He is focussed on how lonely he is
Q. Dear Cupid, What's the best reply to a man that says he's lonely. We've just started dating and he says that he can't live life alone. I used to live in this romantic town in Spain and after I had left he visited the same town, he told me that he ...
A. 18 January 2012: Depending on the tone if he'd said it just the once I would think he was just candid. You told us he 'mentions' meaning he's said it a few times (adding a fatalistic 'I can't live alone'). If that is so then I think it a bad sign. Bored, clingy, ... (read in full...)
Am I too available to this guy? I feel after 3 years he is too comfortable and playing games!
Q. Hey everyone! I need some advice When we first started dating, of course, my boyfriend was very romantic and did lots of sweet things for me. He liked being affectionate and sending me little love notes - and he did, ALL THE TIME. Then we began to...
A. 16 January 2012: I can't guarantee it obviously, but yes, I do think if you re directed some of your energy toward bettering your own life (while still being warm and affectionate when with him of course) there is a very good chance it would re-ignite his interest ... (read in full...)
Do people believe in friendships without immediate financial benefits anymore?
Q. Broke people get lonely too. And this economy ain't looking up very soon. Do people believe in friendships without immediate financial benefits anymore. I'm by no means lazy or any of that. I' a hard working type guy . Any advice please? ...
A. 16 January 2012: We'd be happy to give you advice, but you haven't given us much to go on. Obviously something has happened to you that has prompted you to ask. It would be helpful if you gave us a brief summary of the events instead of a vague, general question. ... (read in full...)
Am I trying too hard to keep tabs on him?
Q. A guy I've been seeing for about 5 months told me he doesn't want me worrying about him so much. And that he's not used to having someone to check in with and doesn't really want to do that even though I've told him that it bothers me when he ...
A. 16 January 2012: How long does he go without contact? Does he not have a land line? Email?
... (read in full...)
Why is it that Men think they know Everything and have the need to be Right All the Time?
Q. Why is it that Men think they know Everything? and have the need to be Right All the Time? ...
A. 16 January 2012: Yeah, I suspected it was the same person too.... (read in full...)
My partner tries to 'edge' a past event into our lives
Q. My partner had a 3some with his wife and her female friend years ago. I was uncomfortable with this for most of the time we have been together. My constant struggling with it resulted in regular arguments and discussions. But, not any more, I ...
A. 16 January 2012: To give the other aunts and uncles some background, here is a link to the question you submitted last year: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-cannot-get-past-the-idea-of-his.html It's unlikely that he is just trying to pick a fight. There is... (read in full...)
Am I trying too hard to keep tabs on him?
Q. A guy I've been seeing for about 5 months told me he doesn't want me worrying about him so much. And that he's not used to having someone to check in with and doesn't really want to do that even though I've told him that it bothers me when he ...
A. 16 January 2012: I can't say I blame him. You may be fooling yourself but you won't fool most people. Expecting him to check in with you is a ridiculous demand and not one borne of concern, but a need for control. You're not worried something bad will happen to h... (read in full...)
I found dirty knickers in my husband's car
Q. I found dirty underwear in my husband car and they aren't mine I don't known what to do? Dirty females underwears in my husband car? Im confuse I don't know what to do....
A. 16 January 2012: Having given your situation further consideration I now think it's possible your husband is not having an affair but is stealing women's underwear and keeping them as trophies. A man involved with another woman would have let the panties go, knowing ... (read in full...)
I found dirty knickers in my husband's car
Q. I found dirty underwear in my husband car and they aren't mine I don't known what to do? Dirty females underwears in my husband car? Im confuse I don't know what to do....
A. 16 January 2012: So it's degenerated to the point that he's beyond caring about concocting an explanation. That heralds the end, I'm afraid. I'd start packing my bags.... (read in full...)
Why don't men read maps?
Q. Why is it that when your in a car and your man is Driving and you both are in an unfamilliar town, he wont Admit that he is Lost. My Question is why wont men ask for Directions? ...
