Is there any hope for love without a better job?
Q. Despite being a decent and honest man I've been single for my entire life. I've really struggled in life with depression and a lack of confidence and direction and knowing what I want out of life. I've only ever had menial jobs, or have been out of ...
A. 8 September 2012: I gave your situation a little more thought. It wasn't my intent to make things seem dire. It's far from hopeless and you have plenty of options. What I said earlier applies to many women, but not all. While few sane women will want to carry a ... (read in full...)
Guy I've started dating said he'd hidden his on-line dating profile but I've found out that he hasn't.
Q. I’m 50 and been on Match for almost a year. I met quite a few guys, most of them were just a first and last time date and a couple of them lasted a few dates, but nothing serious. In mid-July I met this guy online. He is 52; he is a widow (his wife ...
A. 8 September 2012: 'I think you scared him with the comments about being long term etc..' EXACTLY.... (read in full...)
Guy I've started dating said he'd hidden his on-line dating profile but I've found out that he hasn't.
Q. I’m 50 and been on Match for almost a year. I met quite a few guys, most of them were just a first and last time date and a couple of them lasted a few dates, but nothing serious. In mid-July I met this guy online. He is 52; he is a widow (his wife ...
A. 8 September 2012: No. Say nothing and change tack. Enjoy your time with him, but keep him at this distance for a while and when the topic comes up tell him you'd like to take things slowly. ... (read in full...)
Is there any hope for love without a better job?
Q. Despite being a decent and honest man I've been single for my entire life. I've really struggled in life with depression and a lack of confidence and direction and knowing what I want out of life. I've only ever had menial jobs, or have been out of ...
A. 8 September 2012: There are many men out there who are decent, honest, reliable, and otherwise great AND they have confidence, mental/emotional/financial stability, direction, ambition, AND their own homes AND they drive and own a car. You may be an honest, warm,... (read in full...)
Boyfriend of 4 years won't stop going on dating sites. Is it worth trying to sort this out?
Q. Hi, I am new on here and would really like some advice on what to do. I have been with my boyfriend 4 years. He wont stop going on dating sites. I have caught him doing it and seen it with my own eyes 3 times, I have also got to the point where I ...
A. 8 September 2012: To be honest, I don't understand why you need to ask this question.
Your boyfriend is checking the market and making himself visible to other women. This is a pattern of behaviour. He doesn't even worry about getting caught anymore.
What ex... (read in full...)
Is he cheating or is it all in my head?
Q. Ok so my boyfriend of one year got caught talking and seeing his ex girlfriend about a month ago I talked to Both I them and their just friends nothing happen, I told him that's fine but no more spending time with her. I should come first! But sense ...
A. 8 September 2012: I think FA summed it up perfectly.... (read in full...)
Am I a racist for not liking a black guy?
Q. I’m a young gay man and I feel like I’m a bad person. I’m receiving a lot of attention from a black guy (I'm white myself). He’s being really nice, giving me small gifts and everything, asking me to go out with him. We’ve talked many times, he’s a ...
A. 8 September 2012: Nope. Not racist at all. It's simply a preference and you're as entitled to yours as the next person. Don't accept any gifts though. Just tell him there is no chemistry. You're not obliged to offer any long explanations either. Keep it simple. ... (read in full...)
Is a woman being objectified in this situation?
Q. If two guys happen to like the same woman, and one of them sees the other one as 'competition', does that not mean that he (the one who sees the other one as competition) sees the woman as a prize to be won, and is therefore objectifying her? A tr...
A. 7 September 2012: It could, but I would not automatically jump to that conclusion.
If a woman flirted with another woman's husband then said woman could be considered a threat i.e. 'competition'. Is the wife in this case objectifying her husband by seeing him as H... (read in full...)
We are still dating but havent called each other in months, should I just break up with him?
Q. I met this cute tall handsome looking guy at my birthday get together. Since then we had been talking and started dating shortly. I was so happy dating him cos he was everything I wanted in a man physically. I often dreamt about us having a future ...
A. 7 September 2012: If you don't speak to each other for months then you're not dating. There is no relationship therefore no need for an uncomfortable break up. In fact you'd look rather silly trying to break up with him.
I think that about covers it.
