A
male
age
41-50,
*rokenMale911
writes:Really need help here Dear Cupid! When I was in my early 20's I met a girl. We got together. Got a place together. All the usual relationship stuff.Anyway, she had several affairs. I'd always take her back. And she'd do the same again. Two years ago I finally made the break away from her. I was on my own for a long time. Didn't want to get into a relationship because I was scared the same would happen again. Six months ago I met this girl! She is just amazing! I fell in love with her and things were going really well!Now this is where I am going to be as honest as I can because I am quite ashamed of what I've done. A couple of months in I started to get really possessive of her. I'd get Jealous.I started to question her and make accusations. At first she reassured me. But slowly it got worse and worse. I said some terrible things to her that I deeply regret. I was really horrible to her with no foundation or facts.I had brought over my negative feelings from my previous relationship. Then a couple of weeks ago I lost it again. I was so abusive to her. I wasn't physically violent. I was verbally abusive.But there is no excuse for that. I know that is just as bad. I am really embarrassed and ashamed. She told me it was over and I am really upset about it. I'm heartbroken. This girl is just wonderful! I've started to do something about it. Anger management classes. Reading books on Anger Management. Listening to CD's. Trying to sort it out. We've stayed in touch. She's told me she doesn't want to lose me but we can't be together. She's always telling me she loves me. She's always texting and calling.We text each other at least 20 - 30 times a day. And call each other 3 - 4 times a day. I've told her I want to be with her and that I love her but she says she can't. She says we can only be friends. But she doesn't want to lose me out of her life! She told me that she's never felt so connected to a guy. She told me she doesn't want to be with anyone else because she is in love with me but she can't be. She visited me yesterday with Christmas presents and I know she's spent an absolute fortune on me which I told her she shouldn't have. I don't care about the money. When she visited yesterday we ended up kissing and cuddling lots. Then today we were talking on the phone and I made a joke about us that I knew we'd never get back together, but she then said, 'Let's wait and see what happens!' She then told me how proud she was of me that I was doing something about things. And we're meeting again tomorrow on Christmas Eve.I really want to be with this girl! There is something so amazing about her. I've never felt like this for anyone. But am I reading too much into things? Am I just hearing what I want to after what she said to me? Do I just need to give her time or make a clean break which is not what I want to do! Please help?
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male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (3 January 2013):
 You should've walked away after the first affair. Bye bye miss. You're loss. I hate to say it but you're a wimp. Man up and grow a pair.
Are you kidding? She had several affairs. What are you? A glutton for punishment? No wonder you are paranoid and jealous.
Now, you're taking the problems from that relationship into your next one?
You seriously need to NOT be in a relationship and sort yourself out.
"She told me it was over and I am really upset about it. I'm heartbroken. This girl is just wonderful!"
I'm afraid to say it but you're out of there. You need to concentrate on yourself before you can be in ANY relationship. "We can only be friends" sums it up. There's no romantic future here.
You might get back together but its not likely it will last. The damage has already been done. I don't like saying this, but I think it sounds like you're hearing what you want to hear.
Sorry.
A
male
reader, Love-Wisely  +, writes (24 December 2012):
 I've had a few GF's pull irrationally jealous outbursts on me. It does serious damage to relationships, but, I usually got over it in a week or so. (Still, if my sister told me a guy did that to her, I would advise her to dump him on the spot.)-Really make sure you learned your lesson if she decides to take you back in a week or two... Irrational jealousy is extremely toxic.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (23 December 2012):
 It sounds like she wants to be with you too, you just need patience. She needs space. I wouldn't give up yet. Just don't get pushy about it. Sit on your hands for awhile and let her do what she needs to.
Normally in this situation I'd say make a clean break. However, you call and text incessantly, she bought you presents, and you kiss, so I think you just need to wait it out for a bit.
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