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... Send *astedLife a private message | | | *astedLife's profile:I'm single yet again, and looking. I never wanted the single life, just a wonderful woman I could love and be loved by, live with and for, and have hot, gentle, passionate and nurturing sex with, and cuddle all night long before we made love again in the morning. Someone that shared a vision of the world and wished to walk life together, each appreciating the other for who we are.
I've walked this earth for too long, looking and learning, and am glad to share my understandings with fellow humans, both male and female. I've loved and lost too often, and I'm afraid the sadness of it all has become part of me, yet maybe I can still be of help to others.
I am well educated in the style of the Renaissance Man, able to do most anything, including carry a conversation across most disciplines, especially the sciences.
I currently live in southwestern United States with my two cats and a dog, in paradise yet all alone. I am quite well off and have my own financial means, so I can make my own schedule and work as much or as little as I please. It took years of struggle to get here, but I have arrived, though the solitude, while beautiful, is empty without a mate and lover.
You might wonder about my screen name - in my experience, life without a lover is wasted, one day or night at a time.
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We kissed but I don't like him like that!
Q. we kissed but i don't like him like that... he likes me a lot and has for a while but i don't know.. i really just see him more as like a brother to me. but i don't know what to do. because last time i teased him or whatever and i can't be like eh i ...
A. 10 May 2008: The dreaded friend space! Somewhere all guys hate to be. You two will just have to talk about this one - you may be able to accommodate each other, but ignoring it will lose the friendship. Maybe there's a middle ground, and maybe there isn't. ... (read in full...)
Everytime I see him I get so depressed.
Q. there's this guy... let's say i had a "thing" with him kinda sorta. but he really used me, and i knew it. well one time he admitted that he had feelings for me but anyways, i really miss him. it's all screwed up now because of things and i hate it ...
A. 10 May 2008: The short answer is to enjoy your life! If you can, put him on the "back burner", be open to other boy's approaches, or even approaching them. Figure that he's got a girlfriend for now, and you don't want to break something up unless you are going ... (read in full...)
Should I move with my boyfriend?
Q. I'm 28 and a successful engineer and have worked all my life to get this job that i love. im quite independent as i earn enough to live comfortably in the city. my boyfriend has asked me to live with him but in a town far from the city as he just ...
A. 10 May 2008: It really depends on you! What do you think, how strong is your relationship, how long have you been exclusive, how much do YOU want a family? Do YOU want to get married? Classically, this is what women did. In the late twentieth centur... (read in full...)
Why did it take so long for me to ejaculate when my gf was giving me manual relief?
Q. ok wow.. got my first hand job from my gf tonight.. masterbating has been weird to me for a long time so i haven't gotten off for the longest till tonight.. but..... it took forever for me to finally cum.. she was sooo tired and out of it.. is there ...
A. 10 May 2008: Tricky question, because I don't know why you are limiting yourselves to a hand job. Your name indicates you are a virgin - do you want to remain that way? Are you two involved in oral? If she is nervous about you cumming in her mouth, then she ... (read in full...)
What does "Be Yourself" really mean?
Q. Can anyone really define "BE YOURSELF" properly, so we all know what it means? People use this expression all the time, yet it does not parse in an intelligible way. If I were to "be myself", I would never leave my land, and spend most of my life ...
A. 9 May 2008: Thanks, everybody, for your empathy and concern. There is a lot of love on this site, and I really appreciate it. Complex has mentioned the need for reflection, and if I did any more, I'd be a mirror! Kimaxsi just has all kinds of good thoughts, ... (read in full...)
What does "Be Yourself" really mean?
Q. Can anyone really define "BE YOURSELF" properly, so we all know what it means? People use this expression all the time, yet it does not parse in an intelligible way. If I were to "be myself", I would never leave my land, and spend most of my life ...
A. 9 May 2008: In response to Kimaxsi, you might not need a lover to be complete, but I do. I've been told I can be happy alone, but never have been able to. It's sadness and despondence always, every day, all day, even though I am very successful in every other ... (read in full...)
29 and I cant ejaculate, why?
Q. well i am 29 years old, and i cant ejaculate. i feel like i am about to but then the feeling goes away. during sex, or even oral sex. it just gets numb feeling or i run out of breath. i also take anti depression pills. but i have ejaculated about 5 ...
