A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Would you date a girl who was or is an escort? but she is really loving, smart, honest and does everything for you. It's just her job and she's only doing it a few years to save up some money and invest in something good. (house, car etc)
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female
reader, MadameJade +, writes (24 August 2013):
I felt the need to weigh in on this topic. I am a current escort. I've been in the profession for a year. I got into it for a variety of reasons. First, I have always been fascinated by human sexuality, and I feel that sex and touch have therapeutic qualities. I have always wanted to help people be more in touch with their sexuality and to heal from sexual trauma. The second reason was survival. I worked as a waitress prior to entering the sex industry, and I was having a terrible time finding stable employment in the food service industry. I am a smart woman, but poets without formal credentials are not coveted in the job market, unfortunately. So I entered the escort industry, and suddenly, I felt good about my life and my career. I had a job where I was treated with respect. I have met some amazing people. I make good money. I have helped people become better lovers, become more comfortable with their sexual desires, and helped people who were dealing with grief. I am saving to become a Sexological Bodyworker, which will allow me to open my own business offering a healing, hands-on sexual service that helps people connect with their bodies. This is my 'exist strategy' as such. I would like to transition out of offering full sex to clients, but I always want to work in the field of sexuality.
I have been dating an amazing man for the last six months. Things started out a bit more casually between us, and I didn't disclose my profession right away. When we started to become closer, I shared with him what I do. I have anxiety about it sometimes, as we get closer and I fall more and more in love with him. I don't want to have to choose between my lover and my job. He has not asked me to give it up, and I am very grateful for that. In fact, he has expressed admiration for my work, especially when I tell him stories of how I have helped people. We recently watched The Sessions together, cuddling the entire time. I feel like he gets it, and like he sees all of me, not just the whore stigma.
Being a hooker has made me a better partner in many ways. I have developed much more compassion for men than I had before entering this profession. I have gained a lot more sexual experience, and the sexual confidence I have is amazing. I appreciate my lover so much, and I love him with all my heart. I am having conflict about my work as I get closer to him, because a big part of me does want to only be with him, even though I recognize the therapeutic value of what I do. Still, I have to be realistic and keep doing my job until I can figure out another career. I just hope he continues to be ok with my work, because it would break my heart to lose him.
And for the record, my lover is not rich, and he does not take me on expensive dates. I have had clients offer to marry me, and give me tons of money for it, and I have always said no because at the end of the day, I am still a romantic. I still want to love and be loved. The fact that I am highly sexually experienced does not make me unloveable or damaged goods or any of that sexist nonsense. I am a kind and loving person who volunteers in the community and is committed to creating a better world. The fact that I can put a condom on with my mouth is irrelevant to my worth as a human being.
A
male
reader, MikeEa1  +, writes (25 August 2011):
 I reckon it would be ok, but I reckon at some point in the relationship I would want her to give up her career in the interests of our relationship.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2011): Since I moved to the US from Holland in 1966 I have been content and lucky to have done so. However over the years I found that people here are almost paranoid about anything classified as SEX.WHY? Normal sexual contact fosters mutual consideration and tenderness, at least in my experience. In case of paid for sex I have always found that to be true as well as in in casual connections!You have to understand that sexual activity is a normal component of life, there is nothing negative, or as some folks will claim "dirty" about it. Thinking back of 60+ years of happiness, and looking forward to many more, I truely thank all women that have contributed, and am pretty sure that they feel the same Dieter.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2011): I would be close friends with a known escort. I would be willing to be seen with her on my arm in public.
But I would never actually try to date her romantically. I just can't fall in love with someone who could treat sex as such a casual commodity.
