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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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I've been waiting for him to get the divorce and get a mortgage with me, and now that he says he will, I'm not as excited as I thought I would be!
Q. You may know from previous posts I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years. We have just had a weeks break as I could not cope anymore with only seeing him once a week. I have taken up Ho vies and made new friends but at the end of he day I still ...
A. 1 July 2014: nope you are not missing anything... and you are not over reacting.
in two years he will have some other excuse.
a ring for engagement purposes IMO only works if you SET a date within a few weeks of getting engaged and book the venue.
... (read in full...)
Would this be an OK gift for his mother?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 8 mos and we moved in together in about 2 mos ago. I have met his family and they seem to like me very much. We get together with them about once a week, and his mother just bought us tickets to go to ...
A. 11 June 2014: I think that's lovely. we gave my dad and SM a framed picture of the family from our wedding. ... (read in full...)
Help me relate to my difficult 4 yr old nephew who I rarely see.
Q. This may be a stupid question, but I need advice. I have no kids, my younger bro has 3 my sis has 2. My sisters youngest is a 4yo boy,X. He is very active like most 4 yr olds, and like most 4 yr olds he needs his parents, to the point of...
A. 11 June 2014: my best advice is to just let him come to you as time goes on.
don't force anything
he's 4 and you have seen him like 8 times in his entire life... he has no clue who you really are.
give him time to come to you. and do NOT take it perso... (read in full...)
How often should a boyfriend contact his girlfriend?
Q. This is probably really stupid but it's something that bothers me sometimes so I want some opinions, please. I saw my boyfriend, of 4 years, over the weekend. We don't live together but do plan on doing so in the future. We had a perfect weekend ...
A. 11 June 2014: How Often should a boyfriend contact his girlfriend? As often as necessary. As often as he likes. There is no set rule.
You said “This is probably really stupid” YES yes it is.
BUT it bothers you so the key is to figure out why i... (read in full...)
Was my boyfriend's behavior with this other woman suspicious?
Q. My bf and I have been in a long term relationship. Family and friends consider us an old married couple. We attended his friend's daughter's graduation party on a Saturday afternoon. When it was time to leave, we got up to say goodbyes. One wo...
A. 11 June 2014: I was with a friend yesterday who was stressed when she saw another person she knew and was afraid we would walk past her and she would have to introduce me to her and she didn't know her name.
Perhaps he didn't introduce you because he didn't k... (read in full...)
My wife is leaving me for another man! How best to be a good father to my son during the impending divorce?
Q. I am 32, and my wife's 29, and have a 5-year-old son. Last night she admitted to me she's leaving me for her co-worker, he's 42, and has three children, aged 12, 14 and 16, he's married but left his wife for her. I feel crushed, heartbroken, my ...
A. 11 June 2014: I'm sorry this is happening to you and your family.
I think your question is an excellent one and as a divorced mother (when my sons were 3 and 5) I can tell you that they boys always had a great relationship with their dad and myself and my paren... (read in full...)
I'm concerned that he doesn't make much effort to see me.
Q. I’ve been dating this guy for about 2 months. We actually met at a Starbucks – I was working and he walked up to me and we started talking. At first, he seemed really interesting – he kept talking to me even after I gave him attitude for bothering ...
A. 10 June 2014: oh you should NEVER cancel plans to go be with a man.
and the fact that he asks just a few hours before means you are but a mere afterthought to him.
set him free. be busy. say NO. he'll get the message.
either he will step up his ga... (read in full...)
I’m losing patience with her and feel like she isn’t treating me right
Q. There is a girl and she is a friend of mine but I have a crush on her. She is from another country and will go home later in the year, so I’m settled on just being friends. We met online and were really good friends, we spoke often and she was very ...
A. 10 June 2014: I agree with Cindy. You are putting a lot of cosmic emotional effort into a NON-relationship. You know she's going back to her country soon... there can be nothing but online friendship and there is no need to be good friends.
It's a ca... (read in full...)
I feel like I have had a snapshot of my B/f and his life and want out of the relationship.
Q. I have been with my boyfriend about 5 months now and over the last couple of weeks I have been staying at his while some major repairs are being done to my home. I noticed some 'odd' behaviours in my boyfriend (who is 39) right at the start when I ...
