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... Send *irtball a private message | | | *irtball's profile:Hello DC. Some of you may be wondering where I were I went. My life has taken a turn that has taken me away from here for the time being. I'm not really answering many questions at this time. If you PM me, I will respond, but it may be delayed a week or two. I had many problems dumped on me of my own, so I don't have much energy for the problems of others. I'll be back, but it just may be a while.
Wow, been away longer than anticipated. To sum it up, life sort of sucks for me at the moment. Not looking for pity, just letting you know why I haven't been around. I still hope things will get better soon, but who knows.
ALERT: If you're sending me a PM in regard to advice I've given you, please reference the thread or specifics so I can be on the same page. Lately I've been receiving lots of PM's with an answer to some question I asked, but since the question was from an Anon poster, I have no idea which answer it was in regard to. I give a lot of advice here, so I'm very sorry if I don't immediately recognize you. The question title or a link would be most appreciated. Thank you!
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Hi, I'm the bad bad charming sweetheart dirtball. Although recently I seem to have picked up the moniker "Dirty Balls" despite making sure to clean them thoroughly each day. Anyway, I love this site. I have a BA in Psychology which is part of the reason I think I like this site so much. I posted anon for quite some time before creating my profile. I took to the brutally honest approach which has gotten me in trouble a few times, but for the most part has gone quite well. I enjoy helping people and at times challenging them when I think it is appropriate.
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I've been getting lots of great feedback on my advice and I appreciate it, even if you didn't like it. With that said, I'd like to add a segment here I'll call (drum roll please)
DIRTBALL'S RULES ABOUT PEOPLE AND DATING (in no particular order)
Men don't befriend women who they are not interested in sexually. What do I mean by this? I mean that men will not actively seek out friends of the opposite sex unless they would like to make the friendship progress further at some point. Plain and simple, that's how we operate. Are there circumstances where they are actually just friends? Yes, those would be times when you are forced together in some way. Examples could be; fellow employees at work, a regular customer at work, shared friend circle. The key to watch for is if he looks to spend time with her alone. That's usually the sign that he has a romantic interest in the relationship.
Long Distance Relationships don't work. Go ahead and tell me your success stories, I don't care. Most of the time it is just way too hard for the parties involved. Too much doubt creeps into the relationship. Plus, can you really call it a relationship if you only get to be together rarely? I think not.
Once broken up, you should stay that way. Make up/break up relationships don't work. Why do you always feel the need to break up? It's because things aren't working. Then you miss each other and get back together, only to have the very thing that drove you apart last time do it again. It is a cycle that doesn't get better. All you're doing is preventing yourself from finding someone who will actually make you happy.
People only change if they really (and I mean REALLY) want to for themselves. Changes for the benefit of others are temporary. True change is very hard to make. It requires diligence, effort, and support.
Communication is the most important part of your relationship. So many times we have people here asking about how they should handle a situation when the solution is simply to talk to your partner about it. We forget how important this is. It affects everything. If you are feeling upset about something, it is best that you discuss it with your partner instead of burying it and letting it brew. Later it will explode when it could have just been a calm discussion if addressed right away. Communicate with your partner. If you never talk, why are you even together?
People can love each other and not be right for a relationship. This kind of goes back to the make up/break up rule from earlier but it extends to present partners or exes as well. When someone is part of your life, especially for long periods of time, it is natural that part of the love you carry for them will always be there. Just because you love someone though, that doesn't mean you should be together. That's the case with most of my ex GF's as I'm sure it is with many other people. Sometimes you need to consider if love is making you do foolish things.
You should set ground rules in your relationships. Let your partner know about deal breakers. Deal breakers being defined as things they would do that would cause you to end the relationship. It is good to get these out of the way when you are getting serious. That way, you can refer back to them if your partner does something against said ground rules. An example that I tell all my girlfriends (including friends who I'm not romantically involved with) is that I will never answer the question "Am I fat" or any variation of it (does this make me look fat, does my butt look big, etc). I explain why too. It's a trap question. Answer yes, and that's obvious. Answer no, and "you're just saying that." So I won't entertain that question. I know, silly, but this works for the bigger picture too. Figure out what's important enough to you that you'd be willing to end a relationship. Tell your partner what these things are. If they want to be with you, they should know.
