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*ionee' agony aunt

*ionee'

South Africa  (Female   XML/RSS

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*ionee''s profile:

I'm currently single and focusing on other aspects of my life such as work. I love to write in my spare time, draw, sing and play football (soccer). I'm a very open minded person who likes making new friends and meeting new people. I love helping others and hope that I can provide you as an individual the best answers/suggestions on how to handle your dilemma.

Anyone welcome to mail me for private one on one advice.

May you all be blessed in your endevours

Latest articles:

It doesn't have to be complicated

No replies yet...

7 August 2013: I've been the agony aunt among the people I've known for a while. Those much older than me come to me. What would I know right? Thing is, I've always learned from the mistakes of others and gather What-Not-To-Do from that. Ever heard "A fo...

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What is a normal amount of sex?

Q.   Im 30 years old and have been with my boyfriend for 10 years. We don't have any kids. How much sex would be 'normal'? Id say on average we probably do it twice a month. ...

A.   16 December 2017: I don´t think anyone can account for what´s normal. As for what feels like a good amount, that´s for the two of you to decide. If you are not happy with the current situation, have a conversation about it as after 10 years, you should be able to ... (read in full...)

How do I act with this coworker?

Q.   How do I act with my coworker- a little background -when I started working for this law firm I noticed that me and one of the senior lawyer were attracted to each other BUT he is married. Although I would never push the envelope I do notice he might ...

A.   16 December 2017: As previously mentioned; keep things professional. Shut down the friendly talk. If he badmouths other people then don´t for a second think that he will stay polite forever. He is MARRIED. I think he may be trying to initiate something and by you e... (read in full...)

Do I need to step out of my bubble with this outgoing guy?

Q.   Hello Aunts and Uncles I'm not in any precarious situation but just looking for some advice on things in my relationship i've just not encountered before. About two years ago I left a long term relationship, it was wholly amicable and ende...

A.   16 December 2017: I think that yes you need to open up a bit more and be more outgoing and spontaneous to a certain point. I hate...absolutely hate gifting my sister with gifts because she is also such a shitty gift receiver whereas with my mom, for instance... (read in full...)

Is there a chance my crush likes me back?

Q.   There is a guy nice guy at my church and I liked him the monent I saw him but he had a girlfriend and I back off which was a year ago and forgot about him. Me and him are in the same weekly church group but never really talked much Recently I had...

A.   16 December 2017: Sad to say, bodily contact of this kind i.e legs touching doesn´t mean anything. It definitely would not get you points or make him want to start dating you. If you want to get to know him then strike up a casual conversation and get to know HIM... (read in full...)

My wife wants an open relationship, I don't

Q.   My wife insists on a open relationship for her but not for me. I am very resentful about this but she says its this or nothing. I love her but I am going nuts....

A.   16 December 2017: So basically she gave you an ultimatum... it´s her way or the highway?! Honestly, she doesn´t respect your union and the vows that the two of you recited for one another means absolutely nothing if she is willing to throw away your marriage because ... (read in full...)

What do I do and say? His depression is hard to deal with

Q.   I need help. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 months and a bit more , and I love him so much but he has depression . I help him as much as I can and I’m here for him all the time but he always complains to me how he feels and I understand that he’s ...

A.   2 December 2017: Look OP, I´m going to say what you would least want to hear/read BUT you are too YOUNG to deal with a relationship, let alone one in which your boyfriend has depression. Mental illness is difficult to deal with in a relationship and I wouldn´t... (read in full...)

I fear my husband is no longer in love with me

Q.   My husband and so have been together 10 years and married 8 of those years. We have an 11 month old and a 7 years old. So am I crazy or is he falling put of love with me? He hates his job and only has 1 week left before he changes jobs. For the...

A.   2 December 2017: I get where you´re coming from but giving him everything that he wants and expects won´t get you the admiration and respect that you want and deserve. In fact, you will only continue to be taken for granted, that´s the way I see it. Looki... (read in full...)

