How to deal with a toxic mother?
Q. Hello aunts and uncles, I am in a situation, which I'm unsure how to deal with and wondered if anybody who has any experience of this, could offer any advice? It's very complicated and the details go back years, but I'll try to keep it to th...
A. 14 May 2012: You're very, very welcome. I hope it helps.
Best of luck and thank you for the feedback.... (read in full...)
How often do you see or speak to your FWB?
Q. Hi thank you for reading this I am in a fwb arrangement I was just wondering how often you see or speak to your fwb as I only see mine once a month if that sometimes even though we live very close to each other I have asked him if he still wants to ...
A. 13 May 2012: I missed that bit about 'I do and I don't'.
That alone is sufficient reason to walk away. He likes having sex with you once in a while, when he can't find someone else, but that's it. He's not interested enough to want to get to know you.... (read in full...)
How do I get my Bf to respect my opinions? And stop him telling unfunny jokes?
Q. Hi, thanks for taking your time to read this! So, I've been with my current boyfriend for a little over seven months now, and overall; he makes me very happy. We click very well with each other and we have a lot of similar interests. Th...
A. 13 May 2012: Assuming it's not too late to chime in here...
I'm not sure what your next step is but if you plan to talk to him, then I suggest you keep it brief and tell him what you THINK of his treatment of you rather than a long drawn out discussi... (read in full...)
How often do you see or speak to your FWB?
Q. Hi thank you for reading this I am in a fwb arrangement I was just wondering how often you see or speak to your fwb as I only see mine once a month if that sometimes even though we live very close to each other I have asked him if he still wants to ...
A. 13 May 2012: There is really no set number of times or frequency. You do it when you're both together and in the mood. For some it will be once a month or once a week. It's really up to the parties involved. Knowing something is easily available tends to make us ... (read in full...)
Why do people react so negatively when I say I don't want to get married or have children?
Q. Maybe, I am too young to say this, but I am just not interested in getting married or having kids. Now, don't get me wrong. While I do not want to get married, it doesn't mean I don't want to find and live my life with that one special partner....
A. 13 May 2012: There is nothing wrong with making a conscious choice not to marry or have children. There are plenty of other ways you can make a valuable contribution to society.
However if you think not getting married will protect you from a messy break up... (read in full...)
Should I confront my brother and/or best friend?
Q. I really need some help. My brother has separated with his wife and they have 2 children together. Recently my best friend has begun seeing him. Him being almost 35 and she's just 19. I know about it but no body else has copped on yet. Neither of ...
A. 13 May 2012: You shouldn't confront them. It's none of your business and inserting yourself into other people's business generally doesn't end well.
It may not be the smartest thing to do, but technically they aren't doing anything wrong. And if it is a mis... (read in full...)
'Til Dubai do we part...
Q. I gave birth to my Son a month ago, after a very difficult pregnancy. It was an emergency c-section and our son has been all over the Province in hospitals ever since. Just after he was born, my husband declared that he had been offered a ...
A. 11 May 2012: 'and when he is around more to father, he will probably be good at it'.....HUH?
He's not even in Dubai and already he isn't around. Where is he? And whenever he's back from wherever he's at he'll probably be good at fathering? Probably... (read in full...)
I've had an abortion and now am afraid to go to church or to pray
Q. Had an abortion. Now, I'm afraid to pray or go to the church. Before this, I often find solace in church but now I'm afraid to even pray at home. I try to avoid any religious figures as in printing or etc. What do I do? ...
A. 11 May 2012: I strongly disagree with the anonymous female below.
You shouldn't beat yourself up about this, but you shouldn't beat anyone else up about it either. NO ONE did anything TO you. You were in control from the very beginning. You made several ... (read in full...)
'Til Dubai do we part...
Q. I gave birth to my Son a month ago, after a very difficult pregnancy. It was an emergency c-section and our son has been all over the Province in hospitals ever since. Just after he was born, my husband declared that he had been offered a ...
A. 11 May 2012: Before responding I took the liberty of reading some of your replies to other questions.
Your husband has a history of looking out for himself first and he enjoys the attention of other women. He wants to move to Dubai because he thinks it will ... (read in full...)
I'm seeing my boyfriend tomorrow for a make or break talk, what can I do or say to him to try and make this work?