A. 10 June 2014: His Social Interactions scream Aspergers at me.
His regimented lifestyle may be how he learns to cope with things (ADHD folks appear OCD because we need to have things orderly or we forget parts) or he may have a touch of OCD.
I'm votin... (read in full...)
Has anyone ever been in a relationship with someone who shared a name with them? Was it confusing? Awkward?
Q. I met a guy who I am quite into; it's early on, so it's hard to tell if anything will develop between us. My question, however, is about names ... he has the masculine version of my name (ex. Alexander/Alexandra, Nicholas/Nicole, ...
A. 10 June 2014: Growing up we lived across the street from the C family.
we were raised to call the parents Mr. first name and Miss first name. He was Patrick (Pat) and she was Patricia (Pat)
so it was Mr. Pat and Miss Pat. no one ever had issues.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend sleeps on the couch all the time!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been on and off for 3 years and officially dating for a year and a half. We just moved in together into a house with a few friends. We share a room and he's been sleeping on the couch in the livingroom for nights in a row and ...
A. 10 June 2014: My hubby and I have some issues with the bed vs the couch.
we even have a guest room bed that we can use as needed and yet at least one or two nights a week ONE of us falls asleep on the couch. I used to try to wake him to come to bed but I re... (read in full...)
Why is he being so tepid in bed?
Q. I have been seeing my boyfriend since October. We started having sex often and regularly a month into the relationship. He's not that great in bed. I thought this would change as we got closer, playing and developing a sense of what the other likes. ...
A. 10 June 2014: I'm betting he's not being boring on purpose.
I'm betting this is him. this is his drive and his style.
if he's your age or close to it, then his desire to have you at middle age be "virginal" or close to it is misplaced and will be harmful.... (read in full...)
I'm concerned that he doesn't make much effort to see me.
Q. I’ve been dating this guy for about 2 months. We actually met at a Starbucks – I was working and he walked up to me and we started talking. At first, he seemed really interesting – he kept talking to me even after I gave him attitude for bothering ...
A. 9 June 2014: words are just words. Actions are what you need to listen to (unless a man says all he wants is FWB or he doesn't love you... those are truths always)
He says one thing and he does another. Listen to his actions.
I would stop calling ... (read in full...)
Am I misunderstanding or is he wasting my time?
Q. me and a guy have been texting for 34wks now and we even went on a date which was fun he was telling me about how is ex upset him and cheated on him. He was also completly honest with me he said that he does not want to be offiical ...
A. 9 June 2014: Yeah I'd stop rowing this relationship boat and see what happens..
he was honest he told you he did not want anything serious... he means it.
you are hoping to have more than something very casual, that's not going to happen.
you are ... (read in full...)
My LDR girlfriend didn't like the gifts I sent for her birthday. Could I have done things in a better way?
Q. I've currently in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend. Long distance as in we're both in different countries and we've been in this relationship for at least 7 months now. We met online and just started chatting and exchanging some ...
A. 9 June 2014: You met online. You’ve been in a relationship for 7 months. HAVE YOU MET IN REAL LIFE?
If not, why not? Until you meet in real life and see if you even get along IRL, this is nothing but a fantasy relationship.
To NOT be in the mood to t... (read in full...)
LDR girlfriend says oral sex doesn't turn her on. Is she bored or seeing someone else?
Q. Hello, Am 27 years old, am in a 7 months relationship , distance deny us sometimes but we talk over the phone . Most times when we see each other, we do have sex and also perform oral sex together. Recently she told me she doesn't really get arou...
A. 9 June 2014: if you are SUCKING her clit no wonder she doesn't get off..
ask her how she wants you do to it.
try writing the alphabet with your tongue on her clit... see if she likes it better.... (read in full...)
How can I make my mother understand that my cousin is like a best friend to me?
Q. my cousin recently got out of prison. he was there 3 years for sexual abuse. he is like a best friend to me. he is 26, and im 14. everytime i even sit near him my mom practicley yells at me! she thinks he would do something to me but i believe he ...
A. 6 June 2014: the only reason she even allows him in the house is because he's a cousin.
trust me as a mother if there was no reason to have my young teen daughter around a sex offender I would not have my child near the man.