A. 16 January 2012: That is a very old and very tired cliche. I don't know any man who has refused to consult a map. My husband checks one every time he travels to a new destination. Having driven it once he memorizes the route.... (read in full...)
Why is it that Men think they know Everything and have the need to be Right All the Time?
Q. Why is it that Men think they know Everything? and have the need to be Right All the Time? ...
A. 16 January 2012: Maybe because they think they're expected to know everything and if they don't they believe we'll lose faith in them. We won't, but tell them that.
Otherwise I agree with the others about making generalizations and that it may be the type of man y... (read in full...)
I found dirty knickers in my husband's car
Q. I found dirty underwear in my husband car and they aren't mine I don't known what to do? Dirty females underwears in my husband car? Im confuse I don't know what to do....
A. 16 January 2012: Leave them out on the kitchen counter for him to find. See what explanation he offers.
That will carry far more weight than an angry confrontation.... (read in full...)
He is focussed on how lonely he is
Q. Dear Cupid, What's the best reply to a man that says he's lonely. We've just started dating and he says that he can't live life alone. I used to live in this romantic town in Spain and after I had left he visited the same town, he told me that he ...
A. 15 January 2012: I'm inclined to agree with the anonymous female poster below. You've only just started dating and he's already talking like this? That is a very bad sign and if I were you I'd be distancing myself from him. Joining a gym, taking a class ... (read in full...)
He says he was in a bad place at the time ...
Q. I found out that my boyfriend of 10 years had been involved in a texting relationship. I also found a large amount of computer file folders with womens pictures. Each woman had their own folder. The women were downloaded pictures from facebook, ...
A. 15 January 2012: Deal breaker. Don't waste time and effort trying to analyse him. If he is in a bad place, sticking around puts you in one too. ... (read in full...)
How do you find out if a man is gay?
Q. Let's say you like a guy at work and have doubts whether he is gay or straight. Is it a good idea to ask another co-worker (declared gay) about the first one? Can it be that the second guy goes and tells the guy I like about my suspicion? What would ...
A. 14 January 2012: Again, I agree with Tisha.
Regardless of your reason for wanting to know, his sexual orientation is still none of your business. ... (read in full...)
Should I move on and date other guys after my break up and risk losing my ex for good or hang around and wait for a reconciliation and risk being bitterly disappointed?
Q. Hi Aunts, I've just come out of a 6 year relationship. My ex broke it off because he said he needed some space to think about where his life is headed and for some independence. I accept this and understand as we were together for a long time and...
A. 14 January 2012: Definitely move on. Losing you permanently was the risk your ex was willing to take in securing his own freedom.
Why not enjoy your new found freedom? You're a single woman with your whole life ahead of you. It is possible that you and he will ... (read in full...)
FWB accuses me of cheating, how can we be a proper couple?
Q. Hi all I have a problem and I don't know what to do I am in a fwb with a man for the past 11 months we started sleeping together and naturally after a few months my feelings grew stronger for him I don't love him but I really like him I talked to ...
A. 14 January 2012: I agree with most of what has been said and I'll add a few thoughts of my own.
Your life would be so much easier if you recognised 'trust issues' for the narcissistic self indulgences they really are.
When someone declares these insecuriti... (read in full...)
Struggling to decode guys.
Q. Hi! I was recently talking to a group of my friends (mixed group-guys and gals) and I dropped into conversation that I had a boyfriend-just for the record I don't- but I just wanted to see their reaction but it wasn't what I expected... All m...
A. 14 January 2012: Me too.... (read in full...)
Bad experiences with men! Should I continue being careful and cynical?
Q. i have had several bad experiences in the past with men, and even though i am only 18 ive already had a four year relationship with someone which ended in him cheating on me several times. my heart was broken but im moving on, yet every guy i meet ...
A. 13 January 2012: Being careful is prudent. Being cynical is harmful for a couple of reasons. First it turns away those men you actually do want. Second, cynicism is like a scab on the skin. It announces to others that there is an injury and vulnerability below and ... (read in full...)
