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30 December 2012: “How do you know someone is right for you”? If most of us knew how to answer this question, you would tend to think there would be less questions posted to this site. Answering this question successfully does depend on a large degree of self-a...
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Three years together, but last few months he's been depressed and pushing me away. How can I help?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for three years we had a great relationship but the last four months hes been really withdrawn and not speaking to me . i have since found out he had debt of five grand that he's kept secret from me and his ...
A. 25 January 2013: Pushing away the people that they care about is one of the first things that depressed people often do. In their own eyes they are simply not worthy of how the other person feels about them, the love and affection they have earned and therefore part ... (read in full...)
My fiance admitted that he was sexually assaulted as a child. He has been with a man twice. Can I trust him?
Q. i have been dating a man for 9 months now and became engaged a month ago, i found out he has been with a man once or twice and was currently talking sex stuff to multiple people women and men. i adressed him with this and he said he has stopped. i ...
A. 23 January 2013: It's worth saving. Context matters. The reasons people do things matter. I am not defending everything he has done BUT the mitigating circumstances to my mind make him worthy of a second chance. Also, significantly, you have the passwords to his ... (read in full...)
Is he sticking around for sex or he genuinely likes me?
Q. Met this guy online. First date was at his house, and yes ended up making out in his bed but no sex. Second time i was drunk and lonely. He texted and ask if i want to go over to "cuddle". again i agreed, and i ended up at his house. No sex as ...
A. 22 January 2013: Hmmmm your problem is you have turned him down twice, therefore not surprising he is at the very least probably perplexed by your sudden keenness. A quiet few days could mean actually preparing for the trip though if it is a business or it could ... (read in full...)
What is the difference between gut feelings and anxiety regarding cheating in a relationship?
Q. Dear all, Can anyone please give advice from experience about the difference between gut feelings and anxiety regarding cheating in a relationship? I've been with my BF for over a year now and I've had a bad feeling about his female work co...
A. 21 January 2013: Got to go with So.....I think the reason you dont want to do this is you also know where its headed, to the end of your relationship, but I think its better for you if this ends with your head held high, having confronted him than if this drags on ... (read in full...)
Is he sticking around for sex or he genuinely likes me?
Q. Met this guy online. First date was at his house, and yes ended up making out in his bed but no sex. Second time i was drunk and lonely. He texted and ask if i want to go over to "cuddle". again i agreed, and i ended up at his house. No sex as ...
A. 21 January 2013: @neized, Same difference id say :). @Daisy_Daisy makes a valid point. The two times he has asked you out for a genuine date, you have turned him down, yet when it was at his house you said yes! You cant have your cake and eat it here I am afraid... (read in full...)
Is it creepy to have a relationship with him when he posted online for causal sex?
Q. Met a guy on a dating site, we totally clicked and I really really like him and he feels the same about me. We have so much in common too. Seems great right, but I recently found that he or someone that looks amazing like him, posted pics and ...
A. 21 January 2013: Iam asks a valid question. It seems odd that youd randomly find him on such a site unless you were looking there yourself which I can only assume you were. It seems one of the things you have in common is the websites you visit.
Serio... (read in full...)
What is the difference between gut feelings and anxiety regarding cheating in a relationship?
Q. Dear all, Can anyone please give advice from experience about the difference between gut feelings and anxiety regarding cheating in a relationship? I've been with my BF for over a year now and I've had a bad feeling about his female work co...
A. 20 January 2013: I would go with your gut purely because it is instinctive feeling with a totally rationally grounding. I would say that even if physical cheating hasn't happened (which is possible) then your boyfriend is having an emotional affair with his now ex ... (read in full...)
How can I tell my boyfriend that he doesn't need to bring up his children in every conversation?
Q. I am a horrible person that has hurt ny boyfriend in the past. I have changed however and he can see that. He has kids to another girl that he only gets to.see every known and then. i feel like he still loves this girl no matter how much he tells me ...
A. 20 January 2013: On this one, I have to largely agree with Jannipeg. It sounds to me like you have self-esteem issues (though I am not ruling out the possibility you did do something that was worthy of losing your boyfriends trust). Whether that is/was the catalyst ... (read in full...)