... (read in full...)
Is my husband interested in Lisa? Should I be worried that he's angry that he missed out on a chance to be with her?
Q. What do you think about this situation? My husband and I occasionally hang out with another couple, I'll call them Bob and Lisa. Before we met, we both hung out with this couple seperately. My husband used to be Bob's best friend and when I was in ...
A. 7 September 2012: It may be too late to chime in here, but I will anyway. If it won't help you, it might help someone else in a similar situation.
You and your husband may have to have a sit down eventually, but if you jump to that right away he is likely to feel ... (read in full...)
This internet conflict went too far, and I don't know what to do.
Q. I'm 15, and i frequently use the website tumblr. i am a sophomore. i made a post with advice for freshman, and at the end i said (jokingly) "if you scream when you see your friends, i'll hit you". this girl messaged me anonymously saying things like ...
A. 5 September 2012: Chances are nothing will happen. Her uncle, the cop, has far bigger fish to fry than a teenage girl posting nonsense on a social networking site. He is not going to make himself look foolish in front of his colleagues or set himself up for some kind ... (read in full...)
Am I driving him to drink?
Q. I have been with my husband for 3yrs now. We got married in feb 2012... He has a drinking problem. He stopped for 6 months that is why I agreed to marry him. I have 3 kids he has 2 we bought a house a yr and half ago. Here is the problem and I don't ...
A. 5 September 2012: And I was raised by an alcoholic. This is in no way your fault. Not by any stretch of the imagination. Blaming others allows drunks to distance themselves from their behaviour and protects them from being overwhelmed by the shame of it. Accepting ... (read in full...)
My abusive ex boyfriend refuses to pay me back the money he owes me
Q. I am stuck and need serious advice. I just got out of an abusive relationship (emotionally, verbally and recently, physically) and trying to recover. We bought a condo together but he put the mortgage under his name. I, however, paid the lawyer ...
A. 5 September 2012: I understand you're having financial difficulties and the $4000 he owes you would go a long way to helping you rebuild your life. But if your ex is potentially dangerous you have to ask yourself what your safety is worth.
If, after a cold har... (read in full...)
Why do all women give me dirty looks or turn away from me in disgust if I happen to look at them? Is a girlfriend an impossibility for me?
Q. I am 41 years old and have never had a girlfriend in my life because I am completely unattractive and gave up on women in my mid-twenties. I decided to concentrate on work. I belong to a photography group and work out in a gym two or three nights ...
A. 5 September 2012: OP, if this only happened once in a while, we'd guess it was the women you're encountering, but if you're having this problem everywhere with all women, then it's got to be you. It could be your perception. Maybe women aren't giving you any p... (read in full...)
I want a better, happier and non-abusive relationship. So who should I be considering? These are my current options.
Q. Let me begin by saying Im a 46 yo female, Was married for 12 years, Divorced 3 years ago, Was in another abusive realtionship for 2 years, Been single for 6 months, I have dated alot, Recently I meet a man (50). We both are looking for the same thi...
A. 4 September 2012: Scratch Mr. Military off the list. The fact that he only seems to contact you when he breaks up with his girlfriend is reason enough. It's also too soon to jump from one relationship into another. On top of that separating yourself from all that you ... (read in full...)
How can I tell him that the one night stand meant nothing?
Q. I'm after a little bit of advice. I really have messed up and don't know how or if I can fix this. I really like this guy, but I thought he had made it clear that he wasn't interested in me. His best mate started flirting with me and I stupidly...
A. 4 September 2012: Yos is probably right, although men and women do stray from their respective codes every now and then.
Even if he decided to break the code, trying to assure him that the one night stand meant nothing would make things CONSIDERABLY worse. ... (read in full...)
Should my boyfriend pay something if he moves into my house?
Q. My bf and i will soon be moving in together - he will be moving into my house. We have already agreed on that we will split the utilities bills and food. However he doesnt think he should pay anything weekly. Obviously i am not looking to make any ...
A. 4 September 2012: Um...EXSQUEEZE me? You don't expect him to contribute anything to the mortgage? So he tosses you a few coins for utilities and food, which according to you isn't very much anyway, and that's it? He doesn't think he should have to pay anything wee... (read in full...)