Clingy one night stand
Q. Okay so the first time i ever dated/kissed/had sex someone happen over the summer, it was a two week thing before we both went off to college. Well it hit me pretty hard and she moved on pretty easily. So i was looking for somewhat of a rebound girl ...
A. 13 January 2012: Why do you want to keep talking to her? After all this you still consider her a viable sexual outlet? Do you think she is stable enough to be 'friends only'?
Either she is the most reckless and irresponsible person (not hard to believe) or she p... (read in full...)
I chatted online with a nice guy but gave him false info and then broke things off. Should I tell him the truth now?
Q. so I've made a major mistake and I'm not asking for reassurance from anyone or for anyone to try make me feel better because I know I have done wrong. well basically last year I was left hurt by a guy after he treated me really badly and dumped...
A. 13 January 2012: Even if he were inclined to forgive you he's unlikely to want any further contact with you so confessing this now is worse than pointless. He's already been hurt and has probably reached some level of acceptance. Reaching out to him now would reopen ... (read in full...)
Should a married couple share almost everything?
Q. I'm asking about how much openness there should be in a marriage. Not just a relationship, but a marriage. I think that once you make that step to commit to be together for the rest of your lives, things change. My wife and I are very open with e...
A. 12 January 2012: Personally I don't care about my parter's passwords, codes or who is on his phone or anything else of that nature. I have other reasons to trust him and he me. Because of his history of snooping (yet finding nothing) and my daughter's adolescent ... (read in full...)
Am I too available to this guy? I feel after 3 years he is too comfortable and playing games!
Q. Hey everyone! I need some advice When we first started dating, of course, my boyfriend was very romantic and did lots of sweet things for me. He liked being affectionate and sending me little love notes - and he did, ALL THE TIME. Then we began to...
A. 12 January 2012: We tend to treat people the way we want or expect them to treat us. So your boyfriend can't be blamed for suspecting a dual agenda behind your cute little messages 'meant to brighten his day'. Like your boyfriend, I am not overly demonstrative ei... (read in full...)
Fiance broke off with me to be with friend, now wants me back. Can I trust her?
Q. Hi Guys I need some much needed advice, sorry this is soo long winded just need to get all the facts in to get the best advice that may change my life.... I met the girl of my dreams 3 years ago and it was basically love at first sight after goin...
A. 12 January 2012: You don't tell Lee anything. That would make you look small and spiteful.
You cut all contact with her, block her phone and email and never speak to her again. Do your grieving in private.... (read in full...)
What is best to ask are we exclusive or what is happening with us?
Q. I have decided I'm going to ask the guy I've been seeing for about 2 months now where our relationship is going do you think this is a suitable time too? He has introduced me to some of his family and friends which i take as a good sign but has ...
A. 12 January 2012: Don't put it to him that way! Women who ask 'Is this casual?' are unwittingly announcing that they are receptive to being used for sex (whether that is what he is doing or not).
Just tell them that since you've been doing all the things boyfrien... (read in full...)
Should I end it or try to win her back by fixing my insecurities and jealousy issues?
Q. I have been dating this girl for about 7 weeks, she just recently broke up with me because I kept complaining to her about her time being spent more with her friends (mostly guys) than me. It seems to me that the only time she wants to spend with me ...
A. 12 January 2012: What I'm about to say is meant to be constructive not harsh. Better it come from me, a stranger on the internet who doesn't matter, than someone you admire and want to impress. I think what triggered your insecurity with this woman is what dr... (read in full...)
Would you post christmas/new years greetings on facebook or make it private?
Q. If you wanted to post happy christmas and new year or happy birthday to someone on facebook would you put it on their wall or send it by private message. If you did it by private message what would be your reason for doing it. The reason I a...
A. 12 January 2012: You're overanalysing this.
I agree with Tisha's answer. All it was was a Christmas greeting and the fact that it was sent privately implies no special meaning.
... (read in full...)
My daughter is 4 years old and has never met her father. He is single now and I am hoping that he will assume his responsibilities... is this wrong of me?
