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Latest articles:

On the Wayside - poem

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22 May 2007: All of us have different ways of dealing with the stresses of relationships, life, and emotional chaos. Myself, I am one of those for whom poetry comes easily. Most of the time they just kind of pop in my head when I'm in a funky mood. Here's on...

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My boyfriend of two years is best friends with a woman whom I find toxic.

Q.   My boyfriend of two years is best friends with a woman whom I find toxic. She and I used to be good friends until she completely turned her back on me and began to spread rumors about me among our friends. My boyfriend has been good friends with her ...

A.   12 June 2007: I'm going to go with the answer that probably will occur to most of everyone who reads this: Switch boyfriends.... (read in full...)

It's a classic case of being in a relationship, but liking someone else

Q.   It's a classic case of being in a relationship, but liking someone else. It all started nearly a year and a half ago now, I realised I liked one of my best male friends, let's call him Tom. We became quite close and talked a lot and the feelings...

A.   12 June 2007: There's a classic solution to your classic problem. Be single for a while. It won't hurt you to just be single. Don't date. Just hang out with good friends, and make new friends. Focus on the important part of developing yourself and your stu... (read in full...)

How do I know if I am falling out of love? I don't know if I still love him.

Q.   I'm a 26 year old female and I thought I met the man of my dreams. How do I know if I am falling out of love? I don't know if I still love him. I want him to be "the one" more than any man I've ever dated. How do I know if he's the right one? I'm ...

A.   12 June 2007: I see two possibilities: 1) You don't love him anymore. 2) You love him, but severely misunderstand what love is and can't recognize it even when it is right in front of you. We can't really help you discover which of the two is your problem,... (read in full...)

She called me weak and said I grovelled. Then she said she was joking! I broke up w/ her - is this what she really wanted?

Q.   Sorry for posting this again but I'd hoped to get a better response. I'm struggling to get over this and maybe someone out there can help me out. I need to know if I was wrong here. I went out with a girl for 6 months, during the first 3-4, s...

A.   31 May 2007: Some women are just downright strange. They believe men should be more assertive to the point of abuse. Don't feel bad or even confused over this. Just be glad you aren't the kind of man that she wanted you to be, because that way lies darkness... (read in full...)

Why is he playing games with me?

Q.   I am writing once again - so sorry for doing this... My partner and I are seperating after 6 years. He has promised me that he will see me ok (IE buy me out of our home, so i can put a deposit on another) The thing is, it is going to take ar...

A.   28 May 2007: Get a lawyer. When it comes to real estate and money, it is always a good idea to obtain the services of a lawyer. Trusting him to do the right thing is nice in an ideal world, but generally speaking, his desires in this (ie kicking you out, ... (read in full...)

I worry in case I can't get and erection and it's ruining my social life!

Q.   hi, this might sound like a weird post but i was just wondering if anyone knows where im coming from or could offer me some good advice. its a little embarrassing and i dont know quite how to put it with it making sense but i'll try. o.k. this...

A.   28 May 2007: I think your problem is one that quite a few men have. It is the inability to really get into sex without enough emotional engagement to make you believe that what you're doing is the right thing. Don't force yourself to have sex just because ... (read in full...)

I'm 14, pregnant, beaten and kicked out of home by my mom!

Q.   hey, i have a real problem.. im just 14 and i was with this guy for a year then i found out i was pregnant and after 3weeks i told him, he dumped me and said he hated me, 2months later i told my parents, my mom kicked me out so i live with my dad ...

A.   26 May 2007: Okay, your baby doesn't need to know his biological father. What your baby will need is a father figure, who loves him/her. If you want to accomplish something good in your life, give the baby all your love, and live your life in a manner that whe... (read in full...)

Married for three years and tempted to stray with my co-worker... Help!

Q.   I could really do with some advice. I am happily married - or thought I was- until I met this guy at work. He is all I can think about. I have never been tempted to stray at all in my three years of marriage but I am so tempted. I know that if i ...

