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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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I'm thinking of divorcing my wife because she isn't pretty enough
Q. I will be as honest as I can, so i can have some honest responses.I need some suggestion from people who are on the same shoes or from anyone. I have been married for 3 years. I am 26 and my wife is 24. In my opinion i think my wife looks 6/10....
A. 24 December 2013: What would another male perspective do for you OP?
What would a man saying leave her change?
what would a man saying stay with her and make both of you miserable change?
WHY do you think women don't have good advice?... (read in full...)
Is he just being stubborn or does he just want to remain friends?
Q. I was seeing a guy for a good two months and we were fab together. Always laughing, had loadz fun together, both felt the same, couldnt get enough of each other. I started to get really strong feelings for him to which he reciprocated by telling me ...
A. 23 December 2013: You can’t “hurry” moving on.. but you can help it along. First of all block his number so you don’t know you are getting booty calls. Secondly make sure you have him blocked on email and social media as well, no need to have him thrown in your ... (read in full...)
Is he just being stubborn or does he just want to remain friends?
Q. I was seeing a guy for a good two months and we were fab together. Always laughing, had loadz fun together, both felt the same, couldnt get enough of each other. I started to get really strong feelings for him to which he reciprocated by telling me ...
A. 20 December 2013: NOPE he's done... move on.... (read in full...)
How do I get this girl to give me a chance?
Q. I tried to send this in before, but it was rejected. I will try to shorten it up (it was long because I wanted to give as much detail as possible and try to present HER side of the story), and I will try to make it more clear. I am at my wit...
A. 16 December 2013: OH she is NOT your girlfriend. YOU want her to be but she's made it clear she is not interested in you that way.
the more you try to make her want to be your gf the less she will want to.
It's not your place to buy her acne wash or get her... (read in full...)
I don't want sex with my girlfriend to be boring for her!
Q. I try to mix things up sexually with my gf but new things don't seem to work. I try to give oral sex but once she finishes from that she doesn't want to continue. Same every time she orgasms, she cannot continue. I don't mind this and am happy th...
A. 16 December 2013: nope sounds like all is well and you are worrying for nothing
she's having orgasms... she's happy you've asked and she says all is fine... why don't you believe her?
sometimes for women we are sore the next day but not during the sex itsel... (read in full...)
What is she hoping for here?
Q. My wife is doing something a bit "unusual" lately in bed and I am trying to figure it out. When I am on top, she holds 2 fingers together like a penis and starts sucking and licking them. (great so far :-)) Then she pulls my face down...
A. 16 December 2013: it indicates that she's enjoying sex with you and that's all
she may be having fantasies but that's her own personal business unless she WANTS to share it with you.
Otherwise count your blessings and carry on.
OH and sorry IT DOES ... (read in full...)
My husband makes twice what I do but wants to split our bills 50/50
Q. I live in an apartment with husband, Here is a break down of our expenses and earnings monthly Rent $920 inclusive of hydro. Tv phone and internet 102. Food around $300 - $330 Also we pay for apartment insurance. Food also includes a...
A. 16 December 2013: he said he wanted to pool the money, what makes you feel that you would not have access to the money once pooled?
what makes you think he would make you wait for the money you need?
pool the money
write a budget
account for free spe... (read in full...)
I kissed another man, now my husband wants to sleep with someone to "get even"
Q. I've been married for 3 years and together for 6. I love my husband but we have had our issues in the past I cheated on him 6 months into our relationship by kissing another man he also touched my breasts. Nothing else happened and all contact with ...
A. 16 December 2013: Personally he's way OUT OF LINE... he forgive you nearly 6 years ago and married you...
if this is NEW behavior then I'm sorry to say this but there is probably someone who has caught his eye and he's wanting a hall pass to sleep with her. N... (read in full...)
Do I make a big stink or just quietly end things with this guy?
Q. I've been seeing this guy kind of on and off for five months. We've both discussed that we do not want a relationship with each other, but enjoy each other's company and are attracted to each other. I told him that I loved him as a friend, because I ...
A. 16 December 2013: I would just let it go graciously into the good night also. But I would take control. I would also send the gifts… parting gifts are such a class act IMO. I would meet with him ONE last time and give him the gift you have for him for the ... (read in full...)
My neighbour doesn't recognise boundaries!
