A
male
age
51-59,
*imple Man
writes:I have been dating a woman 10 years younger than me for about a month and a half. When we first met it was instant fireworks. She called me every day texed me all the time and told me how much she misses me.She does live an hour away, is going to college and has 2 kids.In the past week she has not texed me as much, and has only told me she misses me once... I confronted her about it and she said nothing is wrong. She also told me that we were adults and if we felt as though this was not working that we would be mature and tell each other.Should I be worried that I don't hear from her as much or is it genuine? that she is busy and I am being silly? Reply to this Question
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reader, Simple Man +, writes (10 February 2011):
Simple Man is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOK the last time we talked she said that she had a lot going on and wanted to know if it wa fair to me to ask me to take a step back. She told me flat out when I said are we breaking up that "Why do I have to go there" And that if she was just figuring things out in her life she just has thngs she needs to figure out.
Ok almost no contact for 2 days and I texted her good good night last night...she did respond but it was short.
We do have plans for Friday we made Wednesday....my feeling is to still meet Friday, if we cant resolve anything then I am prepared to walk away
A
male
reader, Simple Man +, writes (9 February 2011):
Simple Man is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm not being whiny in fact I am giving her lots of space. I have limited my texting I text her hi and don't call cause I know she is busy...I just wanted to hear I was doing the right thing....
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A
male
reader, Wheeler  +, writes (9 February 2011):
 I can REALLY relate to this, but I want to be very careful not to mislead you.
I also was dating a woman (about five months), she has two kids, and it was like fireworks for the first four months. Then, like someone flipped a light switch, she suddenly seemed to lose all interest.
I asked her what was up, tried to think of any possible reasons, and whenever I tried to discuss it with her she would reassure me she was still just as interested and everything was fine. She also said she would always communicate if there was anything wrong or she was no longer interested.
Needless to say, that was not true. She had started seeing someone else on the side. And she continued to tell me everything was fine and she still loved me even up to the day I found another guy at her house spending the night. A week later she is seeing someone else, like we were never together. We never even broke up. And she certainly never discussed anything with me.
I don't want to get into all of that again, and a CERTAINLY don't want to put ideas in your head or convince you of anything. This is what happened to me, not you.
I would suggest this, strongly. STOP asking her what's wrong, or asking for her to confirm anything. You have to stop that immediately. You are giving her an easy out to confirm things whether she means it or not. If she is looking to cool things off, you are shooting down her attempts by asking for an up or down answer. She may not be ready for that.
The best thing you can do is relax, back off, and only focus on being available. Do not smother her. I repeat, do not smother her. This may be a pivotal point in the relationship where she is not sure, and the more aggressively you try to make her figure out why she is not sure, the more likely she will just take the easy road and back out.
So often in newer relationships like this, one partner may feel the need for space, and the other partner as a result feels the need for reassurance.
Right now you are really feeling the need for reassurance. You want to know something firm. And you risk being another thing in her life that "needs" something from her. That, my friend, is the last place you want to be.
Please take my advice and back off. Only provide carefree company, no serious talk, and no need for reassurance. I know it is extremely difficult for you, and you surely feel that you may be losing your grip on the relationship. Just know that ultimately there is nothing you can do to make her change her level of desire to spend time with you or provide reassurance.
You can do yourself a great deal of good by relaxing and drawing back a little bit. If you are too available or demanding of her company and time she will almost definitely begin to withdraw and want space.
Focus less on her words, and you intense desire to get affirmation through them, and instead focus on understanding her indirect communication. She is calling you less, texting you less, and most importantly, MISSING YOU LESS.
There...I said it. It isn't the end of the world. She just isn't missing you as much, and you want her to miss you. The best way to do that is to back off and not crowd her. If you are not as available she will almost surely begin to miss you more. And that is what you want, right?! :-)
I know it is tough for you right now. But I promise this is better than continuing to pursue her more as she withdraws more.
Think of it this way. You are running after her and she is trying to get away, in a sense. The more you run after her, the closer you remain, and the more she will continue to run to get distance. If you stop, or even begin to walk away, there will immediately be a noticeable distance between you, making it unnecessary for her to make her own distance. Most likely she will quit running herself.
Hope I made some sense, and I really don't mean to put any ideas in your head. I am certainly not suggesting she is interested in someone else. Just be honest with yourself about what she is telling you with her actions.
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A
male
reader, Kilcardy +, writes (9 February 2011):
Probably being silly. If you start freaking out, you will definitely scare her away. Clingy and whiny is not attractive. Keep in mind, she's going to school and has 2 kids. That you hear from her at all is a miracle. Chill out.
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