A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:The guy I am dating has already started called me 'love', saying he loves me, etc, wanting to see me all the time. I like him, and I think he's great, but I'm not ready for a relationship at the moment, and especially not one that is moving this fast. What do you think I should do? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, ShadowMagic +, writes (21 May 2007):
Personally id say give the guy a chance, ive known too many people split up because things have gone too fast yet they regret it in the long run due to irrational thinking. If you mutually like this guy to the point where you want to continue dating him then simply sit down with him, talk things through and highlight the fact that you both need to slow it down. Whether you choose the diplomatic approach is entirely up to you but at least you can't say you didnt try before you finish it for good and potentially waste an opportunity. Hope this helps, Good Luck!
A
male
reader, sleepyhollow  +, writes (21 May 2007):
This is a difficult position to be in.
In my experience, people who use "I love you" too soon in any relationship is usually trying to control the relationship by forcing a similar admission from the other person. Call my cynical, but that is usually the case. It isn't always conscious either, especially when dealing with young adults with little or no experience with complex adult relationships, and the many infinitely diverse types of love out there.
Hey may just be confused. He could be confusing real love with potent affection. He could be so afraid to lose you because of your independence preference to maintain distance that he's upped the ante and now he's betting with the biggest thing he has, his heart.
In this particular case, you may have to either break up with him and cut all ties with him until he matures enough to handle his emotions, or you're going to have to sit down with him and clearly explain that you think he's moving too fast, and that you really do want to get to know him better but he's going to have to slow down and learn how to be your friend first and foremost, and that he has to respect your space. In turn, you're going to have to respect that he believes that he has strong feelings for you, and that your actions will have repercussions on him. If you try to stay with him and want to help guide him through this, then you'll have to sacrifice a little bit of freedom to be everything that you are, out of consideration that his feelings might be hurt. Girls night out may not be an option as often as you would like, and there are things you cannot tell him anymore because he might take it the wrong way.
Good luck, but there's no good way to do what you gotta do. Either way, one or both of you are going to get hurt.
...............................
A
male
reader, DV1  +, writes (21 May 2007):
 You have to be honest with him. The longer you wait, the more damage it's going to do to his heart and his ego. If he really loves you, he'll be willing to wait(assuming you want him to). Otherwise, you need to sit him down and tell him that the best thing that he could do for you is move on, and leave you to your thoughts...
DV1
...............................
|
