He took part in a golf tournament with another woman because I'm not good enough! Now we cant stop rowing about this, what should I do?
Q. My husband and I both play golf. He has been a member for years and plays regularly, but I am a beginner and only get chance to play occasionally. At the weekend the club were holding an Open Doubles Competition which he wanted to play in. All ...
A. 21 November 2011: This is really very petty and silly.
You had the option to participate and would have been welcome but you made it clear you didn't want to. Your husband understandably took this to mean 'No, thanks'.
Presumably these competitions are... (read in full...)
I want to see him at least once before I leave, is that too much to ask?
Q. Dear Cupid Me and my bf are together for 2 years and i am travelling away for my studies in another 2 weeks and we have to be in LDR for 6 months. Since i am travelling i asked my bf to meet once before i leave (he stays 5 hrs away from my pla...
A. 21 November 2011: No it isn't too much to ask, but you may be asking too often.
I understand you're working on a tight schedule, trying to get as much done before you leave as you can. However instead of trying to pin him down on the spot for a date and time, so... (read in full...)
How do I let him down gently without hurting him?
Q. I'm friendly with a guy thru my circle of friends. We met recently and he's very nice and funny BUT too young for me and I don't think I feel any sparks. He's been trying to get me to go out and I wouldn't mind but not more then as friends. How do I ...
A. 21 November 2011: I'm in agreement with the others. Having to decline someone's advances is often a crummy feeling for both parties, so the best way to do it is ONCE. You'll have to be clear and direct, and keep it short and sweet. If you do it too gently he'll think ... (read in full...)
Should I report my sister for fraud?
Q. My sister is claiming child benefit for a child that my mother is raising. She still lives at home and pays for no rent or and living cost for herself or her child and she is also claiming single mother's allowance. my mother minds her child while ...
A. 21 November 2011: It’s a noble thing to be generous and compassionate, but not with other people’s time and resources. Those who work hard and pay those taxes have their own burdens to carry. Many of them work long hours, seldom take vacations. They look after ... (read in full...)
Girls' night out - girlfriend comes home drunk at 4am
Q. My girlfriend went to a nightclub for a girls' night out last night, came back at 4am and spent the first hour of today throwing up. How worried should I be? The poster for the event she went to depicts a young lady sitting down in a chair, with...
A. 21 November 2011: Based on this alone I don't think there is anything to worry about, but I do think this sort of thing is rather low brow. It used to be something teenagers did. I guess nowadays it takes some much longer to grow up.... (read in full...)
This girl who my fiance works with, thinks its her responsibility to wake him up every morning for work! If he doesn't answer she will keep calling like 5-6 times!
Q. My fiance and I are both 20 and well he has this girl that is his friend who also works with him and she calls my fiance every morning like an hour before he has to go to work and tells him not to be late.If he doesn't answer she will keep calling ...
A. 21 November 2011: Have you tied answering the phone yourself? You could thank her for being thoughtful and assure her you both have everything under control. Whether or not you think being thoughtful is her motive, she is less likely to get her back up (and your ... (read in full...)
Should I report my sister for fraud?
Q. My sister is claiming child benefit for a child that my mother is raising. She still lives at home and pays for no rent or and living cost for herself or her child and she is also claiming single mother's allowance. my mother minds her child while ...
A. 20 November 2011: While I share your outrage over this parasitic behaviour, I suggest that BEFORE you take any action, you contact the appropriate agency anonymously to find out exactly what steps are involved, what consequences might result, and then speak to your ... (read in full...)
Can my new Facebook friend be trusted? Should I send him the picture he wants?
Q. I met a guy on Facebook, he said he likes me, he is really nice and sweet. But there's something weird about him, he wants me to send him my picture but he doesn't want to give me his phone number. He said he is just being careful and I'm being ...
A. 20 November 2011: I just saw your follow up. My answer remains unchanged. ... (read in full...)
Can my new Facebook friend be trusted? Should I send him the picture he wants?