Q. I have a daughter who is 4 years old, ever since she has been born she has not seen her father. I met her father at a bar and within a few weeks of dating I becasme pregnant. We broke up after being together a month. Then I found out i was pregnant ...
A. 12 January 2012: I know exactly why you were sending him updates, which is why I recommended you stop. You tried. It didn't work, now stop it. All he gets from them is the comfort of knowing you're waiting on a backburner for him if he ever finds himself between ... (read in full...)
FWB - I am tired of being the girl he can have when he wants but doesn't want to be with. Please give me advice?
Q. i have a male friend, we've known each other since we were 7 or 8, and when we were around 15 we dated briefly for about a week, before he decided we should just be friends. ever since then we've both seen other people, but as soon as we were sin...
A. 12 January 2012: Friends with benefits are not about using each other. It involves people who are friends and do all the things that friends do (keep in touch, go out for coffee, go to movies, provide moral support etc) who also occasionally have sex. The friendship ... (read in full...)
My sex dirve has gone down and become a "chore"...Please help me?
Q. When do u reach ur Sexual Peak? Im a women in her 30s. I dnt knw why but my Sex drive has gone dwn. My partner is 7 yrs older then me. We have been together for 8 years. In the beginning sex was GREAT! But over the years it has fallen dwn and got ...
A. 12 January 2012: This feeling is far more common than you think and it has nothing to do with biology.
The reason it feels like a chore is because it is a chore if your own wants and needs aren't being met in bed and in the relationship. I'm guessing sex isn't th... (read in full...)
My daughter is 4 years old and has never met her father. He is single now and I am hoping that he will assume his responsibilities... is this wrong of me?
Q. I have a daughter who is 4 years old, ever since she has been born she has not seen her father. I met her father at a bar and within a few weeks of dating I becasme pregnant. We broke up after being together a month. Then I found out i was pregnant ...
A. 12 January 2012: Danielpew said it perfectly.
He doesn't care about her development so stop sending him updates. You've made it clear that he would be welcome in his daughter's life. It's up to him to reach out, not you to chase him.
... (read in full...)
Had SUCH an embarrassing moment on this date, is he now scared away?
Q. Question This was SUCH an embarrassing date, did he get scared away? Details I've been dating someone for 5 months, I'm head over heels for him. He always calls and texts, he has romanced me and we have gotten closer by the day. A couple week...
A. 12 January 2012: I think he thinks it scared YOU away.
As unrattling as the events at the carnivale were, this is far from the worst thing that could have happened. He seemed genuinely concerned about you and handled everything properly.
The bigger a deal yo... (read in full...)
Should I send him a private message or post it on his FB wall?
Q. Do you prefer writing comments on someone's wall on Facebook, or sending them private messages? I want to arrange a date with this guy, but I'm not sure whether to send him a comment or a private message. I'm worried in case he won't see the private ...
A. 12 January 2012: A Definitely private. It's the most effective and courtesous means of communication. He doesn't need his business made public.
And a public message is more likely to be missed in wall traffic than a private one. ... (read in full...)
Should I encourage my friend to work on his marriage or support him to leave it?
Q. A friend of mine is going through a lot of pain. His wife cheated on him a few years back for 3 years. The affair ended in 2008 when he found it out. It was so bad that he is not sure that his son is biologically his. There is a 50% chance. He is a ...
A. 12 January 2012: The best thing you can do as his friend is support HIM, not steer him toward a particular decision. He may well end his marriage but he will only have the conviction to do so if he believes he did everything he could to save it.
... (read in full...)
Is this a battle of trust and freedom or the need to keep the one thing that is destorying my marriage?
Q. He left cause he didn't know what he wanted anymore. We still go to counseling and the counselor suggested that we start having a date night once a week. Cause how else is he suppose to figure out what he wants. The other thing he suggested is that ...
A. 11 January 2012: Taking charge of his phone is doomed to fail. I'm disappointed (though not overly surprised) that your therapist was dumb enough to suggest it. I'll explain why.
The reason you don't trust your husband is because he's given you reason not to, and ... (read in full...)
