's just from ignorance." But this time it's actually true. There are many parts of the world where marrying cousins is not only all right, but expected. And people come to America from all over. Your family might be unhappy, but for all we know they may be sitting up at night trying to figure out how to get the two of you interested in each other. They might ge thrilled.
The age thing is important of course. Waiting is hard at your age. A year stretches out into an eternity. But you got to. Meanwhile there are a lot of ways to have fun when you are that young, so don't miss the other stuff while waiting to get old enough to marry.
As far as the genetic thing, as I said, marrying cousins happens and people survive. I do have a reference for you. Reading scientific articles is generally not one of the fun things, but kids are getting smarter and you might even enjoy it. You can get it from sciencemag.com if your school library can't get it for you.
An Association between Kinship and Fertility of Human Couples Agnar Helgason et al. SCIENCE vol. 329 no. 5864 February 8, 2008 page 813 – 816
I do wish you both the best of luck and hope you have fun doing innocent things for a few years.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2012): In my opinion, the cousin aspect is less of an issue. What I feel is most important here are your respective ages. At 15 and 14, you're way too young to consider such a committed relationship, no matter how mature you feel you are. Not to mention it's illegal to have sex with a minor. I do think you have to cool the relationship a little, mainly because hormones are everything at this stage and it's so easy to be impulsive and make a move you'll both regret later.If you both do have deep feelings for each other, neither of you are going to forget the other. Being in love is alot of things, means caring for each other, looking out for their best interests. Sex is not the defining aspect of a true relationship. Stay off arousing each other, why make life even more difficult at this stage?As for the cousin aspect, I understand it's not illegal in some states. Contrary to a previous poster, it's actually legal in the UK. This would be more of a family matter in my opinion.You didn't mention how long this has been going on though. Just keep in mind you're both young teenagers. You should wait. There's no need to be impulsive and grab hold of the moment, deep feelings last a long time. On the other hand, if it's infatuation, you would grow out of it with nothing to regret and good memories.
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A
male
reader, Hennessy1989  +, writes (17 August 2012):
 You shouldn't have sex with a relative, by the sounds of things you've gone too far already, and whether we all tell you to stop its gonna happen anyway, you will have sex and decide you want to be together, but in the process you will break the law, cause great shame and hurt to your family and is it really worth all that?? You've gone too far already, be prepared for the fallout
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2012): We can't help who we have feelings for, but I think this needs to be nipped in the bud as soon as possible.
It is classed as incest and it is illegal by law. Not to mention morally wrong.
If you went behind everybody's backs and became a couple, and then later went on to have kids, you would be liable for a prison sentence.
Also because you share the same DNA (1st cousins I assume), any of your potential offspring (Children together) could be born with genetic defects and complications, through mixing the same DNA together.
What you're doing is NOT advised, and everybody would be right to be against this kind of relationship.
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A
female
reader, HappyPlace +, writes (17 August 2012):
 Isn't this classed as "inbreeding". In the UK, as far as I know, it is not allowed for first cousins to marry. You are essentially getting involved with a close family member. If you can't see that's wrong on all counts, then perhaps you need some counselling too.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 August 2012):
 More states than not prohibit first cousin marriage.
http://www.ncsl.org/issues-research/human-services/state-laws-regarding-marriages-between-first-cousi.aspx
if you are first cousins it's not going to go over well with the family.
EVERYTHING else I agree 100% with what Chigirl said!
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (17 August 2012):
You've had sex. Oral sex, dry humping etc. is sex. What I assume you haven't had is intercourse, where he puts his penis inside your vagina, so to speak.
You shouldn't have sex unless you are of age and can legally concent to it. But if you decide to go ahead anyway, do you know anything about birth control? Do you know how babies are made? Do you know that you can not have a child now at 15, and he at 14, ok? You are not an adult, nor is he, and none of you can take care of yourselves on your own. Hence, there is absolutely no way you can take care of a child. And when you have sex, you also run the risk of getting pregnant.
The consequences will be.. well, dramatic. It will turn your life around and NOT for the better.
If you love each other and mean business then be mature about it. Tell your parents you want to be a couple. Then be a couple. Wait until you have enough money to get married, then get married. Then have kids. Wait until you are of age to have sex. If you really love each other you can wait.
If you can't wait then that means you didn't really love each other, you were both only thinking about sex. It is in your best interest, in his best interest, and in the interest of your relationship, that you do not have sex.
Date, be a couple, be of age to have sex then have sex, save up money, get married, then have kids.
That is, if cousins are allowed to date. This varies from country to country. Ask your parents.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2012): What you are doing isnt good, you are family and if you start a family your potential children could have genetic diseases and would you two be able to live with yourselfs being the cause of the children's illness?
Not to mention the fact that you are underage and shouldn't be sexually active.
It is dangerous what you two are doing and you need to stop, pull away and find someone that isn't family.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2012): Depending on the state you live in having sex with a minor is called statutory rape. And different states define a minor at different ages in different states.
I like the Uniform laws across the whole of the United Kingdom (UK) where there is the same age across the whole country, namely anyone under 16 years of age in the UK is defined as lacking legal capacity to give informed consent and therefore it is a criminal offence to have sex with a minor - that is anyone under the age of 16.
Depending on the State you lived in your would be the one in the more vulnerable position. Now both of you may disagree with this assessment.
Sex is a powerful motivator and sex can result in emotions that are very hard to control. It takes only a tiny change in circumstances and you take one step too far and then cannot stop. It unleases all manner of emotions and potential conflicts.
For the harmony of your families I suggest you both try to cool it a little. You are going to hurt your family members and you are going to divide your family members.
And if you cannot cool things a little you run the risk of one or both sets of parents choosing to keep you both apart and I think that would upset you a great deal.
If you can both focus on returning the relationship to a respectful platonic relationship then eventually there may be hope for you both in the future.
But if you push the boundaries now when you are both legally defined under the law as minors then you can and most likely will be over-ruled by the intervention of adults who will seek to protect you both from becoming too close sexually.
In a few years time when you are both independant they there are places you could go, where cousins marriages are not illegal, and where you would be away from disapproving family in your own area.
Before that happens you should also both get genetic counselling to some tests to ensure that you are both not carrying recessive genes that could negatively affect any child you might have together in the future. As there is a higher risk of some problems in offspring of very closely related couples
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