A.   26 May 2007: Temptation to stray is normal. As people we are of two minds. We are both a creature of mind and animal. What you're feeling are the baser instincts of your animal half. Women accuse men of only listening to our primal instincts, but women ar... (read in full...)

Met up with an old flame for lunch and he ws nervous! What was going on with him?

Q.   Hi, I'm a 29 year old woman, been married almost 8years with a 4year old son, fairly happily married. Recently i bumped into an old flame from high school(first love) haven't seen each or had any contact for 14years. We exchanged numbers and met ...

A.   25 May 2007: Probably best to nip this in the bud. Continuing down this path may be detrimental to your marriage. Are you in need of more friends? If so, there are other people who would probably pose less of a danger than an old flame. Of course, maybe I'... (read in full...)

We've been together 3 years but she is soo beautiful and I'm worried I'm too average to keep her satisified!

Q.   My g/f and I have been together for almost 3 years, the first six months, just as friends, then lovers, then I asked her to move in with me and she's been there for a year-and-a-half. I love her but I'm starting to feel a little insecure about our ...

A.   25 May 2007: Let's break it down: 1) You have an incredibly hot girlfriend. 2) You have an incredibly hot girlfriend who loves you. 3) You have an incredibly hot girlfriend who loves you, and who pretty much does what she can to help you through whatever... (read in full...)

Bf has jealousy problems with my guy friend! Bf has refused to meet him--what should I do?

Q.   long story short , i have a boyfriend and another friend but he's a guy. And my boyfriend has problems(he's jealous) with me talking to my friend. I don't think that my friend loves me because we've known each other for like 3 years and he never ...

A.   25 May 2007: Generally speaking you have to keep them apart. Do not discuss your "guy friend" with your "boyfriend" and vice versa. Neither of them probably want to hear about the other. Your boyfriend is just going to have to trust you. If he can't, it may... (read in full...)

I dumped him by text and ignored his calls and now --I regret it! What should I do?

Q.   Ok... SO im 14, you all probably think im silly and dont no what real love is. But I went out with this lad, i hardly knew him when he asked me out, so first time i said no. He was at my school and in my year but I had never really spoke to ...

A.   25 May 2007: Well, you're right. You're only 14. But perhaps writing him a letter, even a long letter, telling him why you broke up with him won't hurt. Just be very clear that the letter isn't an invitation necessarily to get back together, but just that one... (read in full...)

how can i telll if he actually loves me like he said before he came over or if he is just using me to get on his feet?

Q.   my partner has recently shifted from a different country to be with me he has known me for about 9 years. i currently feel like i am being used he had decided in january to come and live with me when he arrived he had next to no money we have just ...

A.   25 May 2007: His actions indicate a lack of respect. Perhaps you have fostered this situation by being too laid back and unassertive. To be absolutely sure of your position in his life and heart, you're going to have stand up for yourself and assert yourself... (read in full...)

How can I break up with my married lover?

Q.   what do i do? I am 25 and I love a married man that is 52, I know this situation is awful, but i love him so much, everytime i yell and fight with him saying its over and i cant do it anymore, within a few hours we are talking again, I know it is ...

A.   25 May 2007: Just break it off. If you really want to do this, you can do it. I'm going to tell you why you should be angry at him. He isn't going to leave his wife to be with you. To him, you're the side dish. In fact, having you in his life has probabl... (read in full...)

Should I stay friends with her even though we've broken up?

Q.   alright I'm a male and I'm nineteen and shes fifteen we've been together for almost a year we just broke up and were both virgins by the way she says she loves me and i love her but now she says its not the same we don't see each other that much and ...

A.   25 May 2007: Nothing wrong with being friends, as long as you both agree to keep it platonic. This must be explicitly stated and agreed to. You have to be prepared for the fact that given time she'll probably eventually move on and find another boyfrien... (read in full...)

How do I talk dirty to my husband in bed?

Q.   Hi, me and my husband have been married a year and we've been together for about 3 on and off and he wants me to talk dirty to him during sex but i always try but i always get this feeling of embarrassment when i try to how do i get over that?and ...