Why can't I keep a friendship going? When I get closer the friendship falls apart.
Q. I seem to have trouble keeping friendships. In the past year alone i have lost two close friends whom i did consider to be bestfriends. I feel like the longer i spend time with a person the farther we drift. I have friends who are not so c...
A. 20 January 2013: You need to put a bit more detail on this one to get a decent answer. What happened with the two ex-friends you mention? I do think you have some self-esteem issues, from the tone of this post ie, you ask is there something wrong with me? You also ... (read in full...)
Is he sticking around for sex or he genuinely likes me?
Q. Met this guy online. First date was at his house, and yes ended up making out in his bed but no sex. Second time i was drunk and lonely. He texted and ask if i want to go over to "cuddle". again i agreed, and i ended up at his house. No sex as ...
A. 20 January 2013: Hang on, you've met him, made out, but not had sex but still think he could be using you for sex? Can you see the slight logical problem with your position here? On both occasions he could have pushed further, for full sex, and got what he wanted ... (read in full...)
Should I be jealous of his female friend on facebook?
Q. Just so I'm clear, my boyfriend is 19 and I'm 16. So my boyfriend and I recently had problems in our relationship because he felt we were losing our love for each other and we are still trying to get back to the way it was but now I'm having a...
A. 19 January 2013: Oh I don't know about this you know. I'm not sure I entirely agree with the other two replies. I agree he shouldn't make you feel bad for feeling a certain way and should attempt to understand you *but* I am not convinced you should be jealous. Why ... (read in full...)
They stop caring after a short time. I think that I DESERVE romance! Is it too much to ask?
Q. I'll start by saying this: I've never been overly obsessed with romance, like I've never chased it, if it happens then it happens. I'm 19 and I've never had anything romantic, I've never even been on a proper date, the guys I go for get comforta...
A. 13 January 2013: Errrr right, it seems to me like your attracted to selfish jerks. I don't think its unreasonable to expect romance from your partner, it's not unreasonable to expect hugs and affection from your partner and a bit of consideration for yourself. ... (read in full...)
I feel uncomfortable about our little argument.Was I wrong, or was he, or were we both wrong in some way?
Q. I need help, I might as well explain the whole story... Okay on Friday night me and my bf were texting quite late and he didn’t reply for a while so I said 'g2g night love you xxxx' and he still didn’t reply so I guessed he fell asleep which is ...
A. 13 January 2013: Oh dear. Two people who just have to be right are always going to make for a sparky mix. On the plus side, I can understand that being part of the attraction. It is a small thing, your right it is small. Your missing a point here. Context determines ... (read in full...)
Stepping over the friendship zone into dating. Is it worth the risk?
Q. A very good friend of mine has recently told me he likes me as more than a friend and I think I have feelings for him too but am unsure. We've been very close for a few years, see eachother a couple of times a week, but have never ever overstepped ...
A. 9 January 2013: There is another way you can look at this, namely you can ask yourself this question, is anything that isnt risky, that comes easy, with virtually no outcome, worth the eventual outcome? Id tend to suggest the answer is almost universally no. Id ... (read in full...)
Should I leave my BF of 6 years for someone I've known for 2 months?
Q. Hi all, My boyfriend of 6 years recently asked if it's ok if his sister could stay with us for a few weeks until she finds a place in the city.. His sister is a model, she's a gorgeous woman and is currently working with the top fashion companie...
A. 8 January 2013: Yes you should think about this. At the moment the odds are strongly stacked in favour of this being a heavy dose of lust as opposed to love and although you and K have a connection it is an as yet untested one. You and your BF however have a t... (read in full...)
How much porn use is too much?
Q. How much porn use is too much? I am a 19 year old virgin and am single. I have only one ex where I did not use any porn for most of the relationship until the end when we broke up over distance issues (college). It's been about 5 months since our...
A. 8 January 2013: I think this is a good thing and well done. In response to your question I think breaking the addiction is the first step - the next step is dealing with the underlying self-esteem, confidence issues that led to it. This is the tricky part, it ... (read in full...)
