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... Send *amaBear a private message | | | *amaBear's profile:For starters, I have a Masters degree in Community Counseling - although I have never been in this capacity as a paid professional. I think that my main objective in answering the questions, is that I have a lot of life experiences and feel that I can bring some honest answers to the concerns. I was divorced young, left with four children to raise as a single parent, had to go to school to learn a profession to keep me off the welfare rolls, found it necessary to move to a new town to "start over" upon the completion of my training, and have been successful in raising my children to adulthood, and have enjoyed most days of my long life. I live in the Midwestern United States. In 2009, my former husband died and now, I'm told, that I am a widow. I have not let a broken marriage, nor a man who did not want me or his family, stop me from becoming a very successful woman! But it did not happen over night. |
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I think my boyfriend is shooting blanks
Q. Hey guys I need a little help... Me and my boyfriend have been trying for a baby for 3 months now and wev still not got pregnant Im 21 and already have 2 kids from a previous relationship and my boyfriends 30 and doesnt have any kids Iv been pr...
A. 20 April 2011: Maybe a wedding ring on your finer would help the matter! This is a bf, you said. Does he want to get married? There is no mention of this. I think with two chiodren already and trying for a 3rd, you and he should tie the knot. Kids like a ... (read in full...)
My ex and I reconciled but she likes another guy.....
Q. So me and my ex after a 3 month break up reconciled meaning that we went on a date, but many things have changed like the fact every since the break up she started liking this guy alot and I had sex with this girl that i liked (but regret having ...
A. 20 April 2011: Oh my, talk about immature. Hopefully, you will learn a valuable lesson from all of this behavior and both of your bad choices. If you decide to have sex in the future, make certain you use protection. But, back to the questions you asked. You ... (read in full...)
Think I'm falling in love...
Q. Hello Right!Im 16 and there is guy who 19 and I think im falling in love with him. But the problem is that when ever I go round to the house, out from the blue I get really shy and don't talk or when my mum says were going there I get Butt...
A. 20 April 2011: Why not relax and let the guy make the first move. This young guy of 19 may not want to get involved with someone 16. Reason #1: say you do date and become sexually involved, you are underage. This means he could go to jail. Reason #2: ... (read in full...)
I just can't keep my tears at bay...what can I do to control myself?
Q. Can anyone help me control my emoutions? My dad always shouts at me and stuff, and I end up crying. (I am a VERY emotional person, whether it is laughing or crying.) I don't want to let him know he has hurt me and won. But I just can't keep my tears ...
A. 19 April 2011: This can be considered verbal abuse. If you cannot talk to your dad and tell him how he upsets you, then seek out another adult to confide in. Or, tell a counselor at school who will or should know what to do. But, whatever, get help with this ... (read in full...)
My dad is having an affair, how should I handle this?
Q. Hi all, Sorry 4 the length. I had to explain in detail. I am so confused. I got an anonymous call with a hidden i.d a woman informed me that my father has a mistress and is willing to marry her. He is 58 years n has been married to my mum for 3...
A. 18 April 2011: You need to MYOB! Your mother may not believe you if you "squeal" on your dad. And, what if it isn't true, then what? Both parents will be angry with you. Your dad is a grown man and can handle his own affairs. I am sure, if it is true, your ... (read in full...)
How can you resolve long standing, extended family based conflicts in a marriage?
Q. How can you resolve long standing, extended family based conflicts in a marriage? Me and my husband married more than 25 years ago, and we still have the same conflicts, about his family , what we used to have at the beginning. Very ''classic...
A. 18 April 2011: There is no mention of your parents, the other set of grandparents for you children. Are they in the picture? If so, concentrate on them and forgot about your in-laws. You will not change them. Obviously, they know how to make you unhappy. ... (read in full...)
I want a child now. He's asked me to wait. Do you think he does not love me enough?
Q. Hello dear cupid. I have sitution here with my boyfriend. We're not married but we live together for 4 years. He told me he want to marry me one day and have kids. He is 31 years old and I'm 23. I want to have kids now. I mean I love him.I do ever...
A. 18 April 2011: For now, my suggestion is to forget about a child with this guy. Something is amiss here. Grab your coat and go out into the big world and see what else is available for a young woman your age. Surely, there is someone who will adore you. ... (read in full...)