20 years from now you wil... (read in full...)
Why wont my boyfriend give me oral sex?
Q. why wont my boyfriend give me oral sex..... i have been with my partner for almost 3 years we have a 9 month old little boy together and im 2 months pregnant with our 2nd baby our sex life is great but i started to notice recently that my partner ...
A. 6 June 2014: I don't find anal painful... to each his own.
again he may not do it because HE DOES NOT LIKE TO DO IT.
if he likes to do it and does not because he is lazy and selfish that's different.
but if he does not do it because he does not like ... (read in full...)
Why are so few of my friends my age?
Q. Im 14. i have alot of older friends, (mainly ages 18-26) also, i have a couple friends that aren't even 10 yet! why can i barely get along with a few people my age? i only have 4 friends close to my age...
A. 6 June 2014: you have more friends close to your age than I do.
I guess when you are younger it's a problem but as you get older it won't matter.
I'm 54 my husband is 41 my BFF is 60 and my other BFF is 38...
... (read in full...)
I've been waiting for him to get the divorce and get a mortgage with me, and now that he says he will, I'm not as excited as I thought I would be!
Q. You may know from previous posts I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years. We have just had a weeks break as I could not cope anymore with only seeing him once a week. I have taken up Ho vies and made new friends but at the end of he day I still ...
A. 6 June 2014: I think you are doing the right thing. My 40 yr old hubby and I (age 54) just refinanced the house and will be selling and buying a new house in a few years...
he's making excuses because he likes it the way it is and he wants what he wants (... (read in full...)
My long distance girlfriend make me feel anxious and insecure.
Q. My long distance girlfriend make me feel anxious, insecure. Yesterday was our second anniversary. I sent her flowers and she texted me until almost 10 pm. I know she forgot it and pretended it wasnt. I know her family and friends and they are kind...
A. 6 June 2014: At your age an LDR that has gone two years with no marriage or move is probably never going to be anything more than what it currently is.
IF you are LDR and you do not feel happy or secure there is a reason.
LDR folks want to be together ... (read in full...)
Why wont my boyfriend give me oral sex?
Q. why wont my boyfriend give me oral sex..... i have been with my partner for almost 3 years we have a 9 month old little boy together and im 2 months pregnant with our 2nd baby our sex life is great but i started to notice recently that my partner ...
A. 6 June 2014: My husband does not give oral. He made it very clear to me when we were dating that he cannot do it. He cannot tolerate the smell or the taste even when I am freshly showered. I do not have odor etc but he is overly sensitive to tastes and ... (read in full...)
Is this long distance relationship worth sticking with?
Q. I'm in a LDR I see my boyfriend 20-25 days in a year, I'm feeling like he doesn't care too much anymore. It's all about his work, where he wants to leave and I'm expected to be happy with that. Is it worth being in a relationship like that? ...
A. 6 June 2014: Read this again:
"we are in a LDR for two years and in that time I saw him 3 times, always i havce to travel to be with him, always i have to be the one that pushes him to make the plans."
now listen to me carefully,
3 times in two year... (read in full...)
I'm excited for my dad and his fiance but I'm still also upset, is it normal to feel selfish in this situation?
Q. I know this isn't really a question about a reltionship of my own but I am just in need of some advice. First things first about 8 years ago my mother passed away leaving just me and my dad, the following year my dad started seeing someone new ...
A. 5 June 2014: Since you are not doing anything to prevent this then I would not classify your feelings as selfish. If you were trying to stop it, yes, that would be selfish.
My mom died in October 1995 I was 35 and destroyed. From one Motherless Daughter to ... (read in full...)
How do I incorporate light bondage into our sex life without freaking him out?
Q. my boyfriend and i enjoy loving, passionate, sex. the "kinkiest" thing we've ever done is role play. i get turned on by watching some pretty bondage videos. i like bondage, and have rape fantasies. i'm not ready to get too crazy (and honestly don't ...
A. 5 June 2014: oh this one is fun.
next time assume the female superior position and straddle him.... get him to raise his arms above his head and hold his arms down while you grind on him and kiss him... let him struggle a bit...
then say "no my turn... y... (read in full...)
Was this a genuine error or a ploy to get back in touch?
