A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,Not sure what to do about my problem, so here we go...I was out on Saturday night, at a bar near where I live. I met a girl I liked, we had a few drinks, and we continued on to a club. More drinks, and we ended back at my friends flat, an intimate group of 15-20 of us, some music on, some chillaxing, some drinking, it was all good.What is very unlike me, is this girl I met and I had really hit it off, talking, chatting, but all very touchy feely. She was gorgeous, and I couldn't help myself, I kissed her.I hate myself for using this expression, but in a short enough period of time, 'one thing led to another' and I find us in a bedroom, having sex. Don't get me wrong, the sex was great, the night was great. We exchanged phone numbers in the morning, said we'd meet up again and off we went.The problem:- I'm 21. This girl, at youngest, looked 18, oldest, maybe, at a push, I'd say 25 (but looking amazing for 25). Tonight I find out from one of my friends, not only is she 33, she is also MARRIED, and has 2 CHILDREN. I checked a few places and with a few people who know her, and it turns out to be true.I don't know what to do. She never lied to me about her age, I never asked. She had no wedding ring, but I never asked if she was married, if she was single, if she had kids. I didn't think to ask. I thought she was a student like me...I don't want to break up a marriage, ruin her kids lives. I want it over, but I don't know what to do, how to tell her. She still sends me messages saying she wants to see me and that she really is glad she met me... Help!?!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (18 February 2008):
 I think you have met a female Vampire and if you are attracted to her , she will suck you dry.
Tell her , you don't remember anything about it.Ask her who she is and how she got your number?
A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (18 February 2008):
 Hi
Just tell her you didnt know she was married and sorry for not finding out more about her before jumping in the sack, but you're just not interested cheers. That way its not like you're even putting all the blame on her, and hopefully will cover yourself if her old man finds out!
Good sex wont bring you happiness with this woman.
Good luck.
C xxxxx
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A
male
reader, chlez83  +, writes (18 February 2008):
I'm really not a big fan of alcohol and sex but i'm not gonna put sacks on yo head! I'll look at the bigger picture.It seems you were looking forward to a next meeting but were disappointed when you found out she's married.Personally,i would say it's a lesson for you to know better the next person you'll sleep with.However,don't slap yourself about it but just count yourself lucky you got that night with her but tell her you know she's married and you don't wana get involved with a married woman,pronto!
Good Luck.
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A
male
reader, Namatjira +, writes (18 February 2008):
I think Tuatara has got it spot on. You should have the integrity and manners to tell her why you are no longer interested because you have found out she is married. And if she comes back with "its over" just tell her that as far as you are concerned it is not over until she can show you a divorce decree. As has been said you do not want to be caught in the middle of a marriage breakup.
Consider also that while you did not know she was married, she certainly did and that is an important detail to leave out. Could you ever really trust her anyway?
In the future before getting so entangled, maybe ask a few questions to try and determine things better. Maybe about her living arrangements, what family does she have and so on. You may get a hint and maybe not, but it could help.
As for the age difference, that is not relevant. Age is just a number anyway. Of course the kids are important, but only in that whatever you do with a woman will have an effect on any children she may have.
Yeah, follow Tuatara's advice and politely decline (good manners never hurt) and then run like hell.
Cheers
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (18 February 2008):
 Dude, what are you worried about? Just politely thank her for the evening but you dont want to pursue a relationship with a married woman. End of story.
Don't worry, she won't wait long before she is after her next conquest, and there are plenty of blokes your age who don't share you values and might just take her up on her offer for a longer term thing, you will soon be forgotten.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (18 February 2008):
 You did nothing wrong, except maybe a bit of excessive drinking and potentially unsafe sex, but the problem is her creation. You unwittingly engaged in a reasonably natural and normal bit of masculine indulgence. Even the age difference and motherhood is of little or no concern here, but the marital status probably is of major consideration. The future of the kids is also a consideration, but not your issue or obligation here. Great that you express your concern, however.
She is obviously not happily married, and her hubby may or not be about town doing the same type of activities. It could even be an "open" marriage, or how else does she spend the evening with you (maybe he was out of town)? They may be about to split up or whatever. If you wish no further involvement, possibly the wisest move, do as others here rightly recommend, then simply end or cut-off communication. She will move on.
If it was as great as you say, and you would consider more under certain circumstances, investigate further and speak with her to learn the true situation. Reveal what you know. Who knows what's going on? But don't get in the cross hairs of a jealous husband! Anyway, interesting memories so far, huh dude?
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (18 February 2008):
 Tuatara is just right. I just would add another "scenario": her marriage may be in ruins already, but she might still be playing with you. This happens all the time. You didn't know what you were up to, but now you do.
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A
female
reader, faith_believe_love  +, writes (18 February 2008):
 Oh man you're in a hard situation right now. If you want to end this kind of relationship you have with this woman then it's now time for you take some action. She keeps on sending you messages, just don't reply or if it don't work, change your number. Or the best thing to do is have a final talk with this woman, after all there's something happened between you two. Good Luck. take care.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2008): You have done nothing wrong and she should know and DO better. Don't beat yourself up but at least you have the sense to understand that this is a dangerous and foolish relationship.
End it now. This women is playing with you for her own enjoyment. If she were a decent mother and wife she would not be behaving this way and that alone is enough to steer clear.
You have answered your own question - not wanting to be responsible for home and family wrecking, so don't get involved.
Just send her a message back saying that your "not interest in married women, thanks for the offer but time to call it quits"!
That is all you need to say and dump her slimy arse before it is too late.
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