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... Send *irtball a private message | | | *irtball's profile:Hello DC. Some of you may be wondering where I were I went. My life has taken a turn that has taken me away from here for the time being. I'm not really answering many questions at this time. If you PM me, I will respond, but it may be delayed a week or two. I had many problems dumped on me of my own, so I don't have much energy for the problems of others. I'll be back, but it just may be a while.
Wow, been away longer than anticipated. To sum it up, life sort of sucks for me at the moment. Not looking for pity, just letting you know why I haven't been around. I still hope things will get better soon, but who knows.
ALERT: If you're sending me a PM in regard to advice I've given you, please reference the thread or specifics so I can be on the same page. Lately I've been receiving lots of PM's with an answer to some question I asked, but since the question was from an Anon poster, I have no idea which answer it was in regard to. I give a lot of advice here, so I'm very sorry if I don't immediately recognize you. The question title or a link would be most appreciated. Thank you!
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Hi, I'm the bad bad charming sweetheart dirtball. Although recently I seem to have picked up the moniker "Dirty Balls" despite making sure to clean them thoroughly each day. Anyway, I love this site. I have a BA in Psychology which is part of the reason I think I like this site so much. I posted anon for quite some time before creating my profile. I took to the brutally honest approach which has gotten me in trouble a few times, but for the most part has gone quite well. I enjoy helping people and at times challenging them when I think it is appropriate.
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I've been getting lots of great feedback on my advice and I appreciate it, even if you didn't like it. With that said, I'd like to add a segment here I'll call (drum roll please)
DIRTBALL'S RULES ABOUT PEOPLE AND DATING (in no particular order)
Men don't befriend women who they are not interested in sexually. What do I mean by this? I mean that men will not actively seek out friends of the opposite sex unless they would like to make the friendship progress further at some point. Plain and simple, that's how we operate. Are there circumstances where they are actually just friends? Yes, those would be times when you are forced together in some way. Examples could be; fellow employees at work, a regular customer at work, shared friend circle. The key to watch for is if he looks to spend time with her alone. That's usually the sign that he has a romantic interest in the relationship.
Long Distance Relationships don't work. Go ahead and tell me your success stories, I don't care. Most of the time it is just way too hard for the parties involved. Too much doubt creeps into the relationship. Plus, can you really call it a relationship if you only get to be together rarely? I think not.
Once broken up, you should stay that way. Make up/break up relationships don't work. Why do you always feel the need to break up? It's because things aren't working. Then you miss each other and get back together, only to have the very thing that drove you apart last time do it again. It is a cycle that doesn't get better. All you're doing is preventing yourself from finding someone who will actually make you happy.
People only change if they really (and I mean REALLY) want to for themselves. Changes for the benefit of others are temporary. True change is very hard to make. It requires diligence, effort, and support.
Communication is the most important part of your relationship. So many times we have people here asking about how they should handle a situation when the solution is simply to talk to your partner about it. We forget how important this is. It affects everything. If you are feeling upset about something, it is best that you discuss it with your partner instead of burying it and letting it brew. Later it will explode when it could have just been a calm discussion if addressed right away. Communicate with your partner. If you never talk, why are you even together?
People can love each other and not be right for a relationship. This kind of goes back to the make up/break up rule from earlier but it extends to present partners or exes as well. When someone is part of your life, especially for long periods of time, it is natural that part of the love you carry for them will always be there. Just because you love someone though, that doesn't mean you should be together. That's the case with most of my ex GF's as I'm sure it is with many other people. Sometimes you need to consider if love is making you do foolish things.
You should set ground rules in your relationships. Let your partner know about deal breakers. Deal breakers being defined as things they would do that would cause you to end the relationship. It is good to get these out of the way when you are getting serious. That way, you can refer back to them if your partner does something against said ground rules. An example that I tell all my girlfriends (including friends who I'm not romantically involved with) is that I will never answer the question "Am I fat" or any variation of it (does this make me look fat, does my butt look big, etc). I explain why too. It's a trap question. Answer yes, and that's obvious. Answer no, and "you're just saying that." So I won't entertain that question. I know, silly, but this works for the bigger picture too. Figure out what's important enough to you that you'd be willing to end a relationship. Tell your partner what these things are. If they want to be with you, they should know.