Q. Ive been seeing an amazing guy for 10 months, hes everything ive ever wanted and more but theres one problem; distance. He lives 150 miles away and couldnt move because of his work and the fact he is carer for his disabled brother. I currently see ...
A. 11 May 2012: I'm inclined to agree with the others. My impression is your boyfriend isn't ready for a long term future with you and he's trying to break up with you as nicely as he can.
Accepting his decision and the reasons he gave may be the least painful ... (read in full...)
Should I talk to my boyfriend about this, or should I finish with him?
Q. Should i talk to my boyfriend about this, or should i finish with him ?. He went to another town yesterday to see a friend of his and his sister. He was there from the morning until today. He sent me a text message yesterday morning, saying that he ...
A. 11 May 2012: It was indeed rude of him to agree to see you then not show up without any explanation or apology. However a little foresight on your part would have prevented this.
You knew he was going out of town to spend the day with friends. It's no great... (read in full...)
Is the way I'm handling this good?
Q. Ok, well i have been seeing my girlfriend for a few weeks and she is a very pretty girl ( not quite sure how i managed that ) anyway, most weekends we go out with friends to a bar or club Friday night and Saturday we do our thing, just 2 of us, o...
A. 8 May 2012: It would appear so. When you're both happy and the person whose opinion matters most tells you you're doing the right thing by her, then you must indeed be doing the right thing.
Most women don't like the boorish, over the top approach. We don't... (read in full...)
How do I tell my parents I can't stand their parenting style?
Q. I'm 25 yet my parents have always been overly strict, controlling and verbally abusive. I can't stand how they never want me to leave home even though I'm a grown adult. I've always done the right thing and been a A grade student. Yet I'm always ...
A. 8 May 2012: Easy one first; you're not being rejected romantically because you're an adult who still lives at home. If you are being rejected it could be that potential suitors sense you're desperate to leave home and see marriage as the ticket out. Who wants ... (read in full...)
How to deal with a toxic mother?
Q. Hello aunts and uncles, I am in a situation, which I'm unsure how to deal with and wondered if anybody who has any experience of this, could offer any advice? It's very complicated and the details go back years, but I'll try to keep it to th...
A. 8 May 2012: An open declaration of intent followed by a complete severing of all ties is a bit too drastic and confrontational. I recommend a more subtle approach. You could distance yourself gradually while remaining upbeat and cordial. Whenever your mo... (read in full...)
Would it be okay to ask my boyfriend who's texting him so late at night, or is it none of my business?
Q. sometimes really late at night (2-4 am) I can hear my boyfriend's phone go off (text message sound on an iphone). this has only happened a few times, but it makes me feel uncomfortable. would it be okay for me to ask who is texting him so l...
A. 7 May 2012: Nothing wrong with asking. It's a perfectly valid question, as long as you don't ask it in an accusing way. It could be a wrong number.... (read in full...)
I've had an abortion and now am afraid to go to church or to pray
Q. Had an abortion. Now, I'm afraid to pray or go to the church. Before this, I often find solace in church but now I'm afraid to even pray at home. I try to avoid any religious figures as in printing or etc. What do I do? ...
A. 7 May 2012: I assume you've heard of King David. He seduced a married woman, Bathsheba, while her husband was away at battle. When she became pregnant David tried to conceal the deed by recalling her husband, Uriah, home from war. His hope was that Uriah would ... (read in full...)
How to I get my point across to my g/f about her drinking without upsetting her?
Q. A little backstory: Because of family history and other reasons, I do not drink. I don't tell others not to drink (though I may try and limit when I can tell they are going overboard). Last summer, my gf went on a trip to a foreign country. Up to ...
A. 7 May 2012: Alcohol played a role in my upbringing as well as it did for you. That might be part of the reason I seldom drink as well. Most of us find excessive drinking to be tacky and very low class.
Having said that, I'm with YouWish on this one. By makin... (read in full...)
Is all of this favortism wrong on her part?
Q. Hello! A few days ago, I posted a question "I'm being called a teacher's pet" where I discussed how I suck up to my teacher and do multiple things for her. If you haven't read that question, please do so it wont start confusion. Mrs. _____, sin...
