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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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I feel betrayed, and I want to be happy again. How can I get over her?
Q. Ok my question is how do i get over a relationship that i just got betrayed and put all my effort into. i feel heartbroken and miserable every night i have been drinking every day and i still cant get over this. i look on social media and she is p...
A. 28 May 2014: IT sucks when we give our all and it’s not returned. It destroys us and makes us wonder if it’s worth putting our hearts out there. It is.
You don’t say how long ago you two ended but time is a great wound healer.
Drinking will not fix thi... (read in full...)
Given the circumstances why wont he give me a key?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together about two and a half years. He is 35 and I am 27. He has been married before, I have not. I am at his place often, probably about 5 or 6 nights a week. I do not have a key, so if he has to work before me he will ...
A. 28 May 2014: If you spend 5-6 nights a week there it's practically living together and it sounds like the "key exchange" is an issue for him on lots of levels.
personally I have lots of folks with keys to my place even friends i never have sex with or sleep... (read in full...)
He seems interested since I said I was getting a divorce
Q. There's a guy I am attracted to we talk every once in a while. Last December he introduced to the very close friend who is now his girlfriend. Only last month I told him that I will be getting a divorce. Now he seems interested in me but I am ...
A. 28 May 2014: he is willing to spend so much money on you because he figures a divorced woman will have "needs" that he can meet more cheaply by buying her a meal than paying a prostitute.... (read in full...)
My friend seems selfish and ungrateful, or am I just too sensitive?
Q. Why does she behave like that? Am I overreacting? So my older married friend needed a babysitter for the weekend and I love kids and was bored and needed her to do my hair so I spent the weekend with her and her family. I slept with her ...
A. 28 May 2014: I agree with WhenCowsAttack
if a guest is in my house and they don't have slippers I would have given them a pair of socks but not a pair of slippers... I would have offered to drive them to Walmart to pick up a pair.
As for the husb... (read in full...)
My ex treated me better than this boyfriend!
Q. I was in a relationship for 9 yrs with my ex boyfriend who I dumped a year ago since the relationship was going no where and there was lot of trouble as it was a long distance relationship. After breaking up I immediately got into another ...
A. 28 May 2014: your ex is your ex for a reason.
you say your current bf doesn't love you the way your ex does/did. but if your ex loved you that way he would not be an ex.
if it's that your current bf is not a good lover, then teach him what you like/... (read in full...)
He was so eager to see me. Then we had sex. Is he now fobbing me off? If yes, then why?
Q. I want an honest opinion, please don't judge me. I met a guy on a night out a month ago in a different city. We talked every single day via messaging/phone calls ect. a significant amount. We agreed on a date for him to come and see me at my pla...
A. 28 May 2014: you should take him at his word and back off and let him come to you... the worst thing that can happen is he never calls again...
My husband is NOT a morning person. I saw him this morning while we left for work.. he just called me 4.5 hours... (read in full...)
Unusually big chemistry - how do I take it from here?
Q. Hi Friends Background: I know a girl I met for a few weeks nearly 4 years ago when she was in my town. We had an unusual chemistry between us, lots of teasing and flirting. She left and we went out ways pretty much keeping in touch at times on faceb...
A. 28 May 2014: It depends on what you want and how far apart you two are.
if you want to try to make this work and are close enough for regular visits and for someone to move in the near future then by all means go full guns.
if you want just fun and oc... (read in full...)
After a year I still don't have my online boyfriend's phone number
Q. Met a guy online over a year ago, we fell in love, never spoke on phone. It is a LDR and I gave him my number but he never gives me his. Lately, he is busier at work and he says he loves me but I don't know what's going on. Is it normal t...
A. 28 May 2014: No I'm sorry this is not a "normal" relationship.
LDRs have ONE goal... to NOT be LDR... if after a year you have not met in real life and have not spoken on the phone then you have NOTHING with this guy.
if after a year you have only email... (read in full...)
New workplace for me. Guy there is married, attractive and older. What's my next move?
Q. hi.theres this man whos pretty elder to me but is ravishingly handsome,at my workplace. i just started working there 2 weeks ago and he makes frequent eye contacts and shows many other signs of attraction.it makes me feel really awkard to gaze back ...
