| Latest articles: On the Wayside - poem
No replies yet... 22 May 2007: All of us have different ways of dealing with the stresses of relationships, life, and emotional chaos. Myself, I am one of those for whom poetry comes easily. Most of the time they just kind of pop in my head when I'm in a funky mood. Here's on...
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I'm in love with my daughter's friend.
Q. I know this may seem wrong, but I'm in love with my daughters friend. I divorced my daughter (Ashley)'s mother about 2 years ago and I guess I've been looking for someone to be with. But there's more than one problem with that. First, She's 17. ...
A. 11 May 2007: End it now, and yes... You're a dirty old bastard. Too late, you've confessed to doing something no parent should ever do. You have taken away the sense of security around your home and yourself from your daughter. You have probably interfered ... (read in full...)
Did I loose my virginity the second time I had sex?
Q. The first time I had sex, I didn't bleed, and it sort of hurt, not that much really. I waited a while, (almost a year) and with a new guy I had sex again, only this time i bleed and it was way more painful... why would this happen, it's like I lost ...
A. 11 May 2007: Nope. You lost your virginity the first time you had sex. You probably lost your hymen the second time however.
Hymen does not equal virginity. I don't even think girls who've given oral sex but never had sexual intercourse, or who have had sex ... (read in full...)
Am I right to feel insulted he called me weird when I said I'd sleep with him?
Q. ok today i was texting a guy who i work with in my part time job and he said something about feeling ugly and i said he shouldnt because hes really popular at work. He then asked me what i meant so i text him back saying there are quite a few girls ...
A. 11 May 2007: No, not really.
You grouped yourself with a bunch of other girls, and he may not have caught onto the fact that your name was in the mix.
And then there's the fact that you shouldn't have told him any names at all. This kind of "outing" of secr... (read in full...)
Now that I've found someone new, my ex suddenly wants me back and cries every day because I'm not there...
Q. hi i was in a relationship of almost two years in a half i broke up with him because he would lie and hang out with girls and never answer my calls and never write back to my text and then all the sudden everything was my fault its been 8 months ...
A. 11 May 2007: The day you decided he'd lied one time too many was the day you ceased being responsible for his feelings. When you broke up with him, his depression, his so-called feelings for you ceased to be your problem. They're his problem.
Go ahead and get ... (read in full...)
Is this really love, or is it just our hormones ?
Q. Real love or hormones? I am 18 and have been dating my GF for 5 months now, and I want to know if our feelings for each other are real, or just some teenage hormones. We have have a great adult relationship full of deep conversation, fe...
A. 11 May 2007: True love has as much to do with feelings as it does with the willingness to be committed to one another. It ain't true, unless both of you are true to one another. Whether or not it will last remains to be seen, but the only way to find out is to ... (read in full...)
I'm serving in Iraq and I found out that my wife at home, is cheating! What should I do?
Q. I am a US service member serving my 2nd tour Iraq, I was recently informed by e-mail from a young woman who knows my wife that she's been cheating with her brother, while I've been gone. I love my wife, but what should I do, leave or work this out?...
A. 11 May 2007: Thank you for your service, and I'm sorry that you've received such an email.
My recommendation is that you disregard it for now. It may be an attempt to trip you up, or maybe even a play to mess up your marriage. But it is not uncommon for serv... (read in full...)
We hugged all of the first night. but the second she wasn't so eager. can anyone tell me what this means and how I can get her to like me?
Q. I have just got out of a bad relationship and am lookiing for love. I have fallen for this beautiful girl. She is funny and has a great personality. She likes me too, but only as a friend. I told her I liked her because I couldn't keep it in ...
A. 11 May 2007: You know, when I was your age, I thought all girls had cooties. You couldn't get me to touch one with a stick for fear that she'd bite or something equally worse.
Our society is rapidly becoming oversexed, with children playing with things t... (read in full...)
Can you tell when having sex if a girl is sexually inexperienced?
Q. guys can you tell when having sex if a girl is sexually inexperienced, obviously u can tell if they are a virgin but i mean say someone who has only sex a few times?...
