Is he for real or just messing with me?
Q. I talk to this man for several years an he would send me little things little good morning here your coffee a flower or just some little something .we keep talkinf an found out we he use to live in same town that i do an know the same people .so we ...
A. 3 May 2012: How long ago did you ask about dinner? There may be a reasonable explanation for his delay in responding.
Even if there isn't and he is only interested in sex sending him an angry email saying as much will make you look adolescent, weak, insecure... (read in full...)
I found he did some "swinging" two years into our dating... and not from him. How should I feel?
Q. Dear Cupid, I'm in an exclusive relationship going on two years. We both own our homes. He is divorced and my husband passed away. He never would give me much information on why they divorced and claimed he never cheated on her, they just gre...
A. 1 May 2012: You're very welcome. Best of luck.... (read in full...)
Why can't I date a black guy?
Q. I've been dating my boyfriend for a month now. Put simply, I'm white and he's black. My dad insists that he's not racist, but he seems funny about it. He says there are risks involved in society. At the end of the day I really like my boyfriend, I ...
A. 30 April 2012: No one said a young black man WOULD get you pregnant and run away. The uncle in question simply said that young black men have a 'REPUTATION'. And he suggested you give your father time and opportunity to see that your boyfriend was different and ... (read in full...)
Is he for real or just messing with me?
Q. I talk to this man for several years an he would send me little things little good morning here your coffee a flower or just some little something .we keep talkinf an found out we he use to live in same town that i do an know the same people .so we ...
A. 29 April 2012: If you're worried he might be using you for sex, the way to find out is not give it to him and see how long he sticks around. What kind of relationship do you want to have with this man? Do you want to go out for dinner? Lunch? Visit the museum... (read in full...)
My Facebook friend is very secretive. Should I cut him loose?
Q. I met this guy through a facebook friend almost two years ago. We talk only through emails and text. I can say I fell for this man but now I want to let him go but everytime I try, I keep going back. When we first start emailing each other he seem ...
A. 29 April 2012: He's married or he has a girlfriend.
Steer clear of him.... (read in full...)
I told this girl that I was having an online romance with, that I want to see her naked, and now she wont respond to me even though I've apologized
Q. I was engaged in an online romance with a very shy girl. We spoke online all day most days and hung out a few times. I said something risque suggesting that i don't care about love but just want to see her naked. It was just a joke and i was trying ...
A. 29 April 2012: Good for her. This is not what you want to hear, but I think the damage has been done. There are too many online players for a woman, especially a shy one, to take the chance. I think you blew it.
You were right to apologise. Playing it cool wou... (read in full...)
We're due to marry in November but I'm stressed about these issues
Q. I am supposed to be getting married in november. Me and my fiance have been together for almost 2years. We have had our differeces about many things but I am afraid that she will give up on me one day. The reasons are that I don't approve of the way ...
A. 29 April 2012: This is not what you want to hear, but I have to agree that perhaps you should reconsider getting married, at least for now.
Marriage is the final step a couple take when they have ironed out the bugs (not all of them, just the important ones) an... (read in full...)
How can I start a meaningful conversation to gain his support (and interest) about my pregnancy?
Q. Hey, so I need some help to communicate better with my bf about our pregnancy as I feel he doesn't care, which leaves me wondering if I should go it alone :( I'm 11 weeks pregnant now, we have our first scan next week. We've been together 2 years...
A. 29 April 2012: The general rule of thumb is when you want any kind of support, sympathy or understanding you're better to seek out another woman, especially when it's about something only women can comprehend. Men are notoriously bad at it so save yourself the ... (read in full...)
I found he did some "swinging" two years into our dating... and not from him. How should I feel?
Q. Dear Cupid, I'm in an exclusive relationship going on two years. We both own our homes. He is divorced and my husband passed away. He never would give me much information on why they divorced and claimed he never cheated on her, they just gre...
A. 29 April 2012: What concerns me more is that you took him back after he left you for another woman.
How you feel about this is normal and really doesn't need anyone else's validation.
What do you plan to do about this? Are you still with him? Planning on... (read in full...)
Is it normal for the person you are dating to tell you that they will always love their ex?
Q. Is it normal for a guy you're seeing to tell you they'll always love their ex? This ex was actually his first real love, and I'm the first person he's dating after he's been with her. I'm wondering if it's normal because the last guy I da...