How do I cancel the date I have planned now I am exclusive with my partner, but still keep this other man as a friend in case this one doesn't work out?
Q. I have been single for about 14 months, dating casually here and there, I've been seeing a guy that I've known for years the last couple of months casually and also been seeing and texting other people. (as he has as well)This guy and I have ...
A. 4 September 2012: I understand wanting to play it safe and hedge your bets but I think what you're proposing will cause you a great deal of stress and could lead to a lot of resentment down the line. You risk losing both men.
To keep one man around as a fall bac... (read in full...)
How do I end this babysitting arrangement without things becoming awkward?
Q. I've been babysitting on and off for a couple (I'll call them J and B) with a little boy of two years old since October 2011. They didn't used to call me often, maybe once a month, but since around April of this year they've been in touch more ...
A. 4 September 2012: You could tell them in advance that with university starting you'll be devoting more of your time to studies and you won't be able to babysit anymore. Simple as that. Keep it brief. The longer your explanation and the more guilty you seem giving ... (read in full...)
I feel like people show me that being a virgin at my age is like being cursed and it's seriously getting on my nerves.
Q. Hey. I'm going to turn 20 in two weeks and I'm still a female virgin. Most of my friends had already sex which make me feel a little bit left out. Besides, some of them are really annoying about it. Generally, people don't know about it and They are ...
A. 4 September 2012: I think janniepeg is right on the mark. Sex for many of your friends tends to 'just happen' with whomever...whenever. So when it doesn't they assume it's because you're wound up too tightly and/or that you're clinging to stuffy, antiquated beliefs. ... (read in full...)
I think my best friend slept with my FWB
Q. I think my best friend slept with my friends with benifits. She brings him up alot. How do I find out ? I slept with him two daya ago thimgs were good...
A. 4 September 2012: Why do you want to know? The whole point of friends with benefits is the no strings attached sex. No strings means no obligations. That means he can sleep with whomever he pleases and he doesn't have to tell you and you have no right to complain. ... (read in full...)
Do I leave my wife over breast implants?
Q. my wife lies to me she had a breast implants done without my permission i dont like it what will i do. leave her?...
A. 4 September 2012: Yep, I agree with YouWish and Stayc that while your wife's body belongs to her and she doesn't need your permission to alter it, she DOES owe it to you to consult with you before she spends thousands of dollars of the family's money on it.
I dou... (read in full...)
Should I just back off when g/f is having her period?
Q. Okay so through some careful questioning I have learned that my girlfriend is on her period as of now. The thing is while on her period I've Noticed that she becomes very erm....independent. She doesn't want anything to do with me or others. I asked ...
A. 4 September 2012: Very thoughtful of you to try, but your girlfriend has made it clear that she just wants to be left alone during that time.
It's not an illness that needs special sympathy and attention really. It's just some discomfort most of us would rather d... (read in full...)
18 year old living with us is too friendly. Do I tell her brother?
Q. Hey everyone, I'm in a living with my boyfriend for the past 4 years now,and everything was going great,he has a good job so do I..but now the problem has arised cuz of a third person which unfortunately I brought into the picture.. My best guy fr...
A. 3 September 2012: Did you never wonder why your friend's sister suddenly needed a place to stay and why she couldn't stay with him? I'll tell you why. Because she was kicked out of wherever she lived before and her own brother didn't want her in his home. This '... (read in full...)
My mother forbids me to date my boyfriend even though I'm 18
Q. This is kinda a long story, although I will try to keep this as short as possible. So here's the deal, my ex and I are trying to get back together but my mother absolutely HATES him and won't let me be with him although I am 18. I have previou...
A. 3 September 2012: Given your mum's vitriolic reaction to him my guess is she knows something about your boyfriend she isn't telling you. Maybe she thinks it's better for you to be angry with her than hurt by whatever it is she knows about him.
Being 18 doesn't ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend used my phone to send himself a picture of my sister's fake boobs
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 8yrs and last year when I was getting ready really early for work I noticed my boyfriends phone receiving a message and I glanced at his phone and noticed the message was from me. I was confused because I had not ...
