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... Send *heeler a private message | | | *heeler's profile:I am from Mississippi, and have lived most of my life here. In the past I was not particularly excited about living in a rural state, but over the past few years have come to realize the good things about the South that made me who I am.
I now live in San Antonio.
I am from a big family, seven kids.
Just like all of you, I am trying to navigate through life's many ups and downs, and relationships certainly provide plenty of these. Personal relationships bring more fulfillment to life than anything else. How much does it mean to have a beautiful home, plenty of money, and success if you are alone?
Thankfully, we can get through all of it together!
I have been through some crazy situations in my life, and will gladly offer any advice I can to help someone else.
I don't pretend to know more than anyone else, but I do know that whenever you are inside the problem it is much harder to get perspective. And that is why we are all here!
Hopefully I can give back just a portion of what has been given to me.
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How do you handle your ex moving on?
Q. So i was with my ex girlfriend for 2 yrs and she has recently dumped me 2 months ago and started dating someone else a month after we broke up...I'm sure everybody has been in the situation where your ex moves on to someone else really quickly after ...
A. 19 June 2011: Honestly, the best medicine for everyone involved is for you to move on, avoid places you know they will be, and let it go.
And that means not asking mutual friends constantly about her, not intentionally going to places that you know you will lik... (read in full...)
Stupid thoughts about the grass being greener
Q. I'm in a great relashionship. I love my girlfriend, I admire her and I really see a great future and family together. We are both 27, on the verge of buying a house and talking about having kids. Still... I'm a stupid guy with a stupid instinct. E...
A. 24 May 2011: I am 31, and I can absolutely speak to what you are going through. It may sound simplistic or clichéd, but I can promise you that when you meet the right person everything will change.
Last Summer I asked the powers that be why I was never in... (read in full...)
He takes so long to text back that it's tedious now. Should I bother with him?
Q. There is this guy i am texting, he has a busy life from what i know so i can understand why he doesn't text back quickly. But the fact he takes 2 hours at MINIMUM to reply!!? And the other times it's like 5 hours!! What is up with that, it's just ...
A. 24 May 2011: Some people are just not connected at the hip to their phone. My brother would set his phone down and not look at it for 8 hours. And when he did, he would rarely bother responding to all the calls or texts.
Then again, I have dated girls before t... (read in full...)
My boyfriend of two years direspected my family member-he apologized but should I still dump him?
Q. My question is what should I do? Should I stay with him or should I dump the guy? So long story short one of my family members is a police officer and I was talking about him, to my boyfriend whom I have been dating for almost two year. My boyfriend ...
A. 24 May 2011: My first reaction was to suggest you move on, but really that was almost more because he would actually make a snarky comment then turn his radio up to drown you out. That was disrespectful to you right at that moment, not to mention that additional ... (read in full...)
Why do women date the bad boys but marry the nice guys?
Q. Dear cupid, i was wondering why women date and sleep with bad boys through out there youth but run to marry nice guys in there 30's when there less attractive and are looking for stability and safety for a guy who has worked hard, being dumped for ...
A. 24 May 2011: I sense some bitterness here!
It's okay, this matter has been one for debate for eons. Here is my take:
When you are younger you are learning a lot about who you are, and who you want to be with. You can only really learn through experien... (read in full...)
I love him too much to just be friends with him
Q. What do you think? did I do the right thing? am so upset:(? My ex boyfriend apparently was having a hard time after he dumped me. We went a month without contact then he got into contact, said he misses me. and asked to be friends.. Cos he...
A. 24 May 2011: I agree that you did the right thing. As difficult as it had to be, you are saving yourself a lot of pain. Unless the time comes that his feelings for you become the same (which you have no control over), you would be torturing yourself.... (read in full...)
I just can’t be just a friend because I will always want her. Please help.
Q. Hi everyone. I have a huge shot in the heart right now and its been two weeks and still feel the same pain from the moment it happened. The final result before you all read the story is that she emailed me and said she wants to be friends, that she ...
A. 24 May 2011: I am going to go out on a limb and suggest that, based on how strongly her rejection affected you, that you had done many things (perhaps without even realizing it) that were making it extremely obvious how strong your feelings for her were. And ... (read in full...)