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A
male
reader, Wheeler  +, writes (19 April 2011):
 I believe there are two types of men, when discussing whether they would date or marry a woman who is an escort (or really a woman who has any job that involves exploiting sexuality for money or advancement): The kind that are conservative and not okay with the thought of their woman having been with many men or being used by men, and the kind that simply don't care, are not possessive, and are in general "open-minded".I think just about every man I know falls into one of those two categories.And they both have their advantages and disadvantages.The guy who is conservative: He is more likely to be the night in shining armor. The guy who will treat you like a queen, never cheat on you, and mean all the things he says. He can be trusted, he is good marriage material. He will tolerate your current position for some time, but not forever. He will also fantasize that you are not really what you seem. That you are trapped by your situation, or the result of your family (in a negative way). And it is this fantasy that keeps him going for a while. Because if he really thought you were okay with what you do, or that you perhaps even enjoy it at times, then it would destroy his fantasy. And also, you would not really need him to "save" you.But the bad part is that he will be possessive. He will secretly hate what you do and who you are with. He will eventually hate you (although probably keeping it to himself) for not choosing to remove yourself from this situation.As for sex, he will without a doubt become bitter inside with the thought of you having been with, and most importantly, having even enjoyed, intimacy with other men that mean nothing. In his view, sex is special and should be shared by two people in a meaningful way. And for a while he will fool himself into believing you don't like it, or you wish is wasn't so.But eventually he will not be able to handle it anymore. You will have to convince him that you do not plan on being in such a situation for long. That you are only doing it long enough to reach some greater goal, and hence justifying it enough in his mind.But know this, no matter what this guy says, he does not trust you. And although he would probably never say it, he probably does not respect you either. In his mind, what you are doing is not what a "good" woman would do. Remember, he is trying to save you. And that predicates that he believes you are beneath him, and therefore need saving. Look up the "Savior Complex", and you will see what I mean.Such men are very idealistic.Then there is the open-minded man. The man that is not possessive. The man that, like you, does not attach too much idealism to sex. He will see you more as his equal. He won't insist on a change, or stalk you. In many ways he is probably more like you than the other man. A relationship with him will be easier. Fewer arguments. You won't have to be so defensive all the time.Although he won't be secretly bitter toward you, you may have a hard time figuring out what he does actually care about. If he doesn't care that you are being intimate with other men, or that you are leading a secret life in many ways, then what does he care about?He is probably not marriage material. IF he does not attach that much significance to you being intimate with other men, then you have to wonder whether he attaches much significance to any extracurricular activity he may engage in.The real question is, who do you want? Or, if this really is someone asking the question about another person who is an escort, what does that person want? If that person wants a serious and in more ways "real" relationship, then they are probably looking for a man that is more conservative, a man who cares about them than he may even say, and as a result care more about what they do. That person will probably have to change that sooner rather than later.If that person wants a relationship that will be an easier transition and have fewer arguments and explanations needed, then go with the less-possessive and more open-minded guy.I hope this is helpful, and of course all of this is just my opinion.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (19 April 2011):
 It depends on how much said escort means to that certain someone. It isn't easy to look past it, for anyone. Issues will most certainly arise but they are not impossible to overcome.
A way to avoid all of it is to get an actual job and they may seem hard to come by but it is much more worth it and dignified than having to sell yourself over and over again to 'customers' who will not so much as give you a second glance once they have had what they desired. There is no shame in poverty and it if the person the escort is dating loves her, material possessions are of little value. Everybody wants a large enough house and a good car and to never have to worry about money but what good is all of that if you have to sell your own body and mind to get it? If you want happiness, you cannot succumb to lusts and you cannot give in to what seems like the 'easiest' path.
There have been people who fell in love with escorts and it doesn't always work out, then again, it doesn't always fail. Most of the time, the lover, the one who actually cares, tries and tries to talk the escort out of doing it because it will in the end, inevitably destroy everything. Either the relationship or the mind of the escort herself. Then there are regrets and there is sorrow and they are both hurt deeply. If there was love, a passionate yearning that stretches far beyond mere lust, then of course there are men who would date escorts but it is extremely difficult for both.
if you, OP, are in love with an escort, think about what it is that binds you together and think about everything that might tear you away. Is there any real chance here for a loving relationship?
