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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Why do I always have to pay? She never offers!
Q. Help! I'm dating this girl I really like for a few months. Problem is I end up paying every time we're out and she never, ever offers to pay. I've talked to her about this but she says I'm the first guy she's dated who complained. I really like her ...
A. 1 January 2014: You are correct OP you have three choices..
let her continue to have her unrealistic and freeloading ways
I have to admit that growing up I was taught "boys" paid" and I always went with that belief but I see now if women are working an... (read in full...)
Boyfriend will not take down sports illustrated calendar that his mom bought him!
Q. This question is really weighing me down. This Christmas, my boyfriend of about a years mother bought him a sports illustrated swimsuit calendar. Now, before you roll your eyes and dub me insecure, know that my irritation and issue with this has ...
A. 31 December 2013: It's HIS ROOM in his MOTHER'S HOME.
I think you are being unreasonable.
It's a SWIMSUIT calendar for god's sake.
It's NOT your room. It's HIS room. You have the right to refuse to stay in his room while the calendar is up but NOT to as... (read in full...)
I want a baby but can't get my husband on board!
Q. Hi I've been married to a wonderful man for 2 years (hes 25)but I can't get him on board to have a baby. I have always wanted to have my first before 30 and im 29 in a month. When I ask he says he wants children but that hes not ready yet. When I ...
A. 31 December 2013: It's true waiting to have children till its' all perfect is a bad plan
On the other hand a 4 year age difference is NOT a gap worth mentioning.
and yes if he's to be the primary caretaker and you can't afford a nanny or daycare, then h... (read in full...)
He doesn't mention me on facebook so I don't feel special to him.
Q. So I don't know if I'm being paranoid or what. But i have been dating my boyfriend for a year. We both have a Facebook and there's something really bothering me. He doesn't mention me or anything about me on there. It bothers me because all the ...
A. 31 December 2013: I agree with Cerberus... FACEBOOK is not the issue.
the keeping you from family and friends is a concern.... (read in full...)
I have never had a "G-spot" orgasm.
Q. Please excuse the graphic details!! I have never had a "G-spot" orgasm. Only ever clitoral orgasms. My boyfriend of two years says he really wants me to have one. I think he misses it and feels he can't satisfy me sexually. But I can only really ...
A. 31 December 2013: I think this whole G-SPOT orgasm idea is a boatload of crap.
all the g-spot is doing is rubbing your clit internally.
it's like giving a guy a prostate massage via his anus.
... (read in full...)
While he is planning our future, I am just not feeling 'it'!
Q. Hey all, just hoping for some advice. I've been meeting a guy for about 6 weeks. At first, we met up and I didn't feel it but we agreed to be friends. However, I knew he kind of would have liked more, but he said he was happy as friends was better ...
A. 31 December 2013: NOPE you would know what IT was if you felt it.
his amount of contact bugs you for a reason.. it's not a good fit...
6 weeks of plentiful contact is enough time to know.
... (read in full...)
Performance anxiety help?
Q. I've been with my girlfriend for sometime and I do love her, but now that we've gotten to the point in our relationship where we make love, I've gotten performance anxiety. I wasn't able to get it up 100% and I figured the condom was too tight on ...
A. 31 December 2013: nope valium is not the answer.
step one.. MAGNUM XL condoms... bigger and better.. must wear a condom. until you both have blood work at the start and again at 6 months together that are clear and you are sure you are both monogamous then con... (read in full...)
I have strong feelings for a colleague who is straight! Where do I go from here?
Q. I'm a girl who likes girls. I work in a conservative environment, but I have very strong feelings for a female colleague who is very straight and it's been more than half a year already. I've tried to give up as there's not much I can do, but every ...
A. 31 December 2013: Don't do it.
several reasons.
1. dating co-workers is not a good idea
2. attempting to entice a straight person when you are gay feeds into the BIGGEST fears that anti-homosexuals have... that gays are trying to turn all the straights their ... (read in full...)
I have never climaxed during intercourse and it might ruin this relationship
Q. I haven't used Dear Cupid for a while - I guess I only come here when I need advice the most; when I've thought so hard about relationship issues but can't seem to come to any decision or conclusion. I need help; I just need some truthful answers. ...