Does it make men mad when they can't finish
Q. How do I last longer in bed I'm 18 and when me an my boyfriend get intimate I always have to stop an he don't get to finish sometimes because it hurts. I want him to be able to finish an be happy. And one more question does it make men mad when they ...
A. 24 May 2011: I agree with all that has been said and would add this: You can alleviate the problem at least somewhat by offering to finish him off through other means.br
brIt has never bothered me if I didn't finish. I would much rather the lady did.br
... (read in full...)
He's flirty and touchy -- I'm confused
Q. Ok, well I'm quite confused about this situation at the moment because... My friend, he's a guy is extremely flirty with me! At first I thought he must like me, but one time we were answering loads of personal questions and stuff, and he admitted ...
A. 24 May 2011: You said that, "He also seems flirty with other girls he knows, but not as flirty with them as he is with me." But you don't really know that, do you?br brHow do you know what goes on when he is hanging out with other girls alone? You have to be h... (read in full...)
He left me hanging without an explanation. How do I cope?
Q. I was dating a guy for two months, until he began avoiding me. He would take longer and longer to respond to my texts, and then he just stopped responding period. He hardly ever called me either. After he hadn't contacted me in two days, it ...
A. 24 May 2011: You cope by letting time pass. It will be a matter of weeks and then you will begin to see things more clearly. He was too immature to be upfront with you.br brHe probably said some things that are still stuck in your mind, and you wonder how t... (read in full...)
If a girl gives out her contact info to a guy without any intention of dating him, is it leading him on???
Q. ok this friend of mine (a girl) got into an argument recently and i would love to hear your opinion on this. she is very pretty and she gets hit upon a lot. she is very friendly too so she engages guys in conversations. then they inevitably ask f...
A. 24 May 2011: Honestly, as long as she is single, she can do whatever she wants. As adults, we should be able to handle someone saying they aren't interested.br brThere are probably many reasons why she does what she does. Likes attention, is sometimes intere... (read in full...)
Is it possible that he can turn his feelings off and never return to me?
Q. my boyfriend and i had a very strong relationship. it was filled with love and compassion and it was beautiful. we were like best friends. he left not long ago to take care of problems at home and then told me he wasnt coming home. i found out ...
A. 24 May 2011: Maybe the better question is, was he able to fake his feelings for you when they had already ended? I am sure you don't want to hear that, but I have been through a similar situation, and I spent months trying to answer that very question.br
brThe... (read in full...)
A million thoughts are going through my head after he told me he cheated on me!
Q. Hey heres some background my boyfrind who iv been with over a year and is pregnant with his baby (just found out 2 months ago) Cheated on me about 3 or 4 months ago he confessed and i know he was truly sorry he was crying well he was tring to tell ...
A. 24 May 2011: I can promise you one thing, you are gonna have to let many of those questions go, because you don't really want to know the answer. Something I have always had as a sort of mantra is never to ask a question if I couldn't handle the answer. F... (read in full...)
She's sure I cheated when I didn't
Q. my gf have been together for 1 year and 9 months now and she truly believes i cheated on her when i know i didn't but i can't back up my story and its ruining our relationship. i love her and would never hurt her but i have no idea what to do. ...
A. 22 April 2011: The truth doesn't need much defending. If you didn't do it, look her in the eyes and say you didn't do it and there is nothing else to discuss. But only say the last part if there really is nothing else to discuss. At that point it is her decisi... (read in full...)
How do you connect to people and form close friendships?
Q. Hola todos, Hopefully other people will see this and I can help someone else, as well. I want very, very badly to change this situation in any way I can. I would REALLY like to cultivate close friendships, but I could use some advice a...
A. 20 April 2011: Most likely you are comparing the relationships you have recently formed, that are in their infancy, to relationships "back home" that have been ongoing to some degree for many many years. I point this out to say that it is going to take some tim... (read in full...)
Would you date an escort?
Q. Would you date a girl who was or is an escort? but she is really loving, smart, honest and does everything for you. It's just her job and she's only doing it a few years to save up some money and invest in something good. (house, car etc) ...