I'm worried my feelings may be part of a rebound?
Q. So iv known this girl for about 2 years and she lives not long away from me but last night I spoke to her for hours ( well ...all night... :L ) ... When she laughs I can't help but smile and imagine a gorgeous smile to go with it ... The problem is ...
A. 7 January 2013: The thing with rebounding is that while it sometimes is a bad thing to do (not always, but most times) it is also part of the healing process. Developing feelings for somebody else is part of moving on, at least it can be. So, yes its possible these ... (read in full...)
How do I move forward knowing he has feelings for a close friend ?
Q. I have recently entered into a relationship been dating a few months and just had the couple talk a few days ago . Already having a few problems . When we were dating I kissed another guy when on vacation when it was New Year's Eve . When asked I ...
A. 7 January 2013: You're supposed to be in the honeymoon phase and even before that kicked off you kissed another guy. I think you need to reassess your own feelings about this relationship, whether it really is the right one for you. Your post is a bit confusing ... (read in full...)
Me and my FWB were both in committed relationships but I think I love him. Why has he distanced himself from me?
Q. Hi. I was involved in FWB relationship for a year, it's someone that used to always be there for me, we enjoyed each others company and only started sleeping together after 9 months. I feel so much for him but we are both in relationships where I'...
A. 5 January 2013: This is exactly the problem with these kind of relationships. Ignorning the fact that your both not single, which makes the ethical dimension very shaky to say the least, the end result is usually one or both parties start feeling something more. I ... (read in full...)
He's using emotional blackmail to resist the breakup
Q. I am in a very confused state of mind right now. I have a boyfriend from 4 months. I recently discovered that he was a great flirt before we came in contact.He claims that he is "changed" now and won't leave me or betray me. He also spoke to his ...
A. 4 January 2013: You have to be strong, walk away. This guy is not good for you. He is using his threats to control you. The chances of him following through are minimal. In regard to the girls, I simply dont believe his story - everything about this post screams to ... (read in full...)
He is nearly perfect, except... I don't desire him sexually!
Q. i met the perfect man while working as a barlady about 4 years ago. i already had a son and he accepted him as his own even before meeting him! after a few month i fell pregnant with his daughter and then everything started going wrong... not with ...
A. 3 January 2013: Well you obviously desired him sexually at some point - you had his child. I think in focusing on the sex, trying to improve your libido, etc your missing the point, the point is the water under the bridge, the issues that arose during your period ... (read in full...)
Do I give my ex a new chance or decide that it's a new year, time for new experiences?
Q. Very brief. I was with my ex for a year and 3 months (on top of that 6months seeing eachother) so lets say nearly two years. We have been split for a year and three months. He was and is my first love, he saved me from a very bad phrase in my lif...
A. 1 January 2013: I am going to go right ahead and say yes to this one. You had issues in your relationship before but they are not ones that cannot be resolved with a bit of communication and hard work. Nobody cheated, nobody broke bonds of trust, it just seems to ... (read in full...)
How much porn use is too much?
Q. How much porn use is too much? I am a 19 year old virgin and am single. I have only one ex where I did not use any porn for most of the relationship until the end when we broke up over distance issues (college). It's been about 5 months since our...
A. 1 January 2013: In your case id probably say yes because its clearly becoming an emotional crutch and therefore your in clear danger of eventually becoming an addict. Its becoming a substitute for and device to delay dealing with the real issues you have with ... (read in full...)
How do I stop being so needy?
Q. I have been broken up with my ex of 7 and a half years for four months. I had been thinking about it for a few months before - we barely had sex anymore and he was a bit controlling I now realise. I started seeing someone about one month after ...
A. 1 January 2013: Your probably not going to like this but hey-ho. Although your ex no doubt played a big role in getting you used to being controlled etc but you probably had a predisposition to that in any case, most likely because you have low self-esteem. The ... (read in full...)
Why can't my ex accept that we're not going to be together anymore?
Q. This guy that I have been knowing for many many many years, we use to see each other. He was a great person when I first met him then when we started going out he took me on ride that I wished I had never got on. This beast was nothing but a woman ...