When one person in a relationship has a problem, it's a problem for the relationship. You're not alone in your relationship, and dismissing your partner's problem doesn't solve anything. It makes them feel devalued and unimportant. Why don't you care enough to address something they think is a problem? It's because you know it's a problem but want to hide. Don't hide from it. If you do, it won't go away.
When a relationship ends, you need to give yourself proper time to grieve it. Like dealing with death, you go through the same stages. Denial, anger, depression, bargaining, and finally acceptance. This is part of the problem with rebound relationships. Take the time you need. Don't be afraid to wait.
Let the past be the past. It's over, it's done, and there is nothing that can be done to change it. There is no use dwelling on it because there is nothing that can be done about it. Don't worry about things that cannot be changed. You can't drive a car by only looking in the rear view mirror.
I'm sure there will be more to come, but these are the few I've seen myself repeat a lot in my rather short time here.
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This is, hands down, the best conversation I've seen about porn yet on this site: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-is-there-no-middle-ground-when-it.html
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Dirtball Rants:
1) What the hell happened to punctuation and grammar? I blame text messaging for the trash I see people write. It's not the content but the way it's expressed that makes me wonder what's happening to society. I realize that we're a multinational forum here, and I give a complete pass to someone who is doing their best despite the fact that English isn't their first language. But the crap I see from Americans, the British, Canadians, and Australians often makes me sick. If any of you read this, your posts would be much easier to read if you used paragraphs, sentences with punctuation, and whole words instead of abreviations like U, cuz, or wut! Quit being so fucking lazy if you want help.
2) There is a difference between the words your and you're. "Your" denotes ownership. "You're" is the contraction of "you are." Saying something like "your lame" is wrong wrong wrong! The same goes for there, their, and they're. "There" is used for things like places (look over there). "Their" denotes ownership (they wanted their cookies back). "They're" is the contraction of "they are." An example, "they're going to the service station over there to pick up their car which was just repaired." I bet that just blew your mind.
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Abreviations.
I use a lot of abreviations when I type advice so I'm going to start a list of the most common ones I see for use as a reference tool.
OP - Original Poster, the person asking for advice.
BF - Boyfriend
GF - Girlfriend
SO - Significant Other, your BF, GF, Fiance, or spouse in other words.
BTW - By the way
FWIW - For what it's worth
TBH - To be honest
IDC - I Don't Care
IDK - I Don't Know
IMHO - In My Humble Opinion
IMO - In My Opinion
IOW - In Other Words
THO - Titty Hard On (erect nipples) |
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Penis size insecurity...Why is size such a big deal??
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A. 31 January 2011: Guys just want to be the best. Want to make our day? Tell us you love our cock. It's silly, but I guarantee if you have a guy who's insecure about what he has, hearing those words, unsolicited, will give him confidence he didn't know he had.
... (read in full...)
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While my boyfriend performs oral on me, he masturbates?
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A. 31 January 2011: You've got it completely backward. Going down on you got him so arroused that he couldn't help but play with himself. It's actually very common for a person giving oral, male or female, to play with themselves while performing. Mutual ... (read in full...)
Penis size insecurity...Why is size such a big deal??
Q. ok well id like to know why guys worry so much about the size of their penis? why is it such a big concern for them? why is it a competition? i dont hear girls comparing the size of their vagina. what is it about it that makes them feel such varity ...
A. 31 January 2011: For all your questions, replace the word Penis with Breasts, and Men with Women. Then ask yourself these questions and you'll have your answer.
Some of us have learned that size isn't the end all be all to women. Still, media constantly fills us... (read in full...)
My wife's male friend told her he loved her and she ask me what to do!
Q. My wife of 8 years with two kids asked me what she should do about her male friend who told her he love her. He said he knows she is married and she can't help him, but he can't stop thinking about her. He loves to talk the whole day with her. ...
A. 30 January 2011: I think you need to do your best to be supportive of her and not focus on how right you were. Do you know guy's intentions better than she does? Absolutely. Perhaps she'll realize that, but right now that's not what she needs right now.
What ... (read in full...)
Are men really ok with small perfect breasts?