A. 19 April 2011: I believe there are two types of men, when discussing whether they would date or marry a woman who is an escort (or really a woman who has any job that involves exploiting sexuality for money or advancement): The kind that are conservative and not ... (read in full...)
Whom do men really have on their minds the next time they have sex after watching porn? Their partner or the hot chick from the last porn they watched ?
Q. My husband used to watch porn quite a lot, wich I found out by accident. I was shocked and confronted him later after I couln't keep those tremendous hurt feelings to myselfe anymore. After a while he was able to cut his visits to the pornsites ...
A. 19 April 2011: Although I can't speak for all men (and I think that is very important to remember when reading any responses, because there is no single perspective in matters of sexuality), I don't believe men usually fantasize about particular women they see in ... (read in full...)
How do I keep our marriage together when we are moving apart?
Q. My wife and I have tried for almost 10 years to start a family. We have gone thru failed adoptions, miscarriages, surgeries, and more procedures than I ever knew existed. We have depleted all of our savings and now have started going in debt trying ...
A. 10 March 2011: I have never been married, so I won't pretend to know the many intricacies that must be a part of your relationship.
I can say, however, that my observation of your message makes me wonder why there wasn't a different focus to the marriage... (read in full...)
What happens to women who mainly look for money
Q. there are a lot of girls out there who are mainley looking for sugar daddies or guys with money and dont care about other things, are they gonna get hurt in the end? also, does this mean they have given up on love?...
A. 4 March 2011: They have not given up on love, by any means, they just love something called money. And they have chosen to pursue money as the ultimate prize, regardless of whether love is included in the package. There is a distinct difference that separates m... (read in full...)
What defines a soul mate and how can you tell who is likely to be a soul mate?
Q. I always believed there was a person out there for everyone but after my gf of 2 years who was the love of my life and I broke up I have sort of lost faith in relationships and am quite weary to get into another one in the near future. What do you ...
A. 21 February 2011: Soulmates, and love for that matter, come in many different forms. The most important thing, in my opinion, that you can do in the meantime (before you find such a person) is do everything you can to be the best person possible. You may already... (read in full...)
We have been through so much recently. Is this just our relationship being tested?
Q. My BF and I broke up about a month ago over several issues that have existed in our relationship for quite some time. During our relationship, we broke up a couple of times, but have managed to work through them, talk it out and re-build our ...
A. 21 February 2011: The two things that break up more couples than anything else are money and sex. And this is not necessarily a bad thing. You are getting a crash course in what life will be like with your partner if you go through hard times. This is why ... (read in full...)
Is an intimate relationship worth all the arguments and heartache that come with it?
Q. It's me again. I have a complex question here. I know that not everyone will like what I am going to ask. My question is...Is an intimate relationship really worth all the arguments and heartache that come with it? I know that this question...
A. 21 February 2011: Hmm...maybe it is just the timing, or maybe it is the ambient music in the background, but I thought the question was interesting, and here is my take.
Up until a recent relationship, that ended badly and unexpectedly (I know, I have said that in ... (read in full...)
I abruptly cut off all contacts from the person who means the most to me, because I have herpes. How do I deal with it?
Q. Hi Ags I was diagnosed with herpes two years ago so I stayed single because I'm humiliated about it and didn't want to get rejected by men. Somehow along the way I've fallen in love with a man who's also in love with me. We've been going out for ...
A. 21 February 2011: Having Herpes is not that big of a deal. I used to think it was so taboo, and because I grew up conservative concerning sex I just assumed I would never be involved with someone who did. But that is not the way life works. I ended up in lov... (read in full...)
I worry every day that my girlfriend is going to end things with me
Q. I am a a recent college graduate while my girlfriend is still in school. She is currently spending the next 4 months studying abroad. We've been together for two years and this is the first time we've ever been apart like this. Its been 5 weeks ...
A. 15 February 2011: Studying abroad can be a weird situation for someone to go through.
I studied abroad for the summer (in London, Northern Coast of France, Scotland, and Prague) a few years ago, and I can attest to the many feelings that can go through one's he... (read in full...)