Q. Background: I live in Government Assisted Housing and there is a girl in the building whom I consider a semi-friend. It is only semi-friend because while we have hung out a few times, I really have a hard time liking her and really wanting to be ...
A. 16 December 2013: Wow. It sounds like you live in a situation similar to my son's.
when he's having issues like this with his apartment mates I refer him to his case worker. I would like to do the same to you.
You have an apartment manager and a so... (read in full...)
Why does this get to me so much?
Q. I'm worried and don't know who to turn to for help. I am in love with a lovely, caring sensitive man. I think the world of him, he is everything I dreamed of yet there are these insistent doubts. I have suffered many abusive relationships, survived...
A. 16 December 2013: I too have a degree in psych and I am married to an OCD man and I am the mother to a child with OCD as part of his “alphabet soup” diagnosis.
What you describe to me does not sound OCD at all. And trust me putting suffer in quotes tells me y... (read in full...)
Help, how can I fulfill my sexual urges without losing my self respect?
Q. I don't know if you have heard of the relationship advice book 'the rules' but if you have you will understand when I say I'm a strict rules girl. I've been out of my healthy, good relationship for 5 months now, we split due to being busy building...
A. 16 December 2013: Well I know "the rules" backwards and forwards and I tossed it out the window for the more enlightened "why men love bitches"
same concept but a bit more updated.
the key is to be true to yourself. to respect yourself and not be a do... (read in full...)
She said they only marry their own ........
Q. Some of you have read part of my story but this is a continuation. I have dated my boyfriend for 7-1/2 years who is divorced with two grown up kids. I am 26 and he's 40. Furthermore we are not from the same culture he is Armenian and im hispanic. He ...
A. 16 December 2013: I'm glad you have opted to end it now.
what I would do is be a CLASS ACT and go to him and explain to him that while you love him you can no longer continue with him as you need marriage and he is unable to give it to you. GIVE him the gifts yo... (read in full...)
I feel like one in a long line of women!!
Q. Please help me I am screwing myself up and my relationship. I am 34 and boyfriend is 45. We have been together for a very happy 18 months and living together for one year. He is the best boyfriend I have ever had but I am so close to losing him ca...
A. 16 December 2013: Did you expect him to live in a vacuum until you materialized in his life?
Even if you were not an age gap relationship, having life experiences before you meet a partner is normal and natural and necessary to know what you have and what you wan... (read in full...)
Is there a tactful way to ask someone to back off on Facebook?
Q. Hi everyone, I need a little help here... So I have this friend... he has told me he's been interested in me, but I have absolutely no interest in him whatsoever. I've made this clear to him, and he seems to be just fine with that. However, I...
A. 16 December 2013: OP what you have to learn is HIS pain is not YOUR problem.
YOU can't live your life worrying about hurting others who are hurting you with their behavior.... (read in full...)
How much fighting is too much?
Q. Hi everyone. I'm writing to ask your opinion on how much fighting is too much. I've been with my current boyfriend for just over a year, and I think he is the man I will spend my life with. In general, we get along very well, and we never have had ...
A. 16 December 2013: If you are concerned it's probably because the fights are about fundamental things that will not change.
It will depend on what you are fighting about and how you fight... are they disagreements on what to eat or where to go? Or are they big... (read in full...)
Is he just being stubborn or does he just want to remain friends?
Q. I was seeing a guy for a good two months and we were fab together. Always laughing, had loadz fun together, both felt the same, couldnt get enough of each other. I started to get really strong feelings for him to which he reciprocated by telling me ...
A. 16 December 2013: Personally I think he really liked you. He may still really like you but your over the top insecure behavior has pushed him away.
Stop overthinking this guy... you were wise not to be a booty call.
his not texting the day after a drunken ... (read in full...)
I talked her into coming to the same school and I'm afraid it's backfired
Q. My issue is that I'm afraid talking my friend Ally (not real name) into coming to the same college with me was a bad idea. I've had her as a friend since my high school days, and when I graduated she still had one year left. So while I enjoyed my ...
A. 16 December 2013: I totally get it. I don't think you are petty or stupid or mean or rude.
I think your feelings are hurt... you didn't realize that for everyone going off to college is the chance to expand your horizons and spread your wings.
Ally being ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is still friends with a woman he had sex with. Do I have the right to tell him not to stay friends?