Q. my boyfriend is a boob guy.. i know that he loves boobs,..big boobs especially. Im about 34b. i lost a lot of weight and lost most of my breasts( i was 180lbs now im 125). they are perky, he tells me he loves my boobs but always comment's on boobs ...
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Q. Dear readers, I want to know what is the best way to pleasure a male in bed? what would make him very happy?...
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Can I get pregnant if he came but I didn't?
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Of course, your baby might be a warewo... (read in full...)
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Q. I am always the girl next door. I have had two long term relationships and with both men, it was about them loving my personality. It was never because I am sexy, or hot its because men feel comfortable in my presence. I want men to really feel ...
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Those guys you belittle... (read in full...)
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It might just be your body reacting to something on his skin. I wouldn't consider this normal.... (read in full...)
My real life friends want me to delete my online friend from my life!
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Why did you even ask?
Q. What brought you to Dear Cupid? Most likely it's because of some problem in your life or relationship. That's how most of us stumbled upon this place. You came here hoping that these anon people on the internet could offer you some insight into ...
A. 28 January 2011: Thanks CaringGuy, I'm the same way. When someone lashes out, it shows us their true character. I'll often poke them a bit after that too. It not only helps provide a little satisfaction, but can often provoke some truth out of an OP that they ... (read in full...)
I was fine with my girlfriend being an escort ...but now her proximity to a certain client is really bothering me...
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A. 28 January 2011: Your GF is being pimped by you OP. That's disgusting and you are a very sorry excuse for a human.
I hope you read what she wrote and take it to heart. Oh wait, I forgot, you don't have a heart. If you did, you wouldn't have ever put her in t... (read in full...)
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Online dating? Experiences and advice?
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A. 27 January 2011: I hear ya, I'm just trying out the online dating thing myself. So far, it's been a mixed bag. I've met a couple of nice girls, even have a date with one tomorrow, but it can also be very very frustrating.
If you're on the fence about it, then... (read in full...)
Is it normal to get a sore jaw after giving bf oral?
Q. is it normal to very quickly get a sore jaw after giving my bf oral and will it go away in time? its often too painful to continue for any length of time...
A. 27 January 2011: Blonde68 is right, such things do blow our mind.... (read in full...)
Has his joke gone to far
Q. Me and my boyfriend have a joke that we are allowed to have sex with one celebrity, mine being Milo Ventimiglia, phwwooar.. haha! Anyway today he said that he decided on who his person was, I asked who and he said 'Wait do they have to be famous?' ...
A. 27 January 2011: Why do you feel the need to say "no criticism?" Jeeze, like we're out to abuse every person who posts here or something. Since you didn't want it, that's what you're going to get for a start!
Anyway, now that we've gotten that out of the way.... (read in full...)
Will I be unable to satisfy women
Q. My Business is 6" long exactly and around 5 and a quarter around. I understand that this is safely within the average, but don't know how acceptable this is for women. A cursory Google search of penile size preference revealed a poll, http://w...
A. 27 January 2011: "And what do those women get told?"
"Anyone judging a [wo]man by [her bust] size is someone who is an idiot, shallow and probably of low IQ and poor social skills. In other words, a loser."
Although, I usually like to add that I don't care wha... (read in full...)
Will I be unable to satisfy women
Q. My Business is 6" long exactly and around 5 and a quarter around. I understand that this is safely within the average, but don't know how acceptable this is for women. A cursory Google search of penile size preference revealed a poll, http://w...
A. 27 January 2011: "That level of shallowness belongs to men."
Come on Tisha, many women get just as worried about their bust size. LOL
Hey OP, don't worry man. Read what Tisha wrote carefully, it's the truth.... (read in full...)
What do I buy my boyfriend for valentines day
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A. 27 January 2011: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/valentines-day-gift-ideas.html
... (read in full...)
Should I stop seeing two brothers
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A. 27 January 2011: Wow, that dude's brother is an asshole! Have fun destroying their family!... (read in full...)
I was fine with my girlfriend being an escort ...but now her proximity to a certain client is really bothering me...
Q. I came across this blog and read a couple of them.I am a boyfriend of a escort, I have been her boyfriend for 6 years, she has been a escort for almost 3 years. I am fine with it, She did it for the bills of course.Now We just came into a situation ...