Q. Ok I fell out with my close male friend 8 months ago We were gonna get together but because he was going through a bad split my emotional clingy mess pushed him away Now 8 months later he's emailed me saying he 'accidentally' used my address f...
A. 5 June 2014: It is probably innocent and whatever you do keep it cool and say "sure I'll make sure the item gets to you" and deliver it to him with a smile. Expect nothing... you won't be disappointed that way.... (read in full...)
I feel like men don't want to enter a relationship with me because I have a child.
Q. I'll try to keep this short. I'm 25 years old and I have a 6 year old daughter I've been dating for the past 4 years since I split from her father. The problem I'm having is I feel like men don't want to enter a relationship with me because I have a ...
A. 5 June 2014: Have you tried going to Parents Without Partners to meet eligible men to date? Of course they would have children too....... (read in full...)
He always has an excuse -- how do I call him on it without seeming clingy?
Q. I have been on and off with a man for almost a year. We care deeply for eachother but I sometimes feel he is taking the lend out of me. We arrange dates and outings but when the day arrives he always cancels and I am left feeling very low about ...
A. 4 June 2014: what you have to tell him is basic relationship maintenance.
expressing it will not be needy or clingy but he may use it as an excuse to get out of something he doen't really want to be in...
You can't speak for how he feels only how you fe... (read in full...)
I want to do what is correct, should our adult children meet before we marry?
Q. I'm planning to get married in a month or so there is one adult child on my side and 3 on my Fiancée side, would it be inapporiate to marry before the children all meet? ...
A. 4 June 2014: To add... my adult children do not consider my husband as related to them. He is referred to not as "my stepfather" but rather "my mother's husband" he did not raise them, he was never a father figure to them. Yes he met them (and my dad) before ... (read in full...)
I want to do what is correct, should our adult children meet before we marry?
Q. I'm planning to get married in a month or so there is one adult child on my side and 3 on my Fiancée side, would it be inapporiate to marry before the children all meet? ...
A. 4 June 2014: my father has been with the same woman for 18 years. they live as husband and wife. I still have not met all her children.... (read in full...)
Should I stay or go?
Q. Hello aunts and uncles Here goes! I've been with my hub for 12 years and pretty much can stay it's been a good marriage! When we met we both had 2 children each from previous marriages and decided almost 8 years ago to have our own child togeth...
A. 4 June 2014: I have a disabled adult child... and yes having a special needs child can seriously impact on a relationship...
the stress of day to day is wearing him out (and you)
you need respite care on a regular basis and daughter will have to le... (read in full...)
Should I trust my own opinions about my new manager, or believe what the secretary says about her?
Q. I recently started a new job (office work). The manager is nice at a glance. She is a bit picky and micromanages but what manager doesn't? Anyway there is a secretary working here and from day 1 she has tried to misguide my opinion about my mana...
A. 4 June 2014: Ignore the secretary and when she starts in on the boss say "I'm sorry I don't wish to discuss others behind their backs" and walk away.
make your own decisions.
there are folks that think I'm da bomb here at work and others that find me ... (read in full...)
How do I Make him stop flirting and cheating?
Q. We have been married for 16yrs, with two children, our youngest is 16. From 2005 my husband has been cheating on me. In 2010 we almost got divorced but he apologised and vowed to stop and seek counselling but that didn't happen. We have been to ...
A. 4 June 2014: stop talking about it... it's not going to change.
and sadly you can't change HIM only yourself.
If you are going to put up with it then you have to find a way to make it palatable for both of you.
Since you don't want him on socia... (read in full...)
Is this long distance relationship worth sticking with?
Q. I'm in a LDR I see my boyfriend 20-25 days in a year, I'm feeling like he doesn't care too much anymore. It's all about his work, where he wants to leave and I'm expected to be happy with that. Is it worth being in a relationship like that? ...
A. 4 June 2014: If you don't see each other often (you don't)
If you don't have firm plans to end the distance (you don't)
IF YOUR needs/wants/desires/feelings are not being met or are being ignored.... (they are)
then exactly WHAT does this "boyfrien... (read in full...)
Is it wise to play it cool now?
Q. I fell out with my close male friend eight months ago We got close too soon and as a result became clingy and too emotional and pushed him away Last night I saw him at a friends leaving do He saw me and looked awkward so I just remained calm ...