Q. I met a guy on Facebook, he said he likes me, he is really nice and sweet. But there's something weird about him, he wants me to send him my picture but he doesn't want to give me his phone number. He said he is just being careful and I'm being ...
A. 20 November 2011: I think you should send him nothing then block and delete him.
Your gut is telling you there is something off about him, besides the fact that he expects you to take risks but isn't prepared to himself. Do you even know what this characte... (read in full...)
If I send him a gift would that make me look desperate or obsessive?
Q. Hello, is it ok to send a gift (nothing expensive) to someone I have not met in person yet? -We have been writing emails to each other for about a month, and lately he has not written much, but he sent me an email a week ago saying that he was very ...
A. 20 November 2011: You may have shared a lot in your emails, but the truth is you really hardly know this man or he you. You've only been corresponding for about a month, you're not in a relationship, you've never met AND he has been a unavailable lately. He may be ... (read in full...)
9 months of dating and she finds other attractive
Q. Ive been with my gf for about 9 months now and she finds many other people attractive, should I be worried? Is that normal?...
A. 20 November 2011: We all find many other people attractive. You'll have to be specific. Does she flirt, pursue others or encourage their pursuit of her?
If not then you have nothing to worry about (at least as far as finding others attractive is concerne... (read in full...)
It is ok for a 19 year old to date a 15 year old?
Q. I was wondering if it was okay for a 19 year old girl to date a 15 year old boy. I'm really worried for a friend of mine. He's obviously underage and still a minor and I'm sure there are legal implications of this but she seems so happy with him. I ...
A. 20 November 2011: No, it is not ok. The legal implications are that your friend could face charges and be labelled a paedophile.
She might not like being reminded of this fact but it's better she hears it from you than from the police.
... (read in full...)
What does it mean when he says he has his walls up?
Q. What does it mean when a guy says he has his walls up?...
A. 20 November 2011: The meaning is obvious. He's keeping you at a safe distance to protect himself from future pain.
A wall or fortress keeps out danger and protects those inside. ... (read in full...)
Should I be concerned about her comment about my cum?
Q. hi guys and galls. The other night me and my new partner were having sex and when i came she told me i gush rather than squirt. And its the most cum she had seen in one go. It felt great to me and no other partners have said anything before. Any ...
A. 18 November 2011: The only reason for concern here is if you're expecting her to swallow all that. ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend is extremely absent minded and has a very difficult time expressing himself emotionally
Q. My bf cares about me deeply, but he is extremely absent minded and has a very difficult time expressing himself emotionally. Arguments are awkward and drawn out, because he freezes up and frequently asks what I want him to do or say, because he ...
A. 18 November 2011: I was going to suggest he write things down and since that seems to be working I say keep doing it.
Some people can think and respond quickly, on their feet, while others need time to sort and process their thoughts. Trying to change him implies ... (read in full...)
Is it normal for our ex's to have a power over us? Is that a sign we should be together?
Q. How much power do our ex's have over us? Is it normal for your ex to hold power over you still, and what would you constitute as positive power or negative power? (if there is such a thing). For example, would you take it as a good sign if the thou...
A. 18 November 2011: Is having power over someone a sign that you ought to be together? No. Abusive husbands have a power over their wives and that certainly isn't a sign they ought to be together.
This power you refer to is simply caring what the other thinks, ... (read in full...)
Online dating etiquette...
Q. I am trying my hand at online dating after being newly single and out of an 8 year relationship. I keep getting bombarded with messages from men I am not interested in. If I ignore then they keep messaging me and plus I feel it is better to be ...
A. 18 November 2011: A lot of good answers here.
Most men seem to understand that women get a lot of attention on these sites, but I suspect most of them don't truly realise just how much and how overwhelming it can be.
I haven't used dating sites, but I hav... (read in full...)