A. 31 December 2013: Not sure what you mean OP... for me INTERCOURSE just is... it's not the part of sex I like... it's what i "put up with" to get the other stuff so to speak.
if you mean that you have to leave your body mentally to endure this act, then that's ... (read in full...)
Why do I always have to pay? She never offers!
Q. Help! I'm dating this girl I really like for a few months. Problem is I end up paying every time we're out and she never, ever offers to pay. I've talked to her about this but she says I'm the first guy she's dated who complained. I really like her ...
A. 31 December 2013: pay her rent? WTF?
umm is she not an adult?
sounds to me like emotionally, mentally and financially she is high maintenance and possibly not worth it.
Other than grief and worry what are you getting out of the relationship?... (read in full...)
Is my ex a player?
Q. three weeks ago I moved out of my partner's home after being together for 3 years with my son. My reasons being that our relationship had become physically abusive and cold where i felt i couldn't trust myself any longer to be sane around him as we ...
A. 31 December 2013: He may be a player.. but what your follow up says is you need boundaries.
WHAT HE WANTS is not the issue OP... the key is WHAT DO YOU WANT... YOU sent the boundaries for YOU.. not to please him.
If He does not agree with your boundaries he ha... (read in full...)
Boyfriend spends no time with me!
Q. Hi there iv bin seeing this boy for bout 3wks know and he has said we are girlfriend n boyfriend but every time I ask him to spend time with me he says yes then when it come to it he doesn't answer any off my phone calls or text! He said he needs ...
A. 31 December 2013: walk away... stop calling him.
when he calls you and wants money or sex just say NO
it's a NON-relationship.... (read in full...)
I think my marriage is ending and I don't know how to stop it!
Q. I suppose I'm really asking for people opinions here..... I have been married to my husband for 13 years and married for 3 of them. There is a 13 year age gap between us, I am 30 he is 43. Our sex life has always been ok, but over the past year it...
A. 31 December 2013: I'm 53 to my hubby's 40 and my drive is insane and his is pretty non-existent. He loves me and loves to cuddle but sex... well lately it's getting better at maybe once a month...
THIS is not about YOU or your sexiness or desirability... (read in full...)
My husband's sexual fetish frightens me
Q. Recently me and my husband had a romantic night in together, the night went well, it was on the day after Boxing Day. We had a lovely dinner and a romantic day in; the dinner was candlelit and my husband cooked it, not me! We were discussing each ...
A. 31 December 2013: He has a Paraphilia
http://www.psychologistanywhereanytime.com/sexual_problems_pyschologist/psychologist_paraphilias_list.htm
perhaps you two could ROLE play the desire vs actually doing it?... (read in full...)
More time apart than we've been together
Q. I've been going out with this girl for two weeks. We get along great and we really enjoy being with each other. I've been sleeping in her department the past few days but we haven't had sex yet because she "didn't feel completely sure yet", in her ...
A. 31 December 2013: So stay friends, keep in touch, do not have sex and wait and see how it goes when she gets back...
YOU LIKE HER... two months apart is NOTHING... but don't be serious at this point.. wait till she gets back.
short term LDR (2 months is NOT... (read in full...)
I want a baby but can't get my husband on board!
Q. Hi I've been married to a wonderful man for 2 years (hes 25)but I can't get him on board to have a baby. I have always wanted to have my first before 30 and im 29 in a month. When I ask he says he wants children but that hes not ready yet. When I ...
A. 31 December 2013:
If he knew you wanted to be pregnant before 30 and now he's declining this activity, then he was dis-ingenous (he LIED TO YOU) before you married in order to catch you.
YOU are the primary bread winner due to his illness....
will he be the ... (read in full...)
Should I give up now or wait and hope?
Q. Hi everyone, I'm hoping someone can give me some guidance with a problem I have. I have been seeing my partner for a year now and I'd say it's a beautiful relationship. We get along fine and don't have any problems. We have little rows now and the...
A. 31 December 2013: Wow if he said that to me I'd say "go have a nice time, don't worry about me, I'll be fine but I think we need to not be committed for those 6 months"
that way you can date and be free to meet new folks and he can be free to do whatever it is he... (read in full...)
Why do they have to ask extensive questions when testing for STDs at the clinic?