A.   25 May 2007: I like the suggestion offered by Dagwood. Do try it. Talking dirty in bed can be particularly expressive and fun once you get into the act. If it helps, tie him up and blindfold him, and then have a little bit of fun. One of the things I've ... (read in full...)

people seem to judge me because I'm confident. How do I deal with it?

Q.   I have shaped my personality in to being a person, a part of which people in my family and some members in society have rejected or find it inappropriate for the fear of being criticized, abused, etc. But i am quite confident in the way i am and ...

A.   25 May 2007: Your projection of confidence may be at odds with your actual accomplishments in the eyes of others. Be sure that your confidence that you feel is a result of your achievements rather than a facade, a veneer thinly painted over a mediocre life. ... (read in full...)

How do I stand against the pressure of my culture to treat women as objects?

Q.   Though treating women as sex objects by men is quite common and widely accepted norm in my culture, i frown upon the concept and genuinely like to respect women before making any intimate connections with them. However, there is too much pressure ...

A.   25 May 2007: You can survive in your society without becoming one of them, but merely surviving may not be enough. If you believe strongly enough, perhaps you can become a force of change. Be a good man, and treat well and honorably with everyone. Honesty,... (read in full...)

Is it normal for guys to try and have sex with a female while she sleeps?

Q.   wanted some advice from the guys on here. well i slept with my boyfriend last night for the first time. i've been with him for about two months now. When I woke up he was on top of me and trying to have sex again, i don't know what he had been doing ...

A.   25 May 2007: I wouldn't say it is normal, but I wouldn't say it is uncommon. What many couples forget to do is set boundaries. The "Do's" and "Do Not's". Explain to him that without your consent it is rape. There are some women who may like being woken up l... (read in full...)

I am so scared of my parents violent arguments. What should I do?

Q.   my parents have always argued but just recently they have got worse. I reali think it wud b betta for all of us if they spilt up. they argue violenlty up to 4 times a week. its very hard to write down in words how terrified and scaryed i am as a 15 ...

A.   25 May 2007: Depending on what they're arguing about, breaking up may or may not be the right thing. What you need to do, if you wish to take on the role of the mature peacekeeper in your family, is to convince them both to attend marriage counseling, in which... (read in full...)

Trying to date and move on--but I can't shake these strong feelings for my ex even after all that he has done. Any advice?

Q.   Hi I am 37 year old female with 2 children, 9 and 2. I found out 8 months ago that my husband John whom I have known for 14 years had an affair whilst on a course. I immediately kicked him out. He said he loved me but was not in love with me and ...

A.   25 May 2007: Only piece of advice that I can offer is to put your children first. Their needs must be your top priority, and in the case of your oldest child, they need to understand that what is going on is not their fault. You must also comport yourself... (read in full...)

He's rather small and floppy down there. If I get serious is this all I am going to get? Is this common thing with men?

Q.   I don't want this to sound shallow or lame but I have been seeing a guy for 6 months. The sex is ok but without sounding too dirty he is rather small down below and when erect it's a bit floppy. You cannot seem to do many positions because of this ...

A.   25 May 2007: If you're asking this question, perhaps you already have your answer.... (read in full...)

I feel so played by my ex gf! How can I make myself feel better about this situation?

Q.   My ex told her mate she was considering having a break from me in order to hook up with some guy she knows online. I confronted her about this, and she said it was girly chat and meant nothing. A week later, I'm dumped. And shes already got plans to ...

A.   25 May 2007: Time. And then some more time. You'd be surprised at how enough time can give you a better perspective. Just think about it rationally for now, and write down your thoughts about why you don't deserve to be treated like her toy. Whenever sh... (read in full...)

Is this long distance relationship worth continuing with?

Q.   My boyfirend lives thousands of miles away. We've been together for over a year but living apart. We speak a few times a week and rarely actually see each other. I have no doubt that he cares about me and would like to be with me however i'm not ...