His actions make me believe he doesn't love me
Q. Ok cutting a long story short. After waiting 4 long years, where I saw this bloke on and off but knowing there was no relationship as such, although always had the feeling he thought more of me than he would say. Then giving up on him. He emailed ...
A. 15 February 2011: It seems to me there is a lot more to this story. You seem to imply several times that the two of you live together still, as you had access to his pillow and all. Yet you also state that from "that date till now nothing". And that you two los... (read in full...)
I hate myself so much for falling for him
Q. I really need some help as im quite desperate. To cut a story short, I started liking a guy about 6 months ago and ever since its got even more and more deeper and stronger. I barely saw him and he never made the effort to speak to me if he did. On...
A. 15 February 2011: You are going to be okay!
Yes, it will suck for a little while. But inevitably your heart will heal and you will see things more objectively.
From what you have said, your love for him must have been more of something you constructed in y... (read in full...)
Why has life always been such a battle for me?
Q. Hi, Can someone answer me shy is life so shitty. I've constantly had to fight for things, left school at 15, due to parents divorce, made homeless 17 due to parents. Spent years going through different rooms in sheltered accommodation, l...
A. 15 February 2011: I understand the feeling.
Life really does seem unfair sometimes.
But, I can tell you that having a hard life will make you a stronger person, every day that passes.
When your break does come, you will appreciate it that much more. If you a... (read in full...)
Should I be worried that I don't hear from her as much or is she genuinely busy?
Q. I have been dating a woman 10 years younger than me for about a month and a half. When we first met it was instant fireworks. She called me every day texed me all the time and told me how much she misses me. She does live an hour away, is going t...
A. 9 February 2011: I can REALLY relate to this, but I want to be very careful not to mislead you.
I also was dating a woman (about five months), she has two kids, and it was like fireworks for the first four months. Then, like someone flipped a light switch, ... (read in full...)
So sad... How do I mend my broken heart?
Q. How do I mend my broken heart? my husband left me 3 weeks ago for another woman he has been seeing on and off for years. will their relationship last i so want to see it spiral down the toilet. i can't sleep or eat my whole world has ended. i feel ...
A. 9 February 2011: I know this may seem like an obvious answer, but there are a lot of great books and articles on the web that will give you great advice on moving on. Start looking around, at the least you will surely find many great things that directly relate to ... (read in full...)
Dealing with heartbreak...
Q. Hi, I am looking for some help and advice. My girlfriend who I was happy with decided to split with me we have been best mates for four years and we broke up because of stuff it was my fault, not hers really. She is now with my best friend. I ...
A. 9 February 2011: I agree that you probably are not going to be able to get her back. Maybe some time in the future, like years from now, but not anytime soon.
In fact, there is really no reason to be spending time figuring out how to get her back. Focus instead ... (read in full...)
There will be no communication for 9 months but he can't accept it and we keep fighting about it!
Q. We are a young couple in love, hes more than likely proposing this summer. We are the cute high school sweethearts. I chose to go to a Christian college for 9 months, which means no communication with him. You spend your entire time focused on God ...
A. 9 February 2011: It sounds like he has some infatuation mixed in with his love for you. Because of that he has an intense need to be near you in every way. This is not healthy, and I think you know this. That doesn't mean anything too bad, or that you shouldn't be ... (read in full...)
So confused. Married but have a huge crush.
Q. Hello, This is my first post so please be gentle with me! My husband and I got married 6 months ago after 6 years of being together. I didn't have any doubts at all before the wedding. However, only 2 weeks after we got back from o...
A. 9 February 2011: During this time, which is just after getting married and in the midst of counseling for sex/intimacy issues, the absolute worst thing you could do is foster a crush or even have an affair.
As long as you continue to entertain such thoughts... (read in full...)
Walked on and lied to...
Q. My gf and I recently got into an argument... we have been dating for three years and we have been arguing alot lately... she said during our last argument that she could do anything... (lying a lot lately)... and I would come crawling back to her... ...
