A
male
age
51-59,
WastedLife
writes:Can anyone really define "BE YOURSELF" properly, so we all know what it means? People use this expression all the time, yet it does not parse in an intelligible way. If I were to "be myself", I would never leave my land, and spend most of my life just working on my projects. That is where I am most comfortable, unless already in a relationship. Then I would want to be with my lover.Any ideas? Reply to this Question |
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male
reader, WastedLife + ♥, writes (9 May 2008):
WastedLife is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, everybody, for your empathy and concern. There is a lot of love on this site, and I really appreciate it. Complex has mentioned the need for reflection, and if I did any more, I'd be a mirror! Kimaxsi just has all kinds of good thoughts, and everyone else has been really helpful too!
A
female
reader, Kimaxsi +, writes (9 May 2008):
The difference for me may be that I've only ever been with one man, I've only kissed one man, I don't want another either, I do not wish to live without him ever could not even, we have never spent 24 hours apart, we spend really all our time with one another. But that would mean prior to that man I was a virgin, I think its usually easier for a virgin to continue to go without sex then for someone who has already had sex. For me I could not just have sex with some person it had to be the person, it wasn't a moral thing, its that I go all out, full throttle when I love, so I literally was incapable of it, once I commit its for life. I went 8,000 miles to take a risk with a man b/c I felt it was right, I gave up pretty much everything for this risk and it paid off. Its not that I am unromantic, my whole life is a romance story, I live and breath it ever day.
I would not settle for giving him just part of me, or half of me, that's not me I'll full on or full off, I am not wishy washy. I am not suggesting you live without love, my God that's not at all what I meant, love is hugely important, like you for me its really everything. That is why I gave myself, my whole self (I am not just a half person), and my real self to this person, I did not settle, I am much too strong a person to ever settle, I went for extraordinary, that's what I got but I got him by being real and by being me and taking risks, I could've been crushed I knew it but its worth it. We are still our own people and actually opposites, it works well like yin and yang, I think I am the yang though lol
Basically all I am saying is go full out, be you, there's a risk with love but if you can't take it you wont find it. I mean you've got to open, you sound a bit Depressed (if I am honest) and I fear you might be closing down a little b/c you are hurting open, open, open. You will find this great love, I can tell you've got plenty of heart XD
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A
female
reader, complex + ♥, writes (9 May 2008):
I don't do well alone either. The man I discribed earlier is your age, and alone. He keeps himself distracted by constantly having a project to work on. He is nesting. The powers that be sometimes keep us alone so we can reflect on ourselves to be better prepared for a soul mate. Females are complicated creatures, and require a lot of mental stability. Age has nothing to do with your readiness, take my word, I live in Hawaii and know many men, far older than you that recently found love they thought they'd never find. They are happy and well rounded because they took their time;)
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A
male
reader, WastedLife + ♥, writes (9 May 2008):
WastedLife is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIn response to Kimaxsi, you might not need a lover to be complete, but I do. I've been told I can be happy alone, but never have been able to. It's sadness and despondence always, every day, all day, even though I am very successful in every other way. It's the only part of my life I have never been able to reliably create. I don't know how old you are, but likely I am much older than you and have worked far harder to get a lover and try to keep her happy. Of course, keeping her happy, when possible, was a labor of love. I only wanted to have one lover in my life - I have no desire for variety, just connection. I would be happy on a desert island with just one lover for a lifetime, but certainly not being there alone. Maybe you don't need sexual connection, but I do, and six months without a lover is devastating. I still love everyone I have ever slept with.
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A
female
reader, Kimaxsi +, writes (9 May 2008):
You don't need a mate to be complete, you already are. Relationship wise two halves don't make a whole, just two people with some pretty heavy baggage lol
I like this quote a lot but the Dali Lama "The best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other"
Its great you meditate and I myself find I am more of a one person at time type, its hard for me stretch myself out with lots of different people, I just prefer to get really close and to focus, I am an intense sort anyways...
If you are not genuine if you do met a girl, and she falls for this unreal/glorified/altered you then you deprive her of the pleasure of knowing the real you, not only that but b/c she does not know who you actually are you will live in fear of her finding you out, you'll never have the joy of being wholly accepted by another. On the hand if someone falls for the real you, then its you they want and there is so much freedom in that, so much joy. My husband knows even my ugliest traits and I know his and despite that he accepts and loves me, he hasn't run screaming! I was so sure he would too. That is a marvelous feeling, don't make your love a prison.