The boyfriend and the friend who doesn't know we're together: I want to be put first for once

Q.   One of my boyfriends friends and I don't get along because of things that happened in the past between us, so we mutually agreed not to speak to one another. My boyfriend tells me that he likes the guy, but they aren't that close. I don't mind them ...

A.   2 December 2017: First of all, I feel that it´s really pathetic that your boyfriend is keeping you a secret. I feel that if you´re not willing to put up with the drama that comes with being open about your relationship (heterosexual or homosexual) then you shouldn´t ... (read in full...)

I'm scared to break up with my boyfriend because of the repercussions it could have on both of us

Q.   I’ve been with my boyfriend for around 6 months now, I do love him but it’s long distance and when we’re together it’s amazing but when we aren’t we fall very quickly in arguing everyday. I think it would be best for us to break up instead of ...

A.   1 December 2017: OP, it´s not your job to keep your current boyfriend sane. You sound really smart and you know what is the best option for your life already, you just seem to be influenced by your own need to save the day and keep everything looking perfect.... (read in full...)

I think my uncle is hitting on me

Q.   I think my uncle is attracted to me. First of all, excuse my English please :( Unfortunately, it’s not my first language. So, the problem is that my uncle’s brother (well, probably my other “uncle”, huh?) is acting strange. Well, you may t...

A.   30 November 2017: The only thing that matters here is that he is making you feel uneasy and uncomfortable and that, in my opinion, is not ok. You should let him know exactly how you feel and limit contact with him thereafter because this is a bit much. ... (read in full...)

Heartbroken he has returned to porn

Q.   My boyfriend (27) and I (24) have been together for 2 years. We had been friends for 3 years before he asked me out. Around the 1 year mark maybe a little later my SO commented on how he doesn't even watch porn anymore. He said he just thought about ...

A.   30 November 2017: To me, porn does not mean that you are not good enough. The fact that he watches porn does not mean that he has replaced you with porn. (I know that this is weird coming from a female) but it´s true. Porn just allows the user to fantasiz... (read in full...)

Can we get back to normal after swinging?

Q.   Do you think there’s any hope of a relationship going back to normal after swinging? My husband and I have tried it - yes we had a lot of fun - but the lifestyle isn’t for me. When I tell him I want to stop we fight because he doesn’t want to stop. ...

A.   30 November 2017: Threesomes and swinging are in my opinion not for serious relationships because there is always a chance that it could totally ruin your entire relationship and your post proves just how much it can ruin a union meant for two. Firstly, if your ... (read in full...)

Should the other woman tell his wife about the affair?

Q.   Should the other woman tell his wife about the affair? I know many would use harsh and negative remarks on such question. I did no Contact and he reached out and I caved in. I am thinking of telling his wife so that I can move on for good forever...

A.   30 November 2017: My dear, your reasons for wanting to tell his wife are very selfish so I would say that it really isn´t your place to say anything. If you want to end this affair then do so off your own strength and without hurting someone that you do not know... (read in full...)

I like a guy but he seems to prefer a slimmer girl, do I have a chance?

Q.   Been working at Starbucks for about a year now, it's right next to my uni business school. There's a guy who's been coming in for the last few months and is pretty lush hehe, blond, blue eyes, muscular and wears our uni rugby T shirt, he's rly tall ...

A.   30 November 2017: I think that all this is just cafe banter on his part. There´s many a time when we all go out to a familiar place and are very friendly with the staff there... that doesn´t mean that it means anything... Also, I doubt that there is a competit... (read in full...)

Desperate to get my life on track

Q.   I have had a very traumatic 2017. Traumatic by my standards and believe me, I am not a drama queen ! I was married in an abusive marriage in Asia, left that, went abroad to study and now live in the UK for the last 12 years. I was married agai...

A.   30 November 2017: First and foremost, you need to get your health in order. That is and should be your number one priority because when you start feeling better, you will start looking better and looking at life in a more positive way. It´s not easy going through ... (read in full...)

Fallen for my priest. Help!