A. 27 January 2011: Would you be willing to explore the things she wants with her? Why was she scared to ask you to do these things? Because you would assume she learned them from a client?
If she stops seeing him, will that fix the problem for you? Or is it that ... (read in full...)
I love him, but has his love for me died? What should I do?
Q. He's doing it again! He's saying I've broken his heart more than once... HOW??? I've been faithful throughout this relationship, while he was out doing God know's what from 6pm-1am! I love him dearly but sometimes it does my head in to HAVE TO ...
A. 27 January 2011: You should leave. It's not working and all you're doing is getting walked all over. Do you really want to be this guy's slave? From what you've described, that seems like a pretty accurate description of what you are to him.
Send him packing,... (read in full...)
How many girlfriends should I have before I marry?
Q. iam looking for a girl who will be my wife.so before i marry ,how many girlfriends should i have? should i be trusting her? ...
A. 27 January 2011: 37... (read in full...)
Do you think we are meant to be? I never felt this way about a man ever, but I don't know if its the right thing?
Q. Let me just start off that i met this guy in 2009 on youtube and we used to talk all the time about music and politics. It was just 2 people talking about things we loved. He lives in Ireland and I live in Canada. It was obvious we had strong ...
A. 27 January 2011: Good idea or not, if you feel that strongly for him, I think you'd be stupid not to meet with him when he comes. How many opportunities like that will you get?
Long term logistics aside, I think you should grab that opportunity. ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my online friend my real name? And was it wrong of me to lie about my name?
Q. I started exchanging messages with someone I 'met' on a internet forum. Completely against my expectations, we still 'talk' about a lot after 3 weeks. The problem is that I didn't tell him my real name and he did give me his. (first names only, ...
A. 27 January 2011: If you feel you've built up enough trust, then tell him. He'll understand, especially if you explain what happened in the past to make you cautious.
The internet can be a scary and dangerous place. Caution is never a bad plan.... (read in full...)
Is it normal to get a sore jaw after giving bf oral?
Q. is it normal to very quickly get a sore jaw after giving my bf oral and will it go away in time? its often too painful to continue for any length of time...
A. 27 January 2011: Yup and yup. The more you practice, the more your muscles will adjust. Guys get it too when we give oral. I'd recommend switching to your hand or licking instead of sucking if your jaw gets sore. Then when it feels a bit better, get back at ... (read in full...)
I was fine with my girlfriend being an escort ...but now her proximity to a certain client is really bothering me...
Q. I came across this blog and read a couple of them.I am a boyfriend of a escort, I have been her boyfriend for 6 years, she has been a escort for almost 3 years. I am fine with it, She did it for the bills of course.Now We just came into a situation ...
A. 27 January 2011: I think you're learning first hand why the saying "you can't turn a ho into a housewife" exists.
I'm confused about something. How did you "catch" her doing this stuff? That doesn't add up to me.
Anyway, my best advice is to be honest with h... (read in full...)
My 19 year old boyfriend wet the bed! Why?
Q. PLEASE TELL ME WHATS WRONG! Me and my boyfriend are sort of living together for like 2 months. And he has an early shift so he gets up 06:00AM. (we sleep together). He woke me up and told me that he peed the bed! AND HE IS 19! HE seemed really f...
A. 27 January 2011: He didn't make you sleep in the wet spot, did he?... (read in full...)
Why did you even ask?
Q. What brought you to Dear Cupid? Most likely it's because of some problem in your life or relationship. That's how most of us stumbled upon this place. You came here hoping that these anon people on the internet could offer you some insight into ...
A. 27 January 2011: Thanks Odds, and you bring up a very good point. Sometimes the aunts do get vicious. I know I have. Other times certain topics bring it out *cough* porn *cough*. You see people getting on their soapbox ignoring the question the OP asked to spout ... (read in full...)
My friend doesn't want to know me anymore despite everything I did for him!
Q. my good friend has suddenly decided he doesnt want to know me. i helped him with everything last year with his homelife and work exams. now hes joined a new team hes gone distant and boast how great it is and how much work he gets-a lot different to ...
A. 27 January 2011: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-always-helped-him-out-and-now-it.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/co-worker-has-become-distant-but-claims-nothing.html
Aren't you getting sick of asking the same question over and over?... (read in full...)