Q. I've been in a relationship for over a year woth my boyfriend and we just had a disagreement because he recently told me about a women he slept with and still friends with. He says that she has always been their for him and has been a good friend. ...
A. 16 December 2013: No I'm sorry you don't have the RIGHT to tell him he can't be friends with her.
YOU DO have the RIGHT and the NEED to tell him you are not comfortable with it. HE has the right to tell you to learn to cope with it or walk away.
In other ... (read in full...)
Friend acted out and hasn't apologized. Should I get her a Christmas gift anyway?
Q. On the 27th of November my friend tagged me in a status saying Nickelback was "f***ing awesome" and because I was tagged in it, my gran saw it and commented on it saying that the swearing is disgusting and that its not needed. My friend responded in ...
A. 16 December 2013: You friend is correct in that your gran can say what she likes but so can your friend. YOU did not have “EVERY RIGHT” to go off on your FRIEND because your GRANDMOTHER (over) reacted.
I’m closer to your grans age than your age and I think ev... (read in full...)
My husband makes twice what I do but wants to split our bills 50/50
Q. I live in an apartment with husband, Here is a break down of our expenses and earnings monthly Rent $920 inclusive of hydro. Tv phone and internet 102. Food around $300 - $330 Also we pay for apartment insurance. Food also includes a...
A. 15 December 2013: I am old school..
here is my story....
My husband does ok... he makes a bit more than half of what I make. I do very well... and with his inheritance BEFORE we were married but when we knew we were getting married, he paid off my large debt (c... (read in full...)
Should I send this letter to my narcissistic ex?
Q. My ex dumped me 6 months ago. A few months ago after I read something on the Internet, I realized that I'm a narcissist victim. I'm trying to move on, but I still think about him a lot. The last time i sent him a message was 2 months ago and he ...
A. 15 December 2013: not only will sending the letter not let him know how much he hurt you, it will give more fuel to his fire about being all that....
you think sending it will let him know how YOU feel.... it won't. IT will be a waste of time for you to SEND ... (read in full...)
Is there a tactful way to ask someone to back off on Facebook?
Q. Hi everyone, I need a little help here... So I have this friend... he has told me he's been interested in me, but I have absolutely no interest in him whatsoever. I've made this clear to him, and he seems to be just fine with that. However, I...
A. 15 December 2013: you can set it up so you can't see his posts on your wall or in your news feed... and that he can't post to it.
he won't even have to know he'll just wonder why you never say stuff to him any more.
... (read in full...)
I asked my girlfriend not to drink so much when out with friends but she did so anyways!
Q. Ok so tonight my girlfriend went and hung out with one of her girl friends and said they were gonna go for happy hour and get a drink and some food. So I said don't drink too much please and she said she wouldn't but her friend messages me and said ...
A. 15 December 2013: It sounds like either your gf has an alcohol issue or is developing one... if she can't say no once she starts drinking she needs to not drink.
Sadly YOU cannot mandate when she drinks or how much. IF you do not like her behavior, th... (read in full...)
My husband and I no longer make decisions together
Q. My husband and I have found it hard to make time for each other lately. He is so busy working and I am busy with kids and house. We always make decisions together but lately we can't agree on anything he just says what he thinks I want to hear. W...
A. 15 December 2013: I think that you have guilt over rehoming the dog and rightfully so.
Yes dogs are a lot of work... they need training (all must be involved)
they need to be exercised both physically and mentally daily and that usually requires an adult.
you... (read in full...)
I'm thinking of divorcing my wife because she isn't pretty enough
Q. I will be as honest as I can, so i can have some honest responses.I need some suggestion from people who are on the same shoes or from anyone. I have been married for 3 years. I am 26 and my wife is 24. In my opinion i think my wife looks 6/10....
A. 15 December 2013: I feel bad for both of you.
You because you married a woman you did not love pretending to love her and want her and now the fakery has not worked enough so you want out.
HER because she in good faith thought she was loved adored and wan... (read in full...)
Could I get pregnant? Should I buy the Plan B?
Q. So my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time last night. (In other words, I gave him my V card.) But, because we were not expecting it to happen, we went unprotected. It didn't last too long because he didn't wanted to cum inside me, which he ...
