A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys I need a little help...Me and my boyfriend have been trying for a baby for 3 months now and wev still not got pregnantIm 21 and already have 2 kids from a previous relationship and my boyfriends 30 and doesnt have any kidsIv been pregnant 4 times 2 of them I misscarried but all times I concieved within a couple of tries so obv I must be very fertile lolFor the past 3 months wev been having sex very reguarly like every 2daysIm starting to think maybe my man cant have kids He used to binge drink at the weekend and still smokes fags and hash occasionallyI dont know what to do im desperate for another child I said to my doctor and she said we have to be trying for atleast 12 months before they'l look into itI love him dearly but what if we cant have a child together what should I doIts not just that I just want another baby coz its not like that I want his baby I dont know what im suppose to doIf anyone has any ideas or suggestions or knows who or where we can go to help us please let me know Thankk you xOh also I know its not an std thats delaying this coz we are both clean just incase maybe it could have been
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conceive, smokes, std, trying for a baby Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Battista +, writes (30 September 2011):
If you are really concerned, have you thought about going to a private fertility clinic? You will be able to get an appointment at fairly short notice I would think. Your GP has to stipulate 12 months but if you are happy to pay then you shouldn't need to wait that long.
A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (29 September 2011):
 tell him to go to the doctors and ask for a semen analysis to be sent. tell him to pack the fags in (they greatly reduce a man's fertility) he needs to eat healthy to optimise his chances too. could be that the men you were with before had a much higher sperm count than he does, but this does not mean he is sterile
good luck!
x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2011): Well don't stress just wait another two weeks then try again, you'll get pregnant when the time is right, just make sure you and your boyfriend are both healthy.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (21 April 2011):
 You already have two kids and you are only 21? Wow.
Stop stressing.
You have plenty of time to have more kids. Plenty of time! (average age in the uk for a woman to have her first baby is mid-late 20's).
The more you stress the less likely you are to get pregnant. Why does it have to happen NOW? Why not wait a couple of years? If you are so sure he will still be around, it doesnt matter if you wait and let nature take its course. Get married, get the stress of that out of the way, then relax about it.
So many women I know who have stressed about getting pregnant, not getting pregnant, then given up, then wham.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (21 April 2011):
 I got pregnant with my first after one try, I got pregnant with my second after two months of trying, and I got pregnant with my third after six months of trying. Doctor told me that child birth can sometimes slightly tip a women's uterus thus making it slightly more difficult to concieve. Be patient and if nothing happens after 12 months of trying, make that doctor's appointment.
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (21 April 2011):
 Well you can try it, you will probably be wasting your money though as they will be nowhere near as accurate as a doctor running tests on both you and your partner. I honestly think stopping smoking and buying an ovulation kit will have far better results than a fertility test bought off the web. You have no idea where you are buying these things from, often people selling tests that a doctor would normally do are just in it to make money, they know some women are so desperate to have kids that they will buy anything - and these companies are taking advantage of that desperation. And even if you bought one, and it told you that your boyfriend was infertile - what then? Your doctor still would not see you, so you would not be able to get any treatment or solutions. All you would have is stress and heartache over something that is not necessarily accurate. I really do suggest you just leave this alone and stop stressing out so much over it, as I have said repeatedly - get healthy, enjoy trying for a baby and give it time. Only a doctor can give you 100% accurate fertility results, so dont waste your money on something that is not accurate and may only upset you more.
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female
reader, dmartin89 +, writes (21 April 2011):
 Mama bear, you dont have to be married to have a happy family.Marriage also doesnt stop a man walking out.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIts not an online test that came out wrongIts a test kit to buy off line
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (21 April 2011):
The smoking will be having a far bigger effect than the drinking, so if you and your boyfriend are going to stop anything, it MUST be the smoking (and the drugs). Even if it is just your boyfriend that smokes, it is significantly lowering his sperm count, hence his fertility, and you will be passive smoking which is very bad for you too. The occasional drink is far better than smoking, so cut that out and I am sure within 6 months of stopping smoking your chances of getting pregnant will be far higher.
As for online ferility tests - a computer cannot test your health! You can answer as many questions as you like and it will give you an indication ONLY, it cannot tell you if you are infertile or not. Only a doctor can do these sorts of tests, there is no point in doing online tests as they will just scare you and make you worry about nothing.
