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My friend seems selfish and ungrateful, or am I just too sensitive?

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Question - (26 May 2014) 8 Answers - (Newest, 28 May 2014)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, *pendy writes:

Why does she behave like that? Am I overreacting?

So my older married friend needed a babysitter for the weekend and I love kids and was bored and needed her to do my hair so I spent the weekend with her and her family.

I slept with her 2little girls in their bedroom but I couldn't sleep cause they snore really loudly throughout the night. It bothered me so I told her and she didn't care she just said to stop embarrassing her kid and use earphones.:)

I was in a verbal abusive relationship and I confided in her and she's told most of her friends and now they are all trying to set me up with a decent guy. (So embarrassing)

I took really good care of her kids but the whole time I was at her house I was barefoot cause I forgot my slippers and she didn't offer me a pair or a guest towel. She didn't ask anything of that sort.

Her husband is friendly and says I'm a good person and whenever we are alone she'd makes an excuse to come pick something but really to check up on us and she'd just seem mad. Hehe. But I'd never do that and neither would he.

She's always moaning. This weekend I learnt alot about her. She seems really selfish and ungrateful. and a user so I'll keep my distance from now on.

Am I being too sensitive?

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (28 May 2014):

So_Very_Confused agony auntI agree with WhenCowsAttack

if a guest is in my house and they don't have slippers I would have given them a pair of socks but not a pair of slippers... I would have offered to drive them to Walmart to pick up a pair.

As for the husband, yeah what's with the " Hehe. But I'd never do that and neither would he." THE fact that you even have to DENY that speaks wonders.

You complain that she was always moaning but isn't that what you are doing?

you bartered with her... service for service.. perhaps you felt that you gave her more than she gave you?

On the towel: WHY didn't you ask for a towel. When my guests come I'm always anal about saying "feel free to use any towel in the guest room and if you need anything let me know" perhaps she's more of a "make yourself at home" kind of woman and figured you would get a towel yourself or ask and since you did not ask, she assumed you knew where they were or brought your own.

As for the children... if you were complaining you could not sleep due to her children snoring, then that's rude and there wasn't much that she could do. Since children rarely snore unless they are sick or overweight I am sure that she's taking it as a whiny complaint vs a concern.

IF you however took her aside and quietly said "I am concerned that little Sally and baby anne may have allergies or something going on since they both snore so loudly. Has the doctor said they are ok?" that's different.

her friends trying to find you a decent guy is sweet... everyone has Noah's Ark Syndrome.. we want the world paired up.. they are not doing it to embarrass you but rather they are trying to help.

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A female reader, jls022 United Kingdom +, writes (27 May 2014):

I'm afraid I have to agree with the others and say you sound very insensitive and also quite immature. You complain about her kids, expect her to provide slippers for you (which is not a standard thing to do at all) and you find it funny that she doesn't trust you with her husband (writing 'hehe' proves that). What kind of friend thinks it's funny to get close enough to her friend's husband (in her OWN HOME no less) that she feels threatened by it? I think you need to stay away from this family for a while and do a bit of growing up.

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A female reader, WhenCowsAttack United States +, writes (26 May 2014):

Hmm, insecure maybe, but a user? Doesn't sound like it. She does sound concerned that a younger (possibly prettier?) woman is around her husband, and I am questioning why you followed "I wouldn't do that and neither would he" with "hehe", it almost read like you are kind of proud that she is worried about it.

As for the snoring thing,why did she mention embarrassing her kids? Did you complain about this in front of them? If so, that's rude and I don't blame her.

Towel? I have never, ever been afraid to ASK for a towel when staying at a friends house. What was stopping you? This was probably just an oversight. How hard is it to say "hey, Jane, where do you keep your spare towels"? It seems rather passive aggressive to not ask, then complain about it later. It isn't rude to ask for a towel.

And slippers? What makes you think she HAS an extra pair? Personally I only have one pair of slippers. They are mine. And if you are supposed to be friends, again, why is it so hard to say "hey jane, do you happen to have an extra pair of socks? I forgot my slippers.

Personally when friends come over, for me, I'm very casual about it and expect them to make themselves at home.

I think you are overreacting.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (26 May 2014):

CindyCares agony aunt Yes, I concur more or less with Bronzed Adonis.

I don't see why she should be a user or ungrateful of what , since you have swapped services : babysitting in exchange for hairstyling.

As for the husband, yes maybe she is the jealous or paranoid type, but I think that reflects on HIM, not on you. How do you know that he'd never try anything ? You can only speak for yourself - but she is his wife so probably she has quite a fair idea of how he is and what could go through his mind.

The snoring girls... what was the woman supposed to do, choke them ?! Earphones is a reasonable suggestion.

As for the slippers, yieeek, I would not think of offering a pair of my used slippers to a guest, nor would I ask to borrow old slippers in which another woman's feet may have sweated for ages . Barefoot is better .

The only thing she was really remiss was in not offering you a clean towel. Maybe she meant to but just forgot, with two kids around at times there's a bit of confusion at home.

Said all that, if you did not feel comfortable / had fun spending time with her, that's your call . You surely can choose the people you want to befriend or not befriend.

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A male reader, somewhere_between United Kingdom +, writes (26 May 2014):

somewhere_between agony auntAre you being too sensitive? No.

You are being too insensitive than sensitive. I`m surprised she did not kick you out of her house for complaining about her children like that.

It comes across to me that you got on with her husband a lot better than you get on with her, so I would keep your distance from them.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2014):

You yourself only went because you were bored? Is she a user? Maybe she is, but not meaning to offend you even more, but so are you by the sound of it. Did she do your hair too?

Your complaints about her children snoring were extremely insensitive and tactless.

I dont know what to make of the husband bit.

I think you need to work on yourself a bit, before finding fault with others. I`m sorry I cannot agree with you here.

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A male reader, bronzed adonis United Kingdom +, writes (26 May 2014):

bronzed adonis agony auntI`m not quite sure you will like all of this reply.

From the little information there is to go off, this stands out...."Her husband is friendly and says I'm a good person and whenever we are alone she'd makes an excuse to come pick something but really to check up on us and she'd just seem mad."

We dont know their history, but it could be, she is very insecure and like that with every female he talks to. Did you talk to him more than you talked to her? He may have even cheated on her once, we dont know. It seems like there may be a lack of trust in their marriage. It could even be something totally unrelated to that.

The best thing would be to know how she would behave without her husband being present.

As for her children snoring, it`s not really their fault, and its their home. Yes mentioning it could embarrass them. I agree with her on that.

Why do you believe SHE is a user, when she did your hair and you admit you only went there because you was bored? Yes, she could have offered you a clean towel, that`s true.

In your situation, I would be very reluctant to stay there again, no matter what.

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A female reader, Miss Led United Kingdom +, writes (26 May 2014):

She is paranoid that you want to take her man if you ask me.

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