A. 29 April 2012: Nope. Not normal. Not unheard of but not normal and certainly not couth.
I may have been very fond of my former partners at the time, but I'm certainly not in love with them now nor do I know anyone who still habrours feelings for their ex.
... (read in full...)
32 year old woman/19 year old man
Q. I feel like a damn fool. I'm an attractive, intelligent woman and over the course of the last year or so, I have found myself growing more attracted (emotionally, physically and mentally) to a beautiful, extremely mature 19 year old man. Sometimes I ...
A. 29 April 2012: There are those who believe that when it comes to relationships age is just a number. I'm not one of them (depending on the age difference). If it were, paedophilia would be legal.
He may be mature for 19 but he is not as mature as a 32 year old... (read in full...)
Why can't I date a black guy?
Q. I've been dating my boyfriend for a month now. Put simply, I'm white and he's black. My dad insists that he's not racist, but he seems funny about it. He says there are risks involved in society. At the end of the day I really like my boyfriend, I ...
A. 29 April 2012: It isn't simply about colour. Colour of skin is the first and most obvious indicator of cultural, social and philosophical differences. As Milo points out young black men have a certain reputation. One that is exploited by hip hop artists and thei... (read in full...)
She gets upset with me when I talk about what I mind in our relationship!
Q. I have a problem with what appears to me to be minimal care and concern about different matters in my relationship. I talk openly with my fiance about things that occur in our relationship but almost every time I do she gets upset with me, or she ...
A. 29 April 2012: How often do you have grievances that need voicing? What kinds of grievances are you talking about? Was she always this way or is this is a recent phenomenon? How often does she bring to light grievances of her own with you? How long do these talks ... (read in full...)
My LDR isn't very available, and I've met a new crush online
Q. Long story short: I'm in a LDR, we dont see each other often and I feel like he doesnt give me the time I need (on the phone, video chat etc) he's always tired from work or going out with friends. I tried and did my best to talk to him about that ...
A. 27 April 2012: Long distance relationships are very difficult to maintain because they require greater sacrifices than local ones and offer fewer rewards. Unless one or both parties have concrete plans to relocate there really isn't any point to them. Your 'boy... (read in full...)
I think he needs to accept that he did something while drunk, how do I discuss it with him?
Q. I kinda had a small bump with my boyfriend. We did not see each other this weekend which is fine I made this choice, but I called him last night to talk to him for a bit before I went to bed and he was drunk. He was playing a world wide online video ...
A. 25 April 2012: You've mistaken honesty for cruelty. No one here bears you any ill will and no one has been nasty with you, just frank. Which is what we're supposed to be otherwise this whole exercise is pointless.
At the end of the day we're just stranger... (read in full...)
I'm helping my girlfriend with her assignments and she's promised me bedroom-related action as motivation in return, but she keeps putting it off
Q. Hello everyone, I'd like some advice. Me and my GF are having some relationship issues but we talked and are trying to fix it. My question is about something else though. We're both in the same class and I'm making her assignments for her, I k...
A. 25 April 2012: Whether she lost interest in sex before your agreement or afterward, one thing seems clear. She sees sex or perhaps just those sexual activities you've bartered for, as a chore. Which is why she's reluctant to perform them. She probably enters into ... (read in full...)
How do I build a relationship with my mom?
Q. i feel like my mom and i have no relationship what so ever! i feel like there is nothing i can talk to her about!! i've tried sitting down with her, tried writing her letters, i've even tried facebook messaging her, but nothing seems to change!! ...
A. 24 April 2012: When you say you've tried to talk to her do you mean about the problems between you or just conversationally?
Before you tackle the big stuff it might be a good idea to start small and find some common ground. Do you and she share an interest... (read in full...)
How do I convince him? we are in a long distance relationship!
Q. Well, there is this guy I really like (and have for quite a long time) and turns out, he likes me back. But thing is, we're already living in different cities (he's studying at university in the capital, and I'm still at school), and as I'm ...
A. 24 April 2012: I agree with SVC. You can't convince him, you can only wear him down which is not a good idea. You wouldn't appreciate someone doing it to you.
As stated, your boyfriend knows his own limits and he has made a very practical decision. He's already ... (read in full...)
Can abusive men change?
Q. Can abusive men change.. I split from my ex who I know was abusive several months ago, unfortunately I.still have to have contact.as we had children. He has never openly admitted to being abusive.and had blamed me, he had apparently never been ...