A. 11 May 2007: Nope. Us guys are too busy worrying about our own performance to rate a girl's sexual experience.
Besides, when two people have sex for the first time, it is almost always a little bit on the clumsy side. Every partner will be different in diffe... (read in full...)
Do people think of past sexual experiences when with a different partner?
Q. Do people think of past sexual experiences when with a different partner? im worried my girlfriend thinks about ex's in that way. should i tell her?...
A. 11 May 2007: I don't see if it matters who she's thinking about during sex. She's having sex with you isn't she? Shouldn't that be enough?
Oh, and frankly, if you're going to have this kind of hang up with every girl you date, you might want to stick to virgi... (read in full...)
I cheated on the exams, what can I do?
Q. i feel so guilty because ive just cheated in my exams at university. what should i do?...
A. 10 May 2007: What level course was it? And how are the grades issued? The correct thing to do is go to the instructor and confess, and if the instructor is compassionate, he or she will offer you a new exam with an automatic full letter grade deduction, so th... (read in full...)
Why did she break up with me?
Q. why would my girlfriend finish with me because of a few arguments,everything else was great especially in the bedroom,she was very experienced compared to me but she taught me the right way to make a girl happy and satisfied,i love her and i know ...
A. 10 May 2007: Rules to live by when in a trouble spot with someone you love: 1) Do NOT call them all the time. 2) Do NOT bombard their email address. 3) Do NOT show up at their work place demanding attention. 4) Do NOT show up at their home and get them i... (read in full...)
I have a crush on this guy but he is 8+ years older than me!
Q. Hey, im a member of a sports club that i go to every day, theres a guy who works in the shop there that i like so much, the only problem is im 16, hes 24+. I talk to him everyday and it sort of seems to me that theres playful flirty banter between ...
A. 10 May 2007: Okay, seems like you haven't heard the advice you want to hear, so you've reposted this question a half dozen times. Either change sports clubs, or ask your parents for advice.... (read in full...)
I want to have the big commitment talk with him, but I'm worried of how he will react. Any suggestions?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been talking since last September and dating since November and have known and been friends with each other for years. He's buying a house soon and asked that I stay with him eventually. Thing is, I'm scared to ask him how ...
A. 10 May 2007: "Step into my parlor," said the Spider to the Fly.
You've made a major decision. Your move to be closer to him, and to spend more time with him, is going to be a major change in your life, and his.
Take the plunge, but keep things in perspe... (read in full...)
Would you forget to call someone you love a lot?
Q. When you love someone so much, would you choose in not forgetting to call that person? Does it really happen that one forgets to call? or is it just some lame excuse?...
A. 10 May 2007: This is a really complicated question and there are two viable answers.
Yes, if you love someone, it is possible to forget to call them.
No, if you love someone, it is not possible to forget to call them.
Oddly enough, both answers are... (read in full...)
I got pregnant and now he hates me. What can I do to make things right again?
Q. Me and a childhood friend ( who messed around as kids) hooked back up as grown ups. We did everything together. We really liked each other. Both of us never spoke of our feelings other than we liked each other. ( I felted more for him- I think he ...
A. 10 May 2007: I think that if both of you are Christian, then the opportunity exists to enlist a trusted pastor or priest to act as a mediator. Discuss this with your boyfriend, and then choose an acceptable mediator to both of you. Preferably it should be a ... (read in full...)
I want to be with him as boyfriend and girlfriend but I'm too embarrassed and scared to even mention anything like that to him.
Q. hello, i'm 18 years old and i'm abit confused. because i met up with a friend today who's a year younger than me so that makes him 17. and we've known each other way over a year now. well we met up and went to the cinema, but he started kissing m...
A. 10 May 2007: Oh, second thing...
Be absolutely firm and don't let his needs dominate your own.... (read in full...)
I want to be with him as boyfriend and girlfriend but I'm too embarrassed and scared to even mention anything like that to him.
Q. hello, i'm 18 years old and i'm abit confused. because i met up with a friend today who's a year younger than me so that makes him 17. and we've known each other way over a year now. well we met up and went to the cinema, but he started kissing m...