A. 8 May 2008: The SSRI "antidepressants" play havoc with sexual function, and it is idiosycratic. Paxil, in particular seems to have erratic effects, and can allow a very strong erection(sometimes), but for some bizarre reason, a woman once told me that "I ... (read in full...)
What does "Be Yourself" really mean?
Q. Can anyone really define "BE YOURSELF" properly, so we all know what it means? People use this expression all the time, yet it does not parse in an intelligible way. If I were to "be myself", I would never leave my land, and spend most of my life ...
A. 8 May 2008: Thanks everyone so far. Especially Kimaxsi for the generous flow of words. For the record, I do live in my feelings, do meditate daily, and appreciate the quiet and solitude of my beautiful surroundings far more than the pretending that goes on ... (read in full...)
I've fallen in love with him, how do I tell him without destroying our friendship?
Q. I have been in a sexual relationship with a friend for about a year and a half. About six months into the relationship i fell in love with him. He makes me so happy and i really think that he could be the one for me. How do i tell him this with...
A. 8 May 2008: Seems I am the only male here so far - I don't agree wit Notinthesane's first statement though. Any woman that would sleep with me has become a deeper friend as well as lover. For me, sex is the greatest gift a woman can give a man, and she is ... (read in full...)
Would it be wrong for a 36 year old to date a teenager? Can people choose who they are attracted to?
Q. honeslty do people think this is wrong if a 36 year old man is really really attracted to a 16 year old (mature, or so he thinks) girl...i mean people cant help who they're attracetd to right??? and if he got carried away and ended up in bed with ...
A. 8 May 2008: The real key here is the laws in your state/country. It is traumatic to both people to get involved in a legal mess. Beyond that, it's a matter of personal responsibility.
We will all be hurt sooner or later, and if we avoid opportun... (read in full...)
Any ideas about what I can say when I call her? I just got her number...
Q. Well I finally got this girl's phone number who I've had a crush on for more than 2 years... I said we should "catch up" and I'll call her. I know what I can say when I do call her, but I was wondering if someone had any input in this?...
A. 8 May 2008: I agree with Jen86, but with one proviso. Women seem to know what "be yourself" means, but almost no guys know or understand. If a guy is a trekkiegeek, being "yourself" does not mean being trekkiegeek. It means something else. Perhaps the women ... (read in full...)
Any ideas about what I can say when I call her? I just got her number...
Q. Well I finally got this girl's phone number who I've had a crush on for more than 2 years... I said we should "catch up" and I'll call her. I know what I can say when I do call her, but I was wondering if someone had any input in this?...
A. 7 May 2008: Be friendly and as relaxed as possible. Feel excited about life and have something exciting you think would be cool for the two of you to do. If she seems OK with the idea, then suggest a time, as "let's meet at (somewhere) and go to (somewhere ... (read in full...)
My parents hate her-help!
Q. i have a perfect girlfriend and we have been very happy together for the last two years. she is everything i wanted and i love her more than anything in the world and i know she loves me to. the problem is my parents hate her. she used to live in ...
A. 7 May 2008: I'm not much of a bible thumper, but even the good book got this one right. "A MAN shall leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife", or some such thing. The bottom line is that your relationship is important, and it's your choice, not ... (read in full...)
I am SO scared to have sex, I was raised to believe it is bad!!! My boyfriend has been waiting for me for years to express our love in that way, help!
Q. I am 24 years old and I am a virgin. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years. I love him with all of my heart and want to marry him but I am so scared to have sex. I was raised in the church and to think that sex is bad. I am scared that I ...
A. 7 May 2008: Sex may not be love, but it is certainly the most special expression of love. There is more to intimacy than sex - the joy of skin to skin contact, gently touching each other in the most connecting ways. There is a physical progression that leads ... (read in full...)
Is he sending off signals or is he just friendly?
Q. Ok so there’s this boy (lets call him A) who’s 1 year older than me who I have a crush on. Well basically I’m confused about his feelings towards me. Yesterday me my best friend (G), her boyfriend (R) and A went out together. Because G and R are ...
A. 7 May 2008: Of course he's sending signals. If he wasn't, he wouldn't touch at all.... (read in full...)
I never have a chance to get her by herself to tell her how I feel.