How can I change my G/f's mind about sex? She's had some nasty experiences in the past but my friends' are nagging me about why its taking so long with her
Q. Hey guys, me and my gf have been dating for 5 months already. The thing is she's a virgin and I'm not, I of course care about her and do not want to pressure her into doing anything shes uncormfotable with. We've been talking about sex (well maybe ...
A. 18 November 2011: How do your friends know she is a virgin and why are they being kept up to date about any sexual activity between the two of you? Does she know you're sharing intimate details of your relationship with your mates?
'...do I give her space and just... (read in full...)
My wife made out with another woman when I was not there. Should I be mad? Worried? Turned on?
Q. My wife made out with another woman at a Halloween party. Should I be jealous, mad? We have talked about fantasies involving a 3 some from time to time over the years. A few times, during sex, we have even talked about her doing something with ...
A. 17 November 2011: Normally I would agree that that was cheating, but in this case it’s debatable.
Your wife’s behaviour was certainly tacky, but through your fantasizing you’ve made it very clear to her that you don’t see sex as something sacred or intimate... (read in full...)
Self-conscious because he seems to pay attention to the parts of my body that need toning
Q. For men (and women who can relate): When I am intimate with my boyfriend, he tends to grab onto my "cushions" - I'm a bit of a voluptuous girl (130lb, 5'5) and I guess it makes me uncomfortable that he is grabbing onto my thighs or tummy because it ...
A. 17 November 2011: For someone who is 5'5" 130 lbs is far from voluptuous (which I assume is a euphemism for 'overweight'). You're well within normal range.
Instead of drawing more attention to those areas you're already sensitive about, you could tell your boyfrien... (read in full...)
I feel badly for just leaving my ex in the dark. Should I talk to her?
Q. I started dating person A. While person A and I were in the beginning phases of going on dates and getting to know eachother, I was still sleeping with my ex-girlfriend on the side. I told person A that I cut all communication with my ex and don't ...
A. 16 November 2011: As tempting as it is to end on good terms with your ex, the harm that can come from re-opening the lines of communication just so you can purge your guilt just isn't worth it. Your ex has probably reached some level of acceptance that you are out of ... (read in full...)
Just learned that I may not be my son's father
Q. I need to make a HUGE possibly life changing decision. My wife and I are married for almost 15 years. When we met she had just broken up with her ex-bf. We dated for about 6 months when she told me she was pregnant. I did the right thing, and we ...
A. 15 November 2011: You're putting an awful lot of faith in what one person, not even someone proven to be trustworthy, has said. I imagine you're probably giving him more credit because you assume he has no reason to lie. But you don't really know that, do you? You ... (read in full...)
My bf doesn't work and I pay all the bills. Please help me see this from a different perspective.
Q. I am at a tough point in my relationship. My boyfriend and I have been together for just over a year, and have been best friends for 2 years before that. I love him a lot, and I think he loves me too. However, after starting to live together, the ...
A. 15 November 2011: We hear from women trapped in unhappy and sometimes abusive relationships all the time. Those women stay because they lack the financial resources to leave. You are the opposite. You're the one with all the money and all the power and control here ... (read in full...)
He left me for harmless online flirting. Why?
Q. I have been with my chap going on 4 years. I have flirted online which was harmless and meant nothing. Just a bit of a joke and no more. I understand i hid it from him,but only so he wouldnt get the wrong idea as we had a break up over it once. ...
A. 15 November 2011: Because clearly you were. You knew he considered it a deal breaker after having broken up because of it once already. Then you do it again and hide it.
If it doesn't mean that much to you, why should it mean more to him?
I'm guessing your re... (read in full...)
Whenever I manage to save up a bit of money, my boyfriend expects me to treat him to a big dinner
Q. Just wanted to ask, is it fair that my boyfriend expects me to pay for dinner sometimes (for the both of us) when he's the one with a pretty good, stable part time job (24hr) and I'm unemployed (because my college schedule is loaded)? I'm not tryi...