A.   25 May 2007: Back before airplanes and trains, many relationships and even marriages had to deal with long separations. Not everyone is cut out for it, but the usual problem is fidelity. If fidelity isn't a problem, then loving then the only problem you have... (read in full...)

Do I stay in touch with my ex or not?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been broken up for a month now. We were still emailing each other and I told him that he could call me anytime that he wanted to. He didn't think it would be wise and so I finally ended it all together, saying I don't think ...

A.   23 May 2007: First off, you should've returned his birthday present to him. You should never have used it if you two were no longer together and he had paid for it. If it had been given to you after the break up, you should never have accepted it. You are now ... (read in full...)

I am still a virgin but have tried to have sex, but I tense up so bad! Any advice?

Q.   Hi, I am a 20 year old virgin girl(yeah that's bad I know) and I have a boyfriend and we tried having sex yesterday but we couldn't because he felt I was too tensed. And I know I was and he could see I was worried and scared. I am like reall...

A.   23 May 2007: There's no rush to have sex. There are so many non-intercourse games two people can play together to achieve the same satisfaction. Go with what your comfortable with and expand upon that little by little till you get where you want to go. When ... (read in full...)

Is this an unhealthy relationship?

Q.   Was I right to leave? Last night my fiance and his roomates were up late drinking (he wasn't). After about an hour of them being loud, I just couldn't sleep (so was lying awake for about 3 hours). I told him that I was never able to sleep and he ...

A.   22 May 2007: Sounds like a stupid situation that got out of hand. The two of you should sit down and discuss what happened and how to communicate if and when similar situations occur again. I'm guessing that you were tired and somewhat irrational. However,... (read in full...)

Lately my equipment doesn't perform as it should. Can someone tell me what is happening?

Q.   This is quite tough for me to come out and admit this, but here goes: I have been together with my soon to be wife for over 3 years(we are engaged for about 8 months now). We have been living together for the entirety of our engagement, as I...

A.   22 May 2007: Sounds like your libido has dropped significantly. Stress does affect the male libido, as does being overweight, and other health factors. You should go see a doctor who specializes in this. The cure may be as simple as the two of you engag... (read in full...)

How could I get attracted to someone else when I love my boyfriend?!

Q.   I'VE been with my boyfriend for 4 years now and recently i'm finding i'm getting attracted to a co-worker.How is that possible since i love my boyfriend? could you love two guys at the same time....

A.   22 May 2007: The challenge of every monogamous relationship is to resist temptation. What is happening to you is normal. Most people in relationships feel attracted to other people. The difference between those who do good and those who do bad depends entirely ... (read in full...)

What does a guy really mean when he says "I'm busy?"

Q.   what is man really saying when he says "i'm busy"? ...

A.   21 May 2007: What's a woman really saying when she says, "I have a headache."? Sorry, either he's actually really busy, or he isn't. The questions I have for you are, is there anything you can do to help him be less busy? Does he want your help? Is he a... (read in full...)

I need help making a decision to emigrate to Australia to be with my bf! Any advice?

Q.   Hi - I need some help to decide whether to emigrate to Melbourne in Australia! A couple of years ago I separated from my husband having been married for 12 years. That relationship was abusive. I have since been seeing a great guy for 12 months ...

A.   21 May 2007: Aside from the cost, is there anything still holding you to the UK? If not, the move may not be as risky as you fear it to be. A big step, yes - but maybe not so risky in that even if things don't work out with your boyfriend, you'll have other, new ... (read in full...)

How do I tell this guy, who says he loves me, I'm not ready for a relationship right now?

Q.   The guy I am dating has already started called me 'love', saying he loves me, etc, wanting to see me all the time. I like him, and I think he's great, but I'm not ready for a relationship at the moment, and especially not one that is moving this ...

A.   21 May 2007: This is a difficult position to be in. In my experience, people who use "I love you" too soon in any relationship is usually trying to control the relationship by forcing a similar admission from the other person. Call my cynical, but that is ... (read in full...)