Q.   Oh my god I never see the day but I actually have a crush on my priest - for heaven's sake, the bloody priest. Is my love life that bad that I fantasise about him. My question is have you ever had a bad crush on someone your not suppose like...

A.   30 November 2017: I think that you´re into the priest because it´s really taboo and it excites you to fantasize about him. Do I think it means more? NO I don´t. My advice; Go out and meet some single and AVAILABLE guys because this is just a crush based on the a... (read in full...)

When is it time to tell my FWB goodbye

Q.   I've been talking to this boy for around 3 months every day and have always said it will be a causal thing. I guess it's as close a thing you can get to friends with benefits. We get on well and there are genuinely no deep feelings from either side. ...

A.   30 November 2017: You have to let it go now. I always say that it´s best to let your FWB you´ve actually found something you´d like to focus all your attention on as soon as possible. That´s not to say that you´re counting your chickens before your eggs hatch ... (read in full...)

Back in touch after 6 months but still confused where I stand with him

Q.   Hey all - this is a long one so please bear with me. About 6 months ago, a guy I knew started flirting with me and I told him I liked him and he replied that he thought I was fit but just wanted "laughter". There came a point where he wanted to do ...

A.   30 November 2017: This guy is a waste of your time. If I were you I would go back to having no contact with him because he is really immature and just plain NASTY! Cut contact, immediately!... (read in full...)

I want to have fun but it leaves me feeling guilty

Q.   Im on my first twennies, basically my parents are pretty strict. I've always been the good girl that never hides anything from her parents. I've never lied to them about anyhting or done anything that they dont approve with. I moved from australia ...

A.   30 November 2017: Try not to get wasted and out of control because it isn´t a good look, trust me. When I was younger, I told my mother about everything I did. I.e where I was going, if I was having a drink but just so that she knows that I´m being safe and resp... (read in full...)

He chose my friend over me but now I think he likes me

Q.   Me and this boy went out for about a month then broke up,he then turned for me for help cos he liked my friend.I got jealousy missed him and told him I love him.whilst he was making up his mind we were making out at mine.he then decided know and ...

A.   30 November 2017: Everything that you´re thinking of doing is a bad idea! Do not give this guy the time of day because he is just going to end up using you and hurting you further. A friends with benefits relationship is totally out of the question because... (read in full...)

How do I become a more submissive girlfriend?

Q.   My personality has always been very jokester and very sarcastic (think of every character on Roseanne type of sarcastic) and I? know when to be serious and turn it off, but in my everyday life it is just who I? am. But I’ve been dating this guy for ...

A.   30 November 2017: I don´t get how this guy was initially attracted to you if he now wants you to change. I always say, in a relationship, someone naturally has to be less for his/her partner to be more. Quite frankly, I also have a dominant personality so I... (read in full...)

Its a year of no contact with married man, I suspect his friends are contacting me on facebook.

Q.   Hello everyone. Thank you for taking the time to read my question. It's a messed up situation but I've been coming here off and on over the situation for a few years now. Several years ago and crush turned into a long term affair with a married ...

A.   11 November 2017: Never get involved with someone that is already taken because more often than not, you will be the one that ends up getting hurt. With that being said, you should block all of these people that are linked to said ex because you´re not allowing... (read in full...)

I've always been a people pleaser ... how can I stop?

Q.   I can’t stop worrying about what people will think of me - I have always been a people pleaser and have followed the “rules of life” to the T. I got two degreees and got a corporate jobs followe the path. Lately I have fallen in a financial hardship ...

A.   11 November 2017: The fact of the matter is that you´re strong and smart enough to sort out your own life so if I were you, I wouldn´t feel bad at all for working two jobs. At the end of the day these people give you nothing and so their opinions should not matter at ... (read in full...)

Is online cheating okay?

Q.   OK! I found out that my boyfriend of 8 years has been going on adult dating sites looking for women to hook up he'd say he hopes they can come over see I'd stay at my daughters sometimes and baby sit. is cheating OK if there's no actual contact ...