A. 15 December 2013: if your periods are irregular and you are worried it will make it worse
I know plan B is expensive but if you can afford it and use it, I don't think it causes problems from use and the peace of mind would be worth it for me.
Step two.... (read in full...)
Am I no longer a virgin?
Q. Hi I am in a new relationship. Yesterday my boyfriend and I had sex, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. I didn't bleed and neither did my first time hurt. My question is my boyfriend inserted half of his cock inside me, does this mean I am n...
A. 13 December 2013: Agreed. The virginity is lost. ... (read in full...)
At a crossroads, getting divorced, not a US citizen, with no friends or family in Europe
Q. I am in a process of a divorce and I am leaving to Europe. I was marriaged for 15 years to an american and now we decided to split up. I dont have anyone in the USA,only my husband´s friends and family which are not that much of my friends and ...
A. 13 December 2013: No one is happy where they are... girls with straight hair want curly girls with curly hair want straight
americans want to live one place and think it's perfect
Europeans another.
As an american with international taste and friends... if ... (read in full...)
Why do you not lose weight whilst on your period?
Q. I'm confused with this whole 'you can't loose weight whilst on your period'. I have started my period and typically it's started on the first day of my weight loss. I'm eating very healthy and doing lots of exercise today onwards to get back on t...
A. 13 December 2013: because your hormones cause water weight retention... it's why you feel bloated and your rings get tight...
just keep eating healthy and getting exercise and drinking water and don't worry about weight gain around your period... and worrying abo... (read in full...)
I discovered my boyfriend texted his ex girlfriend. Should I say something?
Q. I borrowed my boyfriend's phone to make a call and noticed in his call history a unsaved number that been texted loads but the messages had been deleted, it bugged me I said nothing to him tho and he went back to camp (he's in the army). Now th...
A. 13 December 2013: I think that he should be honest about it.
I also think that YES folks change and maybe he's realized he was close to blowing a good thing with you.
I would wait till a calm moment after he gets home and say "remember when you were drunk ... (read in full...)
How can I get a girl I'm dating to initiate our contact sometimes?
Q. Hi there I like a girl and we are kind of dating. We hang out and talk for hours on text even. The only thing I was wondering was that I always have to text her in order to start conversations. It's about 10 days since I know her. She always r...
A. 13 December 2013: the only thing you can do is just WAIT for her to contact you but you should let her know that you would LIKE her to do so.
In other words, she's not a mind reader and girls are taught to let the man take the lead....
so you tell her the n... (read in full...)
In an unhappy relationship. Should I pursue things with the other man?
Q. Looking for some advise, I've been with my partner for 23 years. 6 years ago we split up for two years, in that time I met someone else and was with them for seven months. When that finished a while after I got back with my long term partner. Thi...
A. 13 December 2013: yep he does just want you for sex.
so stop having sex and see if he still wants you
but i can tell you that at 47 having never been married or lived with a partner he may be pretty much stuck in his ways and if you were THE ONE he would hav... (read in full...)
I feel unwanted and our relationship feels broken!
Q. Ive been with my boyfriend for a year. We recently had a one week break as we were arguing a lot. We are now back together but I feel Im treading on egg shells and cant be myself. He hasnt said he loves me and I said I was worried things arent right ...
A. 13 December 2013: Anytime a couple takes a formal "break" it's almost always the beginning of the end.
if you are NOW back together for a week you need to treat it like a brand new relationship.. that means NO SEX and no doing his cleaning, cooking or laundry..... (read in full...)
Boyfriend wont take things to the next level, how long do I wait?
Q. Me and my boyfriend were together for ten months, we were both happy together, till his wife he was seperated from started, she said she would take him back as soon as i was gone. Well as soon as i was gone she left . We have been talking dating ...
A. 13 December 2013: well since he is legally married to another woman, there is not much of anything that can be escalated. Getting engaged to a married man is foolishness at it's finest.
If you live with him, she can name you in the divorce proceedings ... (read in full...)
My husband is angry about my photoshoot even though he was there
Q. Hi everyone. My husband and I are having a difference of opinion and I wanted to get some objective views... so here I am. First of all, my husband (Dave) and I have been married a bit over two years but have known each other for about four years...
A. 13 December 2013: OP I'm sorry you are struggling with this.
I get your POV as it's mine too... bodies are beautiful and admiring a beautiful body and being comfortable in your own skin is a priceless gift.