A. 28 May 2014: Enjoy the eye candy and do nothing
a. you should not date folks you work with
b. yous should not date married people
... (read in full...)
Is it normal for me to have these thoughts? I have an 'odd' sexuality.
Q. hi, I used to use this site a lot when i was in a dd/lg relationship when I was 17-19. Since then I went of to University and i'm now 21 and about to graduate. I met someone else, who wasn't 35 years older than me (just 10) and who wanted a stable ...
A. 28 May 2014: you say "falling in love" but I wonder if you mean that you just find them attractive.. which is normal. you like what you like.
I'm in my 50s and find young men in their late 20s early 30s the most attractive. Finding them attracti... (read in full...)
What is your "Ultimate Love Song"?
Q. Ok, totally frivolous, recreational question here... Recently a poster asked suggestions about love songs,.. I'd like to extend the question to know which is for you ,fellow Dear Cupiders, the Ultimate Love Song. Not the best, the most original...
A. 23 May 2014: More than Words by Extreme is one of my favorite songs and videos...... (read in full...)
What is your "Ultimate Love Song"?
Q. Ok, totally frivolous, recreational question here... Recently a poster asked suggestions about love songs,.. I'd like to extend the question to know which is for you ,fellow Dear Cupiders, the Ultimate Love Song. Not the best, the most original...
A. 23 May 2014: current fav is True Love by Pink.
"at the same time I want to hug you
i want to wrap my hands around your neck
your an asshole but i love you
and it makes me so mad I ask myself
why I'm still here
where could I go
you're the only love... (read in full...)
Should I go after him?
Q. Ok so yesterday was my high school graduation and after the ceremony all the schools in my town host a graduation party so at this party my guy friend "B" and I were playing ping-pong with like 3 other friends and then while we were playing he ...
A. 23 May 2014: I would not go after him... he will hurt you... he has made it clear that he wants sex from you nothing more... don't be his toy...
move along...... (read in full...)
Is he just a "Player" as I thought he is?
Q. Do you have to be concern if someone that you started exchanging emails online had stopped communicating with you? You see I started chatting with this man online and we even talked on the phone but when he said that he wanted to be my Boyfriend ...
A. 23 May 2014: you owe him nothing.
no worries,
no further explanation..
NOTHING.
just block him and move on and be glad your relationship radar works well and you picked up on a needy crazy guy.... (read in full...)
Is my girlfriend drinking too much?
Q. I have a question about my girfriend. I think for a woman she drinks quite a bit. I am not a big drinker, may be that's why for me it seems like a lot. She ussualy goes between 7-10 drinks a week. She doesn't drink every day, but when she is out w...
A. 23 May 2014: ok like many young women it sounds like she might overdo it a tiny bit when out with the girls...
other than that I see no red flags at all.
here is a good page to give you a more fleshed out idea and make your own determination.
... (read in full...)
Bad impression of company after first job interview. Do I send a thank you note or leave it behind?
Q. I recently finished my last semester of university and will be taking just one more class this summer. After that, I will be officially graduated. I had my first professional interview today with a small company. The company has been around for 20 ...
A. 23 May 2014: I would, like Aunty BimBim and Tisha said send an email declining to write the plan and a second interview...
and if you did want to submit a plan, how about showing him a school assignment you did... nothing that specifically pertains to ... (read in full...)
Long distance relationship woes..is it worth it?
Q. Help! I'm in a long distance relationship, and have been for nearly 2 years. we've not spent much time together in person, 3 days and then 2 days, so just a few days here and there for only a few hours a day. most of the bonding has been online....
A. 23 May 2014: If you have been together for nearly two years and have spent hardly any time together and will see each other for 2 weeks then not again for a year or two... I don't see much hope for this relationship to get past the LDR stage.
since the... (read in full...)
Help me support my grieving/depressed wife
Q. Hi, My wife's mum passed away a few months back and I'm trying my best to be supportive but finding it real difficult. She's a stay at home mum with a 5yr old and 8 yr old, both at school. Our house is so chaotic it's unimaginable. We...
A. 23 May 2014: I lost my mom when I was 35 and it was horrible. that was nearly 19 years ago and I still miss her terribly. your wife is so young to lose her mom... she doesn't even know it yet...
grief counseling will help. . she resists that because she ... (read in full...)