A. 3 September 2012: I don't buy his explanation. He didn't just look at the picture. He sent himself a copy. And he certainly knew what he was sending himself because presumably he had to have looked before forwarding it, correct? And if your sister's breasts... (read in full...)
Should I call her and set the record straight?
Q. Hi there, last week I went to dinner at a friend's house. This friend used to be my boss and I met my current boyfriend through her. There were a few women at the dinner party and the topic of conversation got onto sex. I said that I won't do ...
A. 3 September 2012: Me too. I know the feeling.
Most welcome and thank you for the feedback.... (read in full...)
Husband won't work and we are about to lose our house!
Q. I am needing some advice and am not sure what to do about my marriage. My husband refuses to look for work or get a job. First off, he is not depressed at all. He has seen the doctor for an evaluation and he is not depressed. He was lai...
A. 3 September 2012: A year is more than long enough. Given that you're now in financial distress I'd say it's been too long, so you have been more than fair. 'For better or for worse' applies to BOTH parties. He has, in effect, cancelled whatever agreements you made to ... (read in full...)
Should I call her and set the record straight?
Q. Hi there, last week I went to dinner at a friend's house. This friend used to be my boss and I met my current boyfriend through her. There were a few women at the dinner party and the topic of conversation got onto sex. I said that I won't do ...
A. 3 September 2012: Agreed. In fact calling her up would make things worse. What you said will fade rfom memory. Calling her up would bring it to the forefront and harder to forget. It would also let her know that her opinion is far more important to you than it should ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend didn't invite me for icecream!
Q. recently my bf has moved to my city and our 3years of long distance has ended.we love each other and we were meeting frequently last week.today he went to mall without telling me.he didnt invite me though he knew that next week its not possible to ...
A. 3 September 2012: I think you're blowing this way out of proportion.
So you may not be ale to see each other next week. One week. It may seem like a long time to you now, but it's only a few days. Then you'll see each other plenty afterward.
If you expect your ... (read in full...)
Why disrespect my children?
Q. I am a proud parent of three children two girls and one boy .My son is the baby anyway my oldest daughter and son has the same father and he also has five other children and what I don't understand why he treats my kids different from them.He plays ...
A. 1 September 2012: You're very welcome. Your mum is a wise woman. I've heard of people faking or exaggerating illnesses to muster up sympathy and attention from others.
Thanks very much for the feedback and best of luck to you.
... (read in full...)
Was this comment out of fear? Or, was it something else?
Q. I apologize for this long post. However, I need as many answers as possible. Part 1 of problem: In a conversation with an ex, I had to get answers from her. I persisted for truthful answers. I eventually asked why I was NEVER notified of my o...
A. 1 September 2012: Your post isn't all that long and it's easy to follow so no apology necessary. Part 1: I suspect that throughout your relationship you came on rather strong. You 'had to get answers' you 'persisted' and now here with us you 'need answers and fa... (read in full...)
Affair that wasn't. Will I ever quit feeling guilty?
Q. First, I am 69. I have been re-married for 6 years to a man who has had anger, jealousy issues and 2 turbulent marriages. My marriage has been fraught with trust issues, and a great deal of them on my part as well. I was told that he still ...
A. 1 September 2012: It may help you to know that despite his accusations he doesn't actually believe you had an affair and he needs you as much as you think you need him. Think about it for a moment. You know he is not a generous, patient, forgiving man and he has t... (read in full...)
Why disrespect my children?
Q. I am a proud parent of three children two girls and one boy .My son is the baby anyway my oldest daughter and son has the same father and he also has five other children and what I don't understand why he treats my kids different from them.He plays ...
A. 1 September 2012: It's good that you've forgiven him, even if only for your own peace of mind, but you're not obliged to look after him. You aren't abandoning him to the streets to starve. He has care somewhere else.
Please don't allow him into your home. I don't ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend posts about our relationship problems on Facebook.
Q. Last night my boyfriend and I discussed a problem we've been having and it didn't turn out so well. We ended up arguing then ended the discussion. A few weeks ago we had got into an argument and he posted a status about it on facebook. He says it'...
A. 1 September 2012: Deliberate and repeated violation of privacy IS a deal breaker. This relationship has seen better days and I think it's probably time to put an end to it. I also think janniepeg has a point about him signalling the end. The fact that he's gettin... (read in full...)