A. 10 May 2007: Two things. You know how they say that you should always put a brake on the intimate stuff? Kissing is okay, but keep him at first base for a few weeks at least. At least respect yourself enough to not let him move things too far too fast. If he ... (read in full...)
I think I am falling for a younger co worker.
Q. I think I am falling for a younger co worker. He works in a different dept so we do not have to interact much but we IM eachother everyday all day long. He usually initiates it. He is 25 and I am 42. I have never been married and he recently ...
A. 10 May 2007: In all likelihood he is on the rebound. He knows you're attracted to him, and he draws reassurance from that. Kind of like an emotional vampire.
Just be friends. Don't fall for him. If you need to, think of him as a nephew. If he's a really g... (read in full...)
Do you think the next step is to move in together in 1-2 months?
Q. whats next? i love my girlfriend shes changed a lot in 2 months at first i didn't like her because she kind of insulted me everytime we was together but now i'm looking to the future with this girl and tonight i was thinking whats next? i aske...
A. 10 May 2007: Whoa, slow down cowboy.
You aren't going to lose her you don't move in together, or rather moving in together isn't going to cement your relationship.
Go with having your own separate spaces. She has her place, you have yours. You'll probably ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's best mate is coming on to me really strongly, what should I do???
Q. I seem to have gotten myself into an awkward situation, I've been going out with this awesome guy for 5 mnths. His best mate is also seeing my best mate and they've been seeing each other for about a year. anyway we were all walking home together ...
A. 10 May 2007: Tell your boyfriend. If he's smart, he'll recognize that his so-called friend is not really his friend.
Tell your friend. She won't want to hear it, but she deserves to know that her boyfriend is an ass.
Be prepared that honesty may caus... (read in full...)
Why was he so subdued and sat apart from me?
Q. Thank you to all who answer this question. My ex and I broke up a couple of months ago and I really have had no contact with him till last night. We are on a committee together. I expected a hello and I got one...very subdued though. I was laughing ...
A. 10 May 2007: I take something like two years to adjust to rejection. It takes me that long to go through all the stages of grief... ;-) Give him time, but whatever you do, don't pay too much attention to him. He needs to believe that you're over him to, or ... (read in full...)
I travelled a good distance to surprise her but she wouldn't see me as she was going for coffee with a male colleague...
Q. What should i do? im soo confused. ive known this girl for 3 and a half months and things have developed quickly. i really really like her maybe even love her. In the space of time we've known each other we've been together once and within a week w...
A. 10 May 2007: I see. You like her, and she's giving mixed signals from "yes, she likes to you" to "she can't stand you." You oscillate between loving her and hating her, and then feeling guilty for loving her and hating her. I've been there before, in a s... (read in full...)
How much sex is "just right"? Am I too sexual for this girl?
Q. If you are really in love with a girl and you have been with her for 7 years.... how many times should you be having sex a week if you really are attracted to eachother. I really want to have sex more and it seems like only twice a week maybe three ...
A. 9 May 2007: So, you two have sex maybe 2 or 3 times a week.
Now for the hard question:
How many times a week do you two sit down or lie down together and just talk about your deepest feelings? Your day? Her day? Your goals? Your lives? And just share?
... (read in full...)
They say I'm not as tall as I am and it's annoying me!
Q. My friends are adament that I'm not 5'7'', even though countless members of my family have measured me, my teacher has measured me, and all have said I'm 5'7''. I'm the tallest out of my friends, yet they disagree that I'm taller by 4 inches, ...
A. 9 May 2007: This is one of those things that qualifies as a really silly pet peeve.
If you've been measured, prodded, and poked to your satisfaction and the verdict of non-partisan judges is that you're 5'7" then you are.
And your friends are probably jus... (read in full...)
Having neighbours-from-hell problems!
Q. Here is the trouble, my hubby and I are having with our neighbor's 13 year old daughter. She is continously either crying for attention or really agitating us to get a reaction that will stick to rebel for some reason; that I could not understand. W...
A. 9 May 2007: You're in one of those unenviable positions of being at war with a kid.
Your best bet is to document the trespassing and then involve the parents. Tell her parents that if they do not curb their children's behavior that you're going to take thi... (read in full...)