A.   11 November 2017: It isn´t ok at all. It´s plain down wrong, disgusting and inconsiderate of your SO to even do that in my opinion. ... (read in full...)

Should I tell my ex that I am pregnant with his child?

Q.   Hello. I don't know how to say this but I recently found out that I am pregnant with my ex's child. He is 34 and I am 21 turning 22 January. While we were dating he told me he doesn't mind having kids. We dated for 6 months until we started arguing ...

A.   11 November 2017: Hey there OP. Coming from someone your age, you definitely have to tell this guy about his child or you will always feel guilty about not telling him. I think that that is the first step to dealing with your pregnancy. Next, you need to decide w... (read in full...)

I've developed feelings for this guy who is 2 years older!

Q.   i met this guy 2 years ago and i developed feelings for him since we met to do projects quite often. he is 2 years older than me so he was always mentoring me. like i said, i developed feelings for him but recently i don't feel anything for him. he ...

A.   11 November 2017: Because of your age, I wouldn´t suggest getting involved with this guy. Also, since you´re no longer interested in him in that way anymore, I wouldn´t suggest going ahead with anything that you don´t want anyway. I think that you´re young and have a ... (read in full...)

How can a wife cheat for 3 years and act like everything is ok?

Q.   After I found out that my wife was having a three year affair with another man, I gave her an ultimatum and she ended it....she eventually told me that she made a big mistake, and didnt know what she was thinking the past three years...I found out ...

A.   11 November 2017: Honestly speaking, if you hadn´t found out about the affair then it definitely WOULD have continued. The fact of the matter is that the only reason she seems to still be with you is because she was given an ultimatum and why would she leave a ... (read in full...)

Why did my LDR boyfriend block me after I made a comment on one of his photos?

Q.   ok this is short but I just can't understand it.. my bf blocked me from his facebook as soon I commented one of his recent pictures, (i said: how long is this pic?) and he blocked me after it. I am from the USA he is from Iraq, we have been together ...

A.   11 November 2017: Yeah this is a red flag. Perhaps you´re the only one taking this relationship of yours seriously. Even if he does acknowledge you in private when you are over there, that doesn´t mean that he´s ready to acknowledge you in public. No guy would ju... (read in full...)

My older boyfriend makes more money than I do. I'm worried that I'm not contributing enough

Q.   I'm dating a man much older than me. He earns a lot more than I do and is very generous so is always the one spending when we are together. Apart from the spending he tends to plan our dates (which I like because he has so many great ideas and he ...

A.   8 November 2017: Personally, whether I made less money than my man or not, I´d want to pay my own way. Now don´t get me wrong, a dinner and a date here and there are all well and good but when it comes to huge and expensive things I´d draw the line. That´s n... (read in full...)

I'm in a mess I cant walk away from

Q.   Urgh, what a mess. An old colleague messaged me to ask how I was getting on. We never really interacted at work. The messages very quickly became flirty. We are both married. But we met for coffee and there was definitely sexual chemistry....

A.   8 November 2017: I´d first and foremost like to say that the advice you get from the aunts here will be very straight forward so bare with us all. Now let´s get into it... An affair is never a good idea because hello, it´s immoral if you didn´t already k... (read in full...)

I feel keeping me a secret makes me disposable.

Q.   I am seeing (dating?) a guy, though problem is, he is my ex's friend. I knew the guy first, and my ex knows we spend time together because we've been friends for years, but my ex is somewhat of a ring leader and if he doesn't like something or ...

A.   8 November 2017: If your guy doesn´t care what people think then why should you? I think that you shouldn´t have to hide your happiness or tip toe around town because of your loser ex. Look, if new guy makes you happy like you say he does then that´s all that sho... (read in full...)

There is no intimacy in our marriage .... is my wife having an affair?

Q.   I have been married for 15 years. Beginning of marriage the sex life was great. Then all of sudden I had to wear a condom didn't want me to orgasm inside her. The kissing stopped was only just a peck on the cheek or lips. Once a month she has dinner ...