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A
male
reader, WastedLife + ♥, writes (8 May 2008):
WastedLife is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone so far. Especially Kimaxsi for the generous flow of words. For the record, I do live in my feelings, do meditate daily, and appreciate the quiet and solitude of my beautiful surroundings far more than the pretending that goes on during social interaction, unless, of course, I am with a lover, and then I feel connected to that person, and am glad to contribute to the situation. I can do this alone and even be witty, but it is so painful I would rather just stay home.
The only reason to be social for me is to meet a like-minded lover, and then we can be complete without wasting time on the pretending of society. I have no special sense of humor, and only want one for the social parody/game that I would rather avoid. I have no desire to harm others, human or animal, and simply wish to spend each night with "my" beautiful woman, and each day being productive, nurturing, and appreciating. And that is the person I have looked for all my life. Being truly myself is a social turnoff and the time wasted doing that is unfathomable. Perhaps someone has a better way of meeting one's mate...... I have never enjoyed the chase, only the rare success.
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A
female
reader, Kimaxsi +, writes (8 May 2008):
Most people seek acceptance and approval outside of themselves, they try and be *this person* others want them to be or expect them to be or *this person* that they have decided is better than that which they already are aka their idealized version of themselves. They are simply scared shit less to even contemplate doing what seems right b/c they think they'd run amok eating junk food, having wild sex, stealing. We all have a built in moral compass though and when you've done something against your nature you feel shame and guilt, you feel disturbed it just won't set right. When you do what's right for you, you usually feel a little more free like you can breath, more open and more confident.
To discover this true self, you'd have to start listening again, you'd have to stop and be present in the moment, aka pay attention and then when a situation arouse you won't act so habitually (the problem with habitual behavior is that more often than not its well just habit, its often the path of least resistance, its often approval seeking, and more often than not its a defense that you've developed to protect yourself from getting hurt, its fear based). Like anybody else you have to get to know yourself, and its a life long process and you will evolve and change b/c you are alive and nothing can remain stagnate. Being yourself really just means being present and not judging what you see. It takes a lot of guts and a lot of trust, its fearless b/c you actually have to sit down with yourself and just look at all the yucky stuff and all the good stuff, that's really would meditation would be for. It of course implies being honest that's the only way to even start being yourself is to stop feeding yourself and other people lies, but to say what you really mean. It means being honest with what you think and feel no matter how painful those feelings might be not pushing them down in a little ball or avoiding them but looking at them, holding them in your hands, and opening up rather than shutting down. Risking being vulnerable and hurt by opening yourself up and taking accountability for all your actions. Aka no more blaming other people for your emotions, no more hiding behind justifications either. Trust me you wouldn't sit around on your land all day and night, complacency is not what being yourself is about (complacency stems from fear, habit so forth), you may naturally be the sort to prefer solitude that's fine but you wont stop living. When you trust and accept yourself and learn to love yourself, you'll take care of you. Being yourself means no more comparisons, it means no more I'd be better ifs, it means no more I am not good enough, it also means having a great sense of humor about yourself. It means doing what's right for you, and never ever living in shame.
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female
reader, ariel  +, writes (8 May 2008):
 Being yourself is the you without the ego armour.Being who you want to be and not who you think others want you to be.
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female
reader, LJ001 +, writes (8 May 2008):
 It means not copying anyone else, and staying true to yourself. Not putting on a front, not going along with anything you'd prefer not to - it's doing what you feel is best and not changing for anyone else.
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A
male
reader, big_boi199 +, writes (8 May 2008):
"BE YOURSELF" means to act how you were raised or to do what you want to do and dont change that way for anyone.
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female
reader, complex + ♥, writes (8 May 2008):
I know a man with the same exact "be yourself" views as you! And he loves to stay on his land, and finish his projects. Be yourself.....hm. Well, the only thing that comes to my mind is roots. You are who you are based on your roots; where they came from, and where they are planted now. I really dont think the term is a steriotype, cause I believe those are for people who dont know anyting about themselves because the are too busy adjusting themselves for other people. Everything about you stems from your roots. Your values, morals, views of way of life, religion, etc. This is just an opinion, not a fact:) Hope that was of some help.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2008): Reflect your true emotions, beliefs, needs and desires.
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female
reader, Ask oldersister +, writes (8 May 2008):
 It's not my favorite platitude either. I think it just means to not try to be something you are not. In your case, all your talking about it going outside your "comfort zone" or redefining yourself in other areas to achieve some sort of balance. It can help us expand our awareness and give us some sort of mental flexibility when we try new things as opposed to always staying comfortable. If you are okay with how you are, it shouldn't matter what others think- there's another annoying platitude for you.
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