A. 2 June 2014: based on what you have written you have a friendly relationship now.
I think that friendly and cordial is the best you can hope for.
do not push at all... and if you really really really want to be JUST friends... again just sit tight and w... (read in full...)
How do I prepare myself for the breakup? And should we stay friends?
Q. For the past year and 7 months, I've been involved with this guy. Even though it's been a rough year, I've gotten really attached to him- I lost my virginity to him and everything. However it's become more and more apparent he isn't "ready" or...
A. 2 June 2014: I don't think it's necessary to pretend to remain friends after the fact. And that's all it will be is pretend.
You will move... life will go on... and you will get over this.
TIME heals things like this magically if you just let it.
ha... (read in full...)
How do I confront my boyfriend about pictures and files I've found?
Q. Dear Cupid, I having problems trusting my boyfriend who I've been dating for 6 months. He's my first boyfriend and he says he loves me deeply but I find it hard to believe him because of some of the things I have discovered on his phone ...
A. 2 June 2014: I'm with Honeypie... nothing to confront.
you know he's not trustworthy...
and he's leaving.
two things.. DO NOT sleep with him.. it wont' make him remember you better or love you more or be faithful to you.
and do not pretend to try t... (read in full...)
Would it be bad to tell my girlfriend I want to spend time with my friends?
Q. Is it bad to tell girlfriend I want to go meet some friends for an hour or two. Once she comes to my house she doesn't leave till weekend finishes. I can't get rid of her because she doesn't see me all week. Sounds bad but I'm a guy I like to do ...
A. 2 June 2014: "I can't get rid of her"
are you sure you care enough about her?
maybe it's the way you phrased it....
but if she shows up on friday and just stays till sunday....
are you guys Long distance or is she just making assumptions t... (read in full...)
What do you think of my poem to my ex?
Q. Young lady's I sent a poem to an ex, I wrote, just like to know if you think, she would of like it, an she ever has regretted breaking up with me, its been almost two years no contact, this is the only time I did this, she left me to go back to her ...
A. 2 June 2014: Since you allege you already sent it "Young lady's I sent a poem to an ex,"
there is not much we can say or do.
I suggest you find a good therapist and show him/her the poem and tell them that you sent it after 2 years of no contact and ... (read in full...)
Should I stay friends with him or not?
Q. I met a man about a year ago and became close friends. There was clearly chemistry and after a few months things progressed, we slept together and started hanging out a lot more. Things only got physical 5 or 6 times before it became obvious that I ...
A. 2 June 2014: What do you get out of a friendship with him that you can't get anywhere else? If you can't come up with a compelling answer then maybe the choice to not be friends is wise. There is a difference between being friendly and being friends.
I w... (read in full...)
Does he love me, why does he talk to me?
Q. i first met my second cousin in 2010,when we were introduced to each other by our grandparents. we don't know anything more about each other and we see each other only one or two times a year. but,whenever he see me,he comes up and talks with me as ...
A. 2 June 2014: nothing to be confused about, he's just a nice friendly guy.
Men that are interested in dating a particular woman will make it clear to them that they are interested.
If all he is doing is having a friendly conversation with you on... (read in full...)
He is my first love!! Please give me some advice
Q. My boyfriend and I have been close friends and we started dating recently. He is 8 years older than me but I love his personality. He is my ideal boyfriend. We play sports together every week and text each other everyday. He seems really seriously ...
A. 2 June 2014: at 16/17 even if you think it's true love and he's your ONE you are years away from actually making that choice.
so if you have to ask "how do you know" then the answer is "it isn't him" usually... but in your case the answer is.. wait 5 ... (read in full...)
I've been waiting for him to get the divorce and get a mortgage with me, and now that he says he will, I'm not as excited as I thought I would be!
Q. You may know from previous posts I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years. We have just had a weeks break as I could not cope anymore with only seeing him once a week. I have taken up Ho vies and made new friends but at the end of he day I still ...
A. 8 May 2014: I would not get a mortgage with him.
I also would not sit around and wait for him to leave his wife... if he's not getting a divorce after 7 years separated then he's not serious about ending the marriage.
I will tell you that my first husban... (read in full...)
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