My married boyfriend always makes excuses...should I tell him I love him?
Q. i've been dating my boyfriend for just about 4 years and about 10 months ago i started talking to one of the guys higher up at my work and it is forbidden to do anything with a superior but it was love at first site kind of thing. but let me tell...
A. 16 April 2011: So, if you should really get this guy in the future, I wonder how much income he will have left after paying alimony to a wife and supporting 4 kids. Think this over and get him out of your thoughts. And 15 years is quit an age span. Think ... (read in full...)
I was honest about my girlfriends weight gain and now in trouble. Advice please.
Q. hey guys, i kinda sorta listened to the advice "communication is key" when contemplating whether to tell my girlfriend she has gained weight. i did not call her fat or was insensitive but she didnt take it so well and she got really mad. it wasn...
A. 16 April 2011: If a guy told me I had a weight problem, he'd be out the door - and quick. I know when I am overweight. Same goes for being underweight. And, it feels awful! Maybe you should suggest that the two of you maybe could work out at the gym, take a ... (read in full...)
I really need help with this problem. My Ob doctor is no help.
Q. Okay , so I am having trouble with knowing who my unborn babys father is. And I talked to my Ob doctor and she did not help at all. My story ; Well me and my boyfriend broke up for 4 months , I had sex with my guy friend Sept. 10th 2010 ( he ...
A. 16 April 2011: Yes, the DNA testing is a sure way of finding out who the father of the child is - and not real costly. If you told all this sexual activity story to your OB doctor, he/she was no doubt "floored" by all the info. I would suggest you be more ... (read in full...)
I'm Chinese and her mom hates Chinese people!
Q. I have a little problem. I have met my current girlfriend online and have known her for over two years now. We recently began seeing each other but she hasn't told her mom about me yet. The problem is that her mom hates chinese and I am chinese. She ...
A. 14 April 2011: Then, move on in your life! You will not be able to change the mother and how she feels. If you and this young woman marry, will the mother ignore your children who will be part Chinese? Think this over very carefully before it goes any longer.... (read in full...)
Is my daughter right that I am not grateful for what I have?
Q. I would have been married for 28 years. Last year Feb 2010 my husband walked out on me. We had been having problems but i did not expect him to go. Two months later his ex girlfriend of 30 years ago moved in with him with her adopted son. She has ...
A. 14 April 2011: Wow, this is all really complicated. Since you are alone now, my suggestion is to concentrate on your business or sell it. Let the two younger sons go live with their dad. Did his girlfriend of long ago expect to "inherit" his former family? ... (read in full...)
After a month of ignoring me, now boyfriend is attentive to me in my pregnancy. Why?
Q. I am at a state of confusion . I am 23 weeks pregnant on bedrest . The baby's father broke up with me a month ago and I hear from him rarely until recently . I was sent to the the hospital for possible term labor ( false alarm) mutal friends ...
A. 14 April 2011: Oh my, after 4 years I wish you had realized somewhere along the way that this man doesn't really sound like family material nor the father type. And, what were you thinking getting pregnant when the relationship wasn't good? Did he break up with ... (read in full...)
Swedish and Nigerian, good mix??
Q. Hey I am a 16 year old guy. I am mixed, my mother is Swedish and my father is Nigerian. I myself was born in Sweden, I wanted to ask you guys if this is a cool mix? Because for some reason I only favor one of the two, which is Swedish, since I grew ...
A. 14 April 2011: I do not understand why you are concerned about something you have no control over! You said you are half Swedish and half Nigerian - but honestly there is nothing you can do to change this. Read up in books on both both races. I am sorry you are ... (read in full...)
I messed up on my first attempt. Any snogging tips?
Q. A few day's ago I went on a date with my boyfriend. I am in year 8 and he is in year 9. We have only been going out for just a week. On the end of the date he went to kiss me with his lips a bit open, and I tried to snog him but he was doing it too ...
A. 10 April 2011: Tell me what snogging is - and then I can answer your question. Thanks!... (read in full...)
Husband acting weird not wanting to kiss claiming I have bad breath
Q. Dear cupid, my husband of 2 years has been acting wierd. Last week, he bent to kiss me bt refusd and said my mouth was smelling, I have tried kissing him with a bad breath intentionally long ago but he didnt complain. He also have decreased the time ...
