| A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: What am I to do ?I have a « friend ». For years I’ve known that she sometimes badmouths me behind my back. Today I got a piece of written proof. SHe has a terrible temper and she looks for excuses. It’s never her fault; it’s always someone else that made her mad. I was on Skype with her today and at some point her phone rang and she yelled a tour mutual friend and insulted her. Then she told me she had to go. A few minutes later that friend sent me a couple of texts saying that she got horrible yelled and insulted (not knowing that I have heard everything). She didn’t exaggerate a bit. The first friend, the one with the temper, apologized then and said that it was all my fault that I have been burdening her with my problems! This is not true. Not because I’m perfect but because I NEVER tell her anything remotely personal. So… I really feel I should finally call out this “friend” of mine for her behavior. What should I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (16 April 2021):
 If I were you I wouldn't even bother wasting my time on this. It baffles me how much energy people waste on shallow friendships like these. You can't tell her anything personal, and do you know why? You know that you can't trust her. Perhaps you don't even really like her and to be honest, I don't blame you. The solution is simple, cut her loose and move on with your life.
A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (5 April 2021):
 Never mind calling her out. She'll just blame you or someone else, and you already know that.
Cut her loose. Ghost her.
No drama, no announcements, just ghost her.
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A
female
reader, Plexi +, writes (4 April 2021):
 Sounds to me like maybe she has too much going on in her own life and can’t deal with other peoples problems been thrown at her… She may not try to be mean but she’s projecting her frustration at you and everybody else… Just give her some space and don’t talk to her for a while… Let her come to you once her life calms down a bit :-)
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A
female
reader, Plexi +, writes (4 April 2021):
Sounds to me like maybe she has too much going on in her own life and can’t deal with other peoples problems been thrown at her… She may not try to be mean but she’s projecting her frustration at you and everybody else… Just give her some space and don’t talk to her for a while… Let her come to you once her life calms down a bit :-)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2021): Easy-peasy! Cut her loose!
Just tell her you've decided her temper and backbiting are too much. You will remain cordial, but you no longer care to be friends. This means you won't be contacting her like you used to. If she goes spastic, or decides to get nasty; you know how to delete, block, and crickets!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (1 April 2021):
 I agree with Code Warrior,
Dump her. This isn't a friend. She yells at one person and then blames it on another, taking no responsibility for her behavior.
Why would EITHER of you (the women who got yelled at) BOTHER with this kind of toxic person as a "friend?"
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