A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So, it's been a year since my ex dumped me after calling me the one and only for her and I still can't sleep and don't know why. I want to move on with my life but i just seem to get trapped in the thought that I can't trust a girl that is single because all she is going to do is mess with me then run away if i make the slightest mistake and say something wrong. Some background on the break up. She dumped me after I got out of the hospital almost about to die, on my birthday, after I told her I loved her, and over email. But some how some way I still think about her and why I did not put a ring on her finger, what the hell is wrong with me? And she cheated on me with another guy, cheating meaning she kissed someone else. How do I move on from this, its been long enough and i'm sick and tired of all of this heart ache.
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cheated on me, move on, my ex, trapped Reply to this Question
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male
reader, GoodGuyLast +, writes (26 December 2012):
I'm in exactly the same boat. 7 months ago, my 7 year relationship was torn apart. Its so hard to move on. The only thing I can say is that you can't force anyone to love you, believe me I have tried. Keep active. Take a big box and put ALL reminders of her into it - photos, letters, teddy bears, anything that will trigger a memory and put in up into the attic, well out of sight. Hopefully over time, memories will fade and you'll find someone who will appreciate you and love you. Because HONESTLY do you really want to be with a person who would leave you when you are in Hospital and on your birthday? You deserve better than that. Very best of luck.
A
male
reader, Darrell Goodliffe  +, writes (26 December 2012):
 You can't put a clock on these things nor can you try and impose one on yourself. Some people will heal after a bad break-up in 3 months, some still wont be right after 3 years, so rather than getting frustrated with yourself over the time its taking you need to cut yourself some slack and deal with the actual underlying issues.
What happened here, from what you have told us, is that you got attached to someone who is actually phobic of commitment. Id guess this is why she dumped you and to be utterly honest, she probably realises this herself and probably thought she was sparing you heartache in the long run. She'd already kissed someone else which suggests to me she was in the traps and running and you telling her that you loved her was just too much. She obviously wasnt ready for the kind of commitment you were so if you think putting a ring on her finger would have changed the outcome you are very, very mistaken indeed, she'd either have accepted and cheated anyway or said no and dumped you there and then if she was slightly more honest.
You however dont think this, you think you could have changed something, done something different and it would have all worked out ok. You need to ruthlessly kill that notion because not only is it not true its what is stopping you moving on, the feeling that paradoxically you are to blame. Since she dumped you (when really you probably should have dumped her) its natural you feel this way but it isnt helping (its revealing, for example, you ask "what the hell is wrong with me"?).
Nothing is wrong with you. The issues were all her side of the fence. This relationship wasnt right for either of you, it didnt come at the right time for either of you and she most certainly was not the one (nor were you hers, since if you were she would have been able to overcome her commitment issues with you) - sure you probably did things wrong as well, we all do a million and things right and wrong every day and every way, but if you were meant to be together in any way shape or form they would not have led to this outcome. You want to move on? Well you need to stop blaming and yourself and see this relationship for what it was, a life lesson that you have now hopefully learnt.
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