Am I stupid for staying with him when he doesn't see a future for us?
Q. My boyfriends has just told me that he doesn't see me in his future and that our relationship is going to end one day. When i told him that we should end it now he said that he didn't want to as he still loves me and wants to be with me. He says he ...
A. 9 May 2007: Hmm... Either your boyfriend is being brutally honest, or he's playing a mind game to see if you love him by staying with him.
Doesn't really matter which one it is, you should get out of that relationship. He either doesn't love you, or he's a m... (read in full...)
What can I say to motivate my lazy grand-daughter?
Q. Tuesday 8 May 10.30 am My 14 year old granddaughter is bright, but lazy and prefers to spend time with friends than study. She consequently is not reaching her potential at school. Recently, through the recommendation of a family friend, ...
A. 9 May 2007: If she's really bright, with a genius level IQ, the problem may be the lack of challenge. If she has been tested and this is the case, the next step may be that yourself, and her parents, need to step up to bat for her and push for more difficult ... (read in full...)
He calls out his 17 year old daughter's name in bed and he likes underage porn! What is going on with this guy?
Q. My boyfriend has a giant porn collection that i discovered recently. he watches them when i leave the house even if its for a few minutes. some of the dvds are underage porn. i am worried because his 17 yr old daughter is coming to live with us. ...
A. 9 May 2007: You may want to sit him down and tell him what you know, and that you don't think it is wise for him to have his 17 year old daughter come and live with him.
Fantasies like his are dangerous, and if he drinks around the house now, he'll probably... (read in full...)
I just can't bring my GF to orgasm and it doesn't help that she tells me all her friends have them! Is it my fault?
Q. Hey, I just wonder one thing, how can i make my GF to get orgasm? it's always like this that al her friends tell her how many times they had it while they had their last sex, and she when she tells me that, i always think that it's my fault that she ...
A. 9 May 2007: You're 15. You shouldn't believe everything you hear.
And then there's the fact that you should really evaluate whether or not you should engage in sexual intercourse at your age. The dangers of STDs, pregnancy, and the emotional stresses that com... (read in full...)
Torn apart by our breakup and the thought of my ex with other guys...
Q. My girlfriend broke up with me almost a month ago and I have not been able to accept that yet. We had a big fight at first I tried to resist the anger but she kept on sayin rubbish and lastly I exploded this made the story turn upside down. I still ...
A. 9 May 2007: Nope. Don't talk to her. Don't see her again, except when it is unavoidable in public, and when you do see her, be civil, polite, and friendly.
Being jealous of her new relationships is normal. You'll eventually stop caring about that. And if y... (read in full...)
We've been having an affair for 5 years but we won't leave his family for me - how do I move on?
Q. Help, I'm in love with a man whos 18 years older than me (I'm 28 now) whos married (unhappily) and has 2 kids (both now over 20 years old). We've been together for 5 and a half years. I understand he can't leave her because it will hurt so many ...
A. 9 May 2007: Words of Wisdom:
Most men who cheat on their marriages say their marriages are unhappy. And instead of trying to make their marriage happier, they're off telling their sob story to a younger woman, ostensibly to try and cheer up, but really a... (read in full...)
I'm not nervous when having sex but I can't maintain my erection!
Q. Hi, I went clubbin the other day and pulled a girl. We went back to her house, but when it came down to the sex i started off with an erection n just as i was about to enter i lost it. It seemed though her vagina was quite tight to get inside and i ...
A. 9 May 2007: I'm guessing you're treating the act of sex like a clinic visit.
You have to let go of your analytical brain and learn to go with the flow if you're ever going to relax enough to do the deed. Alcohol won't help, because that'll only make it more ... (read in full...)
My BF of 6 years wants me to move out of our house to give him a break but I just can't!
Q. help my partner of 6 years has had enough of me. We both own the house, but he wants me to move out for awhile to give us/him a break, and see how we feel. I don't want to move out. I am 45yrs old and before i met my partner owned my own little h...
A. 9 May 2007: ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!
Okay, you are both co-owners in the house, which means you don't have to go anywhere.