A. 31 December 2012: It sounds to me like your ex is a very controlling person. Given the fact that you have unnecessarily told him about your new partner, in his warped mind, he still has some form of control over you. Therefore, he naturally assumes, not totally ... (read in full...)
How long to get over a break up?
Q. He was the third bf. My first ex was my first love - we were together 2 years and I got over him in one year, the second I got over in one month. But this one, we were together just around one year but I can't get over him at all. I was strongly i...
A. 31 December 2012: How long is a piece of string? Seriously? The answer of course is as long as you want it to be. Pinkbunni3x does have a point. You do deserve better than this guy because his words and actions simply dont sync and maybe that is what you cant get ... (read in full...)
How can I get my friend to accept that I don't have any romantic interest in him?
Q. I've been friends with this guy for about a year, and for a lot of that time he's had a crush on me. We are both 20, and in college. We are good enough friends that the crush is "out in the open" and we have discussed it without too much ...
A. 31 December 2012: The answer to this in some regaerds depends on how desperate you are to keep the friendship alive. If you feel you can afford to lose it then So Very's answer is the right one. However, if you really want to keep it then this is not the way ago.
... (read in full...)
I seen photos of b/f with girls in his hotel room. Did he cheat on me?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for nearly two years now. we both went out on a night out with our mates and i ended up going into the place he was and seen him with girls i have never seen before. He went on a lads holiday to zante last year and i ...
A. 30 December 2012: Right I have to say here having girls in your hotel room and/or going out with them is a long, long way from sexual intercourse. I am a great believer in going on what you have, you know the facts. All you know for sure is that he had girls in his ... (read in full...)
I feel like a failure for still being in the family home
Q. I am 27 and still living with my parents. I moved back after uni and stayed longer while me and my boyfriend were saving up to buy a place of our own, which was fine with me and them, but my boyfriend and I have just split up and now I don't know ...
A. 30 December 2012: I think your being too hard on yourself. The economic climate means more and more people are in the same boat as yourself. Changes to Housing Benefit especially are making it highly unappealing and impossible to move out early. The bottom line here ... (read in full...)
He's been a friend for a long time but his new Gf is now his sole focus. Do these "obessive" type of relationships tend to last?
Q. Most people say relationships calm down after a few months, people stop being clingy, they calm down and care about other things in life other than their girlfriends and boyfriends. Is this true? I suppose I have a different opinon to lots o...
A. 30 December 2012: The short answer is its very, very unlikely this will 'calm down', what is more likely to happen is that in the medium to long term the relationship will eventually end. Your friend sounds like a nice guy and his girlfriend sounds like somebody who ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my friend that a guy tried to kiss his fiancee in a nightclub?
Q. I was in a nightclub the other night when a guy i know tried to kiss my friends fiancee. She moved her face so that he kissed her on the cheek rather than the lips he was aiming for. They then just continued to chat. I am now in a dilemma as to wh...
A. 28 December 2012: you're right, she didnt, she did exactly the right thing. Had she started snogging him and humping him on the dance floor I might give a different answer to this but for this one the answer is no dont, there is nothing to tell, and if you do tell ... (read in full...)
How do you know if someone is right for you?
Q. When you've found the one if there is such a thing, do you question it? or little things about them that just don't seem like an ideal fit with you. I was in love a long time ago. crazy, stupid, love. I just adored him. (I'm over him now, and don...
A. 28 December 2012: This is the $64,000 question and I think most of us would love to know the precise answer to this one. I dont think there is a precise answer to this one on one level. For me its all about the mix, the blend, the chemistry, call it what you will... (read in full...)
I love my friend but she doesn't know how to break up with her boyfriend. What do I do?
Q. Hi everyone, this is Jake, I am 17 years old (¡18 coming early 2013!).I practise football and music is my life. I'm new member and I registered in this page for talk with other people and try to help them. But right now, I write for telling you as I...
A. 28 December 2012: Heya Jake,
I am glad to be of help. I think its natural that you miss her because your relationship is evolving and changing but as you say try and have fun and go with the flow.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year too you too :)... (read in full...)