A. 7 May 2012: I've read and responded to your original post so I'm really not sure what you're hoping to gain from this one. I thought everyone already gave you very good advice.
We tend to be nicer to people who are nicer to us. Your teacher likes you and felt... (read in full...)
Co-worker acted like a jerk, everyone finally found out and now he's changed. Why?
Q. I had a good friend or so i thought at work i really cared for him and helped him so much with work, money a hell of a lot then i noticed the lies black lies not just fibs then i found out he was badmouthing me to colleagues and management i did ...
A. 7 May 2012: 1. The answer is obvious
2. Who cares?
No one likes to be ostracized. His behaviour alienated him so now he's trying to rebuild alliances. Being an asshole got him shunned so he hopes being 'nice' will get him unshunned.
Who cares?... (read in full...)
It hurts me so much that we can be together and then she does these things behind my back!
Q. My girlfriend for a month so far we (dated for 3 years she left me for another man back together after a year) keeps on talking too other men dirty and has cheated on me with one in the last month. And swears she will change and i forgive like ...
A. 7 May 2012: Of course she looks happy. For her everything IS fine. She has a doting, loyal boyfriend AND she can have all the extra action and attention she wants on the side. This arrangement appears to be working for her so why should she not be happy?
... (read in full...)
Boyfriend said "he's the boss of me, not me the boss of him!"
Q. Hello, I have a boyfriend we have been together for 2 and a half years hes and have recently hit some problems and we broke up for about a month, but after some talking we got back together. But yesterday he got annoyed at me for something ...
A. 7 May 2012: You don't know what to think of this? It's pretty obvious isn't it?
If you enjoy the thought of being a subordinate, lorded over by a man then this is fantastic. You have a match made in heaven.
If, on the other hand, you want a partner in lif... (read in full...)
He has a girlfriend and keeps asking me for naked pictures
Q. This guy I was talking to recently got out of a long term relationship and he has kids with this woman. A few months ago he decided to get back with her because he didn't want to pull his kids away from their mother. Since they got back together we ...
A. 7 May 2012: Because he doesn't see you as a friend, but a sexual outlet. Agreeing (or suggesting) you remain 'friends' was just to keep you around in hopes of having a toy on the side.
He is not your friend. He doesn't ask his guy friends for naked pictures... (read in full...)
Bf believes I'm not mature enough to be in an adult relationship. I have a teenage mindstate that's not on his level.
Q. I had problems with my bf who always complained about me not spending enough time with him. I love him with all my heart, and we're sexually active, I lost my virginity to him, he's my first bf, we're 22, 21 years. My parents are very protective of ...
A. 6 May 2012: The end of the fourth paragraph was as far as I got. I just couldn't read any more of it, but I got a pretty clear idea of what kind of person your boyfriend is.
I can appreciate a man or woman wanting a partner, not a youth they have to pamper a... (read in full...)
I cannot comprehend how my ex husband could start dating so soon after our divorce
Q. My ex and I divorced but still lived together. We loved each other but i divorced him because of finance differences. I left him and after a few weeks broke all contact because he is bi polar and has sociopathic tendencies. During that time onc...
A. 4 May 2012: I don't think you're asking whether or not he has the right to date others, but whether his professed love for you was genuine, correct?
I would say his affection for you is no different now than it was before, which is ultimately why you left him... (read in full...)
Is it a good idea to speak to my bf about taking things to the next level?
Q. Dear all.plz advise. I.ve been seeing my bf for 14 months now. He recently moved round the corner from me. He has a twin sister with downs syndrome who lives with him. He is her full time carer. The problem is, we only see each other once a ...
A. 4 May 2012: Speaking up and being direct about what you want makes you look and feel stronger, not vulnerable. It really depends on how you say it.
Instead of telling your boyfriend what you want HIM to do (which will place added pressure on him not to menti... (read in full...)
How can I stop my friend from getting hurt? His fiance flirts with other guys right in front of him!
Q. Hi all, I want to see what others think of a friend of mine getting married in a couple of months and there's nothing anyone can do about it, not even his parents. He's in his late twenties. I feel so bad for the poor guy because she's got him blind ...
A. 4 May 2012: If he talks to you about this, you can give him your honest opinion, but beyond that there isn't anything you can do. He's a grown man and obviously capable of taking some kind of action. It's up to him if it's going to be the right one.