A. 23 April 2012: Correction...It is NOT you he wants....... (read in full...)
Can abusive men change?
Q. Can abusive men change.. I split from my ex who I know was abusive several months ago, unfortunately I.still have to have contact.as we had children. He has never openly admitted to being abusive.and had blamed me, he had apparently never been ...
A. 23 April 2012: Yes, abusive men can change, but your ex-husband hasn't. It's his tactic that has changed, and not by much by the sounds of it.
Those random messages are not motivated by genuine affection and it is YOU he wants. They are a ploy to lure you back... (read in full...)
I think he needs to accept that he did something while drunk, how do I discuss it with him?
Q. I kinda had a small bump with my boyfriend. We did not see each other this weekend which is fine I made this choice, but I called him last night to talk to him for a bit before I went to bed and he was drunk. He was playing a world wide online video ...
A. 23 April 2012: You should say nothing and drop the matter entirely. You're right. This is a tiny issue. A very tiny one and I don't understand why you're allowing something so small to consume you.
Nor do I understand what you would have had to be irritate... (read in full...)
If you invite your date to your house is that signaling you want sex?
Q. does inviting your date into your house after the date mean you want to have sex? we meant on line, had 2 dates, where I met him there. i said he could pick me up for hte 3rd date. he seems kind of cheap and i suspect he may be dating other peo...
A. 22 April 2012: As The Realist says it depends on when you invite him in; before or after.
I would recommend not inviting him in as that, in my opinion, is a bit too familiar for a third date. It used to be appropriate for the man to pick you up at home at least... (read in full...)
What did I do wrong? How should I handle this situation?
Q. My boyfriend (22) and I (20) have been together for 3 years. We are currently in a long distance relationship. This past weekend, my bf came to visit. As we walked into my dorm, we both noticed a girl staring at him for a long time. After a fe...
A. 20 April 2012: His behaviour is consistent with someone who has just been caught with their hand in the cookie jar (or nookie jar?). If the young woman who stared at him were an innocent friend they would have greeted one another casually and went about their... (read in full...)
Excessive drinking is affecting my boyfriend's sexual performance
Q. Hi, I have posted several questions about love, sex and relationship on this website and have always received good advice. I have been with my boyfriend for roughly 2 years and everything has been great. There are a few things that I quite dis...
A. 19 April 2012: I recommend you focus on how his drinking affects you, not how it might affect him. The latter will come across as nagging, controlling and insincere (he's not stupid enough to believe you're only bringing this up for the sake of his health). He's a ... (read in full...)
Is my friend's older brother flirting with me or just being friendly?
Q. I met my friends brother for the first time the other day; he's 6 or 7 years older than I am and just getting out of a 5 year relationship. I knew all about his crazy gf, the party lifestyle he lives, etc etc because my friend (his sister) talks ab...
A. 19 April 2012: His familiarity with you could be due to the fact that you're the friend of a younger sister and if he's known you several years he may see you as something of a little sister as well.
He may indeed be flirting with you but at this stage it is fa... (read in full...)
How can I convince her she misunderstood me?
Q. I was talking to a girl I like online (we have been talking for about a week) and she asked me that if she was there would she be a girl I sleep with. I replied with this exact line: "no way you would not be" (notice the lack of comma, it is a ...
A. 19 April 2012: Your over zealous efforts to convince her are what are making her suspicious. If you'd been brief and matter of fact about it she would have believed you the first time.
Quit now before you dig yourself an even deeper hole. The more attentio... (read in full...)
Is it alright for a married person to look up ex-boyfriend or girlfriends?
Q. Is it OK for a married person to lookup ex boyfriends or ex girlfriends? Our friend has been divorced for about 2 years now, and we're still friends with her since she was our friend before she married the POS loser. Anyway, she has been searchi...
A. 19 April 2012: I don't think you should make a rule for it, but if it bothers you you could simply say that and leave the decision up to her.
Her intent isn't the only issue here (and I believe at this point she's innocent of any agenda). It's how her seeking ... (read in full...)
Am I too short?
Q. I am only 163cm tall girl but my boy friend is 181cm tall.This is the only reason he always makes fun of me! Please tell me honestly if I am too short to be mocked! I really need to know am i too short? ...
A. 19 April 2012: I'm close to you in height. You're not too short.
It doesn't sound as though your boyfriend means any harm. The short jokes are probably along the lines of 'cute' and someone he feels protective of.... (read in full...)