A. 15 November 2011: You should only pay for what you can COMFORTABLY afford.
Like you, I agree with him not paying for everything as this would eventually leave him feeling like a meal ticket (pun intended) and you feeling forever indebted. But his champagn... (read in full...)
Now that we are official she won't do "special" things to me!
Q. Hi, I've been in a relationship with this woman (on and off) for almost 3 years. At first, the sex was ridiculous (we weren't official at first, just friends with benefits.) But now, since we've officially decided to be in a committed rel...
A. 15 November 2011: I doubt she LOVED doing ALL those things before (most of them, but not all) but she had to convince you she did or it wouldn't have worked, would it? You two would never have gotten this far if either of you had begrudgingly acquiesced in bed.
... (read in full...)
Now that we are official she won't do "special" things to me!
Q. Hi, I've been in a relationship with this woman (on and off) for almost 3 years. At first, the sex was ridiculous (we weren't official at first, just friends with benefits.) But now, since we've officially decided to be in a committed rel...
A. 15 November 2011: Actually she DID have a problem doing some of those 'special' things before, but she wasn't secure enough with you then so she forced herself to perform them. Now that you're official she's hoping you'll appreciate her for other things besides what ... (read in full...)
My wife laughs too much now. How can I tell her?
Q. My 4 years old wife smiles and laughs 24/7 for now reason. I was in a relationship with her for 16 months before we got married. She is 26, I am 28. I know she has got good sense of humor but it doesn't mean that one's month should be open all the ...
A. 14 November 2011: It sounds like nervousness to me, or possibly even anger. It's the only way she knows to release that pent up energy without ruffling anyone's feathers.
Was she always like this or is it a fairly recent development?... (read in full...)
Was I wrong to exchange texts with a friend who fancies me or is my boyfriend just trying to control me?
Q. My BF and I have been going out 2 years. For the most part we have had a healthy relationship, with only a few bumps in the road. This first was when he went away for 2 weeks and came back and said he needed his space, but really he had been ...
A. 14 November 2011: I think all three of you have behaved badly here.
1. This 'friend' for sniffing around a young woman he knows to be spoken for...by one of his friends, no less.
2. You for sending him mixed messages and using him because you thought no one e... (read in full...)
GF won't let me walk her home.
Q. I've been dating a girl from work for almost six months now and we have been getting along very well in that time. We don't get to see each other as often as we would like as she also works as a live-in carer looking after a man who is 71 years ...
A. 14 November 2011: Having come from a family that included a few alcoholic men (some of them violent) I can relate to your lady friend. We were very guarded and sensitive about our home life and we went to great lengths to conceal it. One of my cousins had diff... (read in full...)
Duped Wife? Or not?
Q. I am married for a little under 4 years. I found out my husband has cheated on me from the beginning. He is one of these people who find it easier to "blame" me rather than to take any responsibility other than "I'm sick" routine. Although he ...
A. 13 November 2011: I don't see you as devious at all. You are prudently getting your ducks in a row before stating your long term plans. Absolutely nothing wrong with that. In fact I recommend it whenever possible.
HE was the one who broke the marriage contact ... (read in full...)
He cheated, I broke it off, but I want answers!
Q. my bf of a few years cheated on me its been a week since i broke it off with him. im still in a lot of pain. i told him to leave me alone and he said he would respect that. i promised my self to cut off all contact i blocked his number and deleted ...
A. 13 November 2011: I agree with Honeypie.
It you've decided that ending the relationship is the best thing for you, then leave it alone. He has no answers to give you that will help you feel better.
Opening a dialogue only gives him a chance to make excuses, bl... (read in full...)
Sex while music is playing?
Q. Hello everyone, just after a few personal opinions here! Do you think it's a good idea to have sex for the first time while music's playing in the background or can that be a distraction from (or to) your partner? I'm thinking classical music, ...
A. 13 November 2011: You probably won't even notice it most of the time, unless you have it cranked up. Since it's to be used as background music, play it at a lower volume.... (read in full...)