Boyfriend is getting paranoid and insecure since our relationship became long distance. What can I do?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for six years since high school. We went to the same uni, however I'm a med student so I'm doing my placement near my uni (Cambridge), my boyfriend has graduated already and he's back in London, we're finding it difficult ...
A. 26 December 2012: Your welcome :) if thats how your feeling then maybe it is. Your starting a whole new life, sometimes when things like this happen relationships die a natural death, sadly. Have your feelings for him changed as well?... (read in full...)
Shall I trust him or not? My friends say he only sees girls for a short time and then dumps them. I don't want to be hurt.
Q. Just recently, one of my friends invited this guy to a movie with me and a couple of friends. He seemed really nice, and we'd been texting each other quite a bit. He then randomly told me he liked me, just completly out of the blue. I have to sa...
A. 26 December 2012: Be careful. Dont let your desperation be a guide because it will be a poor one and lead you up blind alleys. When it comes to the opinions of others also be cautious because everybody has their own agenda - the question is whether that agenda is the ... (read in full...)
How do I move on from the heartbreak?
Q. So, it's been a year since my ex dumped me after calling me the one and only for her and I still can't sleep and don't know why. I want to move on with my life but i just seem to get trapped in the thought that I can't trust a girl that is single ...
A. 26 December 2012: You can't put a clock on these things nor can you try and impose one on yourself. Some people will heal after a bad break-up in 3 months, some still wont be right after 3 years, so rather than getting frustrated with yourself over the time its ... (read in full...)
I love my friend but she doesn't know how to break up with her boyfriend. What do I do?
Q. Hi everyone, this is Jake, I am 17 years old (¡18 coming early 2013!).I practise football and music is my life. I'm new member and I registered in this page for talk with other people and try to help them. But right now, I write for telling you as I...
A. 26 December 2012: You said "Sarah answered me that she felt something for me, but was unable to find the way to break with her actual boyfriend." Now on first reading this intimates that she feels something for you that she thinks there may be something between you ... (read in full...)
Why is my Bf so protective about his phone, hardly talks about his family, and is very guarded about his life? Yet does seem to care about me,
Q. Okay so my boyfriend and I have been together for about 3 months now but only really official I guess for a month. I'm just trying to decide if things are going anywhere with this relationship. He is very weird about his phone and refuses to leave...
A. 26 December 2012: Hmmmmm I tend to think that something doesnt sound right is the natural conclusion. However, be aware as CMMP kind of intimates there are other explanations for his behaviour other than sneakiness and/or cheating. He could just be a private pers... (read in full...)
Do I let him go? I am now drug free. Trying to get my baby back. But my Bf talks the talk but still does drugs.Will he ever wake up and get drug free?
Q. Here's my issue .I met a man a few months ago and things were great. Shortly there after he became a drug addict, shooting drugs all the time. Selling everything. Stealing. I cared about him so much, but being a former drug addict (I quit 5 months...
A. 25 December 2012: Words are easy, actions are harder and as you say he talks the talk but doesnt walk the walk. Words lie, actions lie less. I think this is one of those ones you already know the answer too but simply dont want accept it, thus your seeking ... (read in full...)
Is it alright that I stopped her ex from telling me these things?
Q. Dear whoever reads this, I have a girlfriend, we've been dating for 1.5 years and we're planning to get serious. Not long ago she invited me to her friends' place to hang over. It was the first time I got to know them, she kept the distance bet...
A. 23 December 2012: On balance, id probably say its right. You have to trust your partner and besides what is in the past is in the past, I really dont see much point raking over her past relationships, it can only cause problems and a slight loss of perspective on ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend is getting paranoid and insecure since our relationship became long distance. What can I do?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for six years since high school. We went to the same uni, however I'm a med student so I'm doing my placement near my uni (Cambridge), my boyfriend has graduated already and he's back in London, we're finding it difficult ...
A. 23 December 2012: Well I think you have obviously been together a long time, we can therefore safely presume that your relationship has been a constant throughout that period and now that constant has been disrupted by quite a sudden and dramatic change. Its not ... (read in full...)
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