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A fight, zero contact for 3 weeks. He should apologize, not me. What should I do?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (3 September 2017) 7 Answers - (Newest, 4 September 2017)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I left my BF 3 weeks ago after a fight. There's been zero contact since I left. I haven't contacted him and he hasn't contacted me.

Yes, I'm the one who left, however he was the one who was in the wrong and should apologize.

I'm not sure how to take his silence and I'm not sure what to do at this point.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2017):

He's not going to apologize or put up with your temper tantrum. Your move now.

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A female reader, Anonymous 123 Italy +, writes (4 September 2017):

Anonymous 123 agony auntWhat was the fight about? You say that you left him, does that mean that you broke up? Maybe he doesn't think he was wrong? Maybe he thinks you should make the attempt to contact him if you want to get back since you were the one who walked out? Or maybe he thinks that it's really over for good?

Is this the first time this happened?

Details please!

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (4 September 2017):

chigirl agony auntThe relationship is over, you are broken up. Silence from him is him wanting to move on. Silence from you is you wanting to move on. Doesn't matter at this point who were in the right and who were in the wrong. You are no longer a couple.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (4 September 2017):

CindyCares agony aunt You should take this silence as pretty normal ; YOU left him, signaling that your relationship was over , therefore any need for communication totally optional and quite possibly superfluous and undesirable for either party or both.

No surprises here. Some people try / manage to stay friends after a breakup, which generally just translates into being civil to each other when going out with the same circle of friends, or keeping loosely in contact, not necessarily in keeping regular, frequent, one-on-one contact. And many others take a break up at face value, as meaning : you are out of my life.

Unless you mean that you did not really want to break up, it was only a scare tactic for goading him into apologizing, or having him chase after you . If this is the case, - apparently it did not work. Maybe he does not agree that he is in the wrong; maybe deep down he does agree but he is the stubborn type who won't ever admit it ; or maybe, alas, he is fine with the status quo of being broken up.

I think that , if you are the one who has changed her mind about being broken up , and would want to take what you saud back and resume your relationship, alas it's only up to you to take the initiative and to say so . I am not saying that this is the smartest move, since I do not know the background. Just saying that it's up to the dumper to make the first move for a reconciliation, because very often the dumpee won't be into begging ,pleading and chasing even if he/ she is not totally against the idea of reconnecting.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2017):

I am curious if you are the OP of an earlier post which relays he is a nasty controlling character? If not, There isn't really enough detail here in regard to what the fight was over?

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (4 September 2017):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntWell, it doesn't look like HE is going to phone, so it appears you have two choices: accept it is over or swallow your pride and get in contact (it could STILL be over but at least you will know for sure). If NEITHER of you make a move, then it is definitely over.

Are you both stubborn? Does one of you usually have to do the apologizing after an argument/fight? Is silence his way of "punishing" you? Is your departure YOUR way of "punishing" HIM? If the relationship is not a healthy one, it may be best to leave it here and walk away.

How important to you is it that he acknowledges he was in the wrong and apologizes? Is he likely to do this? If you are going to contact him, you must be clear in your own mind what you need and want, and what will be a deal breaker.

In your shoes, I would be asking myself how much this guy really cares if he hasn't got in contact for 3 weeks. Assuming he is of a similar age to you, you are both adults. Perhaps it is time to act accordingly?

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A male reader, Allumeuse United Kingdom +, writes (4 September 2017):

Honey after three weeks of silence you are broken up. You don't have a boyfriend. He would have apologised by now if he was going to. If you didn't mean to break up then you are going to need to learn to fight with your SO more constructively. Good luck

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