What is best to ask are we exclusive or what is happening with us?
Q. I have decided I'm going to ask the guy I've been seeing for about 2 months now where our relationship is going do you think this is a suitable time too? He has introduced me to some of his family and friends which i take as a good sign but has ...
A. 11 January 2012: I hit 'send' prematurely...
He doesn't call all the shots. Whether or not you're in an exclusive relationship isn't entirely up to him. It's also up to you. Don't lose sight of that.... (read in full...)
What is best to ask are we exclusive or what is happening with us?
Q. I have decided I'm going to ask the guy I've been seeing for about 2 months now where our relationship is going do you think this is a suitable time too? He has introduced me to some of his family and friends which i take as a good sign but has ...
A. 11 January 2012: Don't ask him what all this means. You tell him what you think it means and ask him if he agrees.
It isn't presumptuous, forward, or clingy. It's a reasonable question. You're not asking because you're desperate for a relationship, but because ... (read in full...)
Exes and Facebook etiquette!
Q. When should I return to facebook? My ex who has been deleted once then re-added (because I thought we were errrr ...friends??) has met someone else, and is in a relationship...facebook has noted this...lol!! I am kinda happy for him... but he was a ...
A. 11 January 2012: You're very welcome. Life is so much more simple when you haven't the weight of everyone else's opinions sitting on your shoulders.
Best of luck.... (read in full...)
He said mean things to me only because he was mad?
Q. what would u do or think if your bf tells u are clingy annoying and needy....and then when u tell him if u think im all those thing why are u with me.then he tells u he was just mad and that he does love u and that i need to just enjoy being togther ...
A. 11 January 2012: If anyone described me as clingy and needy I would reflect on past conduct and ask myself if there was any truth to it.
If your boyfriend were an abusive and controlling person he would be more likely to call you 'bitch' or 'slut', not clingy a... (read in full...)
A moral friendship question?
Q. Ok. I'm cool with a guy who was really close with this girl who just recently passed away of cancer. I didn't personally know her. The girl who died was married. Ok. I'm really interested in getting to know her husband. He is also cool with my guy ...
A. 11 January 2012: The man may or may not be ready for an introduction in six months, but either way I think it's in very poor taste for you to be plotting now.
I would not mention anything to your friend or anyone else at this point.
... (read in full...)
Fiance broke off with me to be with friend, now wants me back. Can I trust her?
Q. Hi Guys I need some much needed advice, sorry this is soo long winded just need to get all the facts in to get the best advice that may change my life.... I met the girl of my dreams 3 years ago and it was basically love at first sight after goin...
A. 11 January 2012: I agree wholeheartedly with Cerberus. Every word.... (read in full...)
To what extent is it considered stringing someone along?
Q. When a guy calls you all the time and shows interest in you, then doesn't call as much anymore but still returns your phone calls when you call him, is that considered stringing along? When men aren't interested in a woman but they know she is ...
A. 11 January 2012: No it is not considered 'stringing along'. If he's lost interest in you he may be returning your calls to be polite or because he enjoys talking to you but doesn't want anything more than friendship.
Some men would completely ignore a woman, b... (read in full...)
I'm on the chase, what do I do?
Q. the boy i like, i think he has the idea that i like him by rumours. However, i dont think he believes them but has something on his conscious that makes him believe. I want to show him with out being to blantant and without telling i have his number ...
A. 11 January 2012: Get off the chase. Let him pursue you. He's been told you fancy him and your friendly demeanour with him confirms as much. You've done your bit now let him do his. Give him time to work up the courage to approach you.
... (read in full...)
Exes and Facebook etiquette!
Q. When should I return to facebook? My ex who has been deleted once then re-added (because I thought we were errrr ...friends??) has met someone else, and is in a relationship...facebook has noted this...lol!! I am kinda happy for him... but he was a ...
A. 9 January 2012: Deleting him from Facebook is appropriate since you're no longer dating and aren't maintaining a friendship. You're sitting here stressing yourself out about how you look to others and what they might think of you, all for nothing. And you... (read in full...)
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