A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Hello.I'm a 24 year old businesswoman and my husband is 26. Our sex life has become non-existent lately - every attempt I made to seduce him was refused, even when I wore sexy lingerie (which he used to love!)I recently found out he'd been looking at pictures of "tgirls" on www.flickr.com. Apparently "tgirl"s are transsexual women (either pre- or post-op, from what I've heard).I just don't understand what he gets from looking at them when he has me instead - I've tried to have sex with him, and he continually refuses every single advance and it makes me feel lonely and unwanted.I've tried and tried asking my husband what he gets from looking at these photos of the "tgirls" on flickr.com, but said "It's my private life!! PRIVATE, DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND!" and refused to discuss it further with me.How do I resolve this situation?? No matter how many times I bring up the issue, he will not discuss it with me, in fact not at all. I've tried everything and am at my wits end. I'm getting stressed out by the whole situation.Please help me, Michellex
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Leanna +, writes (8 May 2008):
 I wasn't talking to you anonymous - I was talking about website that the poster keeps mentioning... Over and over again.
A
male
reader, oldfool  + ♥, writes (7 May 2008):
 Anonymous, I think Leanna was suggesting that poster was spamming by making the constant references to tgirls on flicker.com.
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A
male
reader, oldfool + ♥, writes (7 May 2008):
I've never been in a situation like this so I can only suggest the following:
The problem here is not his looking at tgirls. It's the fact that he's refusing to have sex with you.
Sure, the tgirls may have something to do with it (on the other hand, they may not), but dragging this in only puts his back up and complicates the issue. If he was having sex with you, the tgirls wouldn't be a problem, right?
So forget the tgirls part, you've got to find out why he's not having sex with you. What he may need more now is a patient friend than a judgemental wife. Whatever he tells you, you have to make it clear you won't get upset, even if he comes out with a bombshell. If he refuses to talk you might have to consider other options, like counselling.
Hope this help a little.
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A
male
reader, WastedLife  + ♥, writes (7 May 2008):
This marriage may have no solution - a sad possibility. Relationship counseling for YOU may help you find where you really stand though. Don't spend too much time or money on it - just get to the place that you are capable of knowing yourself and your desires. What do you wish to do if NOTHING changes? That's a good place to start. Let him know that you need to address this honestly or you must leave-as in separate and divorce. Do you have any kids? You two are young and if this can't be dealt with, you are better off separating and getting on with your lives. That dose of reality may get him moving on a solution, or if not, then you can get moving.
Good luck, and my sympathies.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2008): Go look at the websites before you judge. Post back here with your review and tell me if they are commercial. They are not. They are a very helpful resource for people in these circumstances.
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A
female
reader, Leanna +, writes (6 May 2008):
There's really no need to keep mentioning the website - sounds like an advert for the site to me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2008): Go to straightspouse.org for very helpful links to support groups. Also www.voy.com/86426/ is a discussion board for people in similar circumstances. Sorry to hear your situation, but you are not alone.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2008): ----
Jen86 posted:
relate councelling may help. Get some new underwear or try something new with him. If he has a fantasy that ur prepared to fulfil for him try that. Next time u see him looking at these pics, sit on the desk in front of him between him and the moniter naked.
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I tried that but it just didn't work. He's still refusing to have sex with me and refusing to discuss the issue, and continually looking at pictures of "tgirl"s on the internet, both at flickr.com and on the internet in general.
I don't know how to resolve this, and I'm getting even more stressed.
Michelle
x
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A
female
reader, snazzy yaz +, writes (6 May 2008):
 hi. eventhough i'm 16 i understand that ur stressed but looking at pictures of anykind is normal. it is a fantasy and he still loves you. all guy's like to look at pictures.
try to relax and not mention it for a while. it is a phase that will soon pass if not he will tlk to u about it. i'm sure ur a lovely lady. so dont fret. u'll sort it out. hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, Jen86 +, writes (6 May 2008):
relate councelling may help. Get some new underwear or try something new with him. If he has a fantasy that ur prepared to fulfil for him try that. Next time u see him looking at these pics, sit on the desk in front of him between him and the moniter naked.
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