Am I clingy? and is my boyfriends best friend a nut
Q. Well me and my boyfriend have been dating for about 6 months . He asked me out.my boyfriends best friend and me were really good friends before me and my boyfriend started dating, and now it's almost like he hates me! Me and my bf' s best friend ...
A. 23 May 2014: Honeypie is spot on... the Best friend is jealous.. he has a thing for you and wants you so he's trying to get between you and the boyfriend.
Ignore the best friend.
also i agree if you are ALWAYS the one to start the conversation, let ... (read in full...)
I'm engaged but don't want to get married or have kids! Do I break things off?
Q. I've been engaged for a couple of months now. My boyfriend and I had talked about marriage vaguely before, and, as I love him to bits, I had always been positive towards it. It didn't feel like a serious discussion, so I hadn't really thought about ...
A. 23 May 2014: I agree you must talk to him. And in the long run it will probably end up with breaking up....
my son always said he did not want children because he did not think he would be a good parent.
he's getting married next year and the young l... (read in full...)
I broke up with my LDR b/f because I wanted to date in real life. Should I not done so?
Q. I was in a long distance relationship for a little less than a year. My ex (feels weird to write that) was in a different country. I was very fond of him, I cared about him, and I know some people wouldn't call it love, but I loved him. I never met ...
A. 23 May 2014: I too think you did the right thing.
I had an LDR with my spouse before we got married. We were a mere 2 hour car ride apart and we had met in real life before we started our affair... and yet it was still hard.
True LDRs IMO are re... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is very upset since his ex is planning on moving farther away with his child!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years, and living together for almost 2 years. He has a young daughter from a previous relationship and until recently things have been great between her mum and my boyfriend. Last month, a huge fight kicke...
A. 23 May 2014: While I understand his concern and pain he's way over reacting. 50 miles a a commute for some around here... and besides as she gets older she won't want to spend so much time with daddy and he will have to get over that too.
the ex sounds fa... (read in full...)
I cant stand my girlfriend anymore but hate breaking up when she's at such a bad place in her life
Q. *First off, just for clarification purposes, I am a female, 21 years old, and I'm in a relationship with another girl. When I first met my girlfriend, it felt like something straight out of the movies. We were very much in love with each other ...
A. 23 May 2014: stop thinking of ending it with her and end it.. but go to the police and report the assault and get a restraining order so she does not come after you which I am betting she will
it is not your place to fix an alcoholic (which is what she is)... (read in full...)
I don't know if she isn't interested or just waiting awhile to reply or what?
Q. Hi guys I just need some basic advice. I met a girl, we got along really well. i visited her city and we spent two days together, although we met just as friends the days were very romantic, it went perfectly and she said they were the best days ...
A. 23 May 2014: If you have not specifically asked to see her again I would ask to see her again with a message... or call her if you have her number... messaging is not a good way to have a relationship.
ask her once and then you have to have patience...... (read in full...)
A one night stand is still causing a problem a year later. I don't know what to do with my boyfriend
Q. I'm in my early twenties and about a year ago I started a relationship with a man who is 20 years older than me. He came into my life very quickly and it was quite overwhelming and I regrettably ended up having a one night stand. Me and my boyfriend ...
A. 23 May 2014: wait one hot second... this so called boyfriend is punishing you for something you did BEFORE he was your boyfriend?
if that's the case then he's wrong and unfair and it's not even reasonable... go ahead and leave.. he's not worth the grief...... (read in full...)
If you initiated the breakup how did you feel afterwards?
Q. My 11-month relationship ended a week and a half ago. It started with me bringing up his gaming habits and completely ignoring me. He did this during our 5-6 month phase. He talked about it then, and he said he does it because he doesn't know wha...
A. 23 May 2014:
When I broke up with my first boyfriend (dated from 15.5 years old till past 18) I CRIED more than he did but I needed to get out of the relationship because while I cared about him I just was not in love with him the way he was with me and I didn... (read in full...)
Is being horny tons of times a day normal?
Q. Hello. Just wondering if being horny tons of times is normal. Ever since i turned 13 I've been getting horny urges. They were laxed originally but as i got to about 18 they started to become very abundant. My estimate (because i don't keep track...