Do I believe what this married man is telling me?
Q. i met this married man at a night club 3 weeks ago he called me first thing the next morning and has texd and phoned every day until last week when we met up ,i texd him yesterday and asked him if we re finished he said no im just busy at work ,?? ...
A. 18 April 2012: You're not confused because there is nothing to be confused about. You know exactly what you should do, but you're reluctant to do it because you find the man appealing.
He's married. Whether it's a good marriage or a bad one is besides the poin... (read in full...)
Do I believe what this married man is telling me?
Q. i met this married man at a night club 3 weeks ago he called me first thing the next morning and has texd and phoned every day until last week when we met up ,i texd him yesterday and asked him if we re finished he said no im just busy at work ,?? ...
A. 18 April 2012: That line is so old it's cliche. Believe nothing he tells you. Cut contact and move on.
He's a gigolo. Consider yourself warned. ... (read in full...)
If I get married and stay in my boyfriend's country will I always feel lonely?
Q. I am in desperate need for advise! I have been in a relationship for about 4 years with my boyfriend. We have had some major ups and downs but always seem to come back together. The major issue with our relationship is we are from differant ...
A. 18 April 2012: I always urge women not to make any big life changes or sacrifices for a man. Especially not on a 'maybe'. If you were already married, or at least officially engaged (that means a date set, a ring on your finger and invitations sent out to friends ... (read in full...)
Why can't she believe me? I'm faithful. How do I win her back?
Q. My girlfriend has some big issues trusting me. Every time she is not in town and we can't meet we always fight about how i do something bad. Last time she left for 3 days. Now we are broken up because of this 3 days. I was out with 2 of my best fri...
A. 18 April 2012: Stop trying to win her back. Let her do the grovelling for a change. It sounds like she has plenty to make up for. This whole 'trust issues' thing is a load of rubbish. Those who claim to have them in fact have a great deal of trust. They trus... (read in full...)
How do I liven things up between us? Despite him rejecting my advances regularly?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for nearly two years. We were always very passionate and affectionate. A couple months ago, he began to act less and less, however. I realize that this can happen as a relationship progresses, but physical affection and ...
A. 18 April 2012: It sounds to me as though he's either got something on his mind or is losing interest in the relationship as a whole.
Doing everything for him and on his terms is hardly going to add any spark or spice. It actually encourages complacency and narc... (read in full...)
Should I give my B/f a chance and help improve himself or leave him as a 'lost cause'? Is bullying during his childhood a reason or excuse?
Q. I am at my wits end with my boyfriend at the moment. We have been together for just over a year and we get on well. We have met each other's family but he has problems with my side. He didn't greet my Mum when he came round until I told him to do...
A. 18 April 2012: Your boyfriend may have had a rough start in life, but so have many of us. He was born and raised on the same planet as the rest of us and he's had access to the same resources; therapists, self help groups, books, online articles and the like, many ... (read in full...)
My husband is getting more and more controlling of my appearance
Q. First, it was the clothing: dresses, skirts, tights, blouses. I'm not allowed jeans, trainers, flipflops, T-shirts, track suits. I'm barely allowed tasteful trousers. Then, it was telling me how much jewellery I can wear. Then, it was th...
A. 18 April 2012: Of course he doesn't think you should feel that way. He'd have to admit his role in it if he did. Save yourself the bother of explaining it. You'll just exhaust yourself and even if he 'gets it' (for all of 5 minutes) it won't amount to any lasting ... (read in full...)
After b/f has been so wishy washy, I am moving back home. what would others do?
Q. hello everyone, i hope you're all well! first off, i moved in with my partner of 2 years last December and a month or so ago he said he wasnt sure about having a relationship and although it broke my heart i understand. so im now moving back home...
A. 18 April 2012: I'm assuming you're moving back home for financial reasons so I think you're doing the right thing. If your boyfriend is unsure about being in a relationship then some time out of one and on his own might help focus his mind. Just be careful you d... (read in full...)
Despite a new love she can't get her 'first' out of her mind
Q. emergency!! Basically friend A is in love with friend B but friend A lost her virginity a few months ago to another guy (she was not with friend B at this time). She is deeply in love with B but can't help but think of this guy now and again. She ...
