A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi - I need some help to decide whether to emigrate to Melbourne in Australia! A couple of years ago I separated from my husband having been married for 12 years. That relationship was abusive. I have since been seeing a great guy for 12 months who, from the outset told me he was in the process of applying for a visa and wanted to live in Melbourne. I was set against any idea but we decided to keep the relationship going and just see how we felt as we went along. My feelings for him deepened and I certainly love him. He emigrated a couple of months ago as I would not hold anyone back from their dream. He made it clear he wanted me to come with him. I have visited Melbourne recently and loved it - but this was only for a couple of weeks so I'm not sure if its just a holiday buzz. Leaving at the airport was terrible. Since returning to the uk I have been very depressed but fear such a huge commitment - even though this guy is reliable and loving. I can get out there to study as a mature student in natural medicine full time - an option I also have in the UK. My boyfriend wants answers and is missing me terribly and I just don't know what to do and how to unravel my head. I will also have to take my dog with me and move a lot of furniture - so to reverse any wrong decision if I don't like it will be unthinkable and very costly. I have very few people indeed to discuss this with as my parents / sister etc will be horrified if I decided to go - hence my reason for posting here. If anyone has any good advice I would be so very grateful as my time is running out and I'm terrified of making the wrong decision. Many many thanks in advance.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2007): Frankly speaking given that you were in an abusive relationship isnt it time you emjoyed your own life.
Only you can answer this question - its hard to move exciting and challenging but can be amazing.
I moved to Melbourne, had a hard time adapting at first but love it. Dont worry about your family - they cannot live your life for you. Go for a walk and really feel what your heart wants to do - not for your boyfriend but for yourself.
I wish you the best of luck
A
female
reader, Pork Hock  +, writes (21 May 2007):
By the way I am British so I know where your from. I've lived in Australia, New Zealand, Hong Kong and now Canada so honestly go for it. By the way the golden mile, is 3 months - 2-3 weeks is a holiday, 4 is recovering from holiday and realising the pace or culture and then month two it hits, reality, what its like to work, socialise without having to talk about your accent etc with people, you get used to the transport, the terms etc by month 3 you know! with or without a man...you feel it in your gut. As for family back home, never go back for just them. If you feel you are having a change of heart go back for 2 weeks and see how everyone is doing just the same...given you've already gone to see this bloke and spent money on the airfare and travel time alone, give it a chance! My Grandpa bought a ten pound ticket on a boat for Australia in 1957 and didn't go and he regretted it all his life. Take a chance.
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A
female
reader, Pork Hock +, writes (21 May 2007):
Ok for someone, me, who has moved around the world all my life, left jobs, schools etc between the ages of 14-30, I would say go for it but make sure your paperwork is absolutely correct and try and ask for some leave for 6 months from your current job. A visitor's visa is 6 months and if you like it but if things are working out you can apply for a one-year work visa. I wouldn't give up a chance of a potential new life, if you don't, all you're going to remember or think about is 12 years of hell. I went through 11 years with my ex, so do it and if it doesn't work out, at least you gave it a shot rather than always wondering...GO FOR IT!
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A
male
reader, sleepyhollow  +, writes (21 May 2007):
Aside from the cost, is there anything still holding you to the UK? If not, the move may not be as risky as you fear it to be. A big step, yes - but maybe not so risky in that even if things don't work out with your boyfriend, you'll have other, new opportunities in Australia. New people, new friends, new work opportunities, etc.
You can go there as a student. Line up a job before you go, or a string of job interviews.
One of the mistakes people make when moving to close the gap in a long distance is to arrange to spend all their time with the person they're moving to be with. While it is important to set aside some time to be with that person, too much of a good thing can make you sick of it or them.
Plan on being busy when you get there. Work things out ahead of time of where you're going to stay, and ask for your own space. If you're going to stay with him, ask him for a bedroom of your own. You may never actually sleep in there, but it should be comforting to know that there is some place private you can go to that is yours, and not just his or shared with him. Make sure he has his own space too. Maybe a den, or a nook, or something. Get used to living close together, and then you can start blending your lives together in any way that feels natural, rather than forcing the blending.
If you love him, and believe that he is worth the risk. Make it happen. If he is sincere, it will be for the best. If he isn't and things don't work out, you'll have done something many of your friends haven't done, that is having risked something for love.
If he is not abusive, and is both loving and caring, then the only answer that really matters is the one to the most important question of all.
Do you love him?
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