Q. I was thinking of talking to this girl I've mentioned in previous responses. The big problem aside from the others mentioned, because I only see her one to two times a day. I never have a chance to get her by herself to tell her how I feel....
A. 7 May 2008: Don't even try to get her by herself. Walk up to her when she is with her friends, put your arm around her shoulder and twirl her away, and tell her you need to talk for a moment. Approach is performance art, and the girls she is with will judge ... (read in full...)
Everyone thinks i'm ugly.
Q. This has been making me feel depressed for a long time. EVERYWHERE I go i hear people call me ugly even at school too. I hear it almost everyday. No one even notices me or even look at me. My sister, and parents think i'm not that pretty either. ...
A. 7 May 2008: It's never right for a parent to disparage their child. It's poor form for a sister, but that can be forgiven eventually. The woman I loved the most was told she was ugly by many, yet she was, and is, the most beautiful woman I have ever been ... (read in full...)
She says I'm all that she is looking for in a guy but that she still doesn't like me "in that way", why?
Q. ok, this is actualy a really odd situation im an incredibley feminine teenager infact im bisewxual (i know that doesnt necessarily make you feminine, i just happen to be) i only actualy have 2 friends in the whole world, and i have had incredibl...
A. 7 May 2008: I have to agree with LazyGuy, with a couple of provisos. You CAN change your personality, and you can make it stick, and it is a lot easier at your age than mine. It's still a lot of work. If you want to go after the hottest women, you almost have ... (read in full...)
I have several marks from cats' claws, people believe I self-harm though! How can I stop them?
Q. Heya! I have a problem, no i do not self harm dont worry! I have loads of cuts on my arms, from cats claws... and loads of people think i self-harm because of it, i try and explain to them, but they dont listen, what can i do to stop people cal...
A. 7 May 2008: PLEASE FOLKS, listen carefully and NEVER DECLAW A CAT! There are plenty of ways to prevent scratches, the most obvious one is to wear a pair of welding gloves - heavy leather that goes up your arms. Declawing is more than removing the cat's ... (read in full...)
I recently found out he'd been looking at pictures of "tgirls"....
Q. Hello. I'm a 24 year old businesswoman and my husband is 26. Our sex life has become non-existent lately - every attempt I made to seduce him was refused, even when I wore sexy lingerie (which he used to love!) I recently found out he'd been lookin...
A. 7 May 2008: This marriage may have no solution - a sad possibility. Relationship counseling for YOU may help you find where you really stand though. Don't spend too much time or money on it - just get to the place that you are capable of knowing yourself and ... (read in full...)
In my mind, she shouldn't have cheated in the first place. Any advice on what I could tell her?
Q. Ok, so I've got this girlfriend that's been married for 16 years, and just last year cheated on her husband with her boss for a little over a year. They've ended the relationship about 6 months ago. She fell in love with him and I am my wits end ...
A. 7 May 2008: Good friends don't abandon friends easily, yet they do detach from viscous sucking disasters. Remain a friend, tell her that you have no real answers for her - that she has to choose a life path - either repairing the marriage to the best of her ... (read in full...)
How can I convince him that we will still be our children's parents, after we split?
Q. I am in the process of getting a divorce and my husband just wont let go. We have two kids, 6 and 3. When he was a baby his mom didn't make all the right decisions, so now he thinks that it will be the end of the world for our kids too, and is tryi...
A. 7 May 2008: Men love women, and women love kids. We just don't think the same way. For your guy, it's probably the end of the world, yet you still connect to the kids. For you, everything may be OK. For him, he's lost everything. Most likely, his self ... (read in full...)
What would you think if you found out a friend had punched his 3 yr old?
Q. If you had a mate who always bad-mouthed his ex girlfriend who has his teenage son, and always says it's because of her that he doesn't see his son. But then you were shown a neswpaper report which says, your mate years ago punched his child at 3 ye...
A. 7 May 2008: Hey folks, punching kids is always out of line, but this event happened 10 years ago and none of us were there. We are relying on hearsay and an old newspaper article.
I have seen newspapers get things completely wrong, and I know folks on death... (read in full...)
How do I get my wife have sex with me?