A. 18 April 2012: Thinking of someone now and again is perfectly normal. Being in love with someone doesn't mean you think only of them morning, noon and night. Hormones do not chain women to any man. If they did prostitutes would have only one client, rape vic... (read in full...)
Husband of three months is pressuring me to live somewhere I don't care to be
Q. i have been with my husband for 10 months and married for 3. just recently we have both lost our jobs and we are in a right mess. before i met him i was very independent, had a good job, good car and savings. now i have nothing and he has dragged me ...
A. 18 April 2012: Call his bluff. No fuss, no muss, no drama.
I don't recommend you leave a position of relative safety and security for one of uncertainty, especially when you're already so disinclined.
Since we're talking about therapeutic massage I also s... (read in full...)
Are women losing their skills in "traditional" roles?
Q. Are women losing skills in roles they traditionally did like cooking and housekeeping? If so, what skills are they gaining instead? Let me first say that I love my wife, but I was shocked at how little she is able to do. She is an excellent ...
A. 17 April 2012: My experience and observations have been quite different. Most of the women I know or have heard of not only have a full or part time job, do all or most of the house cleaning, laundry, cooking, grocery shopping and child raising, NOW they take out ... (read in full...)
My husband is getting more and more controlling of my appearance
Q. First, it was the clothing: dresses, skirts, tights, blouses. I'm not allowed jeans, trainers, flipflops, T-shirts, track suits. I'm barely allowed tasteful trousers. Then, it was telling me how much jewellery I can wear. Then, it was th...
A. 17 April 2012: What is stopping you from saying 'no' or 'I'll consider that at a later date.'?
You aren't losing yourself. You're giving yourself away.
He can want what he wants and say what he likes, but at the end of the day it's entirely up to you whethe... (read in full...)
Confused swinger?
Q. My husband wanted to swing and searched another couple. We started with our own partners in the same room and then went for a full swap when 3-4 mins into that my husband said this wasn't for him... But back at home he says he wants to try it again ...
A. 16 April 2012: Do not inform him of your plans until you're ready to act on them. He may decide to cause you even more trouble between now and then.
Giving yourself a date to review your situation is probably a good thing. You can measure your progress and dete... (read in full...)
I tried to help my friend out but it has totally backfired on me! What should I do?
Q. A past friend of mine recently got in contact with me. She moved to a U.S territory down south (Puerto Rico) and her family is not very well off now (single mom). Her mom needed a cell phone ASAP but the company doesnt deliver to her country, so she ...
A. 16 April 2012: There was nothing wrong in doing this kind of favour for someone worthy of it. This duo is clearly isn't.
You've already given them the update. Now cut contact and have nothing more to do with them.
Be more selective of what favours you do a... (read in full...)
Confused swinger?
Q. My husband wanted to swing and searched another couple. We started with our own partners in the same room and then went for a full swap when 3-4 mins into that my husband said this wasn't for him... But back at home he says he wants to try it again ...
A. 16 April 2012: After reading your subsequent posts I strongly believe the time for talking is over. There is nothing here to fix. Your husband is self absorbed to the detriment of his family. He's a womanizer and a former abuser and therefore a threat to the well ... (read in full...)
All his text said was nite nite sweet dreams. Why didn't he comment on our day?
Q. Am i over reacting here,seen my boyfriend yesterday,we spent a nice afternoon together,we had some great sex too,later he sent me a nite nite sweet dreams text.now usually when we say good nite or good morning to each other,we always have a few ...
A. 16 April 2012: I think you're over reacting. If he said that every time he saw you it would lose its value.... (read in full...)
Confused swinger?
Q. My husband wanted to swing and searched another couple. We started with our own partners in the same room and then went for a full swap when 3-4 mins into that my husband said this wasn't for him... But back at home he says he wants to try it again ...
A. 15 April 2012: I have to agree with you and the others.
He's cheating, not by swinging or having threesomes, but by concealing his real motives. This exploration isn't something you're doing as a couple. It's HIS fantasy fulfillment and the only reason you've b... (read in full...)
Confused swinger?
Q. My husband wanted to swing and searched another couple. We started with our own partners in the same room and then went for a full swap when 3-4 mins into that my husband said this wasn't for him... But back at home he says he wants to try it again ...
A. 14 April 2012: This is very, very common among new swingers. The man is the driving force behind trying it and the woman is the driving force behind keeping it going.
When a man fantasizies about swinging he is focused on how it will benefit HIM. He assumes ... (read in full...)
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