A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have growing concerns over my family. My parents are going through a rough patch in their marriage. The problems seem to be mostly financial. We're encountering some money problems and their taking their toll, particularly on my mother. Mum is used to, what I would consider to be, a pretty "good life". We don't live in a mansion, we don't go on holiday every year, but we do alright, I think.Five years ago, my dad had an affair. Somehow, someway they were able to stick together and they've continued to be happy together since then. For the past year, my dad has worked away from home during the week. The past year seemed to be pretty easy, but recently it has become apparent that my mum is feeling lonely. She seems miserable a lot of the time, and I'm not sure why. On top of that, their jobs are quite stressful and as a result, my dad has started smoking Cigars.I can't see how things would be better if they parted ways. Both of them would only end up feeling lonely and miserable. When dad had the affair I had to be strong then, but now it feels even harder. I'm 20 years old, and I have my own worries and responsibilities (University work and my job), and I don't want to have to worry about my family. I don't know how I can help them. How can I be strong for them? It's breaking my heart to see them miserable. What can I do?
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female
reader, kayla20 +, writes (4 September 2009):
 either your parents will sort it out or they wont and theres nothing you could possibly do to sort that out you need to concentrate on your own life eventually it will all sort itself out
A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003  +, writes (4 September 2009):
 I am so sorry for what is happening to you. It seems now that its all come down on your heads at once.
Maybe I could offer a suggestion to you. If you are all living together at home, and all working together; then I think this is the time to come together as a family.
I think what you are saying is that the money woes are being difficult for you right now. And so there will be a way to work things out logistically.
Sometimes .... bad things happen for a good reason.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMore bad news. My dad's car has broke down this afternoon. We can't afford to replace it, so this will mean that he will have to take my car off of me.
We need money now and I don't know why!! They both work, so do I and somehow we can't afford to fix these problems!! It's all happening at once!! what are we going to do?? :'(
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the answers, but Janey, the affair isn't really an issue anymore. I'm sure they have left some scars, but as a family we have moved on from that. The only reason I mentioned it was because that's how bad a time my parents have had it in the past. That was the worst thing they've ever had to overcome, but they did. I can't understand why how anything could split them up after that.
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A
female
reader, Jayney Y  +, writes (4 September 2009):
 You know what.....there's not much you can do. Your parents personal marital relationship is really none of your business, ( I know that sounds rude but it's not meant to be). Only they can work it out. You are 20, which means you are an adult, and other people's relationship problems aren't your issue to bear, even if they're your parents. I know you don't want to see either of them hurt, but the fact is that the affair probably hurt your mum as much as she's ever going to be hurt, and the damage it would have done is probably too much for her and maybe she can't move past it, which is pretty normal. The best thing you can do is make sure your mum knows you're there for her, and try not to judge your dad for being human.
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A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (4 September 2009):
There is very little you can do to patch up your parents' marriage other than talk to them.
In the end they have to figure out what it is that's making them unhappy.
The money issues don't help. That's an added pressure and those added pressures change things for both of them.
If your father is working away from home I gather that means he is not around the house all the time. If that's the case, then your mother is feeling lonely.
I don't know if you live with your parents full-time or if you just visit, but this is what they called the "empty nest" scenario. You are off to school and they are by themselves. But if your father's away most of the time, it leaves your mother alone by herself.
I don't know what to say about the cigars. Its a smelly habit. Maybe he's just smoking to calm himself in order to deal with the pressures.
Without much more its hard to say what's going on between them, other than every day struggles that are amplified by money woes.
You can sit down with them and ask them if they're happy. But ultimately if they are not happy together, why would you want to force them to stay together?
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