A. 9 April 2011: This must be very emotionally painful for you. I suggest you go to the dentist, get your teeth checked out, cleaned, and see what this brings about. If you still have bad breath, it could be from the food you are eating. Then, if he is still ... (read in full...)
He doesn't see me alone. Does he feel safer with the kids around?
Q. Why would a male friend, who I've been seeing/talking to for 6 months want to meet you for lunch with your two kids, but not during the week when it could just be the two of you without the kids? It started off very intimate and he persude me. N...
A. 8 April 2011: My suggestion is to move on in your life. You are too old for whatever "games" this guy seems to be playing. Your girls do not need to be a round this, either. You may be lonely, as you signed your letter, but there are worse things than being ... (read in full...)
My guy spends more time with an old woman than his gf!
Q. Can anyone help me on this one. Ive being going with a guy for 5month, yet he still keeps me a secret. None of his family know and Im sure that only one of his friends know about me. When he is at his parents house he does not text me, even when he ...
A. 30 March 2011: My suggestion is to find a guy who is at least available. Maybe not 100% of the time, but one who will make a plan or let you know what to expect. You have no idea what transpires with the "old lady and her pigeons" that you mentioned. Maybe it's ... (read in full...)
Advice for the first time.
Q. My partner want to make physical relation with me and it will be my first time experience so what are the cautions which i 'll keep in my mind....
A. 29 March 2011: You sound like you are not quite certain if this is what you really want from your partner. If you have any doubts, don't do it! To answer your question about cautions. Caution #1: make sure you have protected sex. You do not want a baby in the ... (read in full...)
Is he being selfish for repeatedly bringing up the fact I cant have kids?
Q. I have been with my husband for 13 years. He has 3 kids by 3 different women - 2 of these children were born when he had just graduated from high school. the other child was born 2 years before I met him. He and I tried having a child but we ...
A. 28 March 2011: Seriously ask yourself if you need this guy in your life! He has three children, and is he a good father to them, does he support them? If so, he could involve you in their lives and you could also enjoy them. You do not have to be a blood kin to ... (read in full...)
Why he has changed from the incredible man I once spent hours with, to someone who treats me like I'm suddenly beneath them?
Q. Hi there, So I have this lovely relationship question that's bugging me. I realise my sarcasm isn't evident but now you know, I am being sarcastic. It is no way "Lovely." I hope this isn't too repetitive for you as I know there are many,man...
A. 28 March 2011: Chalk it up to three years of knowing someone and having pleasant talks! This man is much older than you, he could in reality be your father. Since he will not give any reason for his sudden change of moods, I see there is nothing you can do but ... (read in full...)
My crush told me he doesn't like me, how do I move on?
Q. So i know i been asking questions about my crush. I need help to know how to move on or get over him when he told me he dont like me. I've seen him talk to some girl no they go out on dates and yea just hurts me. But i know the only one getting hurt ...
A. 28 March 2011: This is not easy and I cannot offer any painless input! It just takes time to get on with your life. To begin, dive head first into your school studies, any extra curricular activities, such as supporting your sports teams, working on the prom ... (read in full...)
Why is no boy even slightly interested in dating me?
Q. I know will sound like every teenage girls dilemma but I have tried all te usually advice about wait for the right guy and it still doesn't help me. When I was younger I had a tendency to be a bit standoffish with boys but im not like that now. But ...
A. 26 March 2011: What a shame so much of your energy is going into wanting a guy in your life! At your age, you are just maturing. One thing in your letter jumped out at me tho - you mentioned your sarcasm. Maybe you can work on this? I do not like sarcastic ... (read in full...)
She wants to be friends, I want to move on
Q. It's been almost 2 weeks since my ex and I broke up. We decided mutually to break up, even though she brought it up and that I still loved her, I lied and let her go because I didn't want her keep going with me. Okay can't be arsed to tell the sob ...
A. 26 March 2011: You can move on by applying yourself in your studies, find a part-time job, go out for a sport or an intramural activity. Do not let this young woman deliberately upset you. You are giving away your power. Young women can be great flirts. For ... (read in full...)