Q. How do I get my wife have sex with me ...
A. 7 May 2008: She needs more than meeting any obvious emotional needs. She needs to feel the jarring up and down emotions she felt when she was first attracted to you.
For example: Announce on a Thursday that you two are going somewhere for the weekend.... (read in full...)
I think her BF is cheating on her, and I like her. What should I do, forget her?
Q. Hi all Got myself a bit of a pickle. Last weekend i was out with my mates and we ended up in a nightclub. I met this really really nice girl there, we ended up dancin and talkin for ages. tho she was very shy and kept smiling whenever i looke...
A. 7 May 2008: Don't forget her, but don't lose more sleep than necessary over her either. Mistake #1 was not getting HER number and email. It comes off as weak. Girls rarely if ever call first. You come across as a supplicant rather than an easygoing master, ... (read in full...)
I think her BF is cheating on her, and I like her. What should I do, forget her?
Q. Hi all Got myself a bit of a pickle. Last weekend i was out with my mates and we ended up in a nightclub. I met this really really nice girl there, we ended up dancin and talkin for ages. tho she was very shy and kept smiling whenever i looke...
A. 6 May 2008: Don't forget her, but don't lose more sleep than necessary over her either. Mistake #1 was not getting HER number and email. It comes off as weak. Girls rarely if ever call first. You come across as a supplicant rather than an easygoing master, ... (read in full...)
What would you think if you found out a friend had punched his 3 yr old?
Q. If you had a mate who always bad-mouthed his ex girlfriend who has his teenage son, and always says it's because of her that he doesn't see his son. But then you were shown a neswpaper report which says, your mate years ago punched his child at 3 ye...
A. 6 May 2008: First off, ask him. Show him a copy of the paper and ask him about it - his story will be different, but listen and watch his reaction to get closer to the truth. You might tell him you are not comfortable with the situation and don't want to hear ... (read in full...)
I have no relationship drive...please help?
Q. I've got this weird situation...well, i just dont have a sex drive, i know this sounds normal, but its not just the sex drive im missing - its everything. I know when sombody is attractive, but i never have the urge to want to touch them, or like...
A. 6 May 2008: You might want to check out Asperger's Syndrome - a fairly common variation on being human. It's far more common in guys(3:1) and it may originally show as being far more interested in things than people. Many Aspies do want romantic/sexual ... (read in full...)
If I wanted an abortion would the doctor tell my parents?
Q. Just a quick and really weird question but I still would like the answer. If I'm pregnant (still waiting for results) then I really don't want any one to find out at all. So if I went to the doctor and wanted an abortion what procedure would ...
A. 6 May 2008: Here is a link that can give you details on abortion procedures in the USA. They are very similar in the UK. Just be sure that if you are using the family computer, you know how to completely erase your browsing history:
http:... (read in full...)
If I wanted an abortion would the doctor tell my parents?
Q. Just a quick and really weird question but I still would like the answer. If I'm pregnant (still waiting for results) then I really don't want any one to find out at all. So if I went to the doctor and wanted an abortion what procedure would ...
A. 6 May 2008: It's important to get an abortion as soon as possible once you're sure, but I don't agree with telling your mom unless you are comfortable with it. I have stood by many women when they had to make abortion decisions, and once worked as a rape ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend comes from an abusive background. Should I be worried if he abuses our cat?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating over a year now and I couldn't be happier with him. But, he comes from an abusive background and that worries me. We have a cat that we bought together. He likes to put her inside the bath tub or shower because he ...
A. 6 May 2008: I live with two wonderful cats that have probably saved me from depression and worse. Cats are independent souls, and are quite loving creatures on their own terms. Anyone that would violate a cat's will without a very good reason would not ... (read in full...)
Why am I not getting any response from her?
Q. Hello people, i need your help....again I like this girl and i would like to think she likes me. Anyway, i was talking to her a couple of days ago and we were having a laugh, now when i go to phone her she doesn't answer, when i text her she doe...
A. 6 May 2008: Sorry to hear this, though it seems to be common. I have been trying to meet women over the last couple of months - I was never good at the game - though we were able to get talking, dancing, laughing, etc., and I get an email or number. When I ... (read in full...)
How do I get this older, annoying, married guy to leave me alone?