My parents were over protective when I was young, Im now 21 and dont feel I have a normal life and I'm scarred!

Q.   I grew up with two very overprotective parents, who wouldn't allow me to grow up, in fear of losing their little girl forever. Whenever I tried to act my age, they would give me a hard time and I would get in trouble, even if I was doing something ...

A.   16 May 2007: Consider yourself lucky. You figured it out early. Some people go their entire lives blaming themselves for things that were out of their control. But since you realize this now, anything that happens after now is mostly your fault, not theirs. ... (read in full...)

Why do I always fall for people who are not interested in me?

Q.   I am sixteen years old and I have never had a boyfriend. I am not delusional. I know that I am not extraordinarily pretty. And I know that not everyone you fall for will feel the same way towards you. But, seriously, for me it's a repetitiv...

A.   15 May 2007: Don't worry. At your age, this is normal... There will come a time soon when you'll probably have to beat the guys away from with a stick. If not in high school, then maybe in university. Just don't ever degrade yourself for attention. That's n... (read in full...)

did I do the right thing in forcing him to choose between me and the weed?

Q.   Hia everyone ive been with my boyfriend for a year now and through out this year all we've done is argue and instead of sorting it out it gets swept under the carpet. not so long ago he kicked the living day lights out of me (literlly) and im all ...

A.   15 May 2007: He hit you. You touched you in anger and beat you. That alone is all you need to know. Break up with him, and if comes around and bothers you, get a restraining order. There are far better guys out there who work too hard to be good to women, a... (read in full...)

Who should I choose, my husband or my mate?

Q.   Recently I found out that my husband of twelve years has had an affair with my brother's wife for just over a year. My brother and i were devastated by the news and trying to work through our marriages. Problem is that only a couple of days ago ...

A.   12 May 2007: Whatever you do, do not repeat your husband's mistake. If you want to pursue things with this other guy, divorce your husband first. Tell the other guy that he's going to have to wait until after the divorce is final before the two of you can beco... (read in full...)

Whats the best time to get my Fiancee pregnant ?

Q.   what can i do to get my fiance pregnant. Like i been trying for the past couple of month to get her pregnant but everytime her period comes on. Am i missing her most fertile periods or something and when would her most fertile periods be...?...

A.   11 May 2007: Does she know you're trying to get her pregnant? If not.... STOP!!!! If so, she'll know, and she'll tell you. Most women learn these thing from other women, or in sex ed classes. However, for some reason it sounds like you're trying to sl... (read in full...)

I'm getting married to my gf, but I'm madly in love with a coworker.

Q.   I am getting married in less than 2 months to a girlfriend of 4 years, she has 3 kids from a previous relationship who I get along with well. The past year has been very rocky: we have argued quite alot over everything from sex to money, the ...

A.   11 May 2007: Just imagine how much worse a divorce would be. And I wouldn't ever want to be in your shoes. Word of advice to other male readers out there. Do not propose marriage for any reason less than absolute surety that you want to spend the r... (read in full...)

How can I make sure my bf enjoys his first time?

Q.   i really like my boyfriend and know that he fells the same way, he is a virgin and im not. he is 22 and im 24. we did some foreplay and even a bit more and i realized that he wasn't very confident. it already happened to me before that the first ti...

A.   11 May 2007: I think I speak for most guys.... Our first times never go as we imagined it. We like to believe we'll be studs and that it'll be like a fish taking to water. And then we discover the following: 1) Clothing is much more difficult to rem... (read in full...)

I'm in love with my daughter's friend.

Q.   I know this may seem wrong, but I'm in love with my daughters friend. I divorced my daughter (Ashley)'s mother about 2 years ago and I guess I've been looking for someone to be with. But there's more than one problem with that. First, She's 17. ...

A.   11 May 2007: End it now, and yes... You're a dirty old bastard. Too late, you've confessed to doing something no parent should ever do. You have taken away the sense of security around your home and yourself from your daughter. You have probably interfered ... (read in full...)

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