When one person in a relationship has a problem, it's a problem for the relationship. You're not alone in your relationship, and dismissing your partner's problem doesn't solve anything. It makes them feel devalued and unimportant. Why don't you care enough to address something they think is a problem? It's because you know it's a problem but want to hide. Don't hide from it. If you do, it won't go away.
When a relationship ends, you need to give yourself proper time to grieve it. Like dealing with death, you go through the same stages. Denial, anger, depression, bargaining, and finally acceptance. This is part of the problem with rebound relationships. Take the time you need. Don't be afraid to wait.
Let the past be the past. It's over, it's done, and there is nothing that can be done to change it. There is no use dwelling on it because there is nothing that can be done about it. Don't worry about things that cannot be changed. You can't drive a car by only looking in the rear view mirror.
I'm sure there will be more to come, but these are the few I've seen myself repeat a lot in my rather short time here.
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This is, hands down, the best conversation I've seen about porn yet on this site: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-is-there-no-middle-ground-when-it.html
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Dirtball Rants:
1) What the hell happened to punctuation and grammar? I blame text messaging for the trash I see people write. It's not the content but the way it's expressed that makes me wonder what's happening to society. I realize that we're a multinational forum here, and I give a complete pass to someone who is doing their best despite the fact that English isn't their first language. But the crap I see from Americans, the British, Canadians, and Australians often makes me sick. If any of you read this, your posts would be much easier to read if you used paragraphs, sentences with punctuation, and whole words instead of abreviations like U, cuz, or wut! Quit being so fucking lazy if you want help.
2) There is a difference between the words your and you're. "Your" denotes ownership. "You're" is the contraction of "you are." Saying something like "your lame" is wrong wrong wrong! The same goes for there, their, and they're. "There" is used for things like places (look over there). "Their" denotes ownership (they wanted their cookies back). "They're" is the contraction of "they are." An example, "they're going to the service station over there to pick up their car which was just repaired." I bet that just blew your mind.
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Abreviations.
I use a lot of abreviations when I type advice so I'm going to start a list of the most common ones I see for use as a reference tool.
OP - Original Poster, the person asking for advice.
BF - Boyfriend
GF - Girlfriend
SO - Significant Other, your BF, GF, Fiance, or spouse in other words.
BTW - By the way
FWIW - For what it's worth
TBH - To be honest
IDC - I Don't Care
IDK - I Don't Know
IMHO - In My Humble Opinion
IMO - In My Opinion
IOW - In Other Words
THO - Titty Hard On (erect nipples) |
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A. 1 February 2011: LOL, no problem. I just couldn't even add anything to this one.... (read in full...)
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A. 1 February 2011: "- A back rub after a log day."
Oops, I meant LONG day...... (read in full...)
Who should employ the NO CONTACT RULE? is it the dumper or the dumped?
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A. 1 February 2011: Dammit CaringGuy, you beat me to this one too! I can't say it better. Ditto to all his points.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend complains that I never do anything nice and considerate for him in our relationship.
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A. 1 February 2011: What are some of the nicest things he's done for you? Can you do any of them back?
Some simple ideas that most guys will appreciate.
- A back rub after a log day.
- Various unsolicited sexual favors if your relationship is at that point.
- P... (read in full...)
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A. 1 February 2011: I agree eyes, Jmtmj, that was awesome!
To me, it's about acceptance. When you swallow, you're accepting something that most people find disgusting. It also feels great.... (read in full...)
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I am 16 years old, height is 5'5", is a weight of 103 lbs. normal??
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A. 1 February 2011: First and foremost, you never have to do anything you don't want to when it comes to sex. You're never wrong to say no. Never feel obligated to do anything.
Now that I've gotten that out of the way, perhaps you need to get to the root of why i... (read in full...)