Q. Why do they have to ask extensive questions when testing for STDs at the clinic? I believe this is what puts people off going, the only question they should ask is how long since you last had unprotected sex. I also believe they should only ques...
A. 30 December 2013: I would think that questions should include
tatts (dirty needles)
drug use (again dirty needles)
sexual preference (gay men and bisexual men have different issues than straight men and lesbians have different issues than straight women i... (read in full...)
Why do I always have to pay? She never offers!
Q. Help! I'm dating this girl I really like for a few months. Problem is I end up paying every time we're out and she never, ever offers to pay. I've talked to her about this but she says I'm the first guy she's dated who complained. I really like her ...
A. 30 December 2013: If you have said something to her and she blew you off (she did) then I agree... but instead of stopping cold turkey with no warning..
I would take her out nicely one more time and say to her
"I really like you and want to keep seeing you but I... (read in full...)
Why do they have to ask extensive questions when testing for STDs at the clinic?
Q. Why do they have to ask extensive questions when testing for STDs at the clinic? I believe this is what puts people off going, the only question they should ask is how long since you last had unprotected sex. I also believe they should only ques...
A. 30 December 2013: I do not. Part and parcel of GOOD health care is being totally open and honest with your health care providers.
they are not there to judge you but rather to help and protect you... they've been doing it a lot longer than you have and I am... (read in full...)
I have never climaxed during intercourse and it might ruin this relationship
Q. I haven't used Dear Cupid for a while - I guess I only come here when I need advice the most; when I've thought so hard about relationship issues but can't seem to come to any decision or conclusion. I need help; I just need some truthful answers. ...
A. 30 December 2013: I have in 40 years of having sex with more partners than I care to mention had ONE partner who was able to bring me to orgasm regularly via oral sex.
the rest.. it just never happened.
In my entire life I have had ONE count them ONE orgasm ... (read in full...)
Who should I choose?? my boyfriend or my mom
Q. Hii guys, i am a freshman in college. My mom found out that I was dating my friend for 4 months already. She got super pissed, and and she forced me to break up with him. She also forced me to promise her to never date him or be with him ever again. ...
A. 30 December 2013: You are 22-25 and your mom is what about 40-45? and she "made you pinky swear"
I kind of wonder if the age is right...
you are LDR and dating for four months.. have you met in real life?
you had a crush on him for three years...
... (read in full...)
Finally reaching my breaking point in my relationship
Q. Hey everyone, I have reached my breaking point in my relationship. My boyfriend and I have been together almost a year in February. Here lately we have been fighting non stop! Today we have fought since last night! I am so tired of fighting but I ...
A. 30 December 2013: you are fighting all the time,
you are bored
he's always on the phone
his mother dislikes you (or you perceive that she does)
he issues ultimatums (you can't see my friends till you make nice with my mommy) and treats you like a child
Yo... (read in full...)
I said and then she said ..... so whose opinion matters?
Q. Hi, Basically me and my GF had a big arguement over something really pathetic. However I believe her comments towards myself were personal and hating. The arguement was over the tiny statement that I made regarding " I would never include reciepts ...
A. 30 December 2013: I agree with Cindy.
Calling names was not nice but she was frustrated at your stance which was totally inflexible, anti-social in belief and just IMO plain wrong.
I may not include the receipt.. but a gift tag for returns is STANDARD practice... (read in full...)
How do I convince my girlfriend to have an abortion?
Q. Hello All, Need your help urgently on a matter. I am 28 and my gf is 31 and we have a relationship of 3 years that is not approved by either her family or mine as we have different religions. All through 2013 we have been having problems ...
A. 30 December 2013: 5this is going to get this question closed but to the last poster (anonymous male)
he has voiced his opinion and she said NO.... what else would you suggest he do?
men who do not wish to be parents can wear CONDOMS
she took the mornin... (read in full...)
My girlfriend's previous lovers made her come but I can't seem to
Q. Hello Aunts! I am a 20 year old male who has been with my girlfriend for over a year now. She is the only woman I have ever been intimate with. My problem is that I cannot make her orgasm except by rubbing her clit and she is getting very...
A. 30 December 2013: The problem is not you. The problem is your GF's expectations.
Sheesh she's having orgasms from manual stimulation (HOW NORMAL OF HER) and it can take up to 20 minutes (how normal of her) and she's not happy.