How do I tactfully deal with my boy friend's lonely Mom? Am I being bitchy not wanting to go out as a group of three on dates with my boyfriend?
Q. My boyfriend's mom is very nice and friendly, and I do like her. The problem is that she is always around, and several times while he and I are hanging out, she has tried to get us to do things with her, like go out to dinner, go to the movies, etc. ...
A. 26 March 2011: If you do not like his mother being around when you and the bf hang around, then I suggest you go to your place and hang around! Just that simple! You did not mention why this woman is "lonely" as you say - but talk to her son. Maybe he can get ... (read in full...)
I'm worried that I'm staying with him out of guilt!
Q. I cheated on my husband last friday..... And now im lost...I need advice. Let me give you some history. I was married at 18 ,we have been married for five years and have two beautiful children, My husband up until this point had been the only man ...
A. 26 March 2011: You have five years of your life invested in this man and your marriage. You also have been blessed with two children. These are valid reasons for wanting the marriage to be successful! You are very fortunate that you both care enough about each ... (read in full...)
It ended before it began, so why do I feel like I just got broken up with?
Q. Hello agony aunts! My mates introduced me to a great guy last year. All this time we've been in each other's lives without knowing it. Long story short: there was mutual attraction but he wanted to advance too quickly, so I didn't accept in fear ...
A. 26 March 2011: How can you miss something that you really never had? Egos are interesting, huh? Why not forget about him and go with your initial reaction and decision. There was good reason for this decision and it was honest. So, now he avoids you? Well, it ... (read in full...)
My lies are destroying my relationships, help!
Q. I always lie in a UNnormal way , And I'm losing my best friend because my boyfriend , and because my lies and my boyfriend my mom started to not trust me anymore , and my dad will hate me =(( ... My life Is Complicated , I don't know what to do !! , ...
A. 26 March 2011: Sometimes we have to learn lesson(s) the hard way. Your lying seems to have alienated family members, a boyfriend, and who knows who else. I suggest you seek some professional guidance to get to the root of this problem. Maybe a school counselor ... (read in full...)
How will I know he is cheating on me?
Q. I met this guy online.. we chatted for a year now..and we are in a long distance relationship..we haven't met e yet..but he has plan to see me soon..but then we broke up.. because i think he is cheating on me.. i am wondering why he is invisible ...
A. 25 March 2011: My suggestion is that you find a guy closer to home, forget the online romances, and not get so serious over someone you have never met. Someone can tell you the moon is made of cheese You will have no way of disputing this fact. See the ... (read in full...)
My crush found out I like him, and now I'm worried he might hurt me.
Q. Is it normal to feel depress when your crush found out you like him? I mean he said he was sorry for trying to get me to hook him up with my friends. I should be happy because he hasn't let our friendship be awkward at all. But i can honestly say i ...
A. 25 March 2011: You did not mention how you think this guy can hurt you. Physically? Emotionally? I suggest you keep your distance from him - at church and where ever else you two could come in contact. If you two were not in a relationship, then this all was ... (read in full...)
Two months ago he got a promotion at work, and suddenly I wasn't as interesting, and got dumped! What happened here?!
Q. My boyfriend and I were in a relationship for a year. We're both 21 years old, and it was the first serious relationship for us both. We had an amazing relationship, to the point where we did start to talk about a future together. Moving in, ...
A. 25 March 2011: Obviously, this guy's emotions are like a faucet - he can turn it on or off at whim. Move on in your life, as you do not need the hassle, nor the heartache. Whatever transpired over the time since his promotion, has completely changed him. It ... (read in full...)
In his 40's yet playing games like he's a teenager! Do I walk away?
Q. Am i just paraniod? Im at my wits end about this and its destroying me inside. I am a mother of 3, 2 of which i have with my current partner, the only problem is his ex. We used to live together but i suppected he still has feelings for her. They ...
A. 25 March 2011: Families can and do vary! You and your 2 children are a family - a single parent family. I do not know why you have played into his fooling around with his ex. Obviously, this is not resolved yet for him. Please find it in yourself to move on. ... (read in full...)
Fiance got a job away without even consulting me!
Q. My boyfriend and I were living together, got engaged last year and planned to marry this year. 5 months ago he got a promotion and went to work in another city 400 miles away. He also accepted the transfer because it would mean he lived closer ...