Any i... (read in full...)
I need an exit strategy to get out of this marriage!
Q. My husband who claims to love me a lot, has cheated on me and even after being togehther 4 years since them, there seems to be little regret and there are other aspects like his fuss over appearances and a selfish moody nature that make me feel like ...
A. 4 May 2012: After you have all your ducks in a row and you're ready to make the big announcement (and assuming you do it face to face). Arrange to have the kids spent the weekend with relatives.
Then arrange a safe call with a close friend or family member. ... (read in full...)
I need an exit strategy to get out of this marriage!
Q. My husband who claims to love me a lot, has cheated on me and even after being togehther 4 years since them, there seems to be little regret and there are other aspects like his fuss over appearances and a selfish moody nature that make me feel like ...
A. 4 May 2012: I think the first thing you should do is speak to an attorney. Knowing exactly what your rights and responsibilities are will help you form an exit strategy. Here, many will offer a free half hour consultation.
Whether they do there or not you ... (read in full...)
We don't like C. Should we invite everyone and just let C's bf tag along?
Q. My three best friends (A, B, and C), and I are planning a graduation Europe trip. We are considering inviting our boyfriends as well as we are all very close and it would be very fun! However, none of us including the guys, can stand C's boyfrien...
A. 3 May 2012: Agreed. Girls only sounds like the logical solution and I think you'd have a lot more fun anyway.... (read in full...)
Is he for real or just messing with me?
Q. I talk to this man for several years an he would send me little things little good morning here your coffee a flower or just some little something .we keep talkinf an found out we he use to live in same town that i do an know the same people .so we ...
A. 3 May 2012: How long ago did you ask about dinner? There may be a reasonable explanation for his delay in responding.
Even if there isn't and he is only interested in sex sending him an angry email saying as much will make you look adolescent, weak, insecure... (read in full...)
Husband putting oral sex above everything else.
Q. My husband and I have been married for 6 years, our sex life has always been great, but lately I feel that I am nothing more than a mouth for him. He wants oral sex everyday, and though I dont mind it, it seems that he has no emotions about it, no ...
A. 3 May 2012: OP, you need to learn how to talk to him without WORRYING ABOUT making him feel inferior. By shielding him from any unpleasant news you're not giving him a chance to learn how to accept such news with grace. You are both nurturing the very worst in ... (read in full...)
Husband putting oral sex above everything else.
Q. My husband and I have been married for 6 years, our sex life has always been great, but lately I feel that I am nothing more than a mouth for him. He wants oral sex everyday, and though I dont mind it, it seems that he has no emotions about it, no ...
A. 2 May 2012: You're falling into that trap of blaming yourself. Blame and fault are toxic and pointless. Your husband is a grown man and he chose to behave the way he did. You chose to put up with it, yes, but that does not make you at fault here. You only own ... (read in full...)
Husband putting oral sex above everything else.
Q. My husband and I have been married for 6 years, our sex life has always been great, but lately I feel that I am nothing more than a mouth for him. He wants oral sex everyday, and though I dont mind it, it seems that he has no emotions about it, no ...
A. 1 May 2012: Better still, leave him and reinvent yourself. ... (read in full...)
Should I carry on defying them or dump him?
Q. I have a boyfriend but I'm not supposed to because I'm a Muslim. my parents Don’t know and I’m constantly worried. I don’t know what to do. they are real Islam extremists. Should I carry on defying them or dump him?...
A. 1 May 2012: If they are indeed extremists, then I strongly urge you not to defy them, at least not at your age. There are far too many newspaper headlines with horror stories about young girls who go against the family. Wait until you're old enough to move out ... (read in full...)
Husband putting oral sex above everything else.
Q. My husband and I have been married for 6 years, our sex life has always been great, but lately I feel that I am nothing more than a mouth for him. He wants oral sex everyday, and though I dont mind it, it seems that he has no emotions about it, no ...
A. 1 May 2012: Your husband does not feel hurt and he doesn't think you're putting him down. He's angry because he's being held to account for his actions. This bruised ego act is just a diversion to focus your attention on what HE wants instead of what YOU want, ... (read in full...)
I found he did some "swinging" two years into our dating... and not from him. How should I feel?