What can I do? He seems not to know what to do in the bedroom.
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A. 1 February 2011: How long has this relationship been going on?
I don't think you're being a bitch. What you're feeling is completely normal in the situation you describe. I've been there, and felt that. Always having to initiate does exactly what you describe... (read in full...)
He is a nice person, but I don't think he knows who I am. What should I do?
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A. 1 February 2011: Yeah, doubts like this are normal. Really, you should talk to him about what you want. What you want matters. If he dismisses your feelings, then that's not a partnership, it's a dictatorship, and that's not the way to be.
I would say that you... (read in full...)
Penis size insecurity...Why is size such a big deal??
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A. 1 February 2011: It goes beyond performance. Our penis is an embodiment of us and our sexuality. It is both an appearence thing and a performance thing. It's what makes us men. As men, we want the embodiment of our manhood to be the best it can be in every way. ... (read in full...)
Will he ever be ready to commit or am I putting too much pressure on him?
Q. I have been in a relationship with a guy for 2 and a half years, and I have recently been sent interstate for work. There is no definite time for us to live in the same city again, unless we go de-facto or marry (we are both in the military) We have ...
A. 1 February 2011: I tend to agree with your friend, it shouldn't be that hard. Motivational issues are something that many men have. Depending on how bad his are, you may consider giving a partial pass. Still, there has to be a willingness to compromise, or the ... (read in full...)
Is kissing sexual?
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A. 1 February 2011: Great answer chigirl! I agree. I tend to think that most kisses are sexual in nature if they aren't a greeting peck on the cheek though.... (read in full...)
What can I say to him via text to turn him on???
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A. 31 January 2011: No, you're a minor and there are laws against sexting and minors. Keep it clean, it's the more mature thing to do.... (read in full...)
Can you explain this lingo?
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My cousin wants to use me for kissing practice!!!
Q. my cousin wanted to practice kissing with me to see if she was doing it right aparently but the parts of my body she touched during it and what she said after told me it wasnt just a bit of practice she said after i enjoyed that can we practice ...
A. 31 January 2011: Tell her that you don't feel right about this. If you don't stop it, things are only going to get worse. Tell her she's beautiful, and you wish she wasn't a relation, but because she is, you just don't feel right.
She might have a thing for you.... (read in full...)
One night stand???
Q. If you already knew the person from high school, got along great, then saw him at a party 10 years later, is that still considered a one night stand? Can a relationship come from it?...
A. 31 January 2011: Did you have sex one night and then nothing came of it? If so, yup. Can a relationship come of it? I wouldn't hold my breath.... (read in full...)
Will he ever be ready to commit or am I putting too much pressure on him?
Q. I have been in a relationship with a guy for 2 and a half years, and I have recently been sent interstate for work. There is no definite time for us to live in the same city again, unless we go de-facto or marry (we are both in the military) We have ...
A. 31 January 2011: Working things out long distance just doesn't work. You need to be together in order to deal with problems.
How is your communication? Are you both working on the issues you have with each other?... (read in full...)
Penis size insecurity...Why is size such a big deal??
Q. ok well id like to know why guys worry so much about the size of their penis? why is it such a big concern for them? why is it a competition? i dont hear girls comparing the size of their vagina. what is it about it that makes them feel such varity ...
A. 31 January 2011: Guys just want to be the best. Want to make our day? Tell us you love our cock. It's silly, but I guarantee if you have a guy who's insecure about what he has, hearing those words, unsolicited, will give him confidence he didn't know he had.
... (read in full...)
Penis size insecurity...Why is size such a big deal??
Q. ok well id like to know why guys worry so much about the size of their penis? why is it such a big concern for them? why is it a competition? i dont hear girls comparing the size of their vagina. what is it about it that makes them feel such varity ...
A. 31 January 2011: For all your questions, replace the word Penis with Breasts, and Men with Women. Then ask yourself these questions and you'll have your answer.
Some of us have learned that size isn't the end all be all to women. Still, media constantly fills us... (read in full...)
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