A.   8 November 2017: I have to agree with other aunts that say just to ask her what´s wrong. She is your wife after all. I think that if you just ask, you may find the answer that you´re looking for as we cannot give you a clear answer based on the information that ... (read in full...)

My confidence issues are stopping me asking for a date.

Q.   Started messaging a girl I knew from school a few years younger than me around 3 months ago but she'd just gone travelling. It was fun and kept it up throughout her trip and her interactions with me on social media increased so thought she might be ...

A.   8 November 2017: To me, there´s a bit of a problem here. Not to knock your confidence or anything but you´ve been way too slow with this situation. Ever wonder why ´alpha males´ get the girl? It´s because they ooze confidence. There´s no wondering whether ... (read in full...)

Am I being too materialstic and self sabotaging?

Q.   Am I being unrealistic? I am 50 and dating a man for close to three months who claims he is retired, I came to find out he was laid off and doesn't want to go back to work. I find myself paying more often when we go out, it is a huge turn-off. I ...

A.   10 October 2017: No you're not. This guy simply isn't for you. You know that you deserve more so if I were you, I'd dump him and continue on with my life and who knows, you just may get 'more'. ... (read in full...)

I feel like I was second servings!

Q.   Okay i really dont know what to do in this situation. So my freind is friends with this guy and they are just friends nothing more. So one day he spent the night at our apartment and I ended up having sex with him. I felt weird about sleeping with ...

A.   10 October 2017: Look dear, he just wanted a place to crash and some cheap sex. He didn't cared who it was from so don't take it personally, it was just a lay to him. Surely you know that neither of them owe you anything. His needs got met and that's all that ... (read in full...)

I feel I am not good enough and cry everyday

Q.   I am 25, single and VERY lonely. My now ex bf recently broke up with me because he lost feelings for me. I think it is all my fault, but he says it is not. He says his feelings fizzled out over time and insists there is no new girl. I am scared of ...

A.   10 October 2017: Dear, you're only 25 y/o. There is so much more to life then a relationship that you wish you had. Firstly, I agree with your ex that it isn't your fault, sometimes we do fall out of love and there's nothing that we can do to change it so it's ... (read in full...)

He found the girl he dumped me for was too costly and wants me to take him back.

Q.   So, this guy and I were dating for almost two years and he proposed to me in May. A few weeks later he tells me hes going on vacation with his old crush/ friend since high school there both 28. But they have been friends forever. So, he breaks off ...

A.   9 October 2017: This guy is being really creepy and if I were you I wouldn't have accepted any of his gifts. It's better that you found out how he really was before marrying him because imagine how much worse that would have been? He is starting to full... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is sad after his ex girlfriend's revelation!

Q.   Hello, I have a story to tell. This summer my bf and I got together. He had a girlfriend but he cheated on her to be with me. At first we were friends and I knew he had a girlfriend but I was so in love with him and I was trying to resist for so ...

A.   9 October 2017: The thing is that you helped in the big betrayal because you practically stole someone's man. That shows a lot about both of your characters. Apart from that, who knows if she's telling the truth but who cares? Regardless of whether it's true or ... (read in full...)

Is life passing me by?

Q.   Hello everyone, Next month I am turning 30. Every birthday usually leads to some analysis and evaluation but this one at the end decade is feeling like an assessment of whole life. Right now I have MBA degree from one of the best schools around,...

A.   6 October 2017: There isn't an age by which marriage and a family should be achieved. I just think that you've done everything right as far as making sure that you're financially secure and independent so what more could you ask for at that age? You don't ne... (read in full...)

Is this a positive sign or is she just being nice?

Q.   My ex broke up with me a couple of weeks ago. I had been working on the things she didnt like about me and I sent her an email updating her on how I have been changing i.e getting better and that I love her and hopefully in future we might cross ...

A.   6 October 2017: She is sending her good wishes your way. It's very nice of her actually. That's not to say that she wants to get back with you, she just wants the best for you regardless of how things went. ... (read in full...)

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