It turns out the girl that my boyfriend hooked up with whilst we were on a break is my sister! We've only just realised this, what next?
Q. When I was 18 I moved from my city to move to newyork to join university I have been here for 5 years now,and I'm done with education and I got a job back home and I decided to move back to my family..I love them way too much to live separately..I ...
A. 31 August 2012: I think it is the understandable thing to do. If you're concerned that you may be over reacting or being unfair, then I don't think you have anything to worry about.
It would be weird for anyone. Some will overlook it and stay together. Some won... (read in full...)
We've been together three years but things aren't moving forward
Q. We get on great but my boyfriend says he can't take time off this year (or last year) as he needs to work on his hobby car which he has completely stripped down and spent a few thousand on. All his spare time and money are dedicated to his hobby. ...
A. 31 August 2012: You don't seem to be looking at the big picture here.
It isn't simply that he's dragging his heels. He has made his hobby, his car his priority. You have made him yours.
Even if he agreed to marry you tomorrow his priorities will not have ch... (read in full...)
Should I accept that I may not be able to lose my extra pregnancy weight?
Q. I'm 27 years old, and I just had my first child, well, not just almost a year ago. I m not nursing anymore and droped about 15 lb since I had my daughter. I m 5.4 and I weigh about 135-137 lb. Everyone around me tells me how beatifull I look and...
A. 31 August 2012: To be honest it sounds like you're in fantastic shape to me. The weight is within normal range for your height. Those who know you and can see you say you look better than ever so I think you should accept how you look and learn to love it. That... (read in full...)
Girlfriend's cheating ex is coming over to stay with her and I'm not cool with it!
Q. Please help?! I met this girl a few months ago on a dating website. Anyway I totally fell for her. I'm in love with her. She totally blew me away. However there has been a few situations. Please let me explain. I have on 3 separate occasions c...
A. 31 August 2012: Um...I'm with the others. I don't know you're history (I don't recall coming across your posts at any rate) but the dating sites was reason enough. Now the cheating ex boyfriend. No, I don't think so.
This woman is just not quality material... (read in full...)
Relationship is going down hill, after boyfriends comment about my weight!!
Q. Good day! Well what I am asking is down to this situation here me and my boyfriend of 8 month have decided to take a break after a long argument that blew the holiday to pieces. About a month ago we had wonderful holidays together. whiles watchi...
A. 31 August 2012: I like some of the responses you've been given, particularly SVC's and the bit about 'if he wants you, you assume he'll act quickly' (close enough I don't feel like scrolling back). I can understand the shock of hearing something you weren't expe... (read in full...)
My friend is in love with my boyfriend, but she doesn't know we're dating
Q. I have being dating my coworker for 3 months. we've told no one in order to avoid possible problems related to office romance etc. Everything works out fine, except that my best work mate is in love with my boyfriend. She'll always ask him to hang ...
A. 31 August 2012: Then losing her friendship is the risk you will have to take. From what you've described in your follow up, it might be more of a blessing than a curse. I understand the temptation to avoid the headache and keep this to yourself, but you would be... (read in full...)
I won't give him up but my family doesn't like my guy
Q. Hi all. First of all, I'm a European girl who is still 16 but knows what she really wants. For 3 weeks, I've been dating a guy which is black. I'm extremely in love with him. We love eachother so much. We're so made for eachother but my family WON'T ...
A. 31 August 2012: Madly in love after only 3 weeks is typical teenage behaviour, which thankfully passes with age for most of us. A fact your parents are well aware of.
He is 6 years older than you are. He can vote, drink, lease a car, an apartment, get a credit c... (read in full...)
My friend is in love with my boyfriend, but she doesn't know we're dating
Q. I have being dating my coworker for 3 months. we've told no one in order to avoid possible problems related to office romance etc. Everything works out fine, except that my best work mate is in love with my boyfriend. She'll always ask him to hang ...
A. 31 August 2012: The whole point of concealing your relationship is to avoid problems, but it's starting to cause more than it's avoiding. Maybe in the beginning when you were only just starting to date, but not now.
If you two broke up now it would still be... (read in full...)
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