Q. Dear Cupid, I'm in an exclusive relationship going on two years. We both own our homes. He is divorced and my husband passed away. He never would give me much information on why they divorced and claimed he never cheated on her, they just gre...
A. 1 May 2012: You're very welcome. Best of luck.... (read in full...)
He wants to move in asap, but no mention of marriage. If we move in now, will we still marry?
Q. Hi there. My boyfriend of 2 years wants us to live together and I want to wait until we're married. I know for sure if I said let's move in together he would do it tomorrow but I have realised over the past month or two he's not exactly rushing ...
A. 30 April 2012: I'm in agreement with SVC.
Stick to your guns on this. If you're good enough to live with, you're good enough to marry.
In the event of a separation, even when children are involved, a common law wife does not have the same protection a leg... (read in full...)
Why can't I date a black guy?
Q. I've been dating my boyfriend for a month now. Put simply, I'm white and he's black. My dad insists that he's not racist, but he seems funny about it. He says there are risks involved in society. At the end of the day I really like my boyfriend, I ...
A. 30 April 2012: No one said a young black man WOULD get you pregnant and run away. The uncle in question simply said that young black men have a 'REPUTATION'. And he suggested you give your father time and opportunity to see that your boyfriend was different and ... (read in full...)
I get called a teacher's pet at school but I only do this because I appreciate my teacher! What shall I do?
Q. My English teacher is one of the top 3 in my life and I am her little pet. I give her multiple presents and cards and I am always complimenting her on the way she teaches. I bring her candy everyday and I make sure she's always having a good day. I ...
A. 29 April 2012: I'm with the others. Your displays of affection have far exceeded the bounds of propriety. The 'Team ____' t-shirt is a tad unnerving. Your teacher is a grown woman and while she may appreciate your esteem and enthusiasm for learning, she do... (read in full...)
He sent dirty texts to my bestfriend,should I give him another chance?
Q. Me and my boyfriend of 3 months split up 2days ago. The other day which was my 3yr old sisters bday my friend (used to be best friends but kinds drifted apart because shes been seeing married men). Was calling me sayin she has somthing to tell...
A. 29 April 2012: From what you've written here I don't get the impression your friend encouraged him in any way. In fact she made a point of trying to bring this to your attention once she discovered the identity of the prankster.
And I don't think your boyfrien... (read in full...)
My insecure wife constantly accuses me of looking at other women!
Q. My wife and I have a problem. We have been together 8 years, we are mid 30's early 40's (I am 6 years younger), unable to have children after having multiple miscarriages. My problem is this; that every time we go out, be it the mall, supermarket, ...
A. 29 April 2012: I agree with a lot of the responses given and I would like to add a couple of thoughts of my own.
Something you can do to help her overcome her insecurities is to stop pandering to them. No matter how many tragedies she's suffered, no matter h... (read in full...)
Is he for real or just messing with me?
Q. I talk to this man for several years an he would send me little things little good morning here your coffee a flower or just some little something .we keep talkinf an found out we he use to live in same town that i do an know the same people .so we ...
A. 29 April 2012: If you're worried he might be using you for sex, the way to find out is not give it to him and see how long he sticks around. What kind of relationship do you want to have with this man? Do you want to go out for dinner? Lunch? Visit the museum... (read in full...)
I found he did some "swinging" two years into our dating... and not from him. How should I feel?
Q. Dear Cupid, I'm in an exclusive relationship going on two years. We both own our homes. He is divorced and my husband passed away. He never would give me much information on why they divorced and claimed he never cheated on her, they just gre...
A. 29 April 2012: What concerns me more is that you took him back after he left you for another woman.
How you feel about this is normal and really doesn't need anyone else's validation.
What do you plan to do about this? Are you still with him? Planning on... (read in full...)
Why can't I date a black guy?
Q. I've been dating my boyfriend for a month now. Put simply, I'm white and he's black. My dad insists that he's not racist, but he seems funny about it. He says there are risks involved in society. At the end of the day I really like my boyfriend, I ...
A. 29 April 2012: It isn't simply about colour. Colour of skin is the first and most obvious indicator of cultural, social and philosophical differences. As Milo points out young black men have a certain reputation. One that is exploited by hip hop artists and thei... (read in full...)
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