A
male
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes: i have a perfect girlfriend and we have been very happy together for the last two years. she is everything i wanted and i love her more than anything in the world and i know she loves me to. the problem is my parents hate her. she used to live in a very rough area so has alot of friends who are on drugs and who are prostitutes. she grew up with them and they are like her family as she only has her mum so her friends mean alot to her. she does everything she can to help them but over the last year she has given up and accepts them as they are. the problem is my paents think that because she grew up around them and is very close to them all that she has turned out like that too but she hasnt and i dont know how to get them to accept her. when she sees them she is always very polite and i dont know what more we can do. they havent spoken to me in five monts even though i call often - help!! thanks.
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female
reader, Kimaxsi  +, writes (7 May 2008):
You are an adult now, free to choose who you date and you know in your heart you have chosen the right girl for you. Your parents probably still have a protective instinct, they worry all parents do but their behavior is childish and immature. If possible (and if your parents are not being rude and abusive to your girlfriend) let them meet up with her as much possible, eventually they may come to realize what a great girl she is, be natural with her don't put on a show for them, let them see your love first-hand, let them see the genuine thing, if they think you are acting or being phony they'll think you have something to hide or that you are ashamed of her or your relationship and you don't want that, you have a great relationship, a great partner no use in being fake. Explain to them how important she is to you, how serious you are about her and how much it means to you that they give her a fair shot, continue to keep them posted on the relationship, include them if you can don't just throw a sudden wedding in their face for example. Hear them out listen their point of view, if they specifically say things about your girlfriend that are untrue like she's a prostitute, defend her of course.If they are unwilling and continue to shut you out, that's their decision, I would not give into their emotional blackmail. Reach out to them let them know that those tactics will not work, that you are adult, you have found a great girl, and that they need to trust that they raised you right and that you are capable of making good sound decisions, even if they feel you've made a mistake, they need to allow you to make your own mistakes, its part of learning but in this case you are positive you have made no mistake. Tell them you love them dearly and want them to be a part of your life, give them some time. They may come to terms with this, unfortunately they may not but its a decision they have to make, if they don't come to terms and make no effort, you mustn't blame yourself, its your parents loss in that case for not only sabotaging your relationship but also missing out on meeting a great girl
A
male
reader, WastedLife + ♥, writes (7 May 2008):
I'm not much of a bible thumper, but even the good book got this one right. "A MAN shall leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife", or some such thing. The bottom line is that your relationship is important, and it's your choice, not theirs. Regardless of her background or friends, you are the one that's intimate with her, not your parents. "You pays your money and you takes your chances!" I wish the both of you the best; - get responsible, love one another, and accept your parents for who they are. They may never change and neither should you, unless you wish to. Best of luck to both of you.
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A
male
reader, PeterPan + ♥, writes (7 May 2008):
 Wow... OK, here goes my best shot...In order for this idea to work, I think you're going to have to confront your parents face-to-face (since it seems that they aren't taking your calls any more... which for the record is pretty childish for parents). I hate for this to seem like an ultimatum (and you should do you best not to head down that path in your discussion), but you need to find out if they appreciate your choices in life -- have you lived up to their expectations? Have you done well for yourself in being an adult and handling the responsibilities that life has cast your way... assuming that their response is positive, then you need to break to a discussion about your girlfriend... get them to see that it is your choice who you associate with and consider dear, not theirs. Further, if they do trust your abilities to make sound choices for yourself, then why are they not trusting your opinions now? I am trying to get you to have them honor your girlfriend through your eyes. The trust they have for you should shine through you onto your girlfriend. In short, because she's important to you, and you are important to them, then to honor you, they should also trust her.OK, that's the positive spin -- the real conversation might be a bit more difficult, but I think you see the logic behind it. The other reality here is that they aren't trusting your judgement (for whatever reason). If that's the case, then it might be necessary to consider that the three adults (you, and your parents) may have hit an impasse on this. It might be the time to say that you are your own individual and if they aren't willing to accept those important to you, then you might have to consider disassociating with those negative elements in your life... yeah, it's harsh, but we are talking about you and those you love... and here's the ultimatum part: them or your girlfriend. I can't answer that - that's something you'll have to feel your way through.I hope that helped some. It's always hard to advise on something like this because there's elements (history and personalities) that are only in your head.Best wishes for resolving an issue that shouldn't be...
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