She could be like a friend of ... (read in full...)
Overwhelmed with grief at relationship breakup. Should I move out now? Or wait until I move shortly to another country?
Q. Hello everyone, Thank you for reading this, all advice is really appreciated! I will reply in the best way I can. My (ex)girlfriend was pregnant and we had a baby together. This was a total shock and we decided to stay together even thoug...
A. 30 December 2013: If you have a place to go without incurring more bills for the next few weeks I would go. IF you have nowhere else to go then it's just for a few weeks and I'd stick it out.
Part of being an adult with a child is being able to get along with the... (read in full...)
How do I convince my girlfriend to have an abortion?
Q. Hello All, Need your help urgently on a matter. I am 28 and my gf is 31 and we have a relationship of 3 years that is not approved by either her family or mine as we have different religions. All through 2013 we have been having problems ...
A. 30 December 2013: Well how can she convince you to be castrated so this does not occur again?
She can't can she? RIGHT... and YOU cannot CONVINCE her or FORCE her to have an abortion.
You have a few choices.
Man up and marry her now. You already said y... (read in full...)
I am too attatched and clingy!
Q. I have a problem and I'm really hoping someone else has gone through this and can help me. I feel as if I'm too attached and clingy to my boyfriend. Not to like an obsessive point, but more like I'm with him as much as I can be, I drop everything ...
A. 30 December 2013: Being aware of your problem is the first step in fixing it.
Some counseling does sound like a great idea. I'm a huge fan of counseling for pretty much everyone. It does not mean you are crazy.
Set some boundaries. For example if he calls... (read in full...)
Is it ok to have an affair when your single?
Q. Is it OK to have an affair with someone when I am single? I don't know the girls boyfriend but I know they have been together for over 3 years. She has been really coming on to me recently and I know something could happen if I initiate it. ...
A. 30 December 2013: It's ok for you in terms of your not being a cheater.
But put yourself in the boyfriend's position... if you were with a girl who did this to you how would you feel?
IN addition, IF you really like this girl or start really liking her, a... (read in full...)
Why is it more acceptable for women to use sex toys than it is for men?
Q. just a tought. why is it totally acceptable for girls the use of vibrators / stimulators and when it comes to males, the use of them makes you be seen as a perv, weirdo, looser... etc, etc... im in a ldr and we see each other every 3 months. My gf ...
A. 29 December 2013: I have no issue with men having toys... butt plugs, vibrators, fleshlights. Why not?
Your GF has a "lovely" double standard. ... (read in full...)
I would like to be in a relationship with a quality guy ...
Q. I have been single for a long time and I am very excited about being in a relationship. I met a guy that is ten years younger than me. He is very smart (I like that) and very handsome. He has an ok job , but that is fine with me as long as he works. ...
A. 29 December 2013: I don't think he's going to clean up his act the way you want/need.
You've had a few dates... nothing major invested
if you want a man to be proud of on your arm, this is not your man.... (read in full...)
I would like to be in a relationship with a quality guy ...
Q. I have been single for a long time and I am very excited about being in a relationship. I met a guy that is ten years younger than me. He is very smart (I like that) and very handsome. He has an ok job , but that is fine with me as long as he works. ...
A. 29 December 2013: A person can't help what they dream.
I would never actually want to meet the POTUS in a hotel hallway wearing NOTHING but plastic beach shoes but I swear that was my dream.
His dream does not mean he's into threesomes. His lack of filter m... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's boss pulled me on his lap. Was he flirting with me?
Q. So I was at my boyfriend's Christmas party recently and his boss, who is married, grabbed my hips and pulled me onto his lap while my boyfriend and I were standing beside the table he was sitting at (we were saying our goodbyes to everyone at the ...
A. 29 December 2013: It's not common and it's not nice and it's NOT flirting.
It's sexual harassment....
FLIRTING is all about the look, the innuendo, the emotional aspects.
To physically TOUCH you without your permission is assault.
IF a man not my spous... (read in full...)
My b/f doesn't want me to get another tattoo
Q. Hi all, I could do with some advice. I'm 20 this year and in my country, it is legal to get a tattoo at this age. I've been meaning to get another tattoo next year. But my bf does not seem keen on me getting another tattoo. I am not a rash person ...