A. 23 May 2014: totally normal.....in fact if it's only 3-5 times a day you may even be a bit below average for a teen boy.... (read in full...)
He cheated and I can't move past it
Q. It's been over 3 years since my partner cheated on me and I can't move on from it. It sounds silly but I can be having a good time with him and it will crop up in my mind It always comes back to that and I throw it in his face all the time. He did...
A. 22 May 2014: well perhaps he changed because he realized he did not want to lose you..
perhaps he matured after becoming a father.
the issue is EVEN if he did change, after 3 years you still do not trust him nor do you forgive him.
You can forgive b... (read in full...)
Any rocker girl band love song ideas?
Q. I need help with a small problem. My boyfriend and I have a cute little thing going where we tell each other to look up cute love songs and then add them to a playlist we have on Grooveshark. He has to look up songs by guy bands and I have to look ...
A. 22 May 2014: Heart is a good band for that.
Chryssie Hyde and the Pretenders too...... (read in full...)
Will he still propose in the next few months?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for a little more than year a half. We are both almost thirty and will actually be moving together within the next month. We love each other very much and we already say out loud or through text from a year ago ...
A. 22 May 2014: Maybe he has no intentions of proposing at all and was looking at a ring a friend asked him to look at?
See the error in your ASSUMPTION?
the ONLY way to know what he's thinking is to ASK him.
... (read in full...)
What should you not say to someone new?
Q. I just have a question on hanging out with someone new. What are some things to avoid saying? I mean besides obvious things, such as telling them of a rough past with friends, asking questions that are too personal, inviting them to your home too...
A. 22 May 2014: Spend twice as much time listening as talking...
do not talk about money (salaries)
no politics
no religious debates
keep talk of prior relationships to a minimum
go really light on talk of hopes and dreams for the future (I want to... (read in full...)
I told her I liked her and pushed too hard, but I still want to sort things out
Q. Hi, bit of a long complicated situation. So a while back I told one of my friends that I liked her as more than a friend and she was super cool about it but told me that she didn't feel the same way. We still remained friends but I always felt I ...
A. 22 May 2014: Nothing you say to her will change how she feels or how you feel. It will not make it better.
She's made it clear that she is not feeling the way about you that you feel about her and want her to feel about you.
You can say over and over th... (read in full...)
Second thoughts about lending my son money
Q. My son had been saving for a new car, in the past I have paid for his cars and spent a lot of money on them for him since he passed his test about 7 years ago. This time he has been saving for his own but we saw a very nice car and I did say I will ...
A. 22 May 2014: I'm with Cindy on this And YouWish.
YOU said you would lend him the money... so you should...
but do it in writing with a payback schedule and if you want you can add a low interest rate to it... and penalties for not paying it back timely. ... (read in full...)
He goes limp! Is it my fault? Is he cheating?
Q. Me an my boyfriend have been tighter 16mnts an our sex life was normal nothing freaky or spontaneous but here in da last4 months or so our sex has come to a complete hbought.He can't maintain an erection or when he does it will go limp inside of ...
A. 22 May 2014: It's not your fault
and it does not mean he's cheating.
It could me a medical issue and in middle age more than likely that's what's going on.
you need to talk to him about it and make sure he gets a medical work up to determine what's goin... (read in full...)
I'm not interested! How do I let him down?
Q. What should I do about this guy? I'm so upset:( So my older friend says I'm a good decent girl and very pretty so she gave my number to her husbands nephew and he's been calling me since. We've talked and I found out that he's a 31 year ...
A. 22 May 2014: I agree that all you have to do is say "this is not going to work for me it's better if we stop all contact." If you want to you can add "you seem like a nice guy but we are just not a good fit and I don't want to lead you on"
then you ... (read in full...)
My child's Grandmother is trying to take my son!
Q. My son's biological father, we'll call him "Cord", his mother "Jackie" is trying to get visitation with my son. Cord is deceased, he got drunk on Father's day, never called to see my son or ever acknowledged that my son was his, and he fell off of a ...
A. 21 May 2014: Because she is his grandmother and she may have had some changes in her life that have made her reconsider her behavior.
It's not your place to question WHY... it's your place to protect your child but not at the expense of his knowing his ... (read in full...)