A. 9 February 2011: By the time she actually felt she could get away with calling you a doormat, you had already been one for quite some time. And it is a long road back to making her respect you, if it is possible. You said that you don't want to break up, and as long ... (read in full...)
Are guys attracted to "sweet" girls?
Q. Are guys attracted to "sweet" girls? I've been on a few dates, and a lot of times the guy will tell me that I'm "sweet." But they don't seem interested in me. Could they just be saying that as a nice gesture so they can walk away without har...
A. 8 February 2011: Keep things in perspective.
It may take years, and hundreds of dates, and several serious relationships before you find a guy that likes you just the way you are.
Or it may be the next date you go on.
Definitely don't get discouraged af... (read in full...)
Ex betrayed me, why did everyone take his side?
Q. I've posted here before about my ex who dumped me out of the blue, by phone. Then insulted me by text. I never heard from him again. He poisoned everyone and probably told lies to everyone. Why did everyone take his side? I'm the one that got ...
A. 8 February 2011: Wow, really? I found out a week ago today that the girl I was dating had been cheating on me. And guess what, all of her (and therefore I thought mine) friends have known about it the whole time. Noone said a thing, and it had been going on ... (read in full...)
Was he not attracted to me? Was it nerves?
Q. Hi ladies I had my first date with a guy I met a few weeks ago. He invited me for dinner at his house as he wanted to cook for me. We had a lovely evening together and he was very polite and didn't make any moves. We had a little kiss and cuddle o...
A. 8 February 2011: First things first. He didn't show many moves because he probably didn't intend to try and sleep with you on the first date. You didn't stay over because you were tired, you stayed because you probably wanted to see if he would try more, or bec... (read in full...)
How can we get over this petty fight that all started because of an iPod?
Q. Ok people I bet you will laugh and cringe equally when you read this little issue I'm having. Last night I asked my boyfriend if I could use his ipod at the gym this week (because he never uses it when he's there). Much to my surprise, he sai...
A. 7 February 2011: Sometimes little things can expose much bigger problems.
I don't think this "little argument" is funny or insignificant at all. It has somehow managed to bring up several MAJOR red flags.
Just the fact that he thinks he can speak to you lik... (read in full...)
While on a break, my BF met his ex, she straddled him and exposed her breasts! Now he's unsure about us together!
Q. my boyfriend asked for a break to clear his head.. on the break he told me he went to see a girl he's slept with before and she straddled him and took off her top showing my bf her breasts and told him how much she wanted him. But my bf said he ...
A. 7 February 2011: I do not at all agree with Liebes, sorry.
If he actually loved you, he would not have been with his ex.
There is a question I put on here a few days ago about whether you can love one person, yet have sex with another.
The point I want to m... (read in full...)
He's messing with my head!!!
Q. Here's my situation. My boyfriend - now ex boyfriend broke up with me way back in May. We were together for 4 years. His reasons; he needs to be self-actualised as in he needs to find out who he is. A hard feat even when you are pursuing it. He also ...
A. 7 February 2011: You need to completely separate from him. No contact.
If you really want to know how he feels, then that is what you have to do.
I imagine that deep down inside you don't want to do that because you don't want to find out that he doesn't reall... (read in full...)
Ex betrayed me, why did everyone take his side?
Q. I've posted here before about my ex who dumped me out of the blue, by phone. Then insulted me by text. I never heard from him again. He poisoned everyone and probably told lies to everyone. Why did everyone take his side? I'm the one that got ...
A. 7 February 2011: Fact is, they had to choose a side. And if they were his friends first, then the only further information they are going to receive will be from him.
There is nothing you can do about it.
The best thing you can do is continue being a good per... (read in full...)
How can I get him to comfrot me when I feel sad?
Q. Last night I started to cry because I had a bad dream about my boyfriend but he wouldn't comfort me when I was crying. He wouldn't even talk to me. How can I get him to comfort me when I feel sad?...
A. 7 February 2011: How long have you known this guy?
I am gonna go out on a limb and suggest that maybe this guy is not the type to show physical affection outside of the times when physical affection is part of sexual intimacy. If he doesn't tend to hold your han... (read in full...)
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