| A
female
,
*atlova
writes: I grew up with two very overprotective parents, who wouldn't allow me to grow up, in fear of losing their little girl forever. Whenever I tried to act my age, they would give me a hard time and I would get in trouble, even if I was doing something normal for my age that wasn't really wrong. I am now 21 and both parents are dead. I am trying very hard to be a normal adult or at least near-normal, but I feel that my life has been scarred. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (17 May 2007):
 You are very mature for your age, and your ability to tackle your issue. I am proud to be writing to you.
My first suggestion is to dedicat yourself to learning any martial art and sepcialise in it. By learning the art of self defense it will give you the confidence you need so that you so not have to be so afraid all the time, which will help you feel better about making up for the life experience you missed out on.
In addition to the above, it will give you some training in mental focus so you can focus on building your future without being blocked by your past.
My thoughts are with you.
-Frank
franktalks.com
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2007): I see that you might be internalizing your parents voices in your head whenever you go out and do something- its very difficult but you are being run by their guilt/ and or fear. I HIGHLY reccomend counceling- I was raised with abusive parents as well and it has still been a challenge- with all the ways it has manifested itself in my life despite that they are no longer around. Good luck hope this helps.
...............................
A
female
reader, Midge  +, writes (16 May 2007):
 Well I had two very overprotective parents. I wasnt allowed to go out to friends by myself, or do anything that you would see as normal for a kid.
My parents are still alive and they are still trying it with me simply because they have no-one else.
However, when I moved from South Africa to the UK, I had to grow up fast. I was as you put it, not allowed to grow up for fear of loosing their little girl. So moving here was the best thing I ever did. I didnt loose all ties with my parents but when I moved somewhere that was unfamiliar to me, I came out of myself, because I was put in a situation where I either had to sink or swim.
A complete change of scenery and a change in lifestyle was exactly what I needed for myself to grow up and be the person I wanted to be.
Not everyone is prepared to make such a big move, but at your age, you have your life ahead of you, and perhaps a complete break is exactly what you need. Have you considered travelling where you can learn new things, meet new people and discover yourself and what makes YOU happy? Honestly it was the best move I ever made!
Now, I have a good relationship with my parents but they do on occasion try to rule what I do. So I bought a house that was still within a few minutes from them, but far enough away that I have "my space".
You are far too young to have things like this haunt you. You need to discover yourself. If you are scared to go travelling alone, I am sure a friend would go with you.
...............................
A
female
reader, jomana  +, writes (16 May 2007):
 forget is to forgive and for you to move on with your life ,you have to forgive your parents!and inorder of having a normal life i believe that you should be sociable , and from the people around you ,you will then learn and know things that you were prevented from but you should be carefull because some people aren't what they seem
goodluck
...............................
A
female
reader, stina  +, writes (16 May 2007):
 Hi Catlova,
Honestly, I think you should make an appointment with a conselor so you can discuss all of the problems you are going through. I think a doctor would be more qualified to help you since you seem to have gone through 21 years of abuse. (Or at least that's what it sounds like you're saying in my opinion.)
I don't know where you live, but if you're in the US, call up your insurance company or visit their website to see a list of doctors they cover in your area.
Take care.
...............................
A
male
reader, sleepyhollow  +, writes (16 May 2007):
Consider yourself lucky. You figured it out early. Some people go their entire lives blaming themselves for things that were out of their control.
But since you realize this now, anything that happens after now is mostly your fault, not theirs. If you think they're suppressing who you are, it may be time to go for a little bit of distance and independence. Get a job, get an apartment, and stop by the family home on weekends for Sunday dinners. Your relationship with your parents might improve, especially if you carry yourself in a mature and responsible manner, and save money, and work hard.
Be prepared that if you really do succeed in being everything your parents wanted you to be, successful and happy, they'll think it was entirely due to their own methods of bringing you up. But at least you'll know that it was you that took it the final mile.
And when you're raising your own kids one day, really think about what your parents were trying to achieve with their methods, and think of yourself from both childish and mature perspectives, and be kind but firm with your own children. Understand their issues, but don't let that understanding prevent you from trying to guide them to a greater, more mature understanding.
Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (16 May 2007):
 We could spend our whole lives blaming our parents for the list of reasons why we're screwed up and maybe it's true that they caused most of our problems. However, you're 21 now and your parents no longer have any control over you so you have the choice whether to continue to let your past get to you or to let go of all the angst and move on. It's completely your decision and it's a hard piece of advice to accept but sooner or later I think you'll realise I'm right and be able to move on.
CD
...............................
|