If you, OP, are an escort, just stop all of this right now before it gets any worse. When you find the right man who loves you, you will thank yourself for having stopped, good things will come if you work hard and practice patience. You will have everything you wanted and the peace of mind to enjoy it.
I hope that helps.
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A
male
reader, Ldu +, writes (19 April 2011):
I would not be able to handle that. I feel like I should be the only person to see you in that light and those experiences.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2011): You're probably seeking men's opinions, but from my own observations (and personal experience) Danielpew's is absolutely right. Given how many men have taken issue with a girlfriend's sexual past, regardless of how limited that past is, I daresay most men would take issue with dating an escort. Particularly if they didn't know of her profession ahead of time. Most, not all. Can't say I blame them.
As an aside, men who view sex as recreational or functional tend to be seen as natural, though uncouth. Men who view sex as special are considered special thermselves.
Conversly, women who see sex as recreational or functional are seen as cold, unnatural and immoral, while women who view sex as something special are seen as emtotional. Interesting....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2011): I was friends with a girl who was an escort (on the side) and despite my conservative nature, I fantasized about dating her--and even marrying her at some point. There were a lot of other issues in our relationship which were problematic (age, non-interest on her part in anything romantic, the fact that she lied, etc.), but here were the issues for me surrounding her choice of a side job which bothered me while I was still enamored of her:*Her view of sex: It made me wonder how she casually she understood sex. She did not see sex as something special, but rather as something that served a utilitarian purpose. I have always looked at sex as something to be shared by two people who deeply care for each other. For her, it was the same as breathing.*Emotional issues: It's common to say, "Oh, escorting is just a job--you're selling something, just like someone sells something like bagels." But it is not that simple. This girl DID have deep emotional issues, where she would change moods suddenly, fall into deep depressions. And she was out of touch with her emotions, too. She would cry, and then when I asked her why, she would say, "I'm not crying." Now, you could say this had nothing to do with her escorting, but I think escorting made whatever she had much worse: she had to learn to bury her emotions deep inside of her, and she became detached from them, unable to control them. She also had to deal with living with a "dark secret", which further separated herself from mainstream society, adding to her loneliness.*She had herpes: I don't know what else she had but she told me she had herpes. Were I to marry her, there would always be this spectre over us.*She became used to being used and using others: Sometimes it angered me that men used her. And then it angered me that she let herself be used. Despite being a stunning beauty, she got used to selling herself in all sorts of ways, such as constantly flirting with men to advance in her career.Of course, these are personal experiences. I imagine every girl who escorts is different. But I do believe that doing this for a living has an effect on the girl's emotions and ability to relate to men, and so I would be very wary of that.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj +, writes (19 April 2011):
 Honestly... no, I would never even consider it.
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A
male
reader, alex74 +, writes (19 April 2011):
 I'm one of the guys Danielepew refers to. This would bother me to no end and I don't think I could get over it. Sex is an intensely intimate act for me and I would hate to be number X in a long list of guys who had been there before. I have had very few sexual partners so I guess you could say I can "cast stones". Perhaps an "experienced" guy would not be bothered by this even if it was for money.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (19 April 2011):
 It's interesting that the poster is a female. This post could be about lesbian love, but I have the feeling that the girl who works as an escort is asking the question.
Which is not my business, and is not a reason for me to think any less of her. And I do not need to know. I just wonder if my reply will hurt her.
Some people wouldn't mind dating an escort, and some would marry her. Others would not. The escort in question should also know that here we often have posts by men who say they can't get past the fact that their girl slept with this many men, and sometimes they have been married or living together for very long.
Depending on the person she is involved with, this could come back to hurt her. She needs to be strong.
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A
male
reader, The Realist +, writes (19 April 2011):
 I think I would be able to look past it if she meant that much to me. There are people who wouldn't but there is nothing saying that a healthy relationship can't come out of it. That being said I am not an overly jealous guy at all.
Everyone has to do what they have to do to save up some money. They shouldn't be looked down upon for it.
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