If he's the one wanting a break, he can very well move out and find someplace where he can have all the space he wants. If he doesn't respe... (read in full...)
I'm in love with my best friend - should I tell her before she leaves the country for good or just enjoy our time together?
Q. In love with my best friend... Should I stop seeing her? I went out with a close friend for a while and eventually she dumped me and broke my heart. We stayed friends, though it was really hard for me. She's currently got a boyfriend of 7 m...
A. 9 May 2007: If you love her, let her go without trying to make it difficult for her to go.
If she's really your friend, she already knows how you feel toward her, and if it is meant to be, it'll happen that she'll tell you if she returns those feelings... (read in full...)
He's only 17, going to get engaged with his GF, but I am falling in love with him!
Q. We'll call him *Dave* He's going to get engaged to his girlfriend but I think she's more interested in the ring. He's only 17 but he's really devoted to her. I've had past relationships which have been abusive and very unbareable as one ex boy...
A. 9 May 2007: My recommendation is to take his compliments to heart, but not him. He's taken, and apparently very taken, even at that young an age. And as much as he may believe that he's in love with her, I'm not one to believe that someone that young ... (read in full...)
I'm thinking of packing my GFs bags because she flirts and latches onto random guys when we go out together!
Q. Hi Havent done this before so hope Im doing it right! I have a girl been seeing for almost a year right. Nice lass and good fun. One thing. We like to go out a bit. When we are out as a couple we meet other couples and this is fine. Good...
A. 8 May 2007: Sounds like you have trust issues, and they may be unwarranted trust issues at that.
But given that you have trust issues, it may be that you and she are not compatible personality types, and that both of you would be happier if you weren't ... (read in full...)
We were married 18 years, split up, now she is contacting me again but is sleeping around!
Q. I'm a 42 year old guy, married for 18 years and split up for a year or so. We had problems for the last couple of years and we both decided instead of working things out, we split up. After I left she got a boyfriend instantly which told me sh...
A. 8 May 2007: Okay, your ex-wife is using you. Don't get sucked into her drama.
Tell her to leave you alone. If she refuses, change your number. If she stalks your email, get that changed or arrange with your ISP to bounce emails from her back to her as undel... (read in full...)
Two guys at work are fighting over me! Who do I choose?
Q. At work I've met these two guys and I don't know who to choose between - they both have asked me out. They have even started to dislike each other because they both want to go out with me and they both tried to play off of each other to win me over, ...
A. 8 May 2007: I concur with those who think that you should ignore them both.
This is a workplace, and while many romances start off in the office, it doesn't sound like either guy is particularly intriguing for you.
Be firm, and tell both of them to get t... (read in full...)
I have feelings for my cousin, but I don't know what to do
Q. I have been in luv with my cousin for the last 4 years...I'm 18 now and an indian (kerala)...but i haven't told her... for that matter i haven't told anyone except my best friend...whenever we r together its a lot of fun...i really enjoy my time ...
A. 8 May 2007: Dude, she's your first cousin. Your role as her older male cousin should be one of protective male relative.
Also, if I understand your situation properly, expressing desire for your cousin may end up tainting her in the view of her family a... (read in full...)
How can my boyfriend move past his affection problems?
Q. My boyfriend has a problem with affection. It's not constant but sometimes he'll freeze up and not want to be touched. He knows where it stems from but is clueless how to move past it (and therapy is not a financial option right now). He got very ...
A. 8 May 2007: If you're willing to risk the relationship and become his willing ear on which he can spill his guts, you may be what he needs.
But be prepared to live the saying that familiarity breeds contempt, and getting to know him that well may risk you... (read in full...)
I just found out last night my BF is racist! What can I do about it?
Q. My boyfriend is racist. He don't think he is just cuz he got black cuzins. He has a problom with some blacks he went out with a black before and he wasn't racist then but now he is. He fights alot and the people he fights with are black people!....
A. 8 May 2007: Ummm..... dump him. Get away from him. And tell him that unless he drops the whole race issue, he might as well never talk to you again.
And if it continues on long enough, or if he represents a real danger to other people, you may be forced t... (read in full...)
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