All you need to do is make sure there is no more smoking for you and your boyfriend, there are no more drugs, you do some exercise and eat healthily - and then be patient. Good things really do come to those who wait! My cousin just gave birth yesterday, she is 42 and has been trying to get pregnant for 7 years. She had 2 miscarriages, and it took a very long time - but she gave birth to a healthy little girl yesterday. The body is not straightforward, you can never predict what is going to happen. So just be patient and keep trying, you will get what you want eventually.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe are going to get married next year
He wont be walking anywhere why do you think now is why he wants kids
Its really just getting to us that iv not gotten pregnant
Wev looked at fertility tests on the web .... Does anyone know if they work
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male
reader, spinnaker +, writes (20 April 2011):
 his lifestyle could have affects on his spermcount
Even in the best circumstances there is a less than 5% chance of getting pregnant. The odds are pretty high to begin with.
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A
female
reader, MamaBear +, writes (20 April 2011):
Maybe a wedding ring on your finer would help the matter! This is a bf, you said. Does he want to get married? There is no mention of this. I think with two chiodren already and trying for a 3rd, you and he should tie the knot. Kids like a family situation. Why be involved with a guy who could walk at any time?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIts not that am obsessed with having his kids its because thats what we both want and its getting to him aswell!!
He doesnt drink anymore and either do I
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (20 April 2011):
 Humans just aren't that fertile in general. Someone once calculated and the odds of any one time creating a baby is around 1-2%. There is a reason they say you have to have been trying for 12 months before they will do fertility testing. He absolutely needs to stop with the smoking and drinking though.
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (20 April 2011):
Look just be patient - the doctors know what they are talking about, and you need to have been trying for 12 months before you can worry about being infertile.
Have you recently stopped taking birth control? For example the pill can take up to 6 months to get out of your system, so it could well be that.
Have you tried getting an ovulation kit and having sex at the exact time you are ovulating? There are no guarantees with this and you can get pregnant at any time of the month, but this can help so it might be worth a try.
Also, get your boyfriend to clean his act up and stop being so unhealthy. Smoking hash is definitely going to have an impact, so he needs to cut this out completely. Smoking lowers sperm count so he needs to quit, now! Get him to read this http://maleinfertilitycauses.com/smoking-and-male-infertility/. And the drinking is not going to help either, it is fine to have a couple of beers but binge drinking is really going to damage his health.
Both of you need to be as healthy as you can be - so cut down on alcohol, quit smoking, no drugs, get some exercise and eat better. In these 12 months before you can see the doctor again, you need to have tried EVERYTHING to get pregnant. So get yourself healthy, and your boyfriend needs to get healthy too.
And most of all - be patient! Nature works in mysterious ways, it might seem hopeless and then 2 weeks before you next see the doctor in 12 months you might fall pregnant. Getting pregnant can often be a random, uncontrollable thing, you often hear of women who have been told they are infertile getting pregnant a few years down the line. I know it is hard when you want a baby so badly, but a baby will be wonderful regardless of when you have it. Just relax, the stress of trying to get pregnant wont be helping either. Just enjoy being young and in love, keep on having lots of sex and see what happens. Get healthy, maybe buy an ovulation kit, and just wait and see.
If, like the doctor said, after 12 months you still havent had any success, then that is the time to start having tests done and really worrying about it. But the more you worry now, the less likely you are to conceive.
Try researching online as well for websites that help with fertility, there are thousands of forums and websites set up for people having difficulty when trying for a baby. Try this website for a start http://www.fertilityexpert.co.uk/.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, dmartin89 +, writes (20 April 2011):
You dont have anything to worry about yet. Which is the reason why the nhs doesnt investigate infertility before 12 months of trying.
In general it takes a noramlly fertile couple 6 months to conceive. It sounds like you just got lucky before.
If you are both serious about TTC (trying to conceive), its important that neither of you smoke, drink and especially do drugs!!
People who are TTC shouldent not drink or smoke, and make sure to eat nutritiously and do regular exercise for 3 months before TTC as it will effect the quality of eggs and sperm. If you want a healthy baby, you have to be healthy yourselves.
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