Q. ok, so theres this guy that i think likes me and i dont know what to do about it because i want him to leave me alone. at first when he would talk to me i thought he was just being nice. but now hes always calling me names like "baby" and saying how ...
A. 6 May 2008: Actually, the safest, surest thing is the scariest. The man may or may not know he is out of line. If YOU tell him and let him know that he makes you uncomfortable and you want to be left alone, you have thrown down the gauntlet. Do this in a ... (read in full...)
I am succesful and enjoy the company of men but can't find any that don't want to take advantage of me!
Q. i am a twenty seven year old female, i consider myself good looking and slim. i am college educated and i have my own business but....i never have had a boyfriend....EVER!! i enjoy the company of men dont get me wrong but i just can't find a guy ...
A. 6 May 2008: I'm not sure what you mean by "take advantage". Any guy that is going to be a boyfriend will want to sleep with you sooner or later, and certainly will want to kiss, fondle, touch, etc. If you don't want these things, then why would you want a ... (read in full...)
Is eating cheating? As in having a sexual encounter with a another female.
Q. Okay one quick question. If you are a married woman, and you have sexual relations with another woman is it cheating?...
A. 6 May 2008: The best way I know to decide this one is personal. A committed lover will know whether or not he/she is uncomfortable with the idea of his/her mate knowing exactly what happens, regardless of the source, or if he/she knows the partner would be if ... (read in full...)
Am I the only one that has breasts like this? It makes me insecure!
Q. I have a question. I am insecure about my breasts. I have large breasts which men love, but the colored part around my nipple seems realy big to me compared to other breasts i've seen. Does it matter. Do men prefer one or the other? Am I the only ...
A. 5 May 2008: You're just fine! As everyone has said, breasts, areolas, and nipples come in all shapes, sizes, and consistencies. Learn to love your pair, they are distinctively yours and no doubt, someone will really appreciate them as A PART of the whole you. ... (read in full...)
I'm not shallow but she wants to wait to have sex....that could be years!
Q. I'm in a bit of a pickle right now and I could use some advice. Me and my girlfriend have been going out for about six months now. And we started talking about how we feel about sex. She told me she wants to wait until marriage and I'm fine with ...
A. 4 May 2008: All the answers so far here are from women, and I do think you need at least one guy's perspective.
Waiting 7-10 years in your 20's for sex is essentially losing your 20's. Sex is not shallow, or at least it should not be. It is sacred and the ... (read in full...)
Since my breakup, I'm scared I'll be alone for a long time!
Q. Im scared i will be alone for a long time. It has been over a year since my ex (my first love) and I broke up and he has a new girlfriend. I guess they aren't so great together though since they break up often. I feel like I will be alone for a long ...
A. 3 May 2008: I really do understand! This is part of the drama of life and we all deal with it to a greater or lesser extent. It's part of being human. I truly believe it is much easier for girls, though I have only seen it from the other side. My simple ... (read in full...)
Tests were negative but something is not right. Please help.
Q. Help me Please Ive taken a total of 4 hpts two which were negative and two that were positive 1 urine test at the doc which was also negative I had sex in March a few weeks after I had sex I began to bleed after the bleeding stopped i took a test ...
A. 3 May 2008: If you can, relax and trust nature as best you can. It's possible that you were never pregnant and the tests you are using are picking up residual HCG from a fertilization without implantation. The early tests are very sensitive, and you have much ... (read in full...)
Would great sex make guys want a relationship?
Q. Ok guys if you have had mind blowing sex with a girl on a one night stand are you more likely to want to have a relationship with her? ...
A. 2 May 2008: Yes, definitely! The woman I have loved the most in my life seduced me just after I got a new job with her. I have loved her for almost 20 years, and I consider her to have saved my life. She left me after a few years and I would do anything to ... (read in full...)
My recent BF could be facing jail for a crime committed while drunk. I love him, what should I do?
Q. Me And my boyfriend have been dating now for 3 months an he could be facing jail soon for a crime he done wen he was drunk.Most of my family hate him but im head over heels in love with him What Should I Do???...
A. 2 May 2008: There are a couple of different things going on here. First off, what kind of crime? Something thoughtless and stupid, or something violent that shows a reckless disregard for people and property? Also, some women get VERY infatuated with someone ... (read in full...)
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