A
male
age
30-35,
*nonymous_jp
writes:hey guys, i kinda sorta listened to the advice "communication is key" when contemplating whether to tell my girlfriend she has gained weight. i did not call her fat or was insensitive but she didnt take it so well and she got really mad.it wasnt easy to tell her at all, i didnt want to either but i felt it was an issue, for both of us.we ended up fighting and i ended up saying "its not my fault" not intending for the fault to sound like hers but im afraid it sounded like that. no matter how many times i explain she seems to obsess over how it first sounded and now she adds extra words like i said "its not my fault you got that way". i know i wasnt that bad.anyway help pleasssse. i thought being honest would help!!! anything will be appreciated Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous_jp +, writes (17 April 2011):
anonymous_jp is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthe first time i brought it up was because i felt bad for lying to her when she did ask me if she was overweight. she asked me all the time. i thought i could help not only for me but for her too since she is very insecure. now every time we argue she brings up how im so mean for saying she's overweight.
i told her it was only a temporary issue and ill help her but this makes no difference, she chooses to see it the bad way. she has lost weight and i point it out but apparently thats mean too.
she's 16 too by the way so maybe its a little bit of immaturity shining through. i know if she told me she didnt like something with my body (that i can change) in an honest manner i would change it.
i appreciate your answers guys
A
female
reader, MamaBear  +, writes (16 April 2011):
If a guy told me I had a weight problem, he'd be out the door - and quick. I know when I am overweight. Same goes for being underweight. And, it feels awful! Maybe you should suggest that the two of you maybe could work out at the gym, take a walk, or something to help burn off the extra weight. It's Spring, and a walk in the woods could be romantic, as well as healthful. Think about it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2011): Well, first of all, I'd like to give you some advice on a go forward basis. As a general rule, girls can always tell that they've gained weight, particularly when it's reached the point of someone else noticing. So, she probably didn't actually need you to tell her to become aware of that fact. I understand how her weight gain might impact you, but weight is a really sensitive issue for women, so as a general rule, I'd say it's best not to mention it unless she brings it up with you. In that case, you would be welcome to do anything you could to help and encourage her, but just bringing it up unsolicited is probably why she was so hurt. I would suggest that to move forward from this, you try to explain that you didn't mean it as a judgmental comment: that you genuinely were only trying to help her feel better again. Tell her that you'd like to support her any way you can, but that ultimately you will be happy with her regardless of whether she decides to lose the weight or not (because ultimately it is her decision). I realize this second part will be difficult, particularly if she decides not to lose it, but it really is important that you learn to accept her however she looks; as cheesy as it sounds, learning to love someone on the inside unconditionally is one of the most important things in a relationship. Hope that helps.
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