How can I help him quit pot?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together a little over a month now. We have a past and just happened to come back together and fall in love again. He's 16 and he's been smoking pot since he was 10. He used to sell, too, but stopped for me. I used to ...
A. 21 May 2014: I also wish to address the anonymous male poster, llifton has addressed a few of my concerns with his post.
First of all detoxing from alcohol or tobacco or any other drug such as meth or heroin can kill you. Truly if you are a heavy dr... (read in full...)
We got close at a bad time . But I do still really want to be friends with him. What should I do?
Q. I'm do down I don't know what to do For the first time in 8 months my ex friend acknowledged me by saying morning and at a friends party shook my hand The problem was we got close at a bad time - he was splitting with a girl who made him miserab...
A. 21 May 2014: Because he does not wish it. That alone is enough of a reason.
and because YOU want it SO BADLY it's not a good idea.... (read in full...)
My ex might want contact with his son
Q. I may be over reacting and thinking of the worst possible case but I was recently told my ex has been speaking to someone about gaining access to our son, and although he never has in the five years since I gave birth, I have also never heard any ...
A. 21 May 2014: What you do is contact an attorney and find out how it works in your state.
As the father he has rights even if he's not on the birth certificate, even if you are not married and EVEN IF HE IS NOT PAYING child support.
I would do a few thin... (read in full...)
I don't want to meet his daughter until we have discussed our relationship's future!
Q. I'm in a relationship with a man I've been with for about a year and a half. We are happy and very much in love. However, there is a catch. He has a young daughter. He and I have talked and I have met her a couple times with other friends of his. ...
A. 21 May 2014: NO one ever knows if a relationship is going to last...
we go into them thinking and hoping forever...
NO one plans for a divorce or a break up...
there are no guarantees in life....
yes it's nice that YOU are concerned about th... (read in full...)
Insecure for over 10 years because of wife's exes, am I being a fool?
Q. When my wife and I met she insisted on carrying on seeing (non sexually I've always assumed) her exes. She took me out for dinner with one guy, only to tell me a week later she'd kissed him and let him finger her, she had another guy round for the ...
A. 21 May 2014: I gotta agree with both Honeypie and Sugarplum.
You need to leave
but the reason she thinks you should CONTINUE to accept her bad behavior is because you accepted it before the marriage and still married her.
As far as she's concerned her b... (read in full...)
My child's Grandmother is trying to take my son!
Q. My son's biological father, we'll call him "Cord", his mother "Jackie" is trying to get visitation with my son. Cord is deceased, he got drunk on Father's day, never called to see my son or ever acknowledged that my son was his, and he fell off of a ...
A. 21 May 2014: I would by all means get an attorney that does family law in your area and go by what they say.
I would also be inclined (if it was ME) to be the one IN CONTROL of this mess by offering SUPERVISED visitation that is supervised by a court appointe... (read in full...)
We got close at a bad time . But I do still really want to be friends with him. What should I do?
Q. I'm do down I don't know what to do For the first time in 8 months my ex friend acknowledged me by saying morning and at a friends party shook my hand The problem was we got close at a bad time - he was splitting with a girl who made him miserab...
A. 21 May 2014: I would NOT hold my breath that you can go back to having that kind of friendship...
... (read in full...)
We got close at a bad time . But I do still really want to be friends with him. What should I do?
Q. I'm do down I don't know what to do For the first time in 8 months my ex friend acknowledged me by saying morning and at a friends party shook my hand The problem was we got close at a bad time - he was splitting with a girl who made him miserab...
A. 21 May 2014: You need to let this idea that you two can be friends go.
He's making great progress by being CIVIL... and I think that's all you are going to be able to hope for.
I'm sure you think all you want is to be friends but I think you deep down ... (read in full...)
How can I help him quit pot?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together a little over a month now. We have a past and just happened to come back together and fall in love again. He's 16 and he's been smoking pot since he was 10. He used to sell, too, but stopped for me. I used to ...
A. 21 May 2014: I’m in the USA.. in a state that just decriminalized it. I am hoping to have it legal by the end of this decade and hope before the end of my life to see this herb legal like tobacco and alcohol. I am a daily user. I do not smoke cigarettes or ... (read in full...)
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