A. 29 December 2013: I have three tattoos that all mean things to me.
Most folks don't even know I have them as they are all covered under business clothing (thankfully I don't have to cover them for work)
My husband has no tatts. He wants none on him and coul... (read in full...)
Is this a mid life crisis or can men change so quickly?
Q. I had casually been seeing a guy for a year, I wanted a relationship but he didn't as he "doesn't have relationships" and I know this to be true. He had his life and I had mine, we never went out, only saw each other behind closed doors (again his ...
A. 29 December 2013: you have gotten great advice so far
the man is not having a midlife crisis. MEN more so than women will stand by the statements such as "I'm not relationship material" "i only want FWB" "i'm never getting married" UNTIL they meet th... (read in full...)
I would like to know where my boyfriend is during the day, and night, 24/7.
Q. Hi all, I would like to know if its too much for me to ask my bf about his whereabouts. By asking about his whereabouts I mean just asking him his plans for the day and what he'd be doing, not the crazy gf sort of asking every hour. Personally I ...
A. 29 December 2013: Mixed feelings on this one.
when hubby and I were LDR we went days not talking int he beginning... once we got very serious we had a morning check in and a bedtime call...
most days not together were work days. He knew I was getting u... (read in full...)
I have been chatting with a possible scammer online
Q. I have been chatting with this guy online and on my email and we haven't met each other yet. He was telling me that he would be away in Africa for the holidays and won't be back until Jan5th. He said he is anxious to meet me and I am having some ...
A. 29 December 2013: you are 100% correct to question EVERYONE YOU MEET ONLINE until you have met them and their family multiple times over many visits. ONE meeting in public means nothing.
NEVER have phone sex
NEVER send nude or sexy shots
NEVER send mo... (read in full...)
I would like to be in a relationship with a quality guy ...
Q. I have been single for a long time and I am very excited about being in a relationship. I met a guy that is ten years younger than me. He is very smart (I like that) and very handsome. He has an ok job , but that is fine with me as long as he works. ...
A. 29 December 2013: YOU cannot change who he is.
you can let him know you prefer no foul language... and that you would prefer that he keep whatever part of that other posting that bothered you to himself. Was it that it was a dream or that there were two wom... (read in full...)
Should I buy my boyfriend of 4 months the new Playstation 4?
Q. Hi Dear Cupid, I am in a LDR with a guy I met 4 months ago. We decided to make it official October of this year. Instead of exchanging gifts during Christmas time, it was a mutual decision for us to surprise each other with them in January when ...
A. 29 December 2013: DO NOT get him the PS4 or the watch...
in fact, buy yourself the kindle (you will love it) so that you don't feel obligated to anything if he does buy you the kindle.
I would spend very little on this guy... who is paying for your t... (read in full...)
On exchange: Should I give up a good school and see him instead?
Q. Hi :) He was the most gentlemanly, thoughtful and humourous person I've ever met. We met when he was travelling. At that time, he decided to cancel his next trip to stay longer with me. We had picnics, went biking and visited new places together...
A. 28 December 2013: I too vote for Paris... better in the long term for your career... also making a huge life choice at your age for someone you barely know can totally backfire.
if it's to work out you can always visit and make a choice after you are done with yo... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants to video chat but I'm nervous!
Q. I'm in long distance relationship since 1 and half year. I'm 18 years old and my boyfriend is 20. We talk on phone daily and we have seen each others pic.We are going to meet next year. My boyfriend wants to video chat with me on 31st December. I ...
A. 28 December 2013: OH yes for sure YOU DO NOT TAKE OFF ANY CLOTHES... no showing of body parts that the general public does not see....
... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants to video chat but I'm nervous!
Q. I'm in long distance relationship since 1 and half year. I'm 18 years old and my boyfriend is 20. We talk on phone daily and we have seen each others pic.We are going to meet next year. My boyfriend wants to video chat with me on 31st December. I ...
A. 27 December 2013: You have been LDR for 18 months
you say you are meeting "next year" as in January of 2014 or as in December of 2014... that's a big huge difference.
18 months together and you have not met in person or seen each other live on video.... no... (read in full...)
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