After no sex for 9 months will I bleed like I did the 1st time?
Q. Hi, I havent had sex in over 9 months reason being I broke up with my boyfriend and havent been ready! But now I have met someone who I want to sleep with and I am just wondering if I will bleed like the first time again? I will feel so ashamed if I ...
A. 27 January 2011: Nope, unless he's really rough and scratches you, or your period comes early.
It may hurt a little, but if you're really aroused, and he's gentle, it shouldn't be a problem.
Good luck, have fun, and be safe!... (read in full...)
Flat tire, 6mo preggo, and bf is more worried about his xbox game?
Q. So I got a flat tire on my way to work. I'm 6 months pregnant and have no cell phone and live in MN where it was a balmy 20*f out today. I was able to stop someone driving by to use their phone and call my dad. My dad came and helped me, the only ...
A. 27 January 2011: Well, if the game was in the system, that can scratch it really easily. Especially with xbox games!
Anyway, I'm glad you were alright. You can be upset about this. He was very incensitive, and should be called on it. It would definite... (read in full...)
does he think I'm a whore and he is just a really really good liar?
Q. ok,this is really confusing me-I have this new boyfriend-we've been seeing each other for a couple of months and he is saying that he loves me and he wants to have a serious relationship and he sounds really genuine and when he says what he likes ...
A. 27 January 2011: I'm inclined to believe he was showing off, or making judgements before he got to know you. Usually sex on the first date is pretty bad behavior, and such assumptions aren't outside the realm of possibilities.
I think you should talk to him abou... (read in full...)
I love my ex so much and I miss her. Should I send her flowers for Valentine's day?
Q. I just recently broke up with my ex fiance. We were together for 6 years, we broke up 6 months ago, but we kept talking for many months. I was trying to work things out, but she did not believe that i would ever change. Her reason for leaving ...
A. 26 January 2011: Sorry, but I agree with the walkin dude. I can appreciate where you're coming from, but I don't think it's the best choice given the circumstances.
Flowers, or any gift for that matter, would likely have one extreme effect, either extremel... (read in full...)
I haven't been on a date for a long time. Could you please suggest some conversation starters and tips for my date with a 17 year old?
Q. Hi all! I'm 19. Going to have a date with a very nice 17 year old :). Now, it's been a VEEERY long time since I went on a date, so I'm thinking I'm a tad rusty, so would anyone have any good tips for conversation? :) Thanks...
A. 26 January 2011: It depends on the person and how well you already know them. Current events are usually good, so are favorite bands, shows, movies, etc. Asking her about herself is a good idea too. Nothing too invasive, but it shows an interest in her if you ask ... (read in full...)
My work environment is now so unhappy. No one is talking to me at work. What have others experienced in the same situation please?
Q. I put in my two weeks notice at work. Now no one is speaking to me! Can any one tell me about their last two weeks at work? Any other "what did you do the last 2 weeks of working at a former job"? I am having a tough time please advise......
A. 26 January 2011: I made sure I collected all of my things as well as a few *cough* souvenirs. Then spent the rest of the time doing the bare minimum to get by. I wanted to leave on a good note, but once that notice went in, I pretty much checked out.... (read in full...)
Why did you even ask?
Q. What brought you to Dear Cupid? Most likely it's because of some problem in your life or relationship. That's how most of us stumbled upon this place. You came here hoping that these anon people on the internet could offer you some insight into ...
A. 26 January 2011: Thanks again everyone who's contributing here.
angelDlite, I think it's natural to get defensive for the person you love when others are attacking them, even if you know what they are saying is true. Right or wrong, it's part of human nature. ... (read in full...)
Why did you even ask?
Q. What brought you to Dear Cupid? Most likely it's because of some problem in your life or relationship. That's how most of us stumbled upon this place. You came here hoping that these anon people on the internet could offer you some insight into ...
A. 26 January 2011: "Had a bad day honeypie..."
Not at all Mia. Nobody in particular sparked this, I just felt it needed to be said. I've seen more and more OP's lashing out lately and it got me thinking, that's all.
Thanks for the kind words everyone. Any o... (read in full...)
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