My husband thinks I'm cheating on him but I'm not!
Q. Around 4 clock in the morning my husband gets off of work. He decided to take the trash out this morning at that time. A single sheet of blank loose leaf paper was in front of our door when he went, Now he didn't think much of it until when he came ...
A. 13 November 2011: I don't think the OP meant that he did have an affair or that it's a woman taunting them. I think her point was that with these strange and disturbing occurances, she doesn't jump to the conclusion that he had an affair, the way he is with her. ... (read in full...)
Where are all the nice guys hiding?
Q. I live in Ireland and I can't find any nice guys! All the guys i meet just seem to use me. I feel as though I,ll never be loved for who I am or what I like doing. Like I,m a night person ( Not like clubbing but other stuff ) I,ve not met a guy who ...
A. 13 November 2011: Either you're looking in the wrong places or you are unwittingly attracting the wrong man. Perhaps you are coming across as too accomodating or too nice too quickly and the men don't find you a challenge. People appreciate what they earn more than ... (read in full...)
He's trying to stop drinking but it always ends in tears!
Q. I have had a horrible evening, my partner is trying to stop drinking, for the sake of ou relationship, its been happening for 3 years, he has stolen from me and others to get drink. i have ended this relationship time after time. because of ...
A. 13 November 2011: Treated him hard? You're kidding, right? On the contrary you have been too soft. My advice to anyone going through this sort of thing is to end the relationship and only consider taking the offending party back AFTER they have changed (not whi... (read in full...)
Should I wait until my boyfriend returns from Afghanistan to break up with him?
Q. Hey everyone, Quick back story: My boyfriend is in the Marines and he is currently deployed to Afghanistan. We've been together for a year and a half and had been friends about 5 years before we started dating. The problem: I started a ...
A. 13 November 2011: Your boyfriend treats you the way he does because for him the thrill is in the hunt, not the acquisition. He’s stationed abroad risking life and limb because he ISN’T into playing it safe. He may be performing a valuable (and much appreciated) ... (read in full...)
My husband thinks I'm cheating on him but I'm not!
Q. Around 4 clock in the morning my husband gets off of work. He decided to take the trash out this morning at that time. A single sheet of blank loose leaf paper was in front of our door when he went, Now he didn't think much of it until when he came ...
A. 11 November 2011: If your husband simply asked then I wouldn't call it an overreaction, but a case of warped priorities. Your husband finds a blank piece of paper on his doorstep, then another when he returns minutes later, and then a strange man watching him (or... (read in full...)
Am I cursed? Is it karma?
Q. I have had some of the most unbelievable things happen to me for about 15 years now. Car flipping over and submerging into lake, several close call car wreck with injuries,cervical cancer, emergency brain surgery, seizure disorder and crohn's ...
A. 9 November 2011: Cursed is one word to describe it. Blessed is another.
God or the universe (which ever you choose to believe) is trying to tell you that you're being looked after. Someone or something has your back. You've been through many frightening, life thr... (read in full...)
Should I tell my friend I think her relationship is doomed?
Q. My friend cheated on her long term partner of about 17 years. He was always good to her. She treated him pretty poorly when she decided to dump him for the fella that she had been cheating with. Few years on now she has married this guy. Deep down I ...
A. 8 November 2011: Besides possibly worry and feel badly what is your friend supposed to do with this information?
If she seems to be happy why spoil it with 'what ifs'?
Keep your thoughts on the matter to yourself. ... (read in full...)
A man she had a thing with years ago commented on her Facebook, I feel so betrayed!
Q. Yesterday i saw a post of a picture of my wife and my grandfather on facebook and saying that she feels much happy because never had a real blood grandpapa and for having a grandfather like him,etc. And everybody replied and liked it, and this guy ...
A. 1 November 2011: 'If there was ever an over-the-top reaction, this is the one.' I wholeheartedly agree.
Neither your wife nor her boss have done anything wrong here, so your reaction is inappropriate.... (read in full...)
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