Unfortunately most Americans are uptight about it... (read in full...)
What does it mean when a girl whispers to her friend when you are around her ?
Q. What does it mean when a girl whispers to her friend when you are around her ? and?then when you look at her she laughs and smiles at me it happened to me I was talking to her female staff members at the gym this girls friend came in at the gym ...
A. 13 December 2013: maybe she was asking her friend if she had a tampon and didn't want to ask out loud?
and when you noticed it she got embarrassed thinking you were wondering if it's about you since YOU like her.... (if you didn't you wouldn't care what she whi... (read in full...)
Should I expect an official invite or am I just creating drama?
Q. I've been in a long term relationship with my bf and we have been living together for 2 years. His nieces birthday is coming up and I've been uncomfortable to attend because I haven't received an invite however my bf feels that it makes no ...
A. 13 December 2013: OP if you don't want to go don't go.... but If you and your partner live together, then any family invites to me would automatically include his life partner.
... (read in full...)
Long term relationship and no engagement!
Q. I need advice on what I should do with my dating situation. I have been dating my boyfriend for about 7 1/2 years, He is 40 years old now and i am 26, he was married before and has two boys one's 18 years old and the other 16. I tell my boyfriend ...
A. 13 December 2013: To the anti-marriage anonymous female poster...
IF it was JUST marriage that was the issue I would consider your advise as wise. SADLY I believe that the OP also would like her own biological CHILDREN and I fear that the issue with this gu... (read in full...)
My boyfriend said he would feel uncomfortable around my gay friend!
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 5 months now and I want him to meet my friends. He hasn't met them already yet as there hasn't been an opportunity for him to. So I asked him the other day if he would like to come and watch one of my friends ...
A. 13 December 2013: Trust me your homophobic boyfriend has met gay folks.. he just doesn't know it.
they don't wear signs or special symbols to designate them as gay.
Tell him to just deal with meeting your friends... gay or not they are JUST people.
ha... (read in full...)
Is this a new type of double standard?
Q. I hear quite often that when a girl meets boy in a bar or other way, and she says she only wants cuddling etc. and no sex, it is a deal breaker and he leaves. Of course I am not talking about having a long term relationship. What about if the shoe ...
A. 12 December 2013: I have not seen that here at all...
and i can't imagine there are actually that many women that go out seeking one night stands for cuddles with strange men...
... (read in full...)
I feel like more of a sulky teen than an adult!
Q. hello, hope you can help am living with my boyfriend and we are really happy things are going great, am in danger of sounding like a spoilt brat so please bear with me... my boyfriends ex (a girl he really liked who he dated for a while) is due to ...
A. 12 December 2013: I think YouWish has it nailed. Don't be jealous of her...you've got him.. not her. and seriously remember LOOKS FADE over time.
The only thing I would do is make sure he knows about it since you ripped the page out so he wouldn't see it (or beca... (read in full...)
I'm afraid he's forgotten my birthday..
Q. My birthday is today. I've been dating a man for 7 months. He knows when my birthday is and we've already celebrated his birthday in August. He has a VERY demanding job and is currently out of the country working. He emailed me last night and ...
A. 12 December 2013: He's out of town on a very important busy project and he's trying to work nearly a double day today so he can finish up and get home to you.
forgive him this slight slip up.
... (read in full...)
Should I change my look to attract a better man?
Q. What am I doing wrong in dating? I want to preface by saying that I was in an emotionally and verbally abusive relationship for five years until I walked away. A big reason why I walked away was because after enough was enough I also fell for so...
A. 12 December 2013: OP, I have never used the color of a woman's hair to determine her ability to be a tramp or not.
It's way more than that.
As for dressing... I dress up nearly every day in a skirt or dress for a job where most folks wear jeans. It's m... (read in full...)
Long term relationship and no engagement!
Q. I need advice on what I should do with my dating situation. I have been dating my boyfriend for about 7 1/2 years, He is 40 years old now and i am 26, he was married before and has two boys one's 18 years old and the other 16. I tell my boyfriend ...
A. 12 December 2013: I"m sorry to say this but after 7.5 years he's as committed as he's going to be. Especially because for more than half of it you have already been telling him what you want and need and yet you stick around.
I can tell you at 46 I would not have... (read in full...)
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