A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:When my boyfriend cooks, he never follows a recipe. He will add random ingredients (ones that in my view really don’t work with the recipe) or add the wrong quantities. Doesn’t matter if he’s cooking sweet or savoury, it’s always the same. The result is that sometimes his cooking is edible and sometimes it’s really not nice at all and I can’t even eat it. I don’t want to be the one that has to do all the cooking so I want to encourage him. At the moment, we end up rowing whenever we try and cook together because I’ll try and follow a recipe and he will just add stuff while my back is turned. What am I supposed to do? How can I get him to stick to a recipe, or at least learn what ingredients generally go together so his cooking is edible? Or even just avoid rowing over cooking. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2021): Worth considering if he has Dyspraxia - and there are other conditions that overlap with this, such as Autism, ADHD etc. Sounds extremely familiar to me, as someone who has lived with and known several people with ADHD and Dyspraxia. ADHD will definitely stop him from focussing and is very well known for causing people to make impulsive 'random' decisions that they themselves can't really control. Maybe research these conditions and reflect on whether it really is only the cooking where he behaves like this, or if it is in cooking where his behaviour is more obvious - it may well alert you to how similar behaviours are actually taking place in other areas of his life, but you may not (yet) have noticed. Be warned - if this is the problem, being partner to someone with these conditions can be absolutely life-draining, so feeling annoyed about his approach to cooking could well be the 'tip of the iceberg' regarding what you'd subject yourself to if you stayed with him.
A
female
reader, jls022 +, writes (2 February 2021):
I don’t believe it matters one iota if he likes to cook or not. It doesn’t sound like you particularly enjoy it either since you’re saying you don’t want to do it all yourself, so why should it all fall on you? If this is a sneaky attempt to get you to do all the cooking then I’d be nipping that in the bud right away and suggesting you cook for yourselves since he insists on sabotaging your meals. That way he can see what it’s like to cook every day rather than taking it in turns.
The alternative is you negotiate with him and get him to take on a chore you don’t like in exchange. For example, you do all the cooking if he washes up every night.
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A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (31 January 2021):
 It's either he really likes to cook, but can't or he really doesn't like to cook but he'd rather show you than tell you hoping that you take the hint. Either way, I'd say that a conversation needs to be had here. You need to figure out what's going on. Perhaps he just likes having fun and seeing what the meal ends up tasting like. Perhaps he loathes being in the kitchen but finds it hard to tell you that since you're already fighting over cooking in the first place. I think that it's smart to take a step back and ask him what the issue is. No arguments, no losing your temper, just ask him. Why? Because the problem may be better solved that way. You say that you don't want to be the one cooking all of the meals, but did you ask him if he even likes to cook? Or would you just prefer if he lightened the load without knowing whether or not he even likes doing the cooking. There may even be ways to compromise depending on what he says during your conversation. Perhaps on the nights that he is scheduled to cook, he could order some healthy meals or maybe you could cook and he could do the washing up and cleaning of the kitchen after or some other house chore that perhaps you don't like doing but he doesn't mind doing... I don't think that this is being approached the right way. Maybe having things be more balanced doesn't mean cutting every task right down the middle in that 50/50 style but rather finding other ways to compromise. Either way, the two of you need to have a conversation about this.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (30 January 2021):
 Take a cooking class WITH him.
That way you can BOTH learn to be better cooks.
OR if you can afford it, try those meal kits. They come with everything you need (including directions) maybe he won't mess those up?
How to avoid drama in the kitchen? Like WiseOwlE suggested, you cook for YOU, he cooks for him. You can do some meal prep and cook a double batch so you don't have to cook EVERY day, just heat up leftovers.
Part from this immature cooking drama how is your relationship?
I RARELY ever follow a recipe 100% (unless I bake) because I have 30+ years experience cooking. I know what flavors work and I know when a recipe is too bland for my (and my family's) taste. It's OK to experiment with cooking. With spices and flavors. It doesn't ALWAYS work out, true but you learn as you go. you got to be a little adventurous with food. UNLESS.... he is doing it on purpose...
Do you think he perhaps is sabotaging the meals (his and yours) to avoid cooking all together? Maybe he thinks that by cooking shitty meals you will tell him to get out of the kitchen and you will take over?
Or has he had the Covid and lost his sense of taste and smell? Because apparently that CAN be a side effect.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2021): Sometimes you have to be honest with people and tell them exactly what it is pitting you against each-other. Tell him that you don't like his cooking; because he doesn't follow a recipe and often the final results are inedible.
The man can't cook, so why on earth are you forcing him to???
This is my guess. He really doesn't like to cook. If he has to do it, he'll throw something together...take-it or leave-it!!! If he won't let you teach him how to cook, because he prefers to be a knuckleheaded know-it-all; then let him eat it himself. Go cook something else, and stop nagging. He's a grown-man, and the point he's making is that he won't let you tell him what to do, and pride won't allow him to take constructive criticism. He's a dummy!
He destroys your meal when you cook, because he's the kind of person who has a vindictive mean-streak; and he'll get back at you for criticizing or standing-up to him. That's a little issue you better look at as a character-flaw and red-flag. I'm sure his cooking isn't the only problem here.
The remedy to this is to cook for yourself. If he's around, keep an eye on him while you prepare your meal. Let him eat what he cooks, and you eat what you cook; until you both can grow-up, compromise, and make peace.
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