A. 25 March 2011: Sorry about this problem in your life, but this guy is not the only fish in the ocean! My suggestion is to stay with your job, in the city where you are, and move on. Or, you can relocate. But, remember he moved to be near his child. You cannot ... (read in full...)
My agressive partner ran away with my mother, now they have split up I miss him loads.
Q. My ex was aggresive and suffered with depression and alchol problems! we had a very on off relationship and have a daughter together! Our relationship was fine until i was about 6 months preganant. Then he started smashing up the house, shouting at ...
A. 25 March 2011: Oh my, what a sad saga for you. You have been betrayed by your mother and the father of your child. However, you have worked hard to get to the place in time that you now are. Remember this! Is the child's father paying child support mont... (read in full...)
What are top tried and tested ways to tell our families that I'm pregnant?
Q. Hi. I have been dating my amazing boyfriend for 3 years. He lived 2+ hrs away but he moved in with him aunt and her husband when were positive we wanted to be together. We have know each other since I was born since I'm 17 and he's 20. I'm grad...
A. 25 March 2011: You will not have to tell anyone, once you start showing the pregnancy. It's really no one's business except you and the baby's father. However, you are very young yet and have so much life ahead of you and this baby's birth will add lots of ... (read in full...)
He was having sex with another girl while I was pregnant, I know he has done me wrong but he has my heart.....what should I do?
Q. Need help please!.... I have known this guy since 2006 we dated for almost 3yrs.. We broke up for good 10 months ago.... We started to go back out in 09 of October im now pregnant by him I will have the baby in 5 days .... im so in love with him I ...
A. 24 March 2011: At 21 surely you know what makes babies! I have a hard time "feeling sorry" about this relationship since the signals were clear probably from Day One. This guy is young and still sowing his oats and you fall "madly in love" with him and obviously ... (read in full...)
She didnt respond when I proposed to her, how can I tell her that I love her?
Q. i met a girl in my school and i fell in love with her and i proposed her and she didn't gave response but i still love her but she doesn't. how can i tell her that i am in love with her...
A. 24 March 2011: You are very young to be proposing to a girl who does not respond! I suggest that you concentrate on your studies and get through high school before becoming so enthralled with a girl, proposing to her, and getting no response. I know I'd be ... (read in full...)
We're engaged, she's pushing to get married and I just don't want to now!
Q. I have been going out with my partner for three years and we have got engaged. She wants to get married, but I do not want to, epecially at the moment. I have not officially spoken to my parents about this and now my dad has just been diagonosed ...
A. 23 March 2011: A three-year engagement is a long time before going to he altar. I suggest you talk this over with your fiancee, let her down gently, either ask for your ring back or let her keep it, and then move on in your separate lives. If it has not happened ... (read in full...)
Is he using his circumstances to not date me properly?
Q. I have recently started dating a divorced man who has five children and two ex-wives and a night job! I have seen him only four times in four weeks and the last two times have been only brief meetings. Firstly because he was sick - he still turne...
A. 23 March 2011: Oh my, this guy comes with a lot of baggage. Do you really want or need all this in your life? Five kids take a lot of time for parents, even if they are together as a family. My suggestion is to leave well enough alone, move on to greener ... (read in full...)
I've fallen in love but its almost impossible to be with him!
Q. Ive recently come back from Thailand and i have fallen helplessly in love with a man from there. It was ultimate bliss when i was with him and never have i felt so loved, so special, so beautiful, so.... Happy. Ive been back for a month and i have ...
A. 23 March 2011: Are you certain you didn't have some homesickness or missing familiar things that could have caused you to be so entranced and into such bliss with this guy? You have pointed out some very valid reasons why you two cannot be together. Take your ... (read in full...)
I feel obligated to sleep with him
Q. I would really appreciate if somebody could answer me. So here's the story; It begins like every other lovestory: girl meets boy, girl likes boy and boy feels the same. We started dating like two months ago nad it has been really fun. He is really c...
A. 22 March 2011: Where is your parent while all this is going on? I feel a girl of 13 is too young to sleep overnight at a guy's place, to experiment sexually, and to ask us for advice! Talk this over with your mother or a school